Unbetitelt

[blackcoffeeacademia]

Is there anything more academically boring than proof-reading your own work?

[blackcoffeeacademia]

For the past weeks, I kept delaying all activities that bring me joy to the end of lockdown, since I couldn’t properly exercise anyways bc of A) the lockdown and B) the inches upon inches of snow. I did get a lot of work done, however I also got a bit fed up by my life. Since there were no more fitness goals in my life, I also ate rather crappy and my body felt a bit miserable, so I decided today was my day to change and boy am I out of shape, I hope this will keep me motivated to carry on dancing outside and stretching..

[blackcoffeeacademia]

And once again, I’m drowning in work. Am I giving myself too much work? Am I finally reaching the zombie state, everyone warned me about? Am I trying to numb my boredom and incredible loneliness? Anyway, I’ve worked from 9 am today and besides one hour of life, one hour of cooking and eating and hour of commute, I am somehow still far from being finished today, at 10pm.

[modern-austen]

russian academia

[c: 1, 5]

[blackcoffeeacademia]

Lately I’ve been dreaming about moving to Russia - slowly learning the language, reading Dostojewski, once I’ve achieved that. My flat would be anything but glamorous, the kitchen and bathroom oldfashioned, but always tidy. I would sit in my little living room in the evening, crocheting little decorations to make it more cozy. In my free time I would dance ballet and eventhough it’d just be a hobby ballet class, the teacher expects only the best from us. My cooking would always be homemade, either by me, or by that lovely little lady next door and with the very simple, traditional Russian food and the constant eye of the ballet teacher, over time I would get quite thin, allowing me to buy new clothes, elegant ones, so when I leave my apartment for work and I wander through a city, that has both very glamorous and very worn down buildings, I’d feel like a royalty. Each Christmas I’d invite a friend from home over and I’d be their caring and loving grandma for the time, taking them to theaters, a ballet and out dining. Life would be simple for all year, with a magnificent Christmas time.

[princessmarigolds]

unpopular opinion: i love the rush of public speaking. like i know most people are afraid of it but like?? i will be the center of attention. people will be listening to me. my heart races extra fast and i am A L I V E and everyone’s here listening to me in awe. i love it so much

[inmediasre-s-deactivated2022020]

dark academia / holidays

• waking up to a snowy morning, getting a gingerbread coffee & staying in your soft, warm bed for a little while to journal — black ink flowing on cream paper, forming beautiful cursive

• taking a walk in the fresh winter air, admiring the beauty of the landscape & wrapping your long, woollen coat around you better to keep you warm

• packaging your last gifts to your family in beautiful brown paper & adding little spruce twigs that you picked up on your walk earlier to decorate your presents

• listening to classical or traditional music as you write holiday letters to your friends & family, telling each person in your life why you love them & what good tidings you wish for them in the upcoming year

• carefully applying your best deep red lipstick & tying a velvet ribbon into your hair — then getting your favourite festive book from the library to recite passages to your family

• enjoying a delicious meal around a beautifully set table, drinking red wine out of crystal glasses & admiring the polished silver cutlery so often forgotten in the cupboards

• everyone’s gold & silver jewellery shining in candlelight as you discuss & debate, all sitting comfortably in the living room — parents on the old sofa, children on the slightly worn out persian rug

• playing board games with your family, eating chocolates, drinking mulled wine & showing off your general knowledge in a trivia game

• opening your presents to find all the books you were hoping to get & immediately curling up by the fireside to flip through all of them

• going to bed late but content, surrounded by the warm atmosphere of your fairy lights, a puffy duvet & the feeling of loving & being loved

note! i realise the holiday time is not a happy one for many. if you’re someone who struggles with whatever aspect of the festive season, i wish you strength to carry you through the difficult times. i’m here for anyone that wants to talk, even on christmas day.

p.s. obviously a lot of people are not celebrating christmas/hanukkah/other holidays in winter & many countries closer to the equator also don’t have a cold weather in december. i still thought i’d write out this little fantasy – we don’t have snow either this year even though we normally should!

[blackcoffeeacademia]

My own ambition is stressing me out so much! I’m so done! I need a break, but I have troubles allowing myself to rest..

[blackcoffeeacademia]

I just submitted a presentation to be roasted tomorrow, please end this terror already!

[blackcoffeeacademia]

I don’t even know how, but due to a work of magic, I am actually on top of all of my work this week, besides that one paper that I need to read, but psshht! Let me have my moment!

[blackcoffeeacademia]

Throwback to when I didn’t know of the existence of snipping tool, always screenbshotted my entire screen, copied the image into paint and just coloured everything I didn’t need white.

[blackcoffeeacademia]

I haven’t even been here that long, the semester is barely a month old and I’m already so exhausted I wish I could fast-forward to the two weeks of christmas break I’ll be given!

[blackcoffeeacademia]

That one course I expected to be hard, is actually a LOT harder than my fears had me expecting. It’s quite unusual for me to underfear something, usually I worry way too much. Honestly I’m just so glad, when this is going to be over! But it’s too late to drop out now... More than half of the homework is done, but the final project is definitely going to be very tough again, I will definitely be taking an easier elective next semester. Screw my moral “You are here to lear” - yes but I’m not here to be constantly exhausted and ruin my mental health.

[blackcoffeeacademia]

I actually got a brief compliment for my work yesterday, so that definitely was something!

[blackcoffeeacademia]

A magical first of December

I woke up today to not only find my advent calendar ready for me to enjoy,  but also when I pulled away the curtains there was a thick layer of snow covering the entire town! What a magical day to get the first snow! So I quickly brewed some coffee and crawled back into my warm bed with my laptop - for today I am doing bed office! Screw home office! With a fresh cup of coffee, christmas pajamas, a cozy indie playlist and snow outside working on my dreaded presentation barely feels like work anymore!

[blackcoffeeacademia]

Isn’t it crazy what we find our hearts longing for? I had always dreamed of living in a little small town up in the canadian arctic and last year that dream had gotten a reality for me. I loved it, but I also found myself longing to return to my home town...I still keep up with news and my friends from up there and recently I find myself wishing for nothing more than to return there..for good. I want to really live there. The last time I did feel trapped, I could not leave this town on my own and did not have the stamina to do all the glorious hikes I would have wanted to do. I feel like I need to return, like I have unfinished business, like I actually need to settle there, learn the local language and fully embrace it. All the images and pictures I see these days, they have me longing for this life. It’s so incredibly far away, so drastically different, but I feel like the longing I had intially felt was absolutely correct gut feeling

I have moved to yet another place since and eventhough I like my job here more, I do not enjoy life here nearly as much.

I have left my heart there. How can I return? Will I return? Do I have the heart to stay?

[blackcoffeeacademia]

The last couple of days I observed myself falling into the rabbit hole, that is research life: staying later and later to work. I have pledged to myself to always remain chill and not worry too much about the stress of research life, I had plans to actually enjoy this christmas period. Yet, now I’m getting super stressed again already: I have lecture notes to finish up on, but also project work and FUCK this presentation is due in a week! And how tf am I supposed to understand all these exercise sheets and write extensive reports about them as well?

[blackcoffeeacademia]

Taking notes on blank paper and not writing all over the place is such a power move!