“So I said to myself, ‘Kyle’ … that’s what I call myself.”
“I wasn’t sure this day would ever come, but you were.”
“I wasn’t sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were.”
“You were always strong and always sure.”
“Now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That’s what I’m sure of.”
“The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you.”
“It’s hard to imagine you as a boy.”
“Hmm, double d’s, just like your grades.”
“If my dolly’s cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?”
“I just thought we were having plastic for dinner.”
“I have a question that I’m going to need a yes or no answer to. How many people get into Yale each year?”
“I don’t wanna be empty inside any more.”
“I have never seen you screw up on anything. I’m the screw-up, remember? “
“I don’t do alone real good.”
“I don’t sweat, I glisten.”
“It was raining… you had an umbrella… I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it. I Mary Poppinsed ya.”
“Now there’s only two people horribly dead here, that’s an acceptable loss.”
“Duckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed ‘em crackers and you can ride ‘em.”
“Duckies are the horsies of the ocean.”
“I’m a kid. I don’t understand the emotional content of Full House.”
“My grades aren’t good enough to get me into college?”
“Your grades, my friend, aren’t good enough to get you a Slurpee.”
“You do your thing and I do my thing. You are you and I am I. And, if, in the end, we end up together, it’s beautiful.”
“She got sick and said that chicken soup would help her feel better. I told her it probably would. Then I went bowling.”
“I’ve come to a conclusion: Men are idiots.”
“It was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker.”
“When did this school get a library?”
“Everyday is a new adventure isn’t it?”
“Boy you are disgrace to this community, this country, and humanity in general!”
“The worst thing that ever happened when we were kids was that your Pop-Tart fell on the ground.”
“She goes away for the summer and comes back a woman.”
“Would you be my girlfriend?”
“ If I was only going to be alive for one more minute, I’d spend it looking in your eyes.”
“If you were only going to be alive for one more minute, I’d tell you to stop lookin’… and start kissin’.”
“I believe in love like I believe in God: you can’t touch it, you can’t see it, but you can feel its wrath.”
“Why does everything have to haunt us for the rest of our lives?”
“Book ‘em, good-lookin’.”
“Life’s tough, get a helmet.”
“Is this stuff supposed to be burning?”
“I’m no rocket scientologist.”
“I think it’s the opposite of funny. I think it’s… wood.”
“Look at me, I’m breakin’ the law.”
“I never asked to be the man in this relationship.”
“With this outfit and this hair? Hello, buh-bye, I am SO at the mall.”
“I have you. I have you by your ovaries.”
“I just want to have my picture taken, so I can send it to my grandma so she sends me a check.”
“Hey, be careful. Not that I care.”
“Love is the most rare and precious thing in the whole world.”
“I married a moose.”
“I’m a damsel, but not the distressed kind – one who’s totally calm and in complete control of her own destiny.”
“If stupidity were in the Olympics, you’d win a Nobel Prize.”
“It’s against the Geneva Detention Convention.”
“How come last night you kept me waiting for 20 minutes outside your house?”
“How come you parked outside my house, honked the horn, and didn’t come in?”
“I’m sorry I disrupted the class and killed everyone.”
“I have got something incredible to tell you. But for security reasons, I am going to use our code.”
“There’s no such thing as good news until I’ve had my Grape Nuts.”
“We’re gonna have a child? Wait, we’ve only kissed. I mean, I knew I was a good kisser, but wow.”
“How do you accidentally kiss someone? Did she slip on a rug, and your lips broke her fall?”
“I walk alone in this world… Alone I walk… Except for the grilled cheese sandwich in my pocket.”
“I told her I was training for the Olympic decathlon.”
“A girl wrote seven numbers on my hand. What could this possibly mean?”
“You have a very large head. I don’t know why I married you.”
“That was then, this is… not then.”
“Chickens in the hallway. Chickens in the hallway. Somebody must have let 'em loose as the official senior prank. Look at 'em. Look at 'em. Oh, look at the chickens. Oh my gosh, this is crazy. I wonder which crazy senior though this up, huh? This is nuts.”
“Wait a second, the killer’s dead. We’re off the hook.”
“I think that he knows we’re too old for detention to scare us like it did when we were little kids right, so he’s turned this school into a total chamber of horrors.”
“There’s blood on the black board. I don’t think it’s because he ran out of chalk!”
“I’m real screwed up.”
“We’re supposed to see other people..”
“I’m supposed to see other people, you’re supposed to wait until I die.”
“How do we really know the light bulb goes off when you close the refrigerator?”
“I don’t want to have feelings for another girl.”
“It’s great to be so in touch with my feminine side.”
“I’m gonna get in touch with her feminine side.”
“I think you’re beautiful on the inside.”
“Do you know why a husband talks to his wife before doing something? So she can tell him what a stupid idea it is.”
“Something bad happened, but for the very first time you’re not responsible.”
“When one mocks someone, one should wait until they’re not looking right at them.”
“Who carries these things around? What did you do, dig up your grandfather and pick his pocket?”
“So, do you know what the best part of being a virgin is?”
“I’ve seen you in gym class. Wear pants.”
“Why can’t geography be like history? We always win World War Two, Lincoln always gets shot…”
“There are co-ed bathrooms. Girls shower in there, NAKED!”
“You gave me bad advise in a dream!”
“I am not responsible for dream me!”
“It’s like we share the same brain.”
“That was the longest time out I’ve ever had.”
“I went behind your back and stole your girl.”
“So, what’s it like to have that kind of money?”
“I’m hitting my head. I’m hitting the northern-most part of my head.”
“There’s a dark side to a bake sale too, isn’t there? Fat. Cholesterol. What about that?”
“She’s got style. She’s got elegance. She’s got parents.”
“Canadians skate. How hard could it be?”
“I know what you’re saying and I’m winking right back at you.”
“I do believe your resolve is weakening, my little kumquat.”
“Is it okay, if I rip off your head, and roll it down the hallway?”
“If every marriage failed except one, I guarantee you that one would be ours.”
“I’d kill you, but I can’t move.”
“Gotta love Halloween. It really brings people together.”
