малинка моя.

и жизнь, и слёзы, и любовь. / oh, my tender tears, no love, no life.

[bel-ova]

#RUSKAYAS  >   PREV. BLEDYSHKA.      HIGHLY SELECTIVE, PRIVATE, STORY-DRIVEN,   18+    𝐘𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐀,    BROUGHT TO LIFE BY PAULINA.  (SHE/THEY, 25+). TRIGGERING TOPICS ARE BOUND TO BE PRESENT. [MENTAL ILLNESS, TR.AUMA, A.DDICTION].    PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.  

CARRD .           PINTEREST  .           SIDEBLOG  .

↳ paulina, 25+, she/they lesbian. as stated above, mature themes will be present in this blog— mental illness (paranoia, self-loathing, etc), ab.use, tr.auma, ad.diction, etc. if you’re uncomfortable or triggered by the aforementioned, please stay safe and abstain from following or interacting.

↳ it's important to add that my characterization of yelena comes from an extensive deal of research regarding soviet/eastern history, mental illness [including my own], etc. i have essentially retconned much of her rather inconclusive & mediocre comic history, and it's safe to say i have made yelena into my own original character. most aspects are unique to my portrayal. i will know if you steal anything.

i don't know any mcu's. if you've come here expecting florence pugh's rendition of the character, this is not it. she will not fit into your prescribed notions or follow any cinematic storylines, so move along!

↳ as far as activity levels & whatnot, it varies. i've had this particular blog for 5 years now and i've gone months without replying to threads, just as i can reply to something after days or weeks. my career path is highly demanding both mentally & physically, so it also depends on my mental health and overall muse. if i feel like we connect on a deeper level, i might be slightly faster too.

↳ i am not duplicate friendly. i’m also highly selective and i’m wary of original red room characters unless i already know you or your character basically from the birth of this blog. i have no interest in russian/soviet or any sort of inappropriate cultural stereotypes, simple as that. i’ve had too many bad experiences in the 10+ years i’ve been on this platform & i just wish to protect my peace.

↳ regarding formatting etc, i basically just use a small font, and will sporadically use icons. i have too much on my plate these days to overly adorn my replies as i once used to, but please feel free to continue using your own formatting, i don’t mind in the slightest.

↳ i softblock liberally. it's my method of letting you know i don’t think our characters are gonna click. i run away from confrontation or misunderstandings so i choose to hit the block/unblock buttons if i think it’s the best course of action. please know it’s got nothing to do with you.

↳ we’re available on d.iscord! if you’d rather take our threads there, just let me know. i’m aware that dash interactions can sometimes be overwhelming & my activity simply isn’t the best at the moment due to irl circumstances. don’t be afraid to hit the dm’s.

[bel-ova]

i miss being here!! i miss writing!! i miss my mutuals!!

[5x04loss]

CONVICTION ∟ 1.01 Pilot

[bel-ova]

despite disappearing into the void & coming back every two months, it would appear I simply cannot let this blog [or yelena] go .

[kickassndoll]

LÉA SEYDOUX

The Story of My Wife (2021/🇫🇷)

[bel-ova]

it feels like the air itself is tilted wrong, as if the atmosphere has learned my name and is whispering back at me, it makes me feel uneasy, and i don't like it. i have sensed this before, how i can sense it in the way my thoughts slip through my fingers, the steady current of my mind thinning into scattered streams, piece by piece. it's calling me, calling me . . . the world bends at the edges like heat shimmering off pavement. i can’t remember the last time i truly felt alive, but at least the feelings have been real; and real is something.

❝ you wanted me to do something with this . . . ❞ i circle the shiny edges of the bullet i have in my hands, and while i do not recall how it got there, i know its intended purpose— somewhat. my lips tremble, confused and disoriented but somehow aware of the force i'm being pulled with. there is laughter, yes, but i'm anything but amused. ❝ you can't make me. ❞

• @bobgray

[strawberryblondefilms]

[bel-ova]

oh hey new url . . . yay or nay

[horrorwomensource]

SISSY SPACEK as CARRIE WHITE in CARRIE (1976) dir. Brian De Palma

[kickassndoll]

LÉA SEYDOUX

It’s Only the End of the World (2016/🇨🇦)

[bel-ova]

🎤 …. who’s here

[bel-ova]

anyway the one reason i’m not deleting this blog is because i honestly eat with yelena’s backstory & im not letting any weirdos take credit for their “hcs” when i’ve built her from the ground up

[bel-ova]

do you spend hours making your muse’s birth chart until almost sunrise or are u normal

[bel-ova]

idk man i just think we can write culturally varied characters while being nuanced and thoughtful of their history and without having to overplay dangerous stereotypes

[bel-ova]

so yelena’s life is a story of an individual’s journey through a battle of conscience for her actions, all borne out of the conditions of her time. what time, you ask?

yelena grows up in the midst of the radical soviet days, where less than the 1% had enough to fend for themselves. aimless and without money, yelena needed to find a way to emancipate herself from her home, and joining the soviet army seemed like the best way to go. she initially had no ties to bolshevism or the communist regime other than her strict parents being loyal supporters, and it remained that way for the most part— until she heard about natalya romanova; but that’s a story for another time.

joining the soviet army meant safety, housing, and stability. that is how she intended to survive during those rough times— maintaining a structured environment with her peers and being able to move to higher places within the military. however, she was later appointed to a highly secretive branch, the GRU (main intelligence doctorate) due to her strong leadership skills and unabashed ability to follow instructions. what yelena didn’t know at the time, was that she was being used by general yuri stalyenko in order to satisfy his own political desires. she will eventually learn the cover up to instate her as the newly state sponsored ‘black widow’ was nothing but a lie.

anyway i just think it’s important to understand yelena’s background (from the little and half-assed context comics give us, to my own personal headcanons), and that she is literally a product of her time. she did not choose to be born into poverty or to radical parents, but was driven to find a way out of this in order to survive, as short-sighted and flawed as her tactics were. this is a common thread throughout her life, not settling for what she was given, and instead finding her own footing.

with all that said, i can certainly dive even deeper into her journey inside the GRU and their ‘red room’ sham at some point in the future if that’s something my mutuals would be interested in!

[bel-ova]

i just wanna ramble about yelena for days because i have once again read crime and punishment . . .

[bel-ova]

she’s just a [traumatised] baby . .