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[blairewitch25]

Amputee Mocked and Scorned

Daniel, the three-legged cow had been called lean beef by all of his peers for so long. Ever since a tragic accident made him an amputee, his self worth just hadn’t been the same.

When we interviewed him, he had this to say:“They don’t even call me Daniel anymore, I’m just ‘hey lean, how’s it going?’ Or ‘what’s up beef’ I can’t even go to the store without someone asking me that stupid joke. It’s ruined my life.”

He then refused any further questions and left.

Follow us to read all about our next interview with ground beef…

[blairewitch25]

Woke Roman emperor, call that Julius xe/xer

[blairewitch25]

“So…what’s the deal with airline food?” I ask the flight attendant for the 5th time. We’ve been here for only 20 minutes and it is a 9 hour flight. She responds, showing signs of stress “I don’t know, ok? You’ve never finished the joke and you’ve asked me this five times!” “Well you see” I responded, “it’s a little pla—“

CRRRAAAUUUNNCHHH

We then hit the pentagon, 9/11 Two

[blairewitch25]

“It’s chewsday innit?” I say as I gaze across the bar counter at the time horse who has just walked in. I’m gonna look at this tomorrow morning while sober and wonder what kinda thoughts I was thinking. Probably about the time horse, who is my brother because time is relative. I walk over to my brother (who is the time horse because time is relative) and he says “I don’t think so” and then promptly vanishes. This is a reference to Rene Descartes famous quote “I think therefore I am”. I could’ve mentioned this first but that would’ve been putting Descartes before the horse.