On January 9 I gave in and started watching Markiplier. I spent a good full month binge watching his videos (and falling asleep to a few oopsies.) He’s still holding a special place in my heart
I wanna say that this month was also when I met @dansluts but then again it kinda feels like we’ve been friends for years. And like,,,, she’s alright. Who am I kidding I’d kill for her. I mean I met a lot of people this year but you’re one of the few that’s still here putting up with my ass. So I appreciate you.
On February 13 I started watching Jacksepticeye, through Mark’s videos. Then I subscribed to his channel. It’s been a fun, happy ride ever since. Also, I had already started school when I was binge watching, so I missed a project deadline. And I got kicked out of my group from my English class. Fun! Regardless, I’m so happy that I found him and that I’ve found comfort and joy in him and his videos.
Also in February I believe me, @kitten327 & @billybibixx hit one year of being friends. And we also threw in @strangersus and @verwondeziel to the mix at one point and we’re a happy family :) Actually, we’re more like distant relatives at this point but yall are still cool.
On March 16, I got in my first relationship. I did enjoy my time with that person. There were ups and downs, like any relationship. I learned a lot about myself during that time, some good things, some bad. I hope, if you’re reading this, that you’re doing okay and that you’ve found better things in life. I don’t think I’ll ever not feel bad over how things ended, but life goes on, and so must we.
On May 29 I started my new job. I didn’t realize how bad my anxiety was at my old job until I wasn’t there anymore. So I guess I can say my mental health improved for a little bit once my environment changed. I now work with my best friend, and other people I work with seem to be good too. I rant a lot about the fuckboys on my side blog, but they’re fun to keep around, honestly. After getting to know them for a few months, they’re not really fuckboys, I just call them that for convenient’s sake. (If either of you are reading this, then I’ll deny I ever said that irl.) My manager is pretty alright too. He’s definitely someone I can open up to, as soon as my anxiety stops telling me that he hates me. That goes for everyone I work with, actually. But most of all, I’m happy to be working with my best friend.
I’ve known Krystal for nine years, I’m sure I’ve thought every thought and said everything there is to say. She’s my platonic soulmate. She’s the only person I’m 100% myself around. She’s my rock, she’s my wife, she’s my best friend for life. I mean, I hope so.
On June 23, Krystal and I went to The Amazing Tour is Not on Fire in Hollywood, CA. I would give anything to relive that day again. From the moment I woke up, to the minute I fell asleep. My wedding day is probably not going to top that. I was so happy, and I hadn’t felt that happy in such a long time. I should mention that between the breakup (May) and this day, I had been steering away from Dan and Phil (thanks to a loud broccoli man tbh), and seeing them on stage and tell a bunch of inside jokes reminded me of why I loved them in the first place.
I also met my online friend @gucci-garbge at that show. That was the first time I had met and internet friend and it was the best feeling ever. To know that the person you’ve been talking to online is real, and you can hug them and talk to them in person. It’s the best.
At one point in August I was added to an “anti phannie” group chat. Over time, we lost a few people but overall @blooddropsonroses @heart-eyes-who @alisenx @pewphan @ochrehowell @exsistential-lester @danisnotoffice (i forgot everyone elses urls) yall don’t suck. Okay but for real, I felt like I had no one before I joined. I stopped interacting with people for a while. As soon as Nessa added me, it felt like things were falling back into place. I started talking to people more, online and off, I felt a bit happier. So um. Thanks. *donut emoji*
On September 17 I turned 20. I cried to my manager the day before because god knows why. (I know damn well why but that’s a secret.)
October is always a bad month for me. Two of my relatives died in this month, so a sort of gloom falls over me every year. Steered away from people again, kept to myself. Suffered in silence as I usually do. Although, Jack was playing around with Antisepticeye on his channel. It was fun to look out for him in his videos. It was fun to make up theories and headcanons. It was a good distraction from everything else going on in my head. And I got involved with the community, which is what I wanted to do since I started watching his videos.
Side note: the Jacksepticeye community is literally the nicest place to be. Everyone is kind, everyone is welcoming, there’s so much love spread around. It’s overall a very positive place and I feel like I can make friends with anyone there. (As soon as I get over my social anxiety, that is. bc there’s people I want to be friends with, I just can’t approach them.)
On November 19, I went on my first real life date. I was shaking the whole damn time. But it got easier as time went on. Emotional detachment is still an issue, I’m still trying to figure out how to show this person I care. I also find that going slower in a relationship is a lot easier for me, since it’s hard for me to open up offline.
On December 28, I went out with out my safe buddy. If you follow my side blog you’ll know how bad I was dreading this. We were going to have a Christmas dinner for work. We went to Applebee’s, I was shaking in my seat. I kind of remember it being fun. I just remember trying not to have a meltdown in front of all my coworkers. I did it though!
Now it’s the 31st and I don’t know what the fuck else there is to say tbh. Oh wait, my eyebrows came a long way as well!