One of the most frustrating things I have found about men and women’s actions, especially in relationships, is that women are always expected to give men the benefit of the doubt, communicate better, and act when men have been poor at communicating.
When women complain that men are not doing their share of the chores it’s always: have you tried communicating that with them? Have you spoken to them about it? Have you given them a list of chores to do? Basically, have you done everything humanly to make it easier for him to do these chores?
I saw another one recently where a woman was complaining that her husband asked her three times when a certain appointment was and she said things like this put the mental load on her and was just draining. Basically every single comment was some variation of telling her she needed to put it in a calendar, saying that he probably has other things on his mind because of work or male-dominated chores (when the oil needs changing, when the grass needs mowing, etc), or basically telling her that he has a job so remembering all of this is hard and she needs to help him. (Or just insulting her.)
Meanwhile, I saw a post where a guy said that his wife always ate his fries when they got fast food so instead of doing anything about it, he hid the fries or ate them before she could get any. The responses? SHE needs to communicate better about what foods she wants in the future. On a different post where a woman was complaining that a man was eating all the snacks she would buy for herself, no matter how much asked him not to and actively hid the snacks, half of the suggestions were that she needed to buy more snacks because he clearly wanted them even if he wasn’t communicating it properly. So women eating men’s food and not asking for their own is poor communication and she needs to communicate better. But men eating women’s women’s food and not not asking for their own is poor communication but women should understand that it means he wants the snacks and get them?
Then when men don’t pull their weight in the household it’s: maybe he’s stressed from work. Maybe he’s depressed. Maybe he doesn’t know what needs doing. You, as the woman, need to communicate with him about this.
Don’t even get me started on the fact that people still assume that men are working and paying for everything while women remain at home, despite most households having two working adults.
And when the relationship ultimately breaks down then it’s her fault: SHE should’ve communicated better. SHE should have expressed her unhappiness. SHE should have done more. Nothing about the fact that she man ignored her and didn’t pull his weight, only about how her actions lead to the end of the marriage. Because men are always owed the benefit of the doubt and women always need to communicate better.
