he wanted to flinch away, snarling and snapping and clawing like a frightened animal. he wanted to tear her apart for touching him ; to make sure she never did it again. he wanted all of that, to ruin her for caring, but he still found himself falling into the hug with tears in his eyes. Seth Andrew Sorenson was not a model survivor. he didn’t sit in support groups, bawling his eyes out about something that happened years ago. he didn’t want to heal a wound that would open again as soon as he looked into a mirror and saw the abomination reflected against the surface. perhaps what he REALLY needed was for somebody to stop and listen to the words that would never exit his mouth as anything but barely audible whispers. I’m hurting. I’m hurting. please save me. his soul had been ripped to pieces and nobody even notices. they would hear his cries in the dead of night, but they would always rush to Kendra’s side before his. he supposed that was to be expected; she didn’t have any problems showing her agony, while he waved their concerns away and proceeded to tell a dumb joke. sometimes he loathed himself. IT WAS HIS FAULT. it was all his fault. if only he’d listened. if only he’d been reasonable instead of running after every adventure he could find. there was a thin line between bravery and foolishness, and he crossed it every five minutes. he still hadn’t learned. he’d numb himself in any way he could find. he’d numb out the voices ( some of his own creation, some.. not so much ) with everything from alcohol to the adrenaline from the thrill after a near death experience. then he’d laugh it off. I’m just being a teenager, Kendra. stop worrying so much; I’m FINE. sometimes Seth wondered how long he was allowed to remain as a human being. he had understood why shadowcharmers were said to be the bad guys. the voices taunted him around the clock, telling him to succumb to the temptations of the darker delights. he knew it was only a matter of time before he couldn’t take it anymore. but at that moment he was just a child who’d fucked up bigger and better than anyone before him. a child who had ripped himself apart to fix it. a child who needed somebody to see him and accept him for everything that he was. so that was why he hugged her back, he supposed. because while he wanted to push her away, he was so tired of being alone. his legs were so weary from the life he’d lived, and when somebody offered to support him in remaining standing, he simply couldn’t resist.
