SPG has been a big part of my life since I was 11, now I’m 16 and going on. It’s been with me through my transition, most of my school life, and everything else in general. I doubt it seems like something monumental but it does feel like it. I haven’t been there for switching members or folks in the band deciding to quit on good terms, so I never really thought much about it. It’s sad to hear that you’re stepping down, but I know it’s definitely for the best on both sides of the coin. I’m not sure what goes on behind the curtain since I’ve only got occasional band posts about tours to go off of.
I’ll assume that the stepping down decision is due to mental health as you’ve mentioned it’s been a major struggle in the past, and no shade to that I understand how debilitating it can be. But I’d like to check in and see how you truly feel with this decision. There’s no pressure to respond to this or acknowledge it in any way as my questions might be a bit too out there and I apologize for that. I’m sure there will be a public announcement from the band soon enough on their socials and this was just a way to get it out there as early as possible, but I can’t help being curious as intruding as it may be 😓
I wish you well and hope you find success with solo projects and artwork streams!
Everything the band said is true, and the details are for us. But I've shared plenty and given a taste of how bad I made it for them, but only folks who follow my work on twitch have gotten that view.
I stress that this was my doing. Im remorseful but I understand. Making touring and music production harder for everyone of course wasn't my intention; I was struggling in a loop I could not break.
This truly was the only way to save the band. I wasn't going to watch as everyone left, predicting a slow death to this beautiful little robot act.
I don't know how to move on or what life is like without spg. Its terrifying and the hardest thing Ive had to do.
You can't imagine what it feels like to have this happen and with my identical twin.
But honestly, being the trans member in the band and that being my own claim to fame sucked. If I'm not talented enough to make it as something thats not Rabbit, do I really deserve anything?
Unfortunately my sense of self worth has always been with SPG, and Ive never seen the value in what I create outside of being trans.
None of it gets me what I really want. Friends, to be loved truly for who I am...Rabbit never really gave me any of that. Just hordes and hordes or people who took advantage of me and who could never see the real me through the songs and makeup.
You hope people do. Ive had people tell me they see my soul in my music. But it certainly doesn't feel like it.
The problem is that everything I want is not granted by a performance. It has to be earned in real life, something Ive struggled with since I was a child.
