Beyadenu

Random thoughts that will, like, for sure save the world eventually.

[beyadenu]

Blobbing

It feels good to be a blobber.

[beyadenu]

Just dance!

[beyadenu]

Inspiration

It goes away so quickly. When you’re in it, you can’t imagine anything else. Same thing when you’re out.

[beyadenu]

Davening

Ok here we go.

I’m actually doing this. I’m saying the words.

This is already good right? Because yesterday I didn’t even do this...

I should probably focus.

What does that word mean?

Never mind, I get the jist.

I kind of wish I could put a tune to this...it would make it go by faster. But there are so many people around.

Ugh, that’s the wrong thought.

Doctor’s appointment...call parents...awkward dinner conversation last week...remember yesterday how they liked my joke? I didn’t think people would get it, but they were cracking up. I guess so often I’m afraid to even say something, but I shouldn’t worry so much. It usually goes over ok. And honestly who cares if it doesn’t? No but sometimes I do actually say the wrong thing...word vomit, you know? What a gross phrase...

Wait I’m already so many pages in? I don’t remember reading any of this!

Why can’t I focus at all?

Although isn’t it kind of interesting how I can be saying one thing while my mind is thinking something totally different...

OMG, wth?? Just pay attention!

Ok, here we go.

Halleluyah ki tov zamrah Elokeinu, ki na’im nava tehillah...

That’s nice.

Although didn’t I already say that, like, 6 different ways?

I guess it’s supposed to drill it into my head...but I’m pretty sure I already believe Hashem is good.

Do I?

Wow, Shema already. At least for this, I should focus.

That didn’t really work.

Who said “until you first say Ata (with kavana), you haven’t begun to daven”?

Because I definitely haven’t even started davening.

Pretty sure I’ve been talking to myself this whole time.

[beyadenu]

Yeshus

It’s so painful when someone you love seems to care so much more about their own feelings than they do about yours.

For lack of a real solution to my current problem, I guess I can at least see the nimshal when it comes to my relationship with Hashem. His voice is probably hoarser than mine from all the frustrated yelling and crying…

[beyadenu]

Who’s in charge here?

It seems like a mistake of human development that experience has any bearing on emotion. Or that emotion seems to depends on experience…

[beyadenu]

Likes Inception

Why can’t I “like” someone else’s “likes”? Sarah “liked” Parks and Recreation, and I like that she “liked” it! I might even love that she “liked” it! Point is, I have feelings about other people’s feelings, and for that matter I have feelings about my own feelings about other people’s feelings, and the Facebook “reaction” apparatus is unacceptably limiting.  I will not rest until I get a notification alerting me to Hannah’s “like” of my “like” of Sophie’s “haha” on Sam’s “sad”. 

[beyadenu]

Doubt

Maybe it’s true and maybe it’s not. Maybe I won’t know until the end. Maybe it will never stop bothering me. Maybe it will at some point. Maybe it’s supposed to bother me? Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much. Maybe I should worry more. Maybe I’m missing something. 

[beyadenu]

Really?

With all the people complaining that Donald Trump is going to be the next Hitler, it’s more than a little worrying that no one seems to be doing anything about it. Is this what people mean when they say “Never again”? Am I the only one disturbed by this?