Beleuna The Writer

Hi! I am Beleuna and writing is my hobby. I also write some journals based on what I'm feeling.

[beleunawrites]

I’m Back??

Why write a question mark? It’s because I’m not sure if I could continue writing. It’s funny how I came across this website again because I am looking for blog samples for my class. 

Yes, Class. I am now a teacher. And It’s so funny to see my old blogs. Like How I discovered I really love writing and how I wanted a career out of it. But here I am now writing with a different profession. 

I can’t compose my thoughts well. I don’t know what the future holds as well. Because I feel really happy in my work place as well. I know I’ve said I really loved my work as a technical writer, But it’s something that I don’t want to go back to. The toxicity the environment holds because every single move relates to politics and it keeps on disturbing my mental health. All I could say know is, I am very happy. I excel, and at the same time, my co-workers are really nice. And I’m starting to like the profession I didn’t really want to pursue. I don’t know, I still feel lost, and I keep on questioning myself if this is what I wanted until I get older. I don’t even know if I make sense right now because I’m writing whatever comes up to my mind. 

[beleunawrites]

Journal #2

Tatlo? Apat? Lima? Hindi ko na mabilang pa ang mga gabing patuloy na tumutulo ang luha sa aking mga mata. Alam ko na mahirap ang pinasok ko, noong una sabi ko kaya ko ngayon habang tumatagal, nahihirapan ako. Katatapos lang namin mag inom ng mga pinsan ko, hindi ko alam kung paano walang tumulong luha sa mukha ko. Saglit na nagpahinga, at sinubukang matulog pero hindi ko talaga kaya sa dami ng iniisip ko, kaya bumangon ako at naisipang isulat ang entry na ito. Sa pamamagitan nito, baka sakaling mabawasan ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Hanggang sa ngayon na sinusulat ko ito, umiiyak ako. Umiiyak sa ilang araw na sunod sunod na di magagandang bagay na nangyayari sa buhay ko. Kung ito ay babanggitin ko sa iba baka sabihin lang nila na nag iinarte ako, kaya dito ko nalang ilalabas lahat ng nais kong sabihin. Ang hirap pala, ang hirap magpanggap na masaya ka para sa nangyayari sa iba, ayaw mong makadagdag sa isipin nila kaya hindi ka nalang nagsasalita. Pero sa totoo lang, naiinis ako na nagagalit na nalulungkot. Totoo ba? Na sa una lang talaga? Kase habang tumatagal, dahil sa kabaitan na ibinibigay ko, parang naabuso na ako. Na dahil sinabi ko na okay lang ako, paulit ulit lang na binabagabag ang damdamin ko. Sa panahon na may dinadama, nandyan ako para damayan ka, sinusubukan ko ang lahat para intidihin ka, handa akong makinig at intindihin lahat ng iyong problema. Sinusubukan kong maging maayos para hindi tayo sabay mamroblema. Pero bat ako? bakit pag ako? Parang wala akong karapatan na magdrama? Tuwing malungkot ako, oo mag aalala ka pero nasaan ka? sabi mo andyan ka, handa akong damayan pero nasaan ka? Pangalawa na, pangalawang beses na na ako’y may dinadamdam pero wala ka, Masaya ako na masaya ka pero malungkot din ako na wala ka, pakiramdam ko kase iniiwasan mong pakinggang ang aking pagd-drama  Pakiramdam ko, sobra sobra na yung ibinibigay ko kase mahal kita, Alam ko naman na mahalk mo rin ako, pero bakit pag kailangan kita wala ka? Sobrang hirap akong sabihin ang saloobin ko kase alam kong masaya ka ngayon. Anong magagawa ko? pinili ko ang ganitong sitwasyon. Pinili kong pasukin ang ganitong sitwasyon. Wala na siguro akong magagwa kundi sabihin ang “okay lang naiintindihan ko” o kaya naman “hayaan mo na, wala naman akong/tayong magagawa” Iyon nalang ang lumalabas sa bibig ko kahit hindi naman iyon ang intensyon ko. Sobrang hirap pala talaga ng malayo sayo pero mahal kita kaya patuloy akong lumalaban. Minsan naiisip ko, kung di ko pinasok ang sitwasyong ito, hindi ako magkaka ganito. Noong panahong mag isa ako, tila ba wala akong emosyon, minsan humahanap ako ng rason para umiyak kase sobra sobra yung saya, yung tipong kahit may dalaw ako, hindi ako nagd drama. Pero ngayon halos araw araw na akong umiiyak. HIndi ko na alam kung saan pa tutungo itong sinusulat ko, nais ko lang maglabas ng sama ng loob. Alam ko mahirap, alam ko hindi lang puro saya, bakit ganon may karelasyon ka pero pakiramdam mo ika’y mag isa? Pero kase mahal na mahal kita at hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko makakaya. Pero habang kaya ko, patuloy akong lalaban kahit masakit na. 

[beleunawrites]

Journal #1

Today I decided to write a journal entry and discuss things that I can’t share fully with others. Something I want to keep in times where I feel like I can’t share it to other people. Times wherein I have to vent out and share so my feelings won’t bottle up so I won’t explode. Recently I posted a blog about how I liked writing, hence made me create a tumblr account. Today I’m fulfilling my dreams. Now, I work as a technical writer. It was not a hard job, I took it to pass time and get experience especially now that we’re in the midst of a pandemic. I enjoy what I do but it’s hard to build relationships with other people. Some are kind but some people just seems so hard to interact with. What’s worse is that some people are related to me. Now I’ll fully release what I have been feeling for the past month I’ve been working. This person, has been making jokes that are really unnecessary or jokes that attack people. First, this person kept joking about my body size. Telling jokes that I should go on a diet or I’m fat. Every time a chance comes in or something related to body size comes in, this person would say “Oh, that’s what you should do to be skinny”. I’ve been hearing those comment since I was a child since I grew up thick BUT it was never a reason to talk about how people should look like, even if that person is related to you even by blood. I’ve been hating my body and how I look and felt insecure ever since I was a child. I’ve only been discovering how to love me and my body and how I look like but because of these insensitive people, I don’t know anymore. People see me as a jolly person and thought that I can never get angry, maybe that’s the reason why they thought it’s okay to make jokes like that. But inside, I feel hurt, it’s sad and sometimes I want to cry. Today I made a mistake, I answered a call from an intimidating person. She’s known to have power in the workplace and wants things to happen in the speed of light. She doesn’t want excuses and feels like she’s the only person who’s right. I get it, you have a high position but does that give you an excuse to mistreat people? She bawled out and asked with an angry voice who that person she was talking too and why she can’t get hold of our boss. Our telephone lines seem to have a problem but she just stormed out and said I don’t have any respect for her. It saddened me as this scene is still prevalent in our society. The reason why there is a widespread of increasing metal health problems specially in the workplace is because of these kind of people. You know what’s worse? My relative cracked another joke and said “Oh no Beleuna, you’re screwed. you made a big mistake, that person is like a dragon” (non-verbatim) Some people comforted me tho, it was very nice of them and I appreciate it. I just hate how this relative of mine who’s supposedly a relative act so mighty and joke about things he wasn’t thinking about the outcome. We work in a place in which we need to interact with the public. We, of course need to have good relations and should always act no matter how people interact with us in a good manner. My time in here has been testing my patience and do hope that these kind of people gets a sense of how to treat people. To the people reading this, I hope that you don’t experience any of these or anything worse than what I am ranting about. I hope that you guys always remember that no matter the situation is, or no matter what your position is, you should treat people like that, even if you guys are related especially when you work for the public. I hope we’re all having a healthy mind. If it’s unbearable, talk to people, there are people who’s willing to listen. Stay safe y’all.

[beleunawrites]

Tipsy thoughts: Online Dating

It was 9 pm and a few shots of alcohol had already flown through the veins of my body. I was talking to a guy I met on bumble and he asked “Hey, I had a match on bumble and she asked me this. ‘What are your thoughts on online love?’ I really liked the question so I want to hear your thoughts as well” 

I had this hobby of being extra serious once I get a shot. I really liked the question so I figured I’m going to write  something about it. So here goes my answer. 

“You know, I’ll base it on one of my philosophies ‘You can never really know what will happen in life’ so don’t talk easily about it or you’ll eat your words. I don’t have a stand if I’m in or not on this online love thingy. Many people find love on the internet, but on the other hand many people also prefer meeting someone naturally. Since we’re on a digital age and there’s a pandemic going on, there’s no pain in trying. Try and shoot your shot because you don’t know if good things will happen unless you try it. If it doesn’t go your way then you can treat it as a learning experience” 

I added “Since were using the internet, We just have to stay vigilant and don’t trust people too easily. Don’t fall immediately” 

It’s morning now and I am still thinking about the question and had some realizations. Online Dating is not for the weak, If you fall in love immediately, you can also get hurt easily. If you are single and you want a relationship but you have difficulty in meeting new people, you can try and use dating apps. Some people meet their partners through it. But we must always remember that we all have different lives and not everything that happens on the other person can happen to you as well. Still, there’s no pain in trying, there are two outcomes in every single decision you make and you’ll never really know the outcome of the other. Choose wisely and think of your decisions sensibly. 

[beleunawrites]

10 Reasons why Filipinos Loves KDrama better than Philippine Telenovelas

Disclaimer: The 10 reasons where originally from Quexbook (here’s the link:https://faq.ph/10-reasons-why-filipinos-are-attracted-to-korean-dramas/ ) but I’m adding my own thoughts here. 

(This post is not intended to bash the people hating on Kdrama but rather to educate them on what made us hooked.The comparison is given to at least be an eye opener. I hope it helps. There are also photos of Kdrama recommendation for each item listed below which shows what I’m talking about. I included mainstream and non mainstream ones)

1. ATTRACTIVE ACTORS

Don’t get me wrong in this one, PH also has very attractive actors. Hello we have Daniel Padilla, Joshua Garcia, Quen, James Reid and other mainstream and non mainstream actors of today’s generation. BUT, in KDrama, it feels so refreshing to see such actors “whiter than white”, if you know what I’m taking about. Pero hindi lahat about those attractive actors, there are normal looking guys or maybe mediocre looking guys that we still fall for kahit di sila ganon ka visually attractive. Why? because of their character. KDrama gives us a lingering feeling that the less unattractive guy deserves better aka as Second Lead Syndrome. Unlike in PH, you make the second lead (not just males but also females) a villain, someone to be hated, someone who’s vicious and doesn’t know anything but to hold guns and fight and kidnap someone they can’t get the one they love. Srsly PH, Action genre is too much now, there’s always violence around PH’s telenovelas. It’s sickening and just too cliche. 

(FIGHT FOR MY WAY, Second lead is normal looking, hindi masyadong attractive pero I fell for hime. Plus Choi Ae Ra is really adorable. MUST WATCH)

2. STORYLINES ARE NOT EASY TO PREDICT

PH has Twins who where separated at birth or there’s always someone who’s cheating. C’mon, let’s step up our game, let’s not make the story line too cliche. Like everything in PH Drama is easily predictable. Kdrama has been experimenting with different fields e.g. Medicine, Law, Food, and even Construction. They can write a script with everything under the sun and Not a single KDrama that I’ve watched has the same storyline. What made it happen? I think the writers in KDramas are focusing on the whole impact rather than just a single episode they don’t focus on making the drama extend it’s airing. It’s always 16 episodes that’s why you keep on wanting for more. There’s always cliffhanger moments wishing for another season. 

(WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING- most KDRAMAS naman kakaiba. Just added it here for recommendation. AND SECOND MALE LEAD SYNDROME Hae In deserves better!)

3. MAJORITY ARE G-RATED

Ph can’t produce a lot of G-rated dramas. Why? again because there’s always violence, guns and punching on TV. Well I can’t blame them entirely because it its somehow the status quo in PH, where there is violence and the military power is becoming stronger. In Kdrama, stories can be viewed by almost the whole family and the start of the drama says “Viewers should be 15 years and above” or something. Yes, we have MTRCB in Ph saying G, PG and SPG. But it’s too vague. Why not put in the age of who can watch the drama or not? Don’t give me that shit na dapat bantayan ng magulang ng maayos or kasalanan yun ng magulang kase hinahayaan nya manuod ng ganon anak nya. 

(Hi, Bye, mama- grabe itooooo, must watch madlang people. Kakatapos lang fresh na fresh)

4. CULTURAL APPEAL

There’s always Kdrama produced for the reminiscing of their history and culture. It reminds their people of what usually their country is like during the older times. Like every single year, there’s always a historical drama. History and other subjects  is not just to be learnt at school. You can also learn it while watching TV. C’mon PH, let’s do more dramas that can help students impart more knowledge. 

(MOON EMBRACING THE SUN- Madami ng dumaan na historical KDrama na magaganda pero number one parin ito sa puso ko)

5.CREATIVITY IS APPARENT

Walang loveteam, laging fresh and new yung partners. You won’t be fed with pairings na minsan nakakasawa na. There’s always love team culture in PH. Pero it’s good na PH is experimenting with fresh pairs like Hello, love, goodbye ni Kath and Alden. that movie is liberating to the fact the they destroyed the norm na dapat KathNiel lang ang pair. Sobrang creative lang talaga nila with pairing and everyone they pair has chemistry. Pero hindi lang pairing yung creative. ofc yung plot. There are a lot of fictitious and futuristic vibes sa KDrama But it ain’t baduy or anything kase maganda din CG nila. Hindi puchu puchu. Sa totoo lang, kaya naman ng Pilipinas, madaming talented at magagaling ng CG artists at technologically driven people in PH. Sobrang daming talented na Pinoy dyan when it comes to computer pero ang nangyayare, they are being ridiculed at underpaid din sila. They deserve more. At hindi basta basta ang talent nila. 

(MELTING ME SOFTLY- GUYS IT’s JI CHANG WOOK HELLO, PANOORIN NYO TO. SUPER GANDA DIN AT CREATIVE NITO!! MUST WATCH)

6. ROMANTIC STORY WITHOUT THE NEED OF OBSCENE SCENES

The plot can go around, thinking that the main leads are all lovey-dovey and meant to be even without kissing. YES, you’ve read it right. There are Kdramas with couples not kissing and yet you’ll feel like “Ooooh, they are so meant to be” or “OMH, match made in heaven, they are so cute”. There’s still kilig, and the chemistry is soooooo goooood. PERO HINDI LANG SA MAIN LEAD TUMATAKBO YUNG STORY, there’s also love happening with second leads. Hindi lahat nagf-focus sa bida, there are also struggles and lovelines among the other characters. Hindi porket extra sila e wala na silang story to tell. Hindi lang bida ang bida, lahat may chance na mag shine

(Touch your heart- Ito grabe ang cute cute lang nito. As in yung kilig sobrang war  sa heart. Di kailangan na nagkikiss sila lagi para kiligin ka. It’s a good feel KDrama)

7. GREAT OST

well, Magaganda din naman OST ng PH (some of it). Wala ako masyado masasabi about the OST. Pero think of it this way, isn’t it amazing na kahit ibang language yon e nagc-click parin sa tao? Why? because sobrang match nya sa story at yung feels damang dama mo talaga. 

(Kung OST Pag uusapan maganda talaga sa Goblin pero itong irerecommend ko ay LOVE LOVE LIE, ganda din OST nito. Panoorin nyo para malaman nyo. 

8. COOL CLOTHES

Dito naman, di natin masisisi kase yung clothing naka base sa climate ng PH same with Korea. Pero ang cool lang talaga ng clothes nila tingnan, super cute and preppy. 

(CLOY- Lalayo pa ba tayo? MAMANG SON YE JIN AT SEO JI HYE)

9. VOCABULARY STRETCH

We learn a lot of words while watching subs. But we don’t just learn english words, there’s also some korean words. But that’s not the important thing here. We learn a lot of jargons depending on the drama we are watching. For example, watching a drama about prosecutors and lawyers, we learn a lot of terms about the law and how court proceedings happen. 

(LEarned a lot of Psychological terms with this drama. It’s okay that’s Love)

10. CREATE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH THE VIEWERS

Minsan tinatanong ko rin sarili ko. Why am I so hooked with this? Bakit nakakainis, bakit nakakatawa, bakit nakakaiyak? Why am I crying for something I can’t even relate that much too? I never experienced it but it’s just so catching na you’ll cry with the characters. Perfect acting, Perfect story and Perfect OST. Pag pinagsama-sama mo yon lahat, BOOM! maiiyak ka talaga. You’ll feel the pain of the characters. Ibang iba talaga sya. 

ALL OF THESE THINGS I’M SAYING, YOU WON’T GET IT UNLESS YOU WATCH KDRAMA. Kaya kung nagbubulagbulagan ka pa rin, why not try and watch a few. Buksan mo ang mata at tenga mo, wag mong isarado sa mga bagong konspeto. Let’s go PH, let’s Up our game. Hindi porket we are experiencing this pandemic e titigil na tayo para mag progress. It’s 2020, Iba na ang viewers ngayon, hindi na kagaya ng dati. I’m no expert. I’m just stating my opinion as a viewer. at isa pa. Wag nyo sana ako ma misunderstood ha, Marami din naman PH Telenovela na maganda and will always have a place in my heart kay sana wag nyong isipin na oanay KDrama pina-patronize ko. I’m a supporter for all at kaya ko sinasabi yung mga to ay para din naman mabigyan ng idea yung mga nasa industry today. YUN LANG! HEHEHEHE

(GRABE LANG TALAGA AT SOBRANG MAPANAKIT NETO! SCARLET HEART RYEO)

MADAMI PA AKONG KAYANG I RECOMMEND, COMMENT LANG KAYO KUNG ANO GUSTO NYO MADAMA, rereplyan ko kayo base sa trip nyong panuorin na genre!

[beleunawrites]

Finding path&timing...

Perhaps there’s no right path to take, or there’s no right timing to pursue your dreams.  

I am a jack of all trades, Teach me one thing and I’d easily learn it. But we all know that jack of all trades like me, are usually masters of none.  I joined contests ever since I was a kid, Quiz bees, Journalism, even singing. I’ve joined them all.  I don’t always win but it’s still great experience. One of the reasons why I joined those contests where mainly because my mom is a teacher and they’ve expected so much from me. I can’t say I’m the best student but I’m a pretty good one, At first, I joined because they were expectant, but I never knew that I’d discover so much more about myself. Those extra-curricular activities made me realize my talents and the things I can do.

I have a lot of interests like music, film industry, writing, education, technology, beauty and self care and a lot more. I remember being asked by one of my teachers in high school (a homework) to paste down in a piece of paper, my goals or the career I wanted to pursue. And I want to tell you, I pasted a lot.  Maybe you’ll be wondering, How the hell can you pursue those dreams you pasted? The answer? I also don’t know. But one thing I cannot forget,  was what my mom said when I talked to her about my dreams “It’s okay to have a lot of dreams, just make sure you’ll pursue one”

Last night, thoughts suddenly pop up out of my mind. “I want to start a blog, I want to write”. I want to start writing, I want to share my thoughts and feelings. I know I’m not the best writer out there, or writing is just a passion or  a hobby. But one thing is for sure. I love writing. I don’t know if I want to pursue it (as a career), but I at least wanted to try it. Suddenly a burning passion has been awakened. Maybe I should give it a shot. Maybe I’d master something, Maybe it would be writing. I want to see how much my thoughts would reach. I want to see how much my skills will improve. I want to gain a wider vocabulary and understand more of the different things I am curious about. Maybe this is the time or perhaps not, but still I want to write. 

I don’t know which way life will lead me, I don’t know which career will make me happy.  Even though I have a degree in Education and I already grabbed my license. Part of me thinks that I still have no direction in life. BUT,  I’m just 21, even though I’ve mastered none. I still have a long way to go.  It’s okay to get lost sometimes, by getting lost maybe I’ll discover more. And I thank God for giving me such an optimistic personality. Who knows? Maybe writing is that dream that I will pursue, or maybe I’ll be able to pursue a lot of dreams.

I believe that there’s more to explore in life and I will start with writing. 

ps. i know i’m not that good as a writer but please spare me for i’m still trying to learn to organize my thoughts well.