Black Mesa Announcement System

A written Transcript of Black Mesa's Announcement System

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* Attention all staff. Please do not announce on the intercom when you are going to go masturbate. This has been a reoccurring issue, and I’m not sure why some people have such underdeveloped social skills that they think that a facility full of mostly male strangers would need to know that. No one is going to be impressed and give you a high five (especially considering where that hand has been). We don't want to add this to the staff behavior guidelines, since it would be embarrassing for new hires to see that we have a problem with this, but it is going to be enforced as a rule from now on.

If it occurs, you will be warned, then additional occurrences will be dealt with at the discretion of Human Resources. Thank you for listening.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* We know it was you who made the last announcement, Dr. Stevens. You're not funny.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* Attention all staff. Please do not announce on the intercom when you are going to go masturbate. This has been a reoccurring issue, and I’m not sure why some people have such underdeveloped social skills that they think that a facility full of mostly male strangers would need to know that. No one is going to be impressed and give you a high five (especially considering where that hand has been). We don't want to add this to the staff behavior guidelines, since it would be embarrassing for new hires to see that we have a problem with this, but it is going to be enforced as a rule from now on.

If it occurs, you will be warned, then additional occurrences will be dealt with at the discretion of Human Resources. Thank you for listening.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* Attention all staff, the company Holiday Party is tonight at 7pm in the Sector D Auditorium. Due to the events of last year's holiday party, this will be a controlled event, and we will NOT be returning the Open Bar and Dirty Santa events. Please reserve your tickets now if you have not already done so through the company intranet. Thank you, and have a Happy Holiday!

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: AUTO]

*buzwarn* Security Officer Fletcher, please report to: Area 3 Security Administration Offices.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER:AUTO]

*buzwarn* Fire reported in Sector E Administration

Fire reported in Sector E Break Room

Fire reported in Sector E Test Labs

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: AUTO]

*buzwarn* Junior Maintenance Officer Conwell, please report to: Sector C Anomalous Materials Laboratory.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* A reminder to all Security personnel, yearly physical examinations are a mandatory requirement of continued employment at the Black Mesa Research Facility. Failure to submit for a scheduled physical will result in termination of employment effective immediately. If you have not done so already, be sure to schedule your examination with the Medical Wing as soon as possible.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* A friendly reminder to all personnel that should an emergency occur, it is your duty to assist your coworkers in evacuation, especially those who are impaired of movement! Working together is your strongest weapon, the harder we work together, the more cohesive actions taken will become! No man is an island, help your fellow and he will help you!

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn*

Do you have a friend or relative who would make a valuable addition to the Black Mesa team? Immediate openings are available in the areas of the Anomalous Materials Laboratories and Low-Clearance Security. Please contact Black Mesa Personnel for further information. If you have an associate with a background in the areas of theoretical physics, biotechnology, or other high tech disciplines, please contact our Civilian Recruitment Division. The Black Mesa Research Facility is an equal opportunity employer.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* All staff are reminded that medical forms must be filed by February 20th in order to continue receiving coverage. Submit all appropriate paperwork to the office of your department head for processing as soon as possible in order to ensure your coverage is not affected.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* All employees are hereby reminded that in the event of a chemical spill, staff are to calmly exit the affected area before reporting the incident to Maintenance personnel. Containment is not to be attempted without protective equipment, as doing so can and will result in serious injury. Waste Products are highly dangerous, please don't be careless!

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* A reminder to all personnel, the Company Halloween Party is on Wednesday, and all employees are encouraged to attend, preferably in costume! Let's create a night of fun and spooky spirits together!

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* A reminder to all Security personnel, First Aid is a necessary training course that must be completed semi-annually. Failure to do so will result in badge suspension and subsequent termination from the company. You are not just responsible for your own safety, but also for maintaining the safety of others!

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* All Security and Maintenance personnel are hereby reminded that all Company Vehicles are not to be used by any staff without prior authorization. Accidents can and have resulted from reckless use of motor vehicles, and staff will be reprimanded heavily if caught violating this rule.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* All personnel are encouraged to remember; overtime must be approved by a superior prior to the duration of the intended shift in order for compensation to be provided. Any unlogged time on facility property will not be paid for; and staff are strongly encouraged not to continue experiments outside of approved hours.

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* A friendly reminder to all personnel that all forms of non-motorized wheel-based transport are forbidden in the Black Mesa Facility. This includes but is not limited to: Bikes, Skateboards, Roller Skates, Roller Blades, Scooters, and "Heelies." These implements can and have caused multiple accidents on company time and property; if you see someone skating to work, report them!

[black-mesa-announcement-system]

[USER: Admin]

*buzwarn* An announcement to all personnel: all food is to be consumed in designated cafeteria areas during assigned lunch breaks. Eating or drinking from open containers in lab environments is extremely dangerous and strictly forbidden, and any staff caught eating on duty will be officially reprimanded. Your medical safety is not a joke!