Best of OkCupid

A look at the funny, silly, and educational stories of urban romance today. We're users and fans of OkCupid. While it's not perfect, we believe it serves an important need in people's lives and does it pretty well. We also believe it's possible to find art in all sorts of places, but a potent source is the interaction and dance at the beginning of a potential relationship. It'll make us laugh at times but it can also break our hearts. Let's tell each other stories and figure out new ways to connect and share and smile.

[bestofokc]

Take a look at the profile for a guy named "monkegg" in NYC. One of the most bizarrely funny things I've seen in a long time...

Okcupid username Monkegg

[bestofokc]

climate wedgies are my kryptonite

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/goCaptainPlanet/

[bestofokc]

Not a funny quote, but probably the oddest and funniest OkCupid profile I've ever read.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/fancymisnthropy

[bestofokc]

From one of the funniest profiles ever: Q: Have you smoked a cigarette in the last 6 months? A: I had my lips removed in a horrific, freak hot chocolate accident. I can no longer produce suction.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/kazrin

[bestofokc]

I found this profile today. I've never read anything quite like it! Note: all of this is copied, verbatim, from the profile. There are no "foreign" characters appearing - this is exactly how it looked on the page. --- My self-summary Hi y'all super feminine hot hottie Lipstick Femme girly Girls !!! woo-hoo !!! I'm a femme girl who loves femme girls ! exploring the world* ... (I'm from Canada (GTA)) making friends (global/local) looking for work so I can find a nice affordable safe comfy place to live *● North America: USA or Canada: ●● West Coast/East Coast: LA/SF/SD/SJ/Santa Monica, CA; Boston, MA/Palm Springs, FL, Hawaii, etc ●●● GTA-Toronto, ON (Home Base)[near], Vancouver, BC [far] ● UK/Europe: Montreux, Switzerland, Monte Carlo, Monaco, etc ● East/SE Asia: HK/Singapore, Australia/NZ, etc What I’m doing with my life living my second life for my dreams Ooooooooo ... (\ /) ♡ ♡ (\ /) ( ●.●) ♡ (●.● ) c(”) (”) . (") (")ɔ SaintFluffySnow I’m really good at well, lemme see ... exploring possible scenarios ... F1) your index finger is shorter than your ring finger on either one or both hands.* F2) your index finger is even with your ring finger on either one or both hands.* F3) you have only one arm or only one hand* (you cannot remember if your finger lengths on the missing hand. the lengths no longer matter on the remaining hand you have, even if you have all your fingers intact.* F4) your index finger is longer than your ring finger on both hands**, goto GEIIAB, below. GEIIAB: Gender Emerged in Infancy After Birth: (regardless of natal genitalia; regardless of sex/gender (mis)assigned by attendant medical troglodytes, et al., regardless of imposed or conditioned gender expressed life lived freely or compelled/coerced by society) M) you emerged male identified* N) you emerged neutrois/neutral/asexual/androgynous identified, neither male nor female identified* F) you emerged female identified**, go to DRSP, below. DRSP: Developed Reproductive Sex Potential: W) Wolffian Mesonephric ducts developed (instead of Müllerian, it was inhibited): you grew a long phallus orgasmipenetrator instead of a short phallus orgamilitoris. Your Vagina/Uterus didn't develop, but you did get a prostare. And your gonads turned mostly into Testes instead of mostly Ovaries.* M) Müllerian Paramesoneohric ducts developed (instead of Wolffian, it was bypassed): you grew a short phallus orgasmilitoris instead of a long phallus orgasmipenetrator. You developed a Vagina/Uterus, and no prostate. And your gonads turned mostly to Ovaries instead of mostly Testes**, goto TSTL, below. M-W) Intermix Müllerian-Wolffian both nephric ducts developed partially, instead of just one than the other alone: you grew an ambiguous intermix of the above two, and thus intersex between the two systems. And your gonads turned into an intermediate mix of more/less of one or other of Ovaries or Testes* TSTL: Testosterone Sensitivity Trait Levels: VVHigh* (you can get jacked, super-lean, super-muscular easier than most others VHigh* High* Medium* Low* VLow**, goto Boobs, below VVLow**, (you cannot get jacked, lean, muscular than everyone else, even if you aren't even fat, and you eat right, and exercise anabolically right for 'power') goto Boobs, below Completely Insentitive* Boobs, after full puberty/maturity: Naturally Flat-Chested (non-boobs)* Naturally very small boobs* Naturally small boobs* Naturally medium boobs* Naturally large boobs**, goto HSF, below: Naturally very large boobs* (you don't want nor need breast reduction done) Naturally humongous boobs* (so much so you want breast reduction done) HSF: Height-Stature-Figure: Short (5'5"/165cm or below) Non-Hour-Glass Figure* Medium (5'6-5'11") Non-Hour-Glass Figure* Tall (6'0" or above) Non-Hour-Glass Figure* Short (5'5"/165cm or below) Natural Hour-Glass Figure* Medium (5'6-5'11") Natural Hour-Glass Figure**, goto HL, below. Tall (6'0" or above) Natural Hour-Glass Figure* HL: Natural Hair Length: (kept/worn at max length, not shorn short) Maxes-Out at Shoulder Length* Maxes-Out below shoulders down to above breasts* Maxes-Out below breasts (as per above) down to waist or hips**, goto FM, below. Maxes-Out below bum/crotch* (high maintenance*), unless shorn to waist/hips** (as per above) FM: Face-Make-Up: Chapstick or Lipstick? Plain Jane/Natural Look most of the time; make-up rarely or never when out.* Make-Up Look most of the time; plain jane rarely or never, when out,** goto BMI, below. BMI: Baby-Making Interest You don't want kids, period, for whatever reason.* You already have kids, even if you want more or not.* You want kids, but only adopted ones.* You want kids via in vitro or surrogacy scenarios.* You can't get pregnant/carry a child in your womb, or don't ever want to have babies that way.* You can and want kids specifically with me, still young, but mature, in your fertile prime, and have never tried before, but someday soon, will have kids naturally**, goto AF, below. AF: Attraction Factor You aren't attracted to me, and I'm not attracted to you.* You are super hot for me, and I'm super hot for you**, goto NYLA, below. NYLA: Natural Youth and Longevity in Age You are NOT attracted to my semi-immortal nature (looking naturally young forever; unlimited fertility; and my being older than you; you are NOT okay with my looking younger than you as you start to look older over time, even though you are younger than me, and you looked younger than me when we initially met)* You ARE VERY attracted to my semi-immortal nature (looking naturally young forever; unlimited fertility; and my being older than you; you ARE okay with my looking younger than you as you start to look older over time, even though you are younger than me, and you looked younger than me when we initially met)** *sorry, you're not for me (I am an unlikely match with you; you're not my type) **you may interest me iff you aren't an unlikely match for me in other areas not mentioned above Human Sexual-Gender Natural Diversity: (Common=Typical* and Uncommon=Atypical) Natal Vaginal Uteran Ovarian Females (XY): Menstruate and Ovulate (can and have children in womb) Natal Vaginal Uteran Ovarian Females (XX): Menstruate and Ovulate (can and have children in womb) Natal Vaginal Uteran Undescended Gonadal Females (XY or XX or other): No Menstruation and No Ovulation Natal Vaginal Uteran Ovarian Males (XY): Menstruate and Ovulate (can and have children in womb) Natal Vaginal Uteran Ovarian Males (XX): Menstruate and Ovulate (can and have children in womb) Natal Vaginal Uteran Undescended Gonadal Males (XY or XX or other): No Menstruation and No Ovulation Natal Vaginal Uteran Ovarian Neutrois (XY): Menstruate and Ovulate (can and have children in womb) Natal Vaginal Uteran Ovarian Neutrois (XX): Menstruate and Ovulate (can and have children in womb) Natal Vaginal Uteran Undescended Gonadal Neutrois (XY or XX or other): No Menstruation and No Ovulation Natal Long-Phallic Prostatial Testicular Females (XY): Spermulate and Impregnate (get a fertile vaginal uteral ovarian pregnant; making babies with them) Natal Long-Phallic Prostatial Testicular Males (XY): Spermulate and Impregnate (get a fertile vaginal uteral ovarian pregnant; making babies with them) Natal Long-Phallic Prostatial Testicular Neutrois (XY): Spermulate and Impregnate (get a fertile vaginal uteral ovarian pregnant; making babies with them) Natal Long-Phallic Prostatial Descended or Undescended Gonadal Females (XX or XY or other): Does Not Spermulate, Does Not Impregnate, and No menstruation (No Uterus) Natal Long-Phallic Prostatial Descended or Undescended Gonadal Males (XX or XY or other): Does Not Spermulate, Does Not Impregnate, and No menstruation (No Uterus) Natal Long-Phallic Prostatial Descended or Undescended Gonadal Neutrois (XX or XY or other): Does Not Spermulate, Does Not Impregnate, and No menstruation (No Uterus) The POINT OF ALL THIS XX/XY genital/gonadal reproductive information?! You can NEVER ASSUME with 100pct certainty correctly what your sex chromosomes are by your natal birth sex or reproductive anatomy. You can be a menstruating ovulating vaginal MALE, NEUTROIS, or FEMALE, bear children, and be XY (not just exclusively XX as educators have been teaching FALSELY). You can be a spermulating impregnating XY FEMALE or XY NEUTROIS, not just exclusively XY MALE, as taught by educators, to get natal vaginal uteral ovarians pregnant to make babies naturally. So, the conventional notions of BIOLOGICAL FEMALE (being exclusively natal vaginal uteral ovarian or chromosomally XX) and BIOLOGICAL MALE (being exclusively natal long-phallic prostatial testicular or chromosomally XY) is utterly rendered 100pct scientific NONSENSICAL GARBAGE!!! NON-FACTUAL! ASSUME NOTHING ABOUT YOURSELVES, MUCH LESS ABOUT OTHERS! The first things people usually notice about me BBB: Beauty-Brains-n-B-B-Bo0BS (um, but a very late blossoming budding breasts bloomer ... *blush*) my naturally long black waist-length flowing hair ... my stunning FEMME beauty ... my incredible naturally forever young perpetual youth ... my sexual allure ... my sultry eyes ... my humility ... my wit ... and sense of humor Oooooooooo ... (\ /)♡ ( ●.●) c(”)(”) ●●●► ♬me (vdo) ♬ http://youtu.be/hwS0DGW4Wek ●●●► real me (vdo) (vdo is old: mobile url version) http://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=149211781819742&id=100001927623186&_rdr My Femme Allure Sex Appeal ... bythenumbers +20♀+311♂=+331 31)Dec:O1-31: Vsx:(+641♀+10,312♂)=10,953: ʎɐp/Λ +ᄐSᄐ~ :6ʌ∀ +22♀+305♂=+327 01)Jan:O1-O1*: Vsx:(+22♀+305♂)=327: ʎɐp/Λ +ㄥᄅᄐ~ :6ʌ∀ *V=152,OOO: Jan-01@12:45 EST (Day 1143) ʎɐp/Λ +ᄐᄐI~ :6ʌ∀ +43♀+290♂=+333 02)Jan:O1-O2: Vsx:(+65♀+595♂)=660: ʎɐp/Λ +Oᄐᄐ~ :6ʌ∀ +26♀+161♂=+187 03)Jan:O1-O3: Vsx:(+91♀+756♂)=847: ʎɐp/Λ +ᄅ8ᄅ~ :6ʌ∀ +24♀+259♂=+283 04)Jan:O1-O4: Vsx:(+115♀+1,015♂)=1,130: ʎɐp/Λ +ᄐ8ᄅ~ :6ʌ∀ +32♀+362♂=+394 05)Jan:O1-O5**: Vsx:(+147♀+1,377♂)=1,524: ʎɐp/Λ +SOᄐ~ :6ʌ∀ **V=153,OOO: Jan-05@01:54 EST (Day 1147) ʎɐp/Λ +ᄐᄐI~ :6ʌ∀ +6♀+73♂=+79 06)Jan:O1-O6: Vsx:(+153♀+1,450♂)=1,603: ʎɐp/Λ +ㄥ9ᄅ~ :6ʌ∀ @ I2OO est / O9OO pst http://ak1.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/Woo-Hoo/SaintSuelle-aka-SaintFluffySnow/eversee-64O-Plus-Visitors/I53,43O-Visitors/sofarin-I,I48-Days/Woah-hohoho/7918978113479981020.jpeg ... Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food ●●●► ♬ Generation Jobless - CBC Documentary 2013-Aug (42m02s) ... ♬ Generation Jobless: http://youtu.be/4UUuMWqA8eE I spend a lot of time thinking about ♡(\ /) (●.● ) (”)(”)ɔ (\ /)♡ ( ●.●) c(”)(”) can TWO reproductively optimally compatible in their highly fertile prime super feminine stunningly BEAUTIFUL sexy GORGEOUS buxom lipstick haute femme long godivanesque haired horny hot hottie dresswearing girly GIRLS find each other and ... ... Ooooo ... ●●●► ♬ Bilitis Générique ... ♬: ● http://youtu.be/pLQ9Kka_8Yo (\ /) ♡ ♡ (\ /) ( ●.●) ♡ (●.● ) c(”) (”) . (") (")ɔ *** sigh *** ●●●► ♬ Scène d'Amour ... ♬: ● http://youtu.be/LD-TmP55d3o ah-humma-humma-yum-yum-whoooppeeedooo ... oooo ... and enjoy family life with beautiful semi-immortal babies we make as a result !!! On a typical Friday night I am ●●● 'twas Tuesday, my movie day: ● Tues., 31st Dec: just back from last night, I saw: ● 47 Ronin - 3D ●-and-● The Secret Life of Walter Mitty The most private thing I’m willing to admit SaintFluffySnow (newer profile, more pics, fewer match Q) ● I visit mostly single girls* ● I rarely visit guys or mixed girl-guy couples* *andalwaysfromthetwoperpectivesofBOTHmyprofiles butifIvisityoubyaccident viatouchpadglitchiness fromjustONEofmyprofiles itwillbeobviousitwasunintentionalmistake happensonceinawhile I’m looking for Everybody Ages 18–38 Located anywhere Who are single For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating You should message me if you are a real hottie gorgeous femme girl (femme girl-girl couples, too) who ... is more feminine than me has bigger natural boobs than me (I'm still 'budding'; a late bloomer) is prettier than me (stunningly more beautiful than me will be awesome) has at least naturally waist-length hair (love to wear it down than tied up) is younger looking than me (obviously younger; older not possible) has natural hour-glass figure (curvy yet svelte; not skinny/lanky/boney) natally vaginal, uteral, ovarian, fertile prime; not yet a mom but keen on having babies some day (with me, naturally) lipstick femme, femme-positive, you love to wear girly dresses, never mostly pants is horny for me, super-clitoris-positive (you love me to fuckyouwild to climacticorgasmitasm!) plus ... non-smoker non-alcoholic/non-drunkards non-stonedondrugs/nomushybrains non-tattooed/non-facial-body-piercings that's snag-klinkity galore vegetarian leanings you wanna be my exclusive lifelovemates (emphasis on plural) and together we can re-populate a sustainably greener cleaner richer world with intelligent love ... 'cuz ... y'all wanna make beautiful semi-immortal babies with me !!!

Can I link to the profile? I'd be happy to, but I'm not sure how.

[bestofokc]

I am currently a freshman in college majoring in astronomy and philisophy. I plan to graduate Suma Cum Laude and take up a job at NASA.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/azialue

[bestofokc]

DISCLAIMER: The following messages were received consecutively between Sept. 8-11, 2013, without a single response. September 8: First off I must say I feel honored that you came by my profile and liked me first :) after reading your profile I so want to go horseback riding with you. I've only done it twice and the first time my horse went crazy and jump on its back feet and I slid off the side and was dragged a bit but after that me and the horse bonded. September 9: I'm sorry I see you must of liked me on accident. Sorry for wasting your time. I knew it was probably too good to be true. Well peace and love on your journeys and I hope you find what your looking for September 11: You know any type of response would be nice so I don't feel like a total fool. I mean I just spilled my heart the least you could say is sorry or something. That's so rude not to say anything and not very classy. 15 minutes later ... You know what just fuck you and the horse you rode in on!! Now I feel much better!!! Lol

[bestofokc]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-has-something-seriously-wrong-with-him-on,34011/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Status:1:Default&recirc=dating

The Onion, 9/26/13. Eerily accurate, as usual.

[bestofokc]

"I deeply regret that it is my unfortunate duty to bring it to your attention that you are above and beyond our maximum standards for looks. You are clearly a 9/10 and here on ok cupid we only allow 6/10 maximum. Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message with your name, phone number, your favorite flower, how many Cheetos you can fit in your mouth at once (just curious) and if you prefer Chinese or Italian cuisine. This is very serious business and I would advise you not to take my message lightly or you might anger my boss Poseidon, the lord of the seas. Cheers Alex "

[bestofokc]

"You ready to go half on a baby wit me gurl"

[bestofokc]

I would like to say that I looooove blondes, especially natural ones where the rug is like Repunzel's spun gold (I eat it like dim sum). Lets meet up for a gelato.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/henrytravels

[bestofokc]

"I want to shove my tongue down your mind. Lets trade ideas over drinks, as long as we're in walking distance from either the ferries or your place."

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Jing-Jack/?cf=profile

[bestofokc]

One of the funniest profiles I have ever read!!! My self-summary: DISCLAIMER: All comments and posts stated in this profile are original and mine mine mine! However, they may be borrowed free-of-charge at your own risk for up to 2 weeks but will require a monthly lease fee thereafter of $19.95. My thoughts are considered my own opinions are not an official representation of OKcupid or any other OKcupid employees. Any similarity to actual opinions, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Any spelling mistakes in this article are all entirly my fault. Any grammer errors spotted in this article were put there because I could. Some assembly is required. Each sold separately. Batteries not included. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. If conditions persist, contact a physician. Keep out of reach of children. Avoid prolonged exposure to direct sunlight and Shaking it more than three times is considered playing with it! SPECIAL NOTE: No cats, dogs, goldfish, chickens, insects, bacteria, minerals, illegal aliens or vegetables were harmed, maimed, mistreated or tickled in the making of this profile. THIS SITE IS CRAY! CRAY! EVERY PROFILE IS LIKE READING THE WIZARD OF OZ! "VEGANS, BISEXUALS & POLY'S OH MY! 0.0" Hmmm...If you are all here then who's running HELL??? HAHAHA JUST KIDDING...IT'S A FN JOKE! NO NEED TO BE OFFENDED! JUST CRAZY TO SEE YOU ALL YOU CRAZY KIDS IN ONE PLACE. Now that I got that out of the way welcome to my crazy little profile ladies, please watch your step and remember to keep both hands inside the ride at all times. That being said as you read through the profile please do not confuse the humor and sarcasm with a lack of maturity. It's an internet dating site let's not take it too seriously shall we? In reading this hopefully you can recognize the parts that reflect my personality, sincerity and of course humor. I consider myself a unique individual and I like the fact that I go left when others go right. I don't expect to be everyone's right fit with regards to my looks, humor and or beliefs. I am totally fine with that but in the same respect you may or may not be mine as well. In any case I know what personality and traits I prefer and will recognize those when I read and see them. If you want to know more then all you have to do is ask I am open and honest. Oh and sorry to disappoint ladies :'( but there will be no pics of me shirtless to showcase my ALPHA MALENESS in all it GLORY like the other dogs. Seriously! Who raised some of these KNUCKLE DRAGGERS on this site? 0.0 Also I am not here looking for a hookup or booty call (I KNOW SHOCKER!!!) I am attractive and confident enough in myself to do that outside of the internet thank you. I assure you I'm not QUASI MOTO WITH A HUMP...Ringing The Bell in The Tower! Scaring away all the villagers. I do very well on my own in the real world. My hope here is to meet others and see what’s available in the online universe. If something develops down the line I am open to that possibility. Also read the entire FREAKIN profile if you decide to message me. It is really annoying when ladies whose attention span are so limited that they can't take the time read the entire profile. Seriously they NEED TO BE MONKEY STOMPED!!! AND BE REMINDED THAT YOU NEVER GO FULL RETARD!!! Mmmmm...K!!! Sorry but it had to be said! Moving right along then.... MY IDEAL FIRST DATE? Hmmmm... "We go out on a date, have some Chicken, maybe some Sex. Ya know? See what happens" ~ Champ Kind MY PERFECT MATCH? I don't believe in a perfect match. Who would want perfect anyway? I like imperfection in people I meet because it's their own unique identity. No need to be completely normal, being quirky, weird and a little crazy I can respect too. Some things I am looking for are? MUTUAL ATTRACTION: This hits many area's from intelligence, personality, humor, physical and of course sexual attraction. I am definitely turned on by a sense of humor, being able to joke, laugh and have a battle of wits with my girl is extremely sexy. But If you happen to also make my MALE PARTS BEEP! and are "SPANK BANK WORTHY" that's a huge plus too! Hopefully you find me equally as attractive on all those same levels and I also make your LADY BITS BEEP TOO!... Let's be honest attraction is VERY IMPORTANT! We click on profiles initially because of that very fact! A MENTAL CONNECTION: Can you hold an intelligent conversation on subjects without me wanting to Shoot Myself in the Face? Do we think alike? Are you funny, witty and can challenge me on another level? There is absolutely nothing worse than being with a person that does not get you. And are so boring and uninteresting you would literally GNAW your arm off, develop a serious DRUG HABIT or fake your own DEATH just to escape them. TRUST ME I'VE MET SOME LADIES ON HERE THAT MAKE ME WISH OKCUPID HAD A WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM...DOH! I want my match to be someone I can totally relate to and learn things from in our relationship. COMMON INTERESTS: Do we enjoy similar interests? Share similar views on issues and subjects in life. I don't expect to see eye to eye on everything we enjoy in our relationship but I want her to share in my passions as I do hers and genuinely like spending time together. She may not always enjoy going to see a football game, camping out, or hanging for a weekend at Comic Con? And I may not like or share your love of Antiquing, Shopping, Yard Sales or Date night watching a play of the VAGINA MONOLOGUES for 2 FN HOURS!!! (don't ask?) But we should be able to support each other in things we enjoy and find ways to share in that experience together. Also to be clear I don't think we need to spend every waking moment with each other either. I strongly encourage and support spending time apart with our family and friends as needed. Spending time apart in my opinion is healthy and good for a relationship long term WHEW!!!I know, I know you're probably saying to yourself, this guy sure sets the bar really low for his dates! SOME REASONS WHY I'M CONSIDERED A "BAD BOY" 1) I text and drive! 2) I Run with Scissors! 3) I drink straight from the milk carton! 4) I don't look both ways before crossing the street! 5) and I always leave the toilet seat up! (Oh yeah ladies I'm a Bad-Ass!) And finally! I will look at your profiles and yes? I do read every word and details of those I visit not just look at the pictures. God knows I can't get enough of the Dirty Bathroom Mirror shots, Close-up Car shots, Duck Face shots or my personal favorite Enhanced Cleavage shots. WELL PLAYED LADIES! You have BREASTS! and THEY'RE SPECTACULAR! and some of you are even MOTORBOAT WORTHY... I F@CKIN GET IT! But it's really hard to take your profiles seriously when in all CAPS you write you are not looking for a HOOK-UP, BOOTY CALL, ONE NIGHT STAND or a FRIEND WITH BENNIES situation and command RESPECT with your TITTAYS all jacked up in my face?...LMFAO! Just Sayin... Don't be mad if you bring out the inner QUAGMIRE in people when you do this...Giggity! BESIDES I'M AN ASS MAN...*wink* :-P Now sit back pour yourself a shot or maybe a glass of wine and let’s get this show started shall we?:-) What I’m doing with my life "Finding out that there is so much more to it than just being really, really ridiculously good looking, and I am going to find out what that is?" I’m really good at KISSING and MAKING THE SEXY TIME! Jazz Flute! ....I dabble. "My sweet Num-Chuck skills... Bow Hunting skills... Computer Hacking skills... Cause Girls only want Boyfriends who have great skills!" "Krumping" When I feel it I do It! SINGING! I'm a Karaoke GOD! I've been told I am like a cross between "Fergie and Jesus!" Def Leopards "Pour Some Sugar On Me" is My Jam!" HUMOR & SARCASM! Its spews out naturally like Tourettes! GOING DOWNTOWN... NAW MEAN GIRL! o.O The first things people usually notice about me That I'm HUNG Like a BEAR!..No Seriously it's like a Kickstand! My Leather Fanny Pack! Which then makes you look at My JUNK! haha Maybe My Eyes... they have a way of pulling you in...No....Shhhhhh!.... just let it happen! The strong odor of Beef & Cheese? o.0 Probably that I am not BLACK!!! Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Fav Books: Your Body and You (moms gave it to me at 10) scared the hell out of me yet I learned a lot about my male parts and that it's ok to have certain feelings but not to act on all of them as that might come off as creepy! 0.o Anything Sci-Fi I'm a bit of a Nerd/Geek Loved the Harry Potter Books, Game of Thrones, Hunger Games, World War Z and others. Coolest thing ever invented was ebooks...Love them! Some Favorite Movies: Major Payne! Zoolander, Duplex, Anchorman, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Love you Man, Overnight Delivery, Cable Guy and anything Dark Comedy is my genre. But I like all movies because I have a passion for them. AND... GOONIE 4 LIFE TOO BABY!!! YOU WANNA GET IN MY PANTS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE Some Favorite Shows: The Big Bang Theory, Elementary, Person of Interest, 2 Broke Girls, New Girl, Game Of Thrones, Dexter, Empire Boardwalk, Fringe, Firefly, X-Files, Rosanne The list goes on and on... OH AND TRUE BLOOD!!! I'M A FANG BANGER! :-p Some Favorite Music: Anything R&B and Hip Hop, Rock, Classic Rock, Indie Rock. I like anything I am feeling but not a country fan. Music is definitely a huge part of my personality and gives me reason to go on most days. Food: I am a foodie and like to try it all from Asian to Mexican to Italian and French you name it I'm ready to dive in. I am a huge Gordon Ramsay and Bobby Flay fan and hope to one day be as good in the kitchen (dare to dream). I love to cook & bake at home when I can and I am actually quite good at it thanks to my mom. Of course there is so much more to me than this little essay DUH! The six things I could never do without 1) Berry Flavored Skittles - Cause those are just F@%king delicious! 2) My Orange Crocs - I know! Contain your Orgasms! 3) A Fanny Pack - Let's be honest not only are they fun, functional & stylish they are TIMELESS. You can carry all kinds of important stuff in them, like your Chapstick, Some Gum...Your Virginity! :-) 4) My Humor - It would be cruel not to share my Sarcasm and Wit with the world and those closest to me. Humor Is Sexy Baby! 5) Grey Goose Vodka - Cause it too is F@ckin Delicious! And honestly my friends just aren't as fun without it, work would be super unbearable and driving would be soooooo boring. 6) My Family My Friends and of course Footie Pajamas, My Satchel, My Beta Max collection of 70's Porn, Scented Candles, My VHS copy of XANADU and the silky smooth panty droppin sounds of My Michael Bolton MIX TAPES! I spend a lot of time thinking about What life would be like if I wasn't this "Really, Really Ridiculously Good Looking?" That I hope this cream makes the Burning and Itching go away in the next 4-6 weeks? :-( "That Mama says Astrology is a Tool for the Devil" Rule #76 "NO EXCUSES PLAY LIKE A CHAMPION" :-) that..."it puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!" On a typical Friday night I am Possibly Chilling and Relaxing at home after a hard day of working the Can Crusher down at the Recycling Center. Maybe hanging with friends, having a few laughs, opening a Box of Wine and playing Naked Twister! Usually PUNCH DANCING MY RAGE out to the Footloose soundtrack! Hopefully I'm on a date getting to show my OH! FACE! ;-) But... Most likely at home alone crying my eyes out, listening to AIR SUPPLY and getting Sh%t Faced on Snow Peak Peach Flavored Boone's cause that's how I roll B#tches! The most private thing I’m willing to admit "That I wear a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries…and it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good." I am also a "SURVIVOR" of CHOROPHOBIA Commonly referred to as White People's Disease... I know it sounds funny, but I assure you it's no laughing matter living with this soul crushing affliction. I Yearn to "like the NIGHTLIFE and LOVE TO BOOGIE!" *tear* (╥﹏╥) One day at a time... Oh! And this one time at BAND CAMP! I’m looking for Girls who like guys Ages 21–60 Located anywhere For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex You should message me if WHAT? YOU SHOULD NOT CONTACT ME! ARE YOU SERIOUS??? I AM SOME RANDOM DUDE FROM THE INTERNET. YES INCREDIBLY FUNNY, CHARMING & CUTE. BUT GIRL YOUR MAMMA RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I COULD BE SOME STRANGER DANGER THAT THEY ARE PROFILING ON THE NEXT DATELINE W/CHRIS HANSEN ABOUT ONLINE DATING PREDATORS! GIRL LOCK YOUR DOORS, HIDE YO PETS, HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO GRAND MA MA AND NEVER LOOK BACK! OR?... if DANGERS your middle name and... You feel you are SPANK BANK WORTHY! and... My Boy Band good looks aren't intimidating. and... You are into fanny packs, orange crocs or want to come over and watch XANADU or you share my love of Michael Bolton's Music! Or if you just... Want to know "What does he mean by "GOING DOWNTOWN???" But you should absolutely message me if... You have a serious mental disorder, are on medications, have prison made tats on your boobs and neck, a criminal record, a drinking and drug problem, if you see DEAD PEOPLE!, You use the word HELLA! Can walk and Chew Gum at the same time, suffer from a BITCHY RESTING FACE or if you are needy, whiny, lazy, smelly, hairy, have no teeth, are Rockin a 70's Bush! and are completely INSANE! THEN HOLLA!

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jmartin72

[bestofokc]

No quote, just a link to the funniest profile ever made by a chick.

www.okcupid.com/profile/cocowhat

[bestofokc]

this is the funniest okcupid profile i have ever seen! a must see!! really too funny! It should be posted ;) http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Small_Penis_boy?cf=regular

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Small_Penis_boy?cf=regular

[bestofokc]

Jun 30, 2013 – 10:06pm Biting sarcasm; original and intresting. How does one "bite" sarcasm? My genetisit buddy told me redheads have a 10% chance of bonding threw and threw. I think if that 10% is possible than the couple can rule.....everything :) You sound and look like a Queen. Do you like Mexican food? Message from _i_love_you Jun 30, 2013 – 10:07pm ....i write books.... Sent from the OkCupid app

I'm not sure whether my favorite part of his is his screen name (i_love_you), the fact that neither of us are redheads, or that he separated this into two messages.

[bestofokc]

"Oh heavenly blessed beauty whose beauty is above and beyond anything I have witnessed in my 22 years of existence. I would belly flop into a pool of sharks and sea urchins just to have a seafood dinner with you over Skype using a dial up Internet connection"