calvin

bpd posting blog (watch me crash out)

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Calvin, he him.

BPD posting n shit.

My posts are tagged under #bigasstruck3000

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Can my dad close the windows? They've been open for days and I won't stop coughing because of it and every other time I cough I almost throw up

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is it so much to ask for to be loved unconditionally? when is it my turn to have someone who will stay with me forever without a single thought.

[cxndiedvi0lets-deactivated20251]

"Omg! I have BPD too!"

No, no you fucking don't. You don't understand how it feels to be so dependent on someone even if it's all an illusion that will soon shatter into pieces once you realize the cycle of someone enjoying how you make them feel and how they enjoy it and give you the benefit of them staying and being the person you idealised so you're both stuck in a fucking loop.

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@viktors-carcass please come back please I won't be able to let go of you ever it's only gonna ruin me more than you think staying in contact will. You don't need to talk to me a lot just please stay with me. It doens that to be romantic we can just be friends isut please don't leave me. I can't stand it I've never met someone as caring and kind and similar to me as you are, I don't care if you won't be as kind and caring as you werebefore, just please dont go. Give me a second chance please

[blaaaahxoxo-deactivated20260810]

BPD canon event:

You could be the most horrible person and I could hate you with everything I have but I will forget it immediately as soon as you're nice to me.

[bpderanged]

The moment you care about someone until your feelings are dependent on how they treat you, you're fucked.

How does it feel being at the mercy of other people, my dear?

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I'm so tired I want to go to sleep but I also want a response. Please respond to me and tell me everything I want to hear.

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I don't even feel anything about it anymore. I just feel hollow. I want him back so bad it hurts my chest when I think about him and the fact he will never talk to me again

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i was looking forward to spending my break with you. i was excited to finally be able to hang out with you a lot. and you pulled that shit on me. and now im spending the rest of my break (and probably summer too) self loathing and begging to be loved again.

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i cant handle being so lonely. i used to have so many friends, what happened?

i used to have people to talk to when i felt bad. soon enough, it narrowed down to one person. and now that person is gone.

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he was the only one who actually understood me. he knew me like no one else did and i trusted him with everything i had. every little secret was something he knew. he will never meet someone as similar to him as he is to me. i hope he understands that and decides to finally come back. please come back.

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why am i so repulsing and disgusting???

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why did you do this to me? i felt fine, i was happy. you were happy too. you couldve told me you werent feelign well when it first started. we couldve helped eachother feel well. we couldve worked things out. but now were both uspet; or atleast i am. did you want to make me upset? you know it was gonna kill me to tell me how you were feeling, so why did you? why? you couldve asked to have a conversation about ways we can change to make us both happy. we couldve both been happy. but you still chose to hurt me? you promised we could still be friends. and i was willing to take that, i just didnt want you to change your mind and leave. and yk what happened? because of that, you changed your mind and left. i dont even know if you even bother to look at this acocunt. i honestly doubt you do. but ill never move on. ill never stop loving you. you could beat me into the ground and tell me how awful i am and how nobody could ever love me, but, if i were given the chance, i would still follow you like a dog. i dont want to be alone.

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i know he will never care. he said he does, but at this point, im starting to believe that he just said it just to say it. he sure acts like he does. if he truly cared, why did he do this to me? why cant he listen to me? ive been begging for him to talk to me, to figure out something thats okay fo rboth of us, something well both be happy with, instead of this. this torture. i know this isnt making him feel better. i know, at the end of the day, hes going to regret it. hes gonna wish he listened to me.

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i miss him so fucking bad. it hasnt already been a day and i already want to kill myself. he shouldve fucking stayed. hes fucking stupid for not staying. he will never find osmeone else like me again and he will regret it. he will regret ever leaving me and i hope that it kills him because of it. i hope he regrets everything, i hope he wishes he couldve fucking changed his mind. he still can if he really wanted to. i would be happy and i wouldnt think twice about it if he did, and thats what upsets me the most. why do i feel so horrible about him yet i cant stop and will never stop loving him? top 10 signs i need to get back into therapy.

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i hope he regrets ever leaving me. i hope days, weeks, months, even years later, the lack of my presence haunts him. i WILL haunt him, but not in the "scary evil demon ghost" way, nor the "cute little black cat rubbing its leg against him", but in the way where everything will remind him of me and itll make him feel sick down to the core and he wouldve wished that he was still here with me. i hope he regrets being the reason ive died before i actually live my fucking life.

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its honestly so funny. everything reminds me of him and it already hurts so so badly. games he likes or games we used to play, things hes said to me, things he likes in general, music, everything. it all reminds me of him and it tears me apart from the inside. it used to be something i could fondly think of and connect it will happy and content and comfortable feelings, but now all i feel is a whole lot of nothing. the guilt of everything, the regret, it just feels like nothing. it makes me feel sick. it makes me feel empty.