Hi! I have a question but if its too personal, please ignore!!!
I have been with my Dom for 4 years (we have been practicing DD and D/s for 3 years) and we are both at the point in our lives where kids is something we really want! We are a little curious/worried with how adding babies will affect our dynamic since we both don’t want to stop DD and D/s. Have you thought about how potential kids will affect your relationship?
Obviously we both know changes will have to happen but that is scary and unknown! I’m trying to not get anxious because I’m not even pregnant yet but with a major change comes worries:( Any advice?
Hi! I appreciate the consideration but this isn't too personal, no worries. :)
We've definitely thought about managing D/s after babies but of course, all we can do is daydream and guess, we won't really know what it's like until we get there. I can definitely empathize with how it seems scary and unknown.
When you compare it to other things, it really highlights how wild it is? Imagine having to decide to accept a job that you can never leave, and have to be 100% emotionally committed to for the rest of your life, without ever having worked a day in that job before. That would be nuts! But that's basically what parenting is...and it's the most important work that most people ever do with their lives, in my opinion. So, I don't know how anyone can be super duper confident that they're ready to be a parent. I think it kinda requires a big leap of faith...I feel like I have to go into it recognizing that I have only a really basic idea of what to expect..and even those basic expectations could be wrong. You never know what your baby will be like. So in my mind, it's a decision that I have to make while recognizing that we'll just find a way no matter what happens...but that's definitely scary as I'm not someone who likes risk-taking usually.
Anyway. That's kind of how I feel about the idea of planning to have a kid in general, and I guess I don't see D/s as that much different. CD and I have had some fairly significant life changes since we first started D/s. We've moved houses a couple of times, shortly after we started D/s I had a couple seizures, CD has been self-employed and has been traditionally employed, I've had some milder job changes too, I was a cancer caregiver for a few years, we had a disabled dog for about a year so we had that caregiving responsibility, both of our dogs died, my dad died, we've had mental health diagnosis' and trauma epiphanies and of course we've both just gotten older and experienced personal changes the last 7ish years, too.
So with some of those changes to our lives, our schedules or just ourselves, we've adjusted our D/s along the way. We try to look at our current needs and desires and structure our D/s around those, rather than trying to make life fit our D/s if that makes sense. This has meant that we've had phases with a longer list of rules/expectations/protocols, and other phases where we've had very few. It just depends on what we can do in the chapter we're living in, and what our needs are.
So, my guess is that we'll try to do the same with parenting. I wouldn't be surprised if we tweak our D/s during pregnancy, and again after a baby and as they get older their needs change and our schedules change. I can't really begin to guess exactly what that will look like, but I think that as long as we're able to communicate our needs and wants with each other as we go, we'll find a way. So that's what I put my faith in.
Sorry this isn't very concrete! People who have been D/s before having kids and after might have a lot better insight for you. :)