Life is a kaleidoscope.

Stories about living; descriptions of a journey.

[blackdogpanopticon]

I'm moving on now, since covid; I hope you are too.

[blackdogpanopticon]

Life is a beautiful ride.

I couldn't resist the title of the post; very basic cyclist but that's just me I suppose!

Whenever I mention the Forest of Bowland or the Bowland Fells to anyone, they always give me a blank look. Mention the Lake District or the Yorkshire Dales; and people know exactly what you are talking about. I get it I suppose, the last two places are world famous, indisputable areas of outstanding natural beauty. But then so is Bowland, its just Lancashire's little secret.

I've got a new hobby; which is mountain biking. So I thought what better way to celebrate that fact then to revive an old hobby; which is this!

The above pictures are from my trip to Gisburn Forest on the most south easterly tip of the forest of Bowland. I had never actually been to this part of the Forest before until my friend took me the other week.

I have been to quite a few places in the forest such as Parlick Hill, Longridge Fell, the Trough (look it up), Whitewell and Abbeystead. Beat Herder, one of my favourite festivals, is also practically in the shadow of Pendle Hill. However, the Forest is a big place, and you would be hard to pressed to explore it all!

Anyway, on the day we did two trails; Leap of Faith and Hully Gully. Both were pretty challenging albeit extremely fun and rewarding.

What was not fun however, was the shear volume and abundance of midges! They love the tree line apparently! My advice would be to take some midge repellent with you if you ever go.

Next week I am going to Scotland to cycle some of the West Coast.

[blackdogpanopticon]

Winter in the North West of England.

[blackdogpanopticon]

Could this be real.

I feel like I have learnt a lot tonight.

Thinking about things tonight makes me realise how ridiculous it is that you wouldn’t be bothered about having a sleepable bed for a family member when they came over to visit you.

I think I am just quite upset about how unhappy my mother is. It’s not good.

I don’t want my life to be like that. To have given in and just spend all my time feeling sorry for myself. 

You should never pretend like you understand what some one else is going through. But if you’re smart you can always empathise with someone.

As bad as it gets, you should never lose hope. Just keep trying. 

[blackdogpanopticon]

Oh football!

So, I realise for people who aren’t into football this will clearly be quite bookish. However, I have recently been reading “The Promised Land” by Anthony Clavane. Its basically about the history of Leeds United post World War 2 and also semi-autobiographical in respect of his life as a Jewish Leeds United fan and the city as a whole. It’s brilliant. I’ve just got to the part where the Premier League starts (1992/1993) and Leeds sell Cantona to Man United for £1.3 million; a transfer described by Clavane as “the worst transfer decision in the history of football.

This got me thinking; there is loads about football history (specifically English) that I don’t know about (obviously) purely because I either wasn’t born, I was too young to be aware of the information or that its been consigned to the annals of time because it’s considered generally too boring or not relevant to recall by fans and media outlets alike. Therefore, when I was looking for something to do last night I noticed MOTD Top 10 FA Cup moments was on BBC1; in lieu of any real football due to the COVID. Oh how I miss football...

Anyway, I thought I would give this a go because I hoped it might fill in some of my gaps in knowledge and at the very least entertain me. Oh how wrong I was. I’m being over dramatic. The goals and clips were all fabulous clearly; however between the 50 year period they seemed to cover and Alan Shearer’s dull commentary (sorry Alan, you’re a Magpie Legend/Martyr but you are extremely dull) the programme just lacked any cohesion, sense of narrative or general bite or Va Va Voom (”Thiery, woah oh!”).

Yes Ian Wrights commentary on his own career is always extremely interesting because of the character that he is and the adversity that he had to overcome; but Gary Linekar? I am sorry but it is time that smug bastard got off TV and gave some one else a go. And I am sorry, but there was literally no discussion of the on going COVID preparations for the Prem’s mooted behind closed doors return. How about discussing and commenting on this rather than relying on the fact that the presenters are using Zoom, to create any semblance of relevance to anything at the moment?

That got me thinking. With, the Bundesliga (an un-competitive league at the best of times) behind closed doors looking like a series of bad training games gone wrong, and the Championship and Prem not coming back for at least another month (?); I still need to fill my football fix. Enter the above video. I have watched Premier League Season reviews before; and they are un-ashamedly great! I think I am going to try and watch every season up till the current one when I have nothing to!  

I tried to start from the first season of the Premier League 1992/1993, where Man United win the league for the first time under Fergie from the afore mentioned Leeds United; who the year before won the last season of the Old Division 1 proper in 1991/1992 with the infamous French man (his last season for the club and ironically the last time Leeds conquered the English Football Pyramid). Alas, there was no review available on YouTube (?). So I had to start here at 1993/1994.

Whilst the review is in 3 parts and its not the most exhilarating season (the commentary provided throughout does its best to reduce any excitement anyway), it’s worth a watch for some of the highlights I have detailed below! And bringing me back to my earlier point, there are loads of interesting snippets and forgotten pieces of trivia that have been lost to the football fan trivia annuls of time (or at least that a late 80′s lad such as myself won’t necessarily know anyway!). So without further a do, here are some of the more interesting highlights (and low lights!) i picked out incase you are too busy getting pissed on the semi-locked down bank holiday (!):

Part 1

The review begins with a blatant double footed tackle that would have easily been deemed a red in the modern game!

Roy Keane signing for Man United.

Old shots of Old Trafford looking tiny!

Glen Hoddle (a Chelsea Legend and eventual bigoted hate monger) becoming player manager of Spurs!

Aston Villa with an Opera Singer in the dressing as they are presumably getting ready for a match?! (Who knows?!).

Advertising boards with “Street Fighter” and “Sega” on them!

John Fasanu brazenly assaulting the Spurs captain Gary Mabbutt (breaking his face) and the English FA running an “anti-elbow” campaign! 

Peter Reid being sacked as Man City Player/Manager (in his first managerial role!) after 6 days (!) and Man City fans rioting in front of Maine Road and the Rozzers turning up on horse back to control said riot! Oh English football!

The emergence of 2 icons in football; Andy Cole (who goes on to have a 41 goal season; 34 in the Prem) and Ian Wright on his way to becoming an Arsenal legend.

Part 2

Tony Adams heading it into his own net! Never gets old!

A young Alan Shearer being interviewed after a Blackburn game and still managing to bore the pants off you.

The death of Sir Matt Busby during January of 1994; the man credited for putting Man United on the map.

Various Matt Le Tissier and Ryan Giggs pingers!

Souness resigning from Liverpool with the Reds 5th in the table and 23 points off first; oh how times have changed these days!

Oldham, Sheff United and Swindon in the Premier League! Spoiler alert - it doesn’t last long.

Blackburn Rovers playing in their AC Milan-esque away kit! Classic.

Paul Ince showing his class at Man United before he goes on to betray the club.

Part 3

Peter Beardsley scoring for his beloved Newcastle. I am sorry but any time any one mentions him these days I just instantly think of Bob Mortimer’s imagined impressions of him every week on Athletico Mince. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqwLFGMHiy4

Mark Hughes scoring for Man U and being recorded in the music studio singing a Man United song I have been unable to find (?!).

Cantona being sent off twice and banned for 5 games and being criticised by Alan Hansen in the MOTD studio in his very 90′s suit.

Vinnie Jones and the crazy gang beating Man U (eventual winners) and Blackburn (2nd place and next seasons winners).

Steve Bruce leading out Man United (to defeat!) in the top of table clash vs Blackburn.

An Eric Cantona homage and montage to the tune of “Isn’t she lovely” by Stevie Wonder!! Yes this actually happens!! Big WTF from me there.

The last season of standing and terraces on the Kop at Anfield.

22 teams in the Prem.

Man U lifting the trophy and saying goodbye to Bryan Robson after 13 years.

So there you have it, if you are missing football and want to fill in some of your gaps in knowledge of the English Game/obtain a load of useless facts; season reviews are my recommendations! For now anyway!

[blackdogpanopticon]

Burley to Silsden on the Leeds - Liverpool Canal

[blackdogpanopticon]

Can't Cope, Won't Cope

Two young women navigate life in Dublin and the perilous waters of adulthood.

Really enjoyed this. Its obviously a bit implausible in place and its probably for the best it was only 2 series. But, its dead watchable and enjoyable! =)

[blackdogpanopticon]

Beginners Luck.

So here I am again sat in front of the good screen, having spent all day sat in front of the bad screen. I feel a bit mentally drained. Only slightly really. Because I only had about 3.5 hours sleeps last night.

I’ve posted the song “Beginners Luck” by Maribou State below because it’s basically a massive tune. The little keyboard intro and hook is so sick.

Also, I think the lyrics just struck a bit of a chord with me. They are basically:

“You, oh, only you” for the majority of the song.

To me its like talking to myself and making me remember the main thing thats counts in life. 

“Only you [me], is responsible for your own happiness. You [me] are the only person responsible for putting yourself were you are right now”.

Today I woke up with a bit of dread because I knew I’d only allowed myself to have less than half the amount of sleep I need to keep myself healthy and functioning to 100% capacity.

But as I was leaving work, I found myself smiling to myself that my good nature, personal integrity and connection to the people around me had more than made up for the lack of sleep factor. It’s nice to know, that I have got the ability to cope with anything inside of me. It’s an internal thing divorced of external connection or validation.

[blackdogpanopticon]

[blackdogpanopticon]

Life in Communist China. 1940 - 1990.

As the above title says the book is about what it was like to grow up, and survive, in the birth (and death) of Communist China. If you click the heading above its linked to a little time line, which gives you an over view of the crucial events in the history of Communism in China if you are interested.

I finished reading this book about a month ago. It took me a while, even though it’s not that long; I think it was because it’s quite dense with information. It’s an autobiography of a lady whose parents where essentially revolutionary martyrs in the Communist Revolution/Chinese civil war. I picked it up in my local Oxfam bookstore!

To me, I think the first layer of what I found interesting about this book, was that I have studied China and this period of its history at school. It’s a really interesting part of history and it had a clear impact on the rest of world and to a large extent on how the current world order has been shaped. It’s also a really sad period due to the millions of people that died and illustrates the issues with following ideologies.

The book covers events in the life of the country such as the emergence of the PRC (Anhua Gao’s father took part in the Long March), Mao’s “Great Leap Forward” and the Cultural Revolution along with other key events such as Tiananmen Square and Mao’s Death. 

More than anything though, what the books does amazingly well is paint of vivid picture of what it must have been like to live though this period as an “ordinary” person. I’ve put ordinary in quotation marks due to the fact that, if you read the book, you will see that she wasn’t exactly viewed as an ordinary person due to the reverence paid to her parents by others.

However, Anhua Gao’s description of her life and that of her families travails, makes for compelling reading and the book is equal parts heartbreaking and engrossing. Her story gives life to the historical events that I have read about so many times and gives a massive insight into how scary and alienating the experience of communism must have been to the people living through it on a daily basis.

I won’t spoil the ending, as that would be mean! But there are some good twists and a good ending, so it’s certainly worth a read.

[blackdogpanopticon]

Life is a double rainbow.

[blackdogpanopticon]

Leeds to Manchester.

The train moves backward in time,

Just wait for the next one.

Don’t do what everyone else does.

Everything goes black,

For an unspecified amount of time.

You can see the clouds and the green now.

The landscape you know so well,

The places you don’t,

The sense of belonging waining and waxing.

Lives in close proximity,

Strangers at close quarters,

Screens and pages and headphones abound.

Little kisses with public displays,

Casual incandescent conversations,

Life lived for a moment inside a metal tube. 

[blackdogpanopticon]

Cover the mirror, Open the window.

It’s always easier just to give in,

to make an excuse, and allow yourself pardon.

It feels difficult inside when you are struggling,

when the ends don’t meet,

and the sums don’t add up.

Last place is an empty life,

thats how it feels anyway.

You get no points for playing it safe,

you get no points anyway.

[blackdogpanopticon]

575 ways to love yourself.

stop and take a breath, believe in you for a bit; don't doubt yourself.

[blackdogpanopticon]

It’s raining outside, but it’s not in here.

So today has been a grey, on and off rainy, nondescript day. But sometimes life is just like that. Nondescript and on and off.

Lately, at times, it’s felt a bit like life has been stuck in neutral. Not all the time, just sometimes. To be honest, it’s a massive improvement on how things have felt from June to September; so in reality I should just be thankful for that.

Other times I have actually felt alive again. Like life has meant something interesting and challenging in a positive way to me. It ebbs and it flows at the moment, I think.

I’ve tried to change my approach to things. I have tried to be more accepting and understanding of myself. Also, rather than try and “solve the problem” of depression, I’ve been trying to just live my life again. I’ve also tried to be more compassionate and thoughtful to myself and to those around me.

I have learnt that often the way you treat others is a reflection of how you feel about yourself, and vice versa. 

Most people are their own harshest critic and will readily tolerate the negative way that they talk to themselves in their own head. However (and i don’t think this is an original idea as IDLES talk about it in their song “Television”), if you used that tone to talk to other people, it would just not be tolerated.

At the moment I feel that it is about learning to accept that; not everything is going to be great all the time, and that some days you might feel a bit shitty and that you will have to deal with that. On top of that, it’s about learning not to let it drag you down and working out which bits you can change (and work to do that); and which bits you have to accept.

Bit by bit, moment by moment, step by step; I will shape my life into what I want it to be! For now (and to brighten up my blog a bit), here is a lovely picture of a plant I bought today. 

FYI if you can, just take cuttings off your mates plants! But unfortunately October to March is basically a no go zone for plant cloning! =)

[blackdogpanopticon]

Crassula Ovata. ‘Gollum/Shrek’s Ears’!

[blackdogpanopticon]

Had this song in my head for a while. Not sure what it is I like about it. Maybe it's the old skool 2 step feel its got or the equally old skool high pitch female vocals on it. But I like it!