Does anyone remember that one outfit Billie wore during like the silver hair era I think? It was orange kinda like prison attire and she had a bandana on I think? She also had a silver necklace?
Does anyone remember that one outfit Billie wore during like the silver hair era I think? It was orange kinda like prison attire and she had a bandana on I think? She also had a silver necklace?
Hey guys, so I know Iโve been on break for a while (I did post once but like idk) so I just wanted to clarify some things. Basically, I donโt know when Iโll be back in the grind, maybe soon, maybe later, maybe never (letโs hope not), because so much bad shits been happening in my life and it just keeps getting worse and worse and who knows whatโs gonna happen but yea so for those wondering, Iโm trying to get some sort of motivation to do Litteraly anything, and writing just isnโt my top priority, itโs up there but just surviving is my top priority. OKAI BYEEEE
that's all i could think as i watched her from a distance. she had no idea that i knew every little thing about her, that i studied her every move, her every smile, her every tear. she was so oblivious to the world around her, so lost in her own little bubble, that she never noticed how i was everywhere. to be completely transparent, i don't know what compels me to do this, following her around, taking pictures, obsessing over her, i don't know why i do it, i just do it. it's like some sort of magnetic pull, something inside of me that screams for more of her, something that keeps me coming back for more.
it had been our first week of university, orientation week, where we hung out, met new people, got situated, and whatever else normal people did. i decided to take a... different approach, not by choice, but by necessity. i had noticed her from the moment she stepped into the auditorium for the welcome assembly. she had the kind of aura that drew everyone in, made them question who she was, made them insecure, made them ask her out without knowing her properly. i just sat back and took notes on every little gimmick or bit or habit she had.
her name was y/n. i had followed her from class to class, lurked in the shadows as she went to the library, sat outside her dorm at night as she studied with the light on, and watched her as she slept. i know, it's creepy, but i couldn't help it, i needed her to be safe, needed to make sure she was okay. she was just so... innocent like bambi or something. i had to protect her from all the shit that was out there in the world.
every night i'd go home and write down everything she did, everything she said, every person she talked to, and i'd analyze it all, trying to piece together the puzzle of y/n. i have a whole notebook in my room dedicated to her, filled with pictures and notes and writing. she's 5'0, doesn't drink much out of personal choice, she loves to paint and sing, she likes painting her nails different colors, she loves coffee and shopping and music and has 3 siblings, 2 brothers and a sister. whenever she's nervous she touches her neck or when she's excited she swings on her feet. i know most things about her and she still knows nothing about me.
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first day of classes, i decided to take a seat next to her in our english lit class. she had no idea who i was, of course, but she gave me a polite smile as she sat down. i took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. this was it, the closest i had ever been to her. the scent of her perfume filled my nose and i couldn't help but lean in slightly to get a better whiff. she smelled like vanilla and coconut, a heavenly combination that i had never smelled before.
"hi," she said softly, her eyes scanning my face for recognition. "i think i've seen you around. i'm y/n."
"oh," i said, playing it cool, trying not to let my excitement show. "i'm billie. it's nice to meet you."
y/n nodded, her eyes flicking back down to the book in her lap. i studied her from the corner of my eye, noting the way she played with the hem of her shirt as she listened to the professor drone on about the syllabus. she was so focused, so intense, that it was hard not to be captivated by her.
the class eventually ended and she began to pack up her things.
"need help with anything?" i offered, hoping she'd say yes.
"no, i'm good," she replied with a smile. "but thanks for asking."
as we walked out of the classroom together, she turned to me.
"do you know where the art building is?" she asked.
i nodded, "yeah, i can show you."
y/n's eyes lit up with relief and she fell into step beside me. we talked about our majors and hometowns, and i found myself getting lost in the sound of her voice, the way she talked with her hands, the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about painting. it was like nothing else in the world mattered except for her.
when we got to the art building, she thanked me and went inside. i watched her go, feeling a strange mix of happiness and sadness. happiness because i had just had a real conversation with her, and sadness because i knew i had to let her go, for now.
but i couldn't stay away for long.
that night, i found myself outside her dorm again, watching her through the window. she was singing to herself, her voice a soft melody that floated out into the night air. i leaned closer, trying to make out the words, feeling a warmth spread through me as i did so. it was a strange feeling, one i had never felt before.
the next day, i was sitting outside her dorm when she walked out. she looked surprised to see me.
"hi again," i said, smiling.
"hi billie," she said, looking around nervously. "what are you doing here?"
"reading," i lied, trying to seem casual. "what about you?"
"oh, i'm just going to grab some lunch," she said, looking down at her watch, "i've got class in like 10 minutes so i've gotta rush" she added, looking a bit flustered. "see you around."
"see ya," i said, watching her go.
but i couldn't stay away. i followed her to the cafeteria, watching her from a safe distance as she ate with her friends. she laughed at something one of them said, and i felt a pang in my chest. i wanted to be the one making her laugh like that, the one she confided in, the one she leaned on.
as the days turned into weeks, our interactions became more frequent. we'd run into each other in the halls, at the library, and even at the coffee shop on campus. each time, she'd greet me with a smile, and each time i'd fall a little bit more in love with her.
but i knew i had to keep my distance. if she ever found out what i was doing, she'd be terrified of me. so, i contented myself with watching her from afar, taking in every little detail, every little gesture, and storing it away in the back of my mind.
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