remus helping sirius come down frm a panic attack pls 🥺
“Settle down,” McGonagall instructed, flicking her wand at the chalkboard at the front of the room. Human transfiguration. Remus refrained from groaning.
He liked transfiguration, he was good at transfiguration, but NEWT level transfiguration the day of the full moon, especially on a topic as difficult as human transfiguration, was the last thing he needed right now.
“I need you to listen very carefully,” McGonagall said once she’d reached the front of the classroom. “Getting this wrong can have catastrophic consequences. And after weeks of learning the theory behind it, today is the first day that you may actually be in danger of inflicting these consequences upon your partner.”
Remus actually did groan a bit at that. It was just his luck they’d be doing a transfiguration practical of all things. He looked over at Sirius who was staring straight ahead, eyes glossed over like he wasn’t really paying attention. “Do you think if I told McGonagall I wasn’t feeling up to it, she’d let us off?” Remus whispered to him.
Sirius didn’t respond, and so Remus poked him gently in the arm. “What?” Sirius asked, jumping slightly.
“Mr Black, Mr Lupin,” McGonagall said, sternly, “no talking, especially over something as important as this.”
“Never mind,” Remus whispered. “Hey, you okay?” Sirius just nodded, and Remus frowned slightly. He looked down to Sirius’ hands. He was clasping and unclasping them desperately and his leg was bouncing under the desk.
Remus quickly leant down, rummaging around in his bag until he found the muggle ball point pen he always kept on him. He handed it to Sirius before placing his own hand, palm down, on the table.
Remus wasn’t sure when this routine had begun, exactly, but it was one they were now familiar with. Sirius’ shaking hand took the pen from Remus and he flashed a small, thankful smile before taking the lid off of the pen and placing it gently to Remus’ skin.
Sometimes, he connected the small freckles Remus had, turning them into patterns or consolations, or sometimes he’d draw little stars. Remus watched him as he began to draw small flowers next to the scar running across the back of his hand, but his attention was reclaimed by McGonagall who was staring at him, pointedly.
Thankfully, she didn’t say anything, and continued her lecture without scolding him. Remus payed attention this time. When he looked back down to his hand, there was a small spiral of flowers seemingly climbing their way up his scar. He smiled to himself before continuing to listen and letting Sirius continue to draw.
Sirius was so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn’t even notice when McGonagall told them to partner off and carry out their assigned practical task. Remus gently placed his hand over Sirius’. “Are you okay?” he asked again, now that the class was rowdy and talkative.
“It’s nothing,” Sirius mumbled. He handed the pen back to Remus. “We’re doing a practical, right?”
Remus nodded. “Yes. Human transfiguration. We’re just trying to alter one thing about our partners appearance. Like changing hair or eye colour or something simple.”
Sirius nodded. “Right. Okay.” He definitely didn’t look okay as he picked up his wand and stood opposite Remus.
Remus hesitantly got up as well, looking around the classroom for inspiration. Dorcas and Mary were stood at the opposite side of the room, Dorcas’ hair now an alarming shade of pink and Mary cackling manically.
“Do you want to go first?” Remus asked. Sirius just shook his head and pointed to Remus. Remus hesitated. “Sirius, look at me.” Sirius lifted his head but kept his eyes firmly on the floor in front of him. “Tell me you’re okay with me doing this spell.” Sirius nodded. “No, tell me.”
This time he did meet Remus’ eyes with his own. They were wide, and panicked, and Remus placed his wand firmly on the desk and strode towards him. “I’m-” Sirius choked out, but that was all he managed.
Remus searched frantically for McGonagall, eventually meeting here eye and then looking towards the classroom door. McGonagall looked confused, but she nodded, and Remus was pulling Sirius out in an instant.
“Breathe,” he said, softly. Sirius shook his head, his eyes still looking around frantically. Remus gently placed his hand over Sirius’ heart, he could practically feel it beating through his robes. He took Sirius’ hand in his own and placed it on his stomach. “Copy my breathing, okay?”
“Can’t,” Sirius heaved. Remus pressed Sirius’ hand firmer against him and inhaled deeply, held it, and then slowly released.
“You’re okay, Padfoot,” he whispered. “Keep copying me.”
Sirius nodded, letting another sob tear through him. Remus knew he just wanted to curl up on the floor; Remus wouldn’t let him. They stayed there for what felt like hours, Sirius taking a long time before his breathing was finally starting to replicate Remus’. His breaths were still shaky and his eyes were still wide and glossy, but he was breathing slowly, was the important thing.
“Hug or no hug?” Remus asked, because they always asked each other when calming each other down.
“Hug,” Sirius replied, his voice small. Remus wrapped his arms around him in an instant.
“Do you want to tell me what that was about?” Sirius just gripped him tighter. “You don’t have to.”
“It’s silly,” Sirius said, pressing himself impossibly closer.
“What’s our golden rule?”
Sirius let out a laugh. It was small, and brief, but it was there. “Can we sit down?” Remus pulled away, only slightly, and the two of them crumpled to the floor, Remus immediately wrapping his arm back around Sirius and Sirius burying his head into Remus’ chest. “It’s just parent stuff again,” Sirius explained.
Remus nodded. He understood; it happened sometimes. It was one of those things that the marauders all just adjusted to, especially after he’d run away. Sometimes, something would remind him of that night, sometimes something so small that Sirius couldn’t even pinpoint what it was himself.
“That doesn’t often happen in transfiguration,” Remus said gently.
Sirius reached out and took the hand he’d drawn on earlier, tracing Remus’ scar and the flowers around it. “No. No, it’s just… just human transfiguration. It was a punishment sometimes. That’s all.”
Remus tilted Sirius’ face so he could look at him. “You could talk to McGonagall. I’m sure there’s ways around you having to do stuff about it in our exams?”
“It’s one of the hardest forms of transfiguration. It’ll just look like I’m trying to get an easier NEWT exam.”
“You are one of the brightest people in that class, there’s no way anybody would think that you weren’t capable.”
Sirius grinned, “Wrong, Dorcas is the brightest person in that class. You saw what Mary did to her hair.”
Remus kissed him, smiling into it. “Well I’m glad your sense of humour has returned,” he said once they’d broken apart, “but I mean it. McGonagall will understand.”
“Well, do tell what it is that I am to be understanding.”
Sirius and Remus simultaneously snapped their heads to the doorway to see McGonagall looking down at them. Remus felt Sirius pull away slightly but Remus bravely stayed put, pulling Sirius back into him.
“Professor,” Remus started, “it’s just that-”
Maybe it was because she saw that Sirius was still crying, or maybe it was because she knew it was the day of the full moon, or maybe it was the favouritism James constantly insisted that she held for them. Whatever it was, she held her hand up to stop Remus speaking.
“Consider it understood. I’ll be in my office after our lesson. Feel free to drop by then to talk about it. But I assure you, you do not need to worry. Now, will you be returning to my lesson?”
“No,” Remus said, before Sirius even got the chance to open his mouth. “Sorry, professor.”
“Then I’ll get Ms Meadowes to come out with your stuff shortly.” She turned to walk back into the classroom before pausing. “I imagine the two of you will do remarkably well regardless of missing this class. Don’t worry about doing the assignment I set if you don’t find the time.” With that, she walked back into her classroom, shutting the door behind her.
Remus looked back at Sirius, smiling. “See? It’ll be okay.”
“Yeah,” Sirius said. “That was uncharacteristically generous of her. Maybe James is right and we are her favourites.”
Remus squeezed his shoulder before standing an extending an arm to Sirius, pulling him up from the floor. “Okay, we have an hour. Then we can see McGonagall?”
Sirius nodded. “Can we go back to the dormitory and nap?”
“I’m never going to say no to that.” Remus turned back towards the classroom door when he felt Sirius wrap him in a hug again. He twisted around in his grip to hug him back properly. “Are you feeling better now?”
“Yes. I struggle not to feel better around you.”
“Good,” Remus hummed. “I happen to feel the same way about you.”
