What My Heart Creates

I'm Maya, I'm 23, and I'm living and teaching in the countryside of Japan. Occasionally on the side, I enjoy spending my time creating.

[oneinsilence]

Circle series 

 My mind says let’s go to sleep early and my hands are telling me to create. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t consider myself an artist. But this is about giving a voice to my hands. No destination. No imagination. Just my hands moving and making marks and me listening to those hands.  This year is about learning to listen to what my body is saying and it’s desire to express itself on paper because that’s something I haven’t been good about. This is just one way for me to take care of my physical body and to honor it and give it thanks. 

 頭ん中の声が「もう寝ましょう」と言ってるけど、自分の手が「絵を描きたい」と言ってる。目的なし。想像なし。ただ手が動いている。でもなんか癒される。23年間も絵を描いてるけど、自分は画家だと思っていない。この2年間自分の体が言ってること聞かないで、体を崩したり、救急車に運ばれたり、入院したり、色々大変な事があって、今年は自分の身体の声をよーく聞くように努力して生きていきたいと思います。👂

[bijutsu-maya]

Do you sell your work?

Hi there anonymous!

I have sold my work before but I am not currently taking commissions. Mainly because I live in Japan and I haven’t figured out how I would possibly do payments since I don’t own any accounts back in the states. 

[oneinsilence]

The first drawing of 2018. Nonlinear thoughts. Moving between the present and the past. Complex feelings. I started off feeling curious as I was using colors and inks I’d never used before (I accidentally bought orange ink. The moment I dipped my brush I realized it wasn’t blank ink) but I’m always someone who creates with whatever I have and whatever is in front of me/given to me so I was exploring a new territory. And somehow by the end of the process, my heart started to feel heavy and the pit of my stomach dropped like I was experiencing sadness, grief, and trauma all in one. Generational trauma perhaps. I don’t know but that’s when I decided to stop drawing because I didn’t want to be in this sad place anymore so I said goodbye and let go and now I have returned to my equilibrium. Strange experience to observe but good for me to come out of the process and reflect on these waves of emotions.

This year, I wanted to create as much as my heart desires and what feels healthy for me. I want to listen to my bodies needs and desires to create and to give my hands voice. I want to find my voice again in the arts and perhaps discover something new about myself in the process of searching.

[oneinsilence]

The last drawing of 2017. 3 hour session that started from 9pm to very close to midnight. I wanted to end 2017 on a good note. It’s a bit out of my character to create shapes and lines this boldly and to use vibrant colors like this but I wanted to have some fun.

[oneinsilence]

My happy place = creating. Learning to listen to my body’s desire to create.

[oneinsilence]

I wonder what goes through my mind sometimes. My hands felt like creating and expressing itself so I decided to explore and play with texture and layers. It’s chaotic but I feel my heart is at ease. Part of these late night art sessions is me trying to learn what it’s like to listen to my body that wants to express itself non verbally and express itself in mark making. I’m doing this because I’ve recently learned that I am really bad at listening to my body. I give gratitude to my hands for being able to express.

[oneinsilence]

The endless possibilities in my mysterious world. Late night drawings urges. 2 hour session and lots of play. Painting, erasing, cutting, blotting. Today I played with light and felt like a kid finding the joys of exploring something new. I think I’ve began a new pocket size circle series that I hope to continue.

私のなぞなぞな世界へ。塗ったり、消したり、切ったり、貼ったり。円の絵でも無限な可能性がある。子供になり切って光と遊んで、穴を開けたりした。ちょっとの工夫でも楽しく出来上がった。

[oneinsilence]

Sudden urge to get creative led to a late night drawing session. One hour each. Such a freeing feeling to let loose and let your hands do all the work. I think I’ll sleep well tonight.

寝る準備しようと思ってたけど、急に絵を描きたくなって、一時間ずつかかりました。少しでも自由な気分になったかな〜今日はよく眠れるはず。

[oneinsilence]

冬風  Winter breeze. December 2017.

 Tea + friends + art = my kind of day. I drew this the day after I was out of the hospital. I was thinking about the beauty of the winter breeze and how great it felt to be able to breathe fresh cold air again.

My friend has never done art before but she wanted to try something new so I offered her a safe space for her to create. It was a lovely time getting to be in our own world creating and to also talk and get to know each other better. 

[oneinsilence]

“Breath//息吹”

I always took for granted the gift of breathing and after my hospitalization because I was in an anaphylactic shock and was suffocating, I feel so grateful for my lungs and to be able to breathe fully again. I’m dealing with some trauma from this whole incident so I decided to heal by creating with the intention of gratitude. The gift of being able to live in a body that works hard to keep you alive is simply amazing. I’m in an emotionally fragile state right now but I’m happy to be alive.

この前アナフィラキシーショックで入院してたので、すごいトラウマになっちゃったから、今日はそれを対処するために、感謝の気持ちで絵を描いて、心を癒しました。今まで、深呼吸は当然なことだと思って、あの事件に息苦しくて、辛かった。あれから体が回復して、深呼吸ができることに深く感謝の気持ちが溢れています。体が一生懸命私のために毎日働いてくれてありがとう。生きていることって本当に素晴らしいことだなぁと最近思ってる。今はちょっと傷つきやすいけど、生きていて本当に良かった。

[oneinsilence]

久しぶりに抽象的な絵を描きました。なぜか絵を描きたくなった。正直私は言葉が苦手だから、言葉で伝えない事を絵に表した。シンプルな考え方で生きていくと幸せになれる。もっと寛大で広い心を持ちたい。絵を描きながら色々思い出して、心の勉強になりました。

I felt this urge to use my creative energy towards art for once for no particular reason but I feel so refreshed because drawing tonight reminded myself that I want to continue living and thinking simply & to work on having a generous and open heart. It feels so freeing to convey my thoughts through visuals and not by words. #心豊かに #すっきりした #梅雨

[oneinsilence]

Friday nights. Drawing. De-stressing. I don’t really particularly feel good about the way this turned out but I like that the process helped me understand where my heart is holding back, and where I feel myself liberated. I need to do this more often.

Thanks Kayla @greyeyesclearskies for skyping me last night as we just talked and did our own thing. :) it’s always lovely having someone in company.

[oneinsilence]

It’s been awhile since I’ve drawn. I call this “on your porch” because I want you to open up your sketchbook and remember this day together! 💚💛 久々に自由に絵を描いた。お姉ちゃんのスケッチブックを開ける時その日を覚えて欲しいから題名は 「あなたのベランダで」と付けたんだ！！！🖌

[oneinsilence]

“Stolen cultures, stolen identities” Seattle, 2016.

Cardboard, Acrylic, Sharpee, String

I dedicate this piece to the Duwamish tribe whose land we plant our feet on right here, right now. Their lives were connected to one another and their lives in the present welcome the presence of their father’s father, and their ancestor’s ancestor. This is about indigenous communities of America who have had their personhood and original culture stripped away from them until nothing was left but their hearts. My intention was to install this piece in a hidden corner of the Fine Arts building where most people would not think to look at, to mirror how the history and culture of the Duwamish tribe is often forgotten about in the architecture of each place. The spotlight effect is intended to focus less on the glorification of these lives, but to focus on the violence, injustice and loss of freedom indigenous communities have had to face as a result of white supremacy. This violation of humanity is noted in the text written on the back of the figures alluding to a grave yard while also calling attention to the root of the brokenness in our local community, in our country, and in our world.

-Maya L.

[bijutsu-maya]

My site specific piece.

[oneinsilence]

モノタイプ版画技法。 Finally getting tones. Learning monotype is like learning a new artistic language. Challenging and frustrating at first. I love the impermanence of the ink on plate. Only being able to print an image once before you erase it all. やっと上手くできた。一回しか写しとらない版画。 新しい作品。

[bijutsu-maya]

Let me remember that I am one with God. I am one with Nature. I am one with the Earth. And that it all starts with love.

40cm x 40cm. Ink. Collage. Pen.

In response to the Pope's Encyclical "Laudato Si" on the Ecological Crisis, I created an interactive piece packed with rotating disks of sacred texts from various indigenous cultures, traditions, and religions. I would say this is my first justice piece rooted in spirituality. A piece about creation, about our oneness, about interconnection, and ultimately God.

"We lack an awareness of our common origin, of our mutual belonging, and of a future shared with everyone" 6.202

"Because all creatures are connected, each must be cherished with love and respect, as living creatures are dependent on one another. Each area is responsible for the care of our family." 1.42

And so I ask you, what is the relationship you have with yourself and nature, yourself and the earth? Are they separate or are they one?

(I give thanks and credit to God for this creation. I learned a lot from making this piece and there's still so much more I'm learning)

[oneinsilence]

November 16, 2015

I am a part of SEEL this year (Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life). 

Today, I will be honest and say I forgot about the meeting I had committed to until my coworker/friend brought it up. It’s been a moment of realizing that I’ve recently been rather scatter brained. I was not looking forward to our SEEL meeting, because it was a long day starting from early morning, going to classes and meetings and important events back to back to back with no breaks in between. I was tired by the time evening hit and SEEL had begun. But somehow, the moment I stepped into that prayerful space, I felt at ease. I felt still, I felt energized, and I felt full despite the feeling of heaviness and brokenness from recent tragedies and triggering memories. 

SEEL was quiet a prayerful. We heard a long poem and reflected in silence for a long time. I spent that quiet time drawing with crayons. It was nice to be able to have no thoughts, and to just let the spirit take me where it wanted to. To be free, to open my heart up, and to let God take over my life for once. Drawing with bright warm temperatures reminded me of my childhood when I would draw my mood using colors, and that gave me life. The more I continued, it blossomed into flowers and plants and the words that came to me in Japanese were: 

「神様の愛を分かち合うために生まれたのです」

To roughly translate this, it means “You are born to share God’s Love”

Why these words came to my mind in Japanese? I have no idea, but perhaps God felt this was the best way to get Their message across to me. I felt full, alive, and compassionate after these words coming to my mind. 

I’m glad tonight happened. It was needed without me even knowing.