CHAPTER ONE: MY SUBCONSCIOUS MADE ME DO IT
“All this is to say that it’s not your fault that you’re fucked up. It’s your fault if you stay fucked up, but the foundation of your fuckedupness is something that has been passed down through generations of your family.” (page 20)
I absolutely agree, although it is not easy pushing pass the mess, sulking while life passes you by doesn't do anyone any good. I have a f**ed up childhood and I could have done nothing and gone nowhere because of the things that have been done to me and all things that were never done for me. Everyone goes through sh*t and its not a competition, the things that I went through are just as valid as the things that you went through and vise versa but we can't “play” the role of a victim our whole lives. Unfortunately we do com from lineages with “generational curses” and that is most likely why your parents f**ed you up and they theirs before them (they most likely had it worst). These are different times, and I refuse repeat vicious cycles. There is nothing easy about it, somedays I fight myself, the world, and even God; I cry hard, sulk: dwell in the past and feed myself lies, I pray and then I push forward. Each time leaving slightly healed then then the previous. What I don't do is hate, point the finger and “play” the blame game. I forgive and when I don't feel it I “practice” forgiveness until the day I mean it. I know hurt people hurt, and that alone hurts. I have learned to empathize and in that I see the world differently, I see people differently. It doesn't make the hurt okay, but forgiveness sets me free enough to live another day.
“Most people are living an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs.”(page 21)
I often make the mistake that everyone things like me. My parents are an important part of my life but there thought and beliefs had a small impact on me because they weren't present for most of my life. I was raised by a village, and I observed and absorbed like a sponge but I filtered it through my own lenses and excreted the parts I did not like or did not agree with, I asked A LOT of questions and was constantly challenged (I had to grow up fast, what I gained in maturity wasn't enough to replace my lack for love which caused me to be very naive and vulnerable). However I learned that is not the case for everyone, and it can be very perplexing how people go their whole young adult lives never thinking for themselves, never questioning why they do the things they do, or why the believe the things they believe, they have no dreams, no aspiration, they just go through the motions of life on autopilot. I never want to come across as superior, but all I want to do is shake those people to wake up! Stop living like a zombie, find your damn identity and get some freaking purpose, quit wasting the life and gifts God gave you.
Your subconscious; the reason people can live life on autopilot and the reason why God wills us to have child like faith.
“Our Conscious mind thinks its in control, but it isn’t. Our subconscious mind doesn’t think about anything, but is in control.”(page 23)
That is DEEP
CHAPTER TWO: THE G-WORD
CHAPTER THREE: PRESENT AS A PIGEON
CHAPTER FOUR: THE BIG SNOOZE
CHAPTER FIVE: SELF-PERCEPTION IS A ZOO