The Choice That Brought Me Happiness: Being My True Self
Life is full of choices. Some are small, like what to wear or what to eat. Others are much bigger and change your whole life. One of the biggest choices I have ever made was deciding to go back to wearing diapers and living more like a baby. Most adults would never think about doing this. It’s not something people talk about, and it’s definitely not something society says is “normal.” But for me, it felt right. I was tired of pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I wanted to be happy in my own way, even if other people didn’t understand. I decided to stop living for others and start living for myself.
When I made this choice, I had to let go of many things that come with being an adult. I gave up using the toilet. I stopped wearing panties. I gave up privacy, adult pleasures like sex, romantic relationships, video games, adult shows and movies, drinking from cups, eating solid food, sleeping in a regular bed, and staying up late. These things are normal for most grown-ups, but they didn’t make me feel like myself. Letting go of them helped me feel calm, safe, and at peace. Some people don’t understand my choice, and that can be hard. But even with the embarrassment, I know I made the right decision for me.
One of the biggest changes I made was giving up toilet use. Most people don’t even think about it—they just go. But for me, I decided to wear diapers instead. This was not an easy change. It meant I had to let go of something that people see as a basic part of growing up. Some people ask questions when they find out. Others make jokes or stare. It can be really embarrassing. I sometimes worry what others will think. But at the same time, I feel safe in my diapers. They help me stay relaxed, especially when I’m stressed or anxious. I don’t have to rush or worry. For me, that sense of comfort is more important than fitting in.
Switching from panties to diapers was another big step. At first, it felt strange. It made everything feel more real. I was really saying goodbye to my adult life. Diapers can be noisy or bulky under clothes, and sometimes people notice. That makes me nervous, especially in public. There is always a chance someone will figure it out. If I need a change, I may need help, and that means letting someone else into a very personal part of my life. That loss of privacy was hard to get used to. I had to be brave and accept that people might treat me differently. But every time I choose what makes me feel good instead of what makes me look “normal,” I feel proud.
Privacy is something most adults value. I used to like keeping things to myself. But living this way means I sometimes need help. People may check my diaper or change me. This makes me feel exposed. It can be scary to trust others that much. Sometimes, I feel small and helpless. Other times, I feel cared for and supported. I’ve learned that even though I gave up some privacy, I gained something else—connection. The people who help me see me for who I am. They understand me, and they love me. That’s something special, even if it’s not always easy.
Another important thing I let go of was adult pleasure, including sex. For many adults, this is a big part of life. It’s something people talk about often and see as a goal in relationships. But for me, it never felt right. It made me feel uncomfortable and unsure. I didn’t enjoy it the way others seemed to. So I decided to stop trying. I don’t want sex to be part of my life. It took a while to accept that this was okay. Society tells us that everyone wants these things. But I don’t. Choosing to live without them has made me feel more like myself. I don’t have to pretend or force anything. I feel more peaceful and less stressed now.
Because I gave up that part of life, I also stepped away from romantic relationships. I don’t date. I don’t look for love the way others do. At first, that was hard. I felt left out. Friends talked about their partners, and I had nothing to say. But I realized I didn’t need romance to feel loved. I started focusing on friendships instead. The people who accept me for who I am are the ones who matter. I don’t have to explain myself to them. They make me feel safe and happy. That means more to me than any date ever could.
One of the hardest things to give up was being seen as a grown-up. Adults are expected to be strong, independent, and serious. They have jobs, make big choices, and deal with stress. I didn’t want that. I didn’t feel ready, and I didn’t feel happy trying to live that way. But walking away from that meant people would see me differently. Some don’t take me seriously. Some think I’m lazy or strange. That can be painful. But I’ve learned to stop worrying about their opinions. Their thoughts don’t define me. I know who I am, and I am proud of the life I live.
I also stopped playing video games. A lot of adults and teens use them to relax. I used to enjoy them too. But over time, they started feeling too grown-up. I felt tense while playing. I wanted something simpler. I now play with baby toys and toddler games. At first, I felt silly. I thought, “What if someone sees?” But then I noticed how calm and happy I felt. My toys don’t stress me out. They help me feel playful and free. They remind me that it’s okay to enjoy small, quiet things.
I also made changes in what I watch. I stopped watching adult TV shows and movies. They felt loud, stressful, and confusing. Instead, I watch cartoons made for young kids. They have bright colors, gentle stories, and happy endings. They make me smile. I feel comforted and safe while watching them. Sometimes I feel embarrassed when others ask what I watch, but I remind myself that I’m doing what makes me happy. That’s what matters most.
Another big change was where I sleep. I used to sleep in a normal bed like most adults. But I didn’t feel safe or cozy. I tossed and turned at night. Now, I sleep in a crib. It’s small and has high sides. It helps me feel protected, like nothing can bother me while I sleep. I look forward to bedtime now. My crib is my safe place. I know most people would find it strange, but it brings me peace.
I also stopped drinking from regular cups. I use baby bottles now. This may sound odd, but it helps me feel calm. The act of sucking on a bottle is soothing. It slows me down and helps me relax. Sometimes, people see me with a bottle and stare or ask questions. That can be hard. But I don’t let it bother me for long. I know I’m doing what’s best for me.
Eating is also different now. I no longer eat solid food the way I used to. My meals are soft, mashed, or pureed. Sometimes I’m spoon-fed. It can feel embarrassing if someone sees my plate. But eating this way helps me stay connected to the part of myself I’m embracing. I feel more relaxed at mealtime. I enjoy my food without stress. It helps me feel loved and cared for.
I even changed my sleep schedule. I go to bed early, even on weekends. Most people my age stay up late watching shows or talking with friends. At first, I missed that. But I realized how good I felt with more sleep. I felt more rested and calm. My early bedtime is now part of my routine. It helps me feel stable. I no longer wake up feeling tired and unhappy.
Even though I have given up many things, I have gained so much more. I feel peace. I feel safe. I feel like I finally found who I really am. Living this way takes courage. It’s not easy. There are days when I feel shy, scared, or judged. But I remind myself why I made this choice. I chose happiness. I chose truth. I chose me.
This lifestyle may not make sense to others. But to me, it is everything. It brings me joy. It helps me feel at home in my own body. I don’t have to hide anymore. I can breathe, smile, and live in a way that brings me comfort. That is something no one can take away from me.
In the end, this choice is not just about diapers or toys. It’s about being honest with myself. It’s about choosing a life that matches my heart. I don’t live by other people’s rules anymore. I live by what makes me feel whole. In doing that, I found something more powerful than approval—I found real happiness.
