BiGeorge, I've Got It!

Recovering academic; distracted media omnivore; proud bisexual; husband, son, brother, and uncle; would-be scientist eco-hunk; sometime writer; frequent pontificator on politics, comics, TV, movies, literature, pop culture, BGLTQ issues and anything else that strikes me...

[bigeorgeivegotit]

You Made It (2020)

To all my queer friends, to all my friends who deal with depression, anxiety, addiction and other mental health issues, to all my friends who deal with physical limitations, to all my friends who are taking care of people with these issues, to all my friends who deal with family strife, estrangement, and/or abuse, to all my friends who feel lonely and alone, to all my friends who are grieving, to all my friends who feel worried about money and have a hard time dealing with others' expectations on how you should spend it, to all my friends who chafe at "forced" or scripted emotions at work and in personal relationships, to all my friends who already feel over-burdened and over-busied by work and family obligations during the rest of the year:

You made it. I see you. You're still here. It's January 2nd, and you're still here, hopefully more or less intact.

Get some rest, if you can, and don't buy into any of the "New Year, New You" stuff--that's a trap mostly designed to get you to buy yet more stuff (gym memberships and exercise equipment, magazines, books, diet plans, etc.) that you don't necessarily need--at least not BECAUSE it's a "new year."

You do you--make whatever changes you want or need to make at your pace, for your reasons, on your budget, and on your timetable--unless you're in immediate danger, of course--and, that way, they're much more likely to be lasting changes.

2020 will be what it will be, and only some of that is up to us, just like every year, every day, every minute. Numbers and calendar pages hold no special magic.

You do, though. Good job getting through it all.

[bigeorgeivegotit]

(My annual Christmas Eve post, first written and shared in 2011.)

So, here’s what I really believe is the meaning of Christmas. (Lights, please?): She was poor, and powerless, and young, and afraid, and suddenly pregnant. But she had said “Yes” to the idea of God at work in the world, and her boyfriend, who was a laborer, and powerless, believed in it, too, or at least in her, at first, and married her. And they ran from the cops of their day into hiding, and, because they were poor, they had no place to live. So they stayed in a shed, a sty, really, with the livestock and the shit and the smells. And they were hungry and scared. And when the baby came, three foreigners who didn’t share their culture, language, or religion came to pay honor to the radical idea that God was at work in the world in a place like that and through people like them, and so did the poor shepherds, despite their fear, too. And whatever you believe, I wish you all the joy and peace that comes from a belief that impossible goodness is possible, that grace can be born into the world, and that the poor, the powerless, the afraid, and the different are miraculous. God Bless Us, Everyone.

[fuckyeahbiguys]

DeKalb State Judge Mike Jacobs of Brookhaven comes out as bisexual

DeKalb Judge Mike Jacobs, a former state representative who helped to form his home city of Brookhaven, has come out as bisexual.

[bi-trans-alliance]

Why Bisexual Men Are Still Fighting to Convince Us They Exist

Travis has had both boyfriends and girlfriends since high school. But when his coworkers discovered his dating history at a board game night, they told him he couldn’t be bisexual. “Bi men don’t exist,” they said. “You’re just a confused gay guy.” Travis, 34, had brought his girlfriend with him that night, but they started calling her his “roommate” after they found out he was bi.

‘Ultimately, bisexual men themselves will continue to be the most powerful force for changing hearts and minds. I asked each bisexual man I interviewed what he would want the world to know about his sexual orientation. Some wanted to clear up specific misconceptions but so many of them simply wanted people to acknowledge that male bisexuality is not fake.

“It’s important that bisexuality be acknowledged as real,” said Martyn, 30, adding that “there’s only so long someone can hold on to a part of themselves that seems invisible before it starts to make them doubt their own sense of self.”

“I am happy being bisexual and I’m not looking for an answer,” said Dan, 19. “I’m not trying things out, I’m not using this as a placeholder to discover my identity. This is who I am. And I love it.”’

(read more)

[pigeonholedheart-deactivated201]

“And Michael, 28, added that bisexual men are ‘symbolically dangerous’ – a ‘big interior threat to hetero masculinity’ because of a shared attraction to women. It’s easy for a straight guy to differentiate himself from the modern gay man, but how can he reassure himself that he is nothing like his bisexual counterpart?

The answer is obvious: He can equate male bisexuality with homosexuality.”

This article presents some very insightful ideas and questions. Well worth the read.

[bigeorgeivegotit]

SpeakOUT Scholarship for LGBTQIA Students

SpeakOUT Boston Scholarship Award: $500 plus the opportunity to take SpeakOUT’s Speaker Training. SpeakOUT Boston is a community of speakers working to create a world free of homo-bi-transphobia and other prejudices by telling the truths of our lives. Since 1972, we have been doing so by: * Conducting educational programs about LGBTQIA+ lives and issues; * Training individuals and organizations to use public speaking as a means of creating positive cultural change; * Sharing our lives and experiences publicly in order to support those struggling with sexuality and gender identity; and * Educating within the communities we represent about issues that divide us. SpeakOUT Boston engages audiences in honest dialogue, and in keeping with our motto "Ask Us Anything," we invite any questions that may challenge harmful stereotypes and misconceptions. Our speakers visit middle and high schools, colleges, workplaces, faith communities, public libraries, community organizations, and many other venues in the Greater Boston area and beyond. Requirements for the Scholarship: Applicants must: be an undergraduate LGBTQIA+ student or prospective student entering college/university by the fall 2018 semester, live in New England, and hold a minimum 3.0 GPA. Students will be required to submit by April 15, 2018: a 1-2 page type-written personal story to the SpeakOUT board, discussing how they have grown to understand, accept, and take pride in their sexual orientation and/or gender identity; a letter of recommendation; and grade transcripts. Submit the required documents to: [email protected] or via email to: SpeakOUT, P.O. Box 301223, Boston, MA 02130. The student must submit proof of enrollment in a college/university before the award is made. Notification of award will be no later than June 1, 2018. *LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual, and related identities such as pansexual, gender non-binary or non-conforming. 

[koricomics]

A little sketch comic about how bisexuality is totally cool and good and not bad.

The format is cliché!  I know.  But it makes it easy to talk about things I want to talk about.  Thanks for reading!

(I shouldn’t have to say this, but since a lot of people wanted to educate me on twitter: The words listed in panel seven [yes even in the parentheticals!] are just examples of how often acceptable language around gender and sexuality changes.  They are not lists of synonymous words, and many of them are now considered unacceptable.  That’s why they’re on the list. That’s what the list IS. I know.)

[fuckyeahbiguys]

This is great! Some people also define bi as “attraction to two or more genders”.

[bigeorgeivegotit]

Happy to have been interviewed on bisexuality for this podcast. Give it a listen!

[bigeorgeivegotit]

Grateful to have been asked to write this reflection on my faith life and my bisexuality.

[anamatics]

Hey young ones

This is a request.

Learn your queer history. Learn about AIDS. Learn about how the leadership of this country looked away and did nothing to help our community for years. Learn about how they joked AIDS was god’s punishment for being gay. Learn about how, in the community, everyone was touched. Everyone lost someone. Learn how the AIDS crisis gave birth to the modern gay rights movement. Learn about how that crisis brought the community together after two decades of infighting. Lesbians took care of gay men who were dying. Found families were everywhere. Our history is too important to allow our politicians to sweep the horrible awful legacy of inaction under the rug. 

Learn your history kids. Think about the people who died to make your life now, as a young queer person in the world, a whole lot better than it was back then.

[and-bisexual]

YES

Learn about how bi men were blamed for the epidemic by both straight and gay people, and especially for its “leap” to those innocent straight people.

Learn about how Newsweek publicly blamed bi men for the epidemic in 1987, calling them “the ultimate pariahs” and “amoral and duplicitous and compulsive.” How Cosmo did the same two years later, promoting the popular stereotype of bi men as dishonest spreaders of AIDS.

Learn about how bisexual activists like David Lourea and Cynthia Slater were at the cutting edge of safer sex education, bringing it into bathhouses and BDSM clubs in San Francisco in 1981, when doctors were still calling it “a rare gay cancer”. Or like Alexei Guren, in Florida, organizing healthcare outreach to Latino married men who have sex with men.

Learn about how it took two years of campaigning to get even the San Francisco Department of Public Health to recognize bisexual men in their official AIDS statistics (the weekly “New AIDS cases and mortality statistics” report),

Learn about the women who got HIV, both cis and trans, who often had no resources or support. And the incredibly high risk trans women faced for HIV even in the late 1990s, and how difficult it still was for them to access healthcare.

Learn about how bisexual activists like Venetia Porter, of the Prostitute’s Union of Massachusetts and COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics), were the ones who first advocated for both cis and trans women, and injection drug users, with AIDS.

Learn about how Cynthia Slater, who by then was HIV-positive, organized the first Women’s HIV/AIDS Information Switchboard in 1985.

Learn about how bisexuals are still erased from HIV/AIDS history. How frequently we are told that we were not affected by the epidemic, that we are less oppressed as a result, that we did not participate in this movement or in the larger movement for gay rights. That we were not demonized, that only gay men were disowned or refused cemetery plots for having AIDS. How our erasure is used against us.

[prismatic-bell]

Look up the die-ins. Groups of dozens, HUNDREDS, literally laying on the steps of hospitals and breathing their last because hospitals wouldn’t take them and their families wouldn’t either.

Look up Ryan White, an 11-year-old boy who got HIV through a faulty blood transfusion in the days before reliable testing and was denied an education out of fear he’d infect other kids.

Do you know what AIDS was, in those dim days? My mom worked in a hospital. An AIDS patient was brought in and immediately put in the same isolation room they’d use for stuff like SARS, smallpox, and anthrax. Entering his room required that you enter another room first and take off all your clothes. A fresh set of scrubs would be given to you. Then you had to triple-glove, double-boot, double-mask, double-gown–yes, a surgical gown just to enter the room–and when you left you did all this in reverse and then got a decontaminant shower. Nobody knew how this disease was spread.

And the people. In charge. Did NOTHING.

When older queer activists speak, loves, LISTEN. Our history is short and foggy and all too often appropriated by straight people for brownie points. It’s not all the repeal of DADT and getting married.

[fans-on-the-run]

Psychology today also did an article blaming bisexual men in the most scare-mongering way possible. This was a supposedly ‘objective’, semi-scientific magazine. I still remember reading this over 20 years later.

[seekingwillow]

In response to the bit about the HAZMAT level procedures done with AIDS patients; I just want to add - Learn why it was SUCH A BIG DEAL that Princess Diana touched the hands of AIDS patients, sat with them, sometimes even fed them.

Like off the cuff it’d seem like a random thing to bring up. Except she was a Head of State showing compassion and demanding it, when elected officials were pointing fingers going ‘Plague’.

And yes, also, that marriage rights for queer folk came about because of estranged parents and blood relatives swooping in to take all a couple had built together, because a partner, sometimes even a sick partner who needed funds for their OWN health, wasn’t ‘legally connected’.

It was supposed to be about protection, and then became about exclusion of certain parts of the community and respectability politics of others. Even when those same ‘fringes’ initially had been caretakers and support.

Lastly, up into the damn 00′s they were still ‘blaming bisexual men’. There were a lot of articles about ‘black men on the down low’ or ‘prison sexualities’ and claiming that was responsible for things in the US blowing up among the AA community. And not enough stress on safe sex education in general and how the virus spread.

[rsasai]

And realize that even worse, we have come to a time where people have slowly forgotten everything in regards to HIV/AIDS. An entire generation of young men and women was wiped out of existence; we do not know what world they would have created, but we can feel their loss even now. Teenagers and young adults are not being taught how to properly care for themselves to lower the chance of transmission, which is slowly increasing.

I want to make sure that everyone knows: People who have HIV/AIDS are not a danger to you. They are people. They are not contagious–you can not get HIV from kissing, daily contact, eating after someone, using the same toilet, etc. You can spend your entire life with someone who is HIV+ and unless you share blood of sexual fluid, there is 0% chance of infection. 

If you are undetectable, meaning you are HIV+ and on medication that has lowered your viral load to undetectable levels, it is statistically negligible for you to be able to transmit HIV to a partner.

If you do not know your status or your partner’s status, be careful and use a condom. 

2.1 million people were infected in 2015. 

1.1 million people died of AIDS related complications in 2015.

24% of all infections are between the ages of 13-24.

44% of HIV young people in the US do not know they are infected.

The highest number of increasing HIV infections is young Gay/Bisexual men of color.

Only 16% of young people with HIV are on medication and undetectable.

Only 22% of young adults have ever taken an HIV test.

Get tested. It is free and anonymous. Go once a year, be responsible. And don’t only care about HIV/AIDS when it is World AIDS Day. There is too much riding on staying knowledgable.

Silence=Death

UNAIDS: Source

CDC* Source

[fuckyeahbiguys]

I'm a 40 year old adult whose long term personal problems, I now realize, stem from not realizing I'm bi. I had it 'beaten out' of me. Do you have any tips for coming out at this point in my life? I'm worried people won't believe I am bi, particularly my parents.

First off - it’s amazing that you’ve been able to open up to yourself and discover a fantastic part of your identity! Figuring out parts of themselves is something a lot of people never do and it truly is something to be proud of. 

There are only a few resources for coming out later in life, but almost all of them are directed to gay men and lesbians. A great resource, as someone who has gone through this exact experience, is @bigeorgeivegotit. 

His response will be reblogged as a followup to your question!

[bigeorgeivegotit]

Congratulations on claiming your identity for yourself! No matter what age one is, that’s something to be celebrated and honored.

I’m so sorry that you seem to have suffered abuse in your past, and feel that your bisexuality was “beaten out of you.” That’s horrible, and it makes your current self-acceptance even more worth celebrating. I hope you can find the resources you need to deal with the toxic legacies of abuse, which can be deep and wide-ranging.

As for coming out “later” in life, and whether people will believe you, a few thoughts:

First, realize that 40 isn’t exactly old age—you’re still relatively young middle-age, in fact, and middle age is a time of life when people are supposed to take stock and revaluate. So in a sense your coming out now is right on schedule.  I first came out, partially, in my mid-20s, but didn’t come out to my family, professionally, and publically, until I was 44—and doing so was part of a mid-life reevaluation.

Second, realize that many, many people don’t come out until much, much later in life—well into their 70s and 80s, even. It’s not a race, there’s no timetable, and there’s no script—we all come out when and where and how we can—and need to.

All identities are valid, regardless of when they’re claimed.

Though some people in your life may take a wondering pause over your coming out now, the more they—and you—learn about the realities of LGBTQ+ lives, the more they’ll realize that these lives of full of examples of people coming out at all ages. Yes, be prepared for some questions about “why now?” and “how long have you known?” and “why did you wait?” but you’ve already got the answers for these questions---you suppressed your identity, at great cost to yourself, because of a history of abuse and prejudice. That should pretty much answer anyone’s questions about timing.

And for those who truly doubt it or can’t get past the age thing, well, one of the great things—truly—about coming out later in life is that you’re starting to get past the age of having too many fucks to give about what other people think, right? You’re not an insecure 13 year old desperate for peer group approval—you’re an adult who knows what true, supportive friendship is—and isn’t. I lost a few “friends” when I came out publically, yes—but I haven’t really missed them: they weren’t true friends to begin with, and coming out just made that clear.

As to you parents: straight parents of all ages have a hard time, often, believing that their children aren’t straight. Your parents may have an extra layer of doubt because of your age but, honestly, because of what you said, their underlying prejudices are going to be the bigger obstacles for them. If they love you, they will accept you and want you in their lives. If they don’t, they won’t be able to. 

As an adult no longer dependent on them, you ultimately have the leverage: your presence in their lives can be conditional on their acceptance of your sexuality. Give them some time to adjust, yes—it took my mom six months or so and lots and lots of difficult conversations—but also let them know upfront that you do expect them to come around. Point them to the resources offered by groups like PFLAG and the Bisexual Resource Center, try a period of answering their questions honestly, no matter how stupid or annoying or hurtful they are at first (while preserving your privacy, of course), and prepare yourself to move on in some degree if you need to.

I hope that helps. Welcome to the rest of your life!

[buzzfeedlgbt]

[stilesisbiles]

Bisexual men exist. Don’t forget about us this #BiWeek.

[erikalynae]

Let’s talk about Brenda Howard for a sec because I feel like all of the people shouting that “het”-partnered bisexuals don’t belong at Pride are missing a good chunk of their Pride history.

Brenda was:

A bisexual, polyamorous woman and activist

In a “het” relationship with partner Larry Nelson

Known as the Mother of Pride for her work in organizing the first LGBT Pride events

A participant in the Stonewall Riots

An active member of the Gay Liberation Front, Gay Activists Alliance, Coalition for Lesbian and Gay Rights, BiPAC, and BiNET USA,  among others

Co-founder of the New York Area Bisexual Network

Founder of the first Alcoholics Anonymous chapter for bisexuals

An incredibly important figure in the LGBT community, who paved the way for Pride and LGBT activism as we know it today

“Het”-partnered bisexuals don’t just belong at Pride, they were integral to its creation.

(Bonus facts: Brenda was also Jewish, a sex worker, and an outspoken feminist. I highly recommend learning about her because she was seriously an amazing woman.)

[bigeorgeivegotit]

Ally Pledge for Pride Month

With credit to my awesome wife Mary Benard, who wrote this a few years ago and posts it every year for Pride. This is how it’s done, folks:

______________________________________________________________________

Happy Pride Month! It's a great celebration of authenticity, love, respect, and personal agency. But let's be honest--it can also be a difficult time for many who are not living as openly as they would like to be. So I'm doing my annual renewal of my ally pledge. Feel free to cut and paste if you want to take the pledge too. I don't care if I'm credited.

Whether you want to or can safely come out or not, whether you're sure or not, whether we know each other well or not, know there are safe people in the world that you can talk to. We are legion. We accept your trust, when it is freely offered, as a deep honor and gift.

You are worthy of love, respect, safety, peace, joy and health. 

You belong to this world and it belongs to you. Your place in it is your birthright. You matter.

If you want to tell me anything about your orientation, your gender identity, your family, or your relationships, here's what I promise:

ALLY PLEDGE I will believe you without question. I will respect the way you name yourself. You're the expert on you. I will not judge you or the choices you've had to make. I will respect your privacy and your right to make your own decisions about who you tell or don't and how and when. I will not give advice you have not asked for. I will not claim to understand things that I have not been through. I will not make it about me. I will educate myself. You don't have to educate me. I will do everything I can to protect you. I will speak up against injustices against you. I will not reduce you to your identity and/or orientation. I will not dismiss them as an insignificant part of who you are. I will understand that you are still you and always have been. I will respect your need for BGLTQ spaces and communities where I feel like an outsider. I will understand that identities and orientations can be fluid and not hold you to the words you claim for yourself today, but I will take them seriously. I will take risks with you. I will try to be brave with you. I will be your cheerleader when you're brave. I will understand that coming out isn't a one time event and that you have to keep doing it over and over again to different people, and sometimes to the same people. I will support you every time. I will not tire of the subject or get impatient if you often assert your identity and experience because I know you have to. I will be persistent and vocal as an ally so you don't have to always be the one to speak up. Sometimes you just need a rest. I will understand that sometimes you may be fierce, sometimes sad, sometimes proud, and sometimes scared. It's all good. I will follow your lead. I will listen to you when I mess up and you tell me so. I will stay in relationship with you.

[fuckyeahbiguys]

Bi Book Awards Finalists 2016

The Bi Writers Association has just listed their finalists for the 2016 Bi Book Awards [link]!

These books are the finalists listed on their website. Be sure to check out all the 2016 submissions for new bi literature!

_____________________________________________________________

Non-Fiction

Advice from a Wild Deuce: The Best of Ask Tiggy by Tiggy Upland, Jennifer L. Bonardi 

The Changing Dynamics of Bisexual Men’s Lives: Social Research Perspectives by Eric Anderson and Mark McCormack, Springer

Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men By Women by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli, Lexington Books

_____________________________________________________________

Memoir/Biography        

A House Full of Daughters by Juliet Nicolson; Farrar, Straus and Giroux / Macmillan

Virginia Woolf by Ira Nadel, London: Reaktion Books/ Chicago: Univ. of Chicago Press

_____________________________________________________________

Fiction

Loving Eleanor by Susan Wittig Albert, Persevero Press

The Regulars by Georgia Clark, Emily Bestler Books/Atria/Simon & Schuster

Vow of Celibacy by Erin Judge, Rare Bird Books

_____________________________________________________________

Romance

Change of Address by Jordan Brock, Riptide Publishing

Lovers Leap by JL Merrow, Riptide Publishing

Misinformation by Keelan Ellis, Dreamspinner Press

Out on Good Behavior by Dahlia Adler, self-published

Rock N Soul by Lauren Sattersby, Riptide Publishing

Stuck Landing by Lauren Gallagher, Riptide Publishing

What Remains by Garrett Leigh, Riptide Publishing

_____________________________________________________________

Erotic Fiction

24/7 by J A Rock, Riptide Publishing

The Best Laid Plans by Lauren Gallagher, Samhain Publishing

Club Trega by Nicole Wood, Riverdale Avenue Books

The Man on Top of the World by Vanessa Clark, Bold Strokes Books

_____________________________________________________________

Speculative Fiction  [Sci-fi/Fantasy/Horror/Etc.]

An Accident of Stars by Foz Meadows, Angry Robot

Enchanted Soles edited by Sasha L. Miller, Less Than Three Press

For the Clan by Archer Kay Leah, Less Than Three Press

Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova, Sourcebooks Fire

Necrotech by KC Alexander, Angry Robot

The Painted Crown by Megan Derr, Less Than Three Press

_____________________________________________________________

Teen/Young Adult Fiction

Caught Inside by Jamie Deacon, Beaten Track Publishing

Look Both Ways by Alison Cherry, Delacorte Press / Random House Children’s Books

Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee, Duet/Interlude Press

Obscura Burning by Suzanne van Rooyen, Harmony Ink/Dreamspinner Press

Order in the Court by Casey Lawrence, Harmony Ink Press/Dreamspinner Press

Out on Good Behavior by Dahlia Adler, Self Published

The Sum of these Things by Emily O’Beirne, Ylva Publishing

_____________________________________________________________

Mystery

Assassins: Discord by Erica Cameron, Triton Books/Riptide Publishing

Order in the Court by Casey Lawrence, Harmony Ink Press/Dreamspinner Press

_____________________________________________________________

Poetry

The Body’s Alphabet by Ann Tweedy, Headmistress Press

Nec(Romantic) by Cathleen Chambless, The Gorilla Press

_____________________________________________________________

Graphic Novel/Memoir

ALPHABET: The LGBTQAIU Creators from Prism Comics edited by Jon Macy and Tara Madison Avery, Stacked Deck Press

Primahood: Magenta by Tyler Cohen, Stacked Deck Press / J.T. Avery Pacific

_____________________________________________________________

Anthology

ALPHABET: The LGBTQAIU Creators from Prism Comics edited by Jon Macy and Tara Madison Avery, Stacked Deck Press

Enchanted Soles edited by Sasha L. Miller, Less Than Three Press

_____________________________________________________________

Publisher of the Year

Dreamspinner Press

Less Than Three Press

Riptide Publishing

_____________________________________________________________

Bi Writer of the Year

Advice from a Wild Deuce: The Best of Ask Tiggy by Tiggy Upland, Jennifer L. Bonardi

The Best Laid Plans by Lauren Gallagher, Samhain Publishing

The Body’s Alphabet by Ann Tweedy, Headmistress Press

Vow of Celibacy by Erin Judge, Rare Bird Books

What Remains by Garrett Leigh, Riptide Publishing

[mymusicstuff2]

Keiynan Lonsdale came out on social media

[gaywrites]

The ResisDANCE: A queer dance party that spent last Friday on “a dance tour of D.C. by some of the institutions that continue to oppress us.” The amazing full photo essay by Molly Adams is at Autostraddle.