I know nipples grow back because once when i was in middle school in my art class a bunch of dudesat my table who were always fucking around instead of doing their work heard a rumor that if you spray AXE directly onto your nipple for exactly sixty seconds, and flicked it, your nipple will come off. So the moment the teacher left the room to go to the bathroom or something, they whip out a can and one brave soul among their number begins to spray himself, while the others chanted ritualistically. At 60 seconds, they watched, giggling, as the young man put his hand up to his breast and flicked. to their horror, the nipple did come off and, at ballistic speeds, soared across the table and hit me right in the cheek. And stuck. So everyone who was aware of this spectacle is sitting there in stunned silence, all while blood gushed from the nipple hole of the young man. I am so stunned that I am literally incapable of moving, having astral-projected so far away from this disembodied nipple that i may as well have been a dead man. The teacher returns and his shirt comes down, in an attempt to hide the tomfoolery, but yall know AXE Body Spray knows nothing of mercy, and almost immediately she was alerted to the scent of defeat and the sight of blood seeping through the young mans shirt. She didnt ask for an explaination, simply advised him to take the pass and go to the nurse. As he stands to go, his fellow comerade, remembering me suddenly, reaches over and plucks the bodiless nipple from my cheek, like a grape from the vine, and runs up to his friend with the words “dont forget your nipple”. It was a moving experience that honestly changed my life forever. I’m a new man after that day.
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