...until then I can try again. @birdsdxntsing - Tumblr Blog

Sending smoke signals

#btw I block anybody who gives this blog notes btw fair warning #putting this on pinned post for visibility

Im so angry and jealous Im actually trying so hard not to cry right now

#GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER BITCH. I'LL KILL YOU /ref #Im having such a bad day. in terms of summer break #I get too territorial for own fucking good omg it's really not that serious /silly

WAS IT CASUAL WHEN. WHEN WE. WHEN. WHEN WEHAHSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ?????????????????????!!!!!!????????????

#another sleepover with the crush so much has happened #and by that I mean there was a million times more physical affection. also I shotgun kissed him.#we basically move and function like a couple atp just without the public boyfriend lables and that's FINE I am FINE with it #I know what you tell your friends.. baby get me off again... 🚬🚬🚬🚬

He said he would think about me ?? When he got anxious about church service ?? To remind him of his queerness ???

#they call me big mama like a fat bitch. THEY CALL ME BIG MAMA LIKE A FAT BITCH ??? /ref #my crush is now christian which was unexpected but Im fully supportive about it. hashtag whatdatmean tho #(I will remain delusional until the day I die and I've mostly made peace with it)

And no matter what kind of day I had I will always be laying in my bed crying into the late hours of the night knowing realistically I'll never be The One in his eyes

#I just want him to love me too in any capacity #I feel sick I miss him so badly like a dog

#crashingout

#when Im in an awful situ@ti0nship so I gotta hit the m!tsk!/tyl€r combo #I really wanna make more lyr!c p0sts like this soon. It's oddly therapeutic #I have an entire secret playlist dedicated to this fucking guy anyways why the hell not

My bsf-situationship is genuinely so fucking fine I dont know how Im ever supposed to be normal about this ?????

#HE'S SO GORGEOUS HOW DOES HE LOOK THAT GOOD ALL THE TIMEEEEEEE AUGH #HE CAN LITERALLY BE SLEEPING WITH DROOL COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND I STILL THINK HE'S THE PRETTIEST PERSON I'VE EVER SEEN. WHAT THE FUCK #gonna cry til I throw up. damn I want him /ref #day 4 of not seeing him irl I've lost sight in my fingers and my sanity... I need physical contact with this guy immediately #I dont know what to do without you.. I don't know where to put my hands......

I've been thinking/debating about my life and death a lot lately and I think I've come to the conclusion that actually yeah. Life can still be great sometimes. I think I wouldn't mind staying a while longer.

#there's reasons to live like finding new music you really love or feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin in a good way #and the sunlight filters through the trees in such a perfect way #you gotta find the sunshine in the little moments to make it through something so big as life in the end #I think I'm starting to finally see it now pete

Im so horrified I dont want to be replaced and I dont want to be forgotten

#pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

I really want to talk to somebody right now but Im too scared to reach out so Im trying really hard to pretend everything is fine right now

#anybody else imagine ideal scenarios or ones where they can vent to somebody without judgement to cope with Big Feelings or is that just me

I cant go through this again. Summer break is just going to be a longer winter break, daily spirals and all. I barely survived the first time, how am I supposed to get through this ?

Big fan of self-isolation and bottling up emotions 👍

#you do it to yourself you do.. and that's what really hurts. you do it to yourself you do.... you and no one else

NOBODY CARES OHMYGOD 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂

#GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKASS SITUATIONSHIP OHMYFUCKINGGODDDDDDDD

I think. I only exist to benefit others. So when I falter and Im not the smart obedient son or a pleasant friend with something at least mildly interesting to say, I lose all my value and just become a waste of space and resources. Interacting with me becomes a social obligation and the last thing I want is to be viewed as somebody's burden

#and yet there are still times I slip up and I get selfish or I accidentally reveal too much and I hate myself a bit more for it every time

Disorganised attachment tendencies anthem

The ball ended up being fine btw.

REF IM TAKING A KNEE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

#REFFFFFF STOP THE GAME

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...until then I can try again.