B @biiiiqueen - Tumblr Blog

Fuckin’ happy asexuality awareness week.

💜🤍🩶🖤

what would you do if someone came out to you as a term you had never heard of before? many people, including me, would ask that person what that term meant, or maybe you might go home and research that term so that you knew and understood that person's identity and could also understand their boundaries that might come with that term e.g. if your friend came out to you as asexual and told you that they were uncomfortable with people making sexual jokes around then, then you would stop making sexual jokes around them.

not one of my "mates" at college. she's a few months older than me and she's bisexual. i told her yesterday that i have put a lot of thought and research into figuring out my identity and that i might be aro-spec, i'm just not sure where on that aro-spec i might be. she turned to me and said "pip, i'm going to be honest, i only know the basic terms like bi, gay and lesbian." and then she laughed, and i had to awkwardly smile as she then proceeded to change the conversation.

she didn't ask me what that meant. she didn't message me later on that day asking what it meant or if me coming to terms with this might change any boundaries i have at all. she hasn't brought it up since. and i know for a fact that she hasn't even googled a "basic" definition of aromantic.

and that hurts. it hurts because i've told her before about the fact i'm genderqueer and that i'm asexual. they aren't "basic" queer terms like she said that she knows. and that made me question if she even understands any of my identity or respects me in any way. part of me thinks that she doesn't know about these terms because of the lack of media coverage of them, but i am constantly sharing posts on my social media about queerness and my identity.

so, to any allies reading this, maybe reconsider the way you react when somebody comes out to you, because your reaction is vital in making sure that person feels accepted.

bloggingboutburgers

Hey, allo anon with an ace partner here. I wanted to say thank you so much for the well wishes! I figured I would send this in here again, so anyone else who is curious about what this experience looks like from the other side can see it.

My girlfriend came out to me a little over 2 years into our relationship. At the time it surprised me a lot, because she'd never given me any signs that she wasn't enjoying what we were doing. After we talked more I understood that she wasn't repulsed by sex and she didn't hate it, but she didn't really love it either and wanted to stop doing it for a while (so a sex-neutral ace).

Honestly, at the time, I did get anxious about it. Not just because of social conventions, but because I had viewed sex as an important bonding part of our relationship. I don't do well with change, and I was super worried about how a lack of sex would change our dynamic. I also had some insecurities about my own body, and my girlfriend admitting that she didn't see me as sexy was upsetting. But after speaking to my therapist, I realized that I was projecting my own issues on to the relationship. So I spoke with her again, and she reassured me that she wanted to be with me, and that she was confiding these feelings because she trusted me. She likes how I look, she just doesn't have the same sexual impulses I do.

So, I realized this was pretty much like cuddling. I love physical touch a lot, and I want to cuddle for a much longer time than she does. I like it when someone lies on top of me. She doesn't want me on top of her chest during cuddling. She still cuddles with me, but she tells me when she's satisfied, and we stop.

A few months went by, and I noticed that she wasn't spending any less time with me; she was actually spending more. We would still call every evening when we didn't meet up in person, we would still joke around, and she still told me she loved me and did everything she could to show it to me. We also began trying out new stuff together, and playing games and watching stuff more often. We also still had plenty of physical intimacy with things like cuddling and kissing, which made me really happy.

I realized that I didn't feel like anything was missing from the relationship. I just needed her to show and tell me she loved me in the ways she normally did. Sure, I am still attracted to her that way, but it wasn't something that would make or break the relationship.

It's been years since she came out, and at this point, I never expect anything sexual. It happens rarely, and I always check in with her multiple times before and during. We stop at any point she tells me. There are quite a few hard boundaries about what is and isn't off limits, and I always keep them in mind. I would rather satisfy myself forever than make her uncomfortable, and she knows it.

It's been over 5 years and we are still going strong. I am hoping to ask her to marry me in the next few years, because honestly, I can't picture wanting anyone else by my side. She is kind, funny, beautiful, intelligent, and treats me well. I could never ask for anything more from a partner.

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. I myself definitely lack knowledge of what it feels like from an allo's perspective, so this was very educational for me, but beyond that... You have no idea how much hope this gives me.

From you being aware of how much sex meant to you in the context of your relationship and still being fine without it, to just... Heck, even your therapist for not blaming her for the situation. Therapy is still very much, in my country at least, an area where the absence or lower levels of sexual attraction will be hastily labelled as something wrong physically or mentally, so... Yeah, the amount of relief I felt reading that, you have no idea. And I can only imagine how much your partner appreciates it too.

Honestly I teared up a bit reading this - I sincerely wish you guys all the best and I hope you have a bright future ahead! (Also fun fact, seems you guys have been together as long as my partner and I have, it's nice to be able to relate to that too hehe^^)