Billie

I draw, sometimes, write.

[djkerr]

TGF 03x10 The One About the End of the World

[queer-is-the-universe]

Christine Baranski on Mchart 😍😭

[djkerr]

…my heart skips a beat.

TGF 02x11 Day 478

[queen0fhell1]

“We’re starting over.“

[djkerr]

TGF 02x13 Day 492

[sigourneyweaver-deactivated2020]

[djkerr]

6x15 Open Source

[billiezhang0909]

The Design-The Model

[richardgere-blog-deactivated202]

[djkerr]

Eternally McHart 💗✨

[inonesingleline]

Elsewhere, Kathleen asked… okay I have a prompt/question for you. How did the suggestion of having dinner in 4x19 turn into dinner in the room? How?

The day caught up with Diane all at once. Between the case, what Kalinda had uncovered about her father, the stress of seeing Kurt again… She looked at her watch. She didn’t have time to go home and freshen up, and all of a sudden she didn’t have the energy, honestly, to sit there politely and be charming and pretend everything was fine.

Her hand hovered over the phone hesitantly for a moment, then she picked it up quickly and dialed before she could change her mind. He would understand — or he wouldn’t. She didn’t have much left to lose with him, either way.

“Hello,” his voice was sharp, a statement not a question.

“Hey, it’s me — listen, about tonight, do you mind if I take a raincheck?”

“Okay.”

That was it, not enough to tell if he was angry or hurt or anything at all. So she rambled on.

“It’s been a long day — I wouldn’t be very good company.”

“It’s *always* a long day, Diane.”

She winced. That was it, he was upset and counting this as another in a long line of disappointments.

After a pause he added, more gently, “But you’re always good company as far as I’m concerned.”

She broke out into a helpless grin at that. “It’s not that I don’t want to see you, I’m just not up for—”

“I understand,” he interrupted her. He never really did want explanations. Just whatever she chose to share with him.

“I knew you would,” she winced again, wishing she had. “Maybe tomorrow? I think all I want tonight is to curl up on my couch with a glass of wine and then go to bed early.”

“Look, no pressure, Diane, but if that’s really what you want there’s no reason you can’t do it here. If you want to see me.”

“What?”

“There’s a cozy little loveseat in my room. I can get wine. You can relax, no frills.” He paused, then added quickly, “Or another time, if you’d rather.”

It struck her that that was exactly what she wanted – relaxation, wine, and him.

“No — that sounds lovely. I do want to see you, Kurt.”

“Good. I want to see you, too, Diane.” Then to relieve the moment suddenly charged with intimacy he joked, “Not worried about being seen slipping into your ballistics expert’s room?”

Her father sprang to mind again. Compared to all that, where did this figure in the grand scheme of moral transgressions? “Screw it. I’m on my way.”

[djkerr]

TGW 04x19 The Wheels of Justice

[billiezhang0909]

New sketch

[billiezhang0909]

Watching the finale of the TGF, and I realized how much Kurt deserves better, imagine calling other man, going to dinner and hanging around even after the therapy, yet she didn't realize she had it all already, a loving husband what she needs to do is tell him everything that's going on with her, anxiety, fake attack, riot, protest etc. But she didn't, what she did is hide it all to Kurt and blame political disagreement and indifference 🤷🏻‍♀️.

And much as I want them to end up together however after all, they are two different people they would always have different opinions and beliefs. That is why I find it possible that after the series' Kurt might file for divorce after all he deserves what's best for him. And I find solace in your writing, all of your story. It feels like I have known you after the tv series, reading the fanfic you created for these characters. It's surreal, it's rooted and detailed. I may have never commented on it but I believe I am the one who would always go back to reading fanfic especially in the times I think about Kurt and his sacrifices in their relationship. The series has ended but the story continues, it's up to us which way we would want to see it, to me it's always possible for them to be apart this time for good. But it's always Diane who regretted it at the end. After 2 years I guess we have to stop grieving just like Kurt who's done grieving. Maybe I should not leave you a message but I think I have to rant these thoughts to end my ramblings as I am emotionally attached to them. Anyways you might find it odd, instead of asking I leave a tearful message.

But I also would not expect to be noticed by you. A great and genuine writer, talented person. My last thoughts would be wondering when will you come back to these fics anyways they are incredible a taste of reality from the series. Tunning as always, waiting for your hopeful and cruel updates. Hehe just kidding. Finally , I am done with my ramblings. 🥺

First of all, thank you for this message. Second of all, sorry for replying it so late since it’s been a long while that I came around on this app, again.

I’m thrilled to know that you liked my stories and I appreciate it a lot that you liked the way how I “stand with” Kurt most of the time when writing their stories.

I totally understand your feelings. Although we keep telling ourselves that it’s just a TV show, but it’s been almost two years, and many of us still can’t let go of the way they handled McHart at the very end. They claimed it was a political conflict, but they never showed their real conflicts. And if that was how they wanted to portray the difficulty of this relationship, they should have dogged more, but apparently they didn’t. Kurt deserves so much better if Diane has always been like the Diane in season six, but if we look at it that way, it’s not fair for the Diane I loved for all the 12 seasons before that. And I kept reminding myself, Diane shouldn’t be defined for one season, like Kurt shouldn’t be defined for the TGW finale.

But no matter how we recreate the storyline in fanfics, the show has the authority to scar us with a bad ending. Even though they’re still together till the end of the show, it is still a very bad ending for McHart, IN MY OPINION. They never clarified their problems and they never solved the so-called problems. They failed to tell why they need to be together. But how they wrote the last season presented many reasons that they shouldn’t be together, not that she should leave him, but that he should leave her. For me, that’s a very bad ending of lazy writing.

And that’s why I came up with WITHOUT YOU and CONSEQUENCE not just to resolve what baffled me for so long but also to heal a maimed heart of my own. My experience of writing fanfics met some bumps throughout the way. I doubted, I gave up in the middle, I struggled, I even wanted to delete my AO3 account for a time, then I continued when I figured out why I am doing this: I wrote these stories for myself, not to please anyone, not to irritate anyone. They are just for myself. And if the readers could gain some comfort and joy when reading them. That’s an extra bonus.

Recently, I updated CONSEQUENCE, again. Something tells me that I should continue the story, but I haven’t decided how to end it yet. So, let’s see.

Last but not the least, thank you again for leaving this message, and thank you for sharing your thought!❤️

[deelylah-sedai]

The Good Wife

Diane x Kurt

2x15 / 4x19

(requested by McHartForever)

[djkerr]

McHart parallels 2x15 and 4x19

[billiezhang0909]

New Mchart sketch

[billiezhang0909]

for a friend

[billiezhang0909]

One year without McHart

I miss them so much.

[billiezhang0909]

McHart sketch for October

[billiezhang0909]

[billiezhang0909]

AO3 going down, maybe it’s a sign.

[billiezhang0909]