BAMBI

ENTHUSIAST *scroll down to see posts* quick links: ABOUT ME; ONLY MINE; BOOKS; ART; FILM; REBLOGS; SOCSC 11.

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BINHI: Privilege and Oppression 

I really enjoyed my BINHI experience because it felt like I was both going into my comfort zone while stepping out of it. I say this because obviously going to a new place, especially one so far as a school in Batangas is always going to be overwhelming when coupled with meeting new people, getting to know them, and trying to make the most of what limited time we are given—yet it feels comforting because of the familiar feeling of going to a community and establishing connections with them. This is something I learned to value in all my years prior to Ateneo because my old school used to be very proactive when it came to social responsibility; they would make us do PEACE Work, have Alternative Christmases and Balls instead of traditional celebrations, immersions and essentially instill the value of involving ourselves. In my last two years, I even found myself volunteering for the optional Service on Saturdays (SOS). It was just comforting to see that Ateneo has similar roots in community engagement. It was similar to my habitus in the sense that it followed the same program flow of interacting with the kids and initiating games. I also found it very easy to relate with the kids since they were very enthusiastic about going to school and my group had similar interests in the art activity we prepared. On the other hand, it was also different from my habitus because I know I’ll never be accustomed to speaking Filipino, regardless of the number of outreach activities I join. In addition to that, one thing I couldn’t help but notice was that the kids I interacted with had internalized their socioeconomic status and took it as a mere fact in relation to meeting all of us students. I’ve certainly encountered people who expect things of my materially, but they are never as blunt and straightforward about asking or discussing their status freely. Most people I interact with choose not to discuss financials or feel shy about asking for money/help/resources, yet the kids in our group kept asking for additional mamons. Although it was a simple thing, it slightly pressured us because we had to consider the possibility that if we gave one of them extra, we would need to give the others while contending with the limited resources. It was difficult to face a request like that and continuously tell them we no longer had any mamons when it ran out, simply because we weren’t used to it and didn’t want to exacerbate the implications of not giving in—the possibility of creating a divide between ourselves and the kids.

In a similar vein, I guess I did feel privileged when examining my context in relation to theirs. The point in the whole event that solidified that feeling for me was when Ms. Mars called them into the toy library and brought in the balikbayan box with toys. The kids tore it open with pure elation and were just so excited about the prospect of getting their hands on any toy—whether new or pre-loved. It struck me that although I remember being excited about toys when I was a kid, I was incredible blasé. I never felt such a strong desire for something that partly stems from something not being readily accessible. I am incredibly grateful for that now.

In contrast to this, one experience when I felt oppressed was when I used to go on cruises with my dad’s side of the family as a kid. More often than not, there was a kid’s area where you could sign up for activities and meet new people. I was a pretty shy kid and this wasn’t helped by the fact that everyone else on the cruises were either American or European. I felt sort of excluded simply because I looked different—I wasn’t fair skinned nor did I have light, variegated hair. I looked younger than all of them and their humor was slightly different. It was difficult to get close to some of them, especially since I was a girl from an exclusive all-girls school, which is basically code for me being awkward and not knowing what to do in response to so many new people and the opposite gender. I felt like I was at a disadvantage and had to make more of an effort to get to know people. Nevertheless, I eventually formed some good friendships, probably owing to the fact that I spoke English well especially in comparison to other Asians, allowing me to easily connect with them once we broke the ice.

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On Gender & Sexuality

Given everything that has been discussed in the past week, the insight that struck me the most is the extent to which all aspects of gender are not binary. I’ve known that gender wasn’t limited to male or female, but in terms of sexual orientation, I always thought gay or bi-sexual sat right along the middle between male and female. It was only during the discussion that I saw it as an infinite continuum that was a lot more fluid and dependent on the individual being described. I also appreciated that in the Gingerbread Person reading, each dimension was broken down into two sets of scales because there were varying degrees that are determined not just in the way a person choses to express themselves, but in a way that is more innate. For example, I used to think that people acted more feminine if they identified more as a female, but this made me realise that some may identify inherently as females while choosing to express themselves in a separate way depending on the situation.

Moreover, I was struck by the way we tackled the topic in three dimensions because it made the nature of gender easier to grasp and see to what extent the three were related to create a person’s image.

In terms of myself, I learned that although I identify as straight, it’s completely normal and acceptable for me to veer slightly toward the other side of the continuum like when I have friend crushes. I realised that it’s okay not to conform to the stereotype of a strict heterosexual female because hardly everyone does, owing to the varying degrees of each dimension. Essentially, this just helped me understand aspects of myself as normal instead of doubting myself or finding certain inclinations odd. This understanding also extends to how I regard other people because it made me realise that I am able to identify as normal because of the fluidity of the spectrums, as such, I should not use myself as the basis for assessing other people’s identifications when there are infinitely many degrees.

On a more active note, I can apply these learnings by educating those in my sphere of influence, such as my parents since I can now concretely differentiate the different aspects of gender. I actually sent my carpool mates the Genderbread Person reading last Tuesday because I found it really cute and informative.

I chose not to focus on the second half of this week’s lesson because I didn’t find it especially relevant to my life at the moment, but I found it interesting that in terms of sexual expression/activities, two people can engage in the same experience yet go into it with different underlying frames of mind and subsequently produce different interpretations. I originally thought the experience was the same for both sexes, but at least now it will be easier to put things into perspective in the future.

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THE MEME LIFE

A few brief notes on each picture—

How my family sees me: My family views me as an overachiever who often takes on a little “too many” roles. How I see my family: The most common activity we do together is eat (a lot!) and it is synonymous with warmth, comfort, and care. How my friends see me: They see me as someone who is too nice, cute, and just a little clueless/naive, yet can be fierce and sharp on the rare occasion that I am crossed. How I see my friends: If you can’t read it, the Facebook post says, “We don’t have any hobbies. But we do try to get together a few times a month to judge people and complain about things.” How I see my crush: I see my crush as a gift that brightens my day (happy crush hehe)! He is a total package: smart, competent, passionate, and cute, etc. How my crush sees me: My crush sees me as a friend. :)))

How I see myself: I see myself as a young, clueless kid who still has a lot to learn!

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My Individuation Timeline

The thing that struck me the most about this exercise is seeing how external factors, especially my family, play such a large role in how I make decisions. It was also interesting to note how I retained core aspects of my personality/identity but regarded them in different ways throughout the individuation process. It really puts into perspective the slow shift in my thought process and the aspects of myself I choose to emphasize or explore.

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Johari’s Window

What struck me the most about this exercise is that other people actually have insights into aspects of myself that I had never registered. It is interesting to see how people perceive you from a more impartial point of view because to an extent you can corroborate your understanding of yourself with others’ and arrive at a more accurate picture without any malice. It’s a great stepping stone towards concretely improving myself since I know which specific instances or mannerisms affected my friends’ impressions of me. I was also able to discuss the nuances of my actions to see whether my intended effect was received effectively by my trusted friends. Moreover, I was struck by the way my friends could articulate key characteristics in a way that I haven’t been able to do fully. They are able to capture the essence of who I am without having to sift through all the iterations of myself, which I guess I could do by looking at my past selves and present self to see what remains consistent across everything and measure what changed over time—this brought to light the importance of being attuned to myself. Creating a Johari’s Window for myself made me think more critically and precisely about how I portray myself to others and how other insignificant actions may be manifestations of other characteristics I might be choosing not to emphasize. By categorizing my characteristics, it made me more conscious of how I currently act around different people.

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musings <3

Of all the lessons we’ve had so far, my favorite would have to be Erikson’s emphasis on the epigenetic principle, which essentially states that a person’s identity is built up over time through the individual’s experiences and social interactions. This resonates with me because my biggest fear has always been what I call “peaking,” which refers to the possibility that at a certain moment in my life, I’m at the top of my game and everything else may slowly decline from that point on. It’s the fear that I’ve reached my maximum potential and will continue to live in relative mediocrity—yet the epigenetic principle makes it possible to frame it in a positive light: despite the fluidity of everything, we are in a state of constant growth.

I think this is actually demonstrated by this blog’s existence because blaiseBAMBIni was something I began in 2012 as an outlet for recording things I’ve created, sharing little bits of my life I was grateful for, and constructing in-depth discussions of all films and books I consumed. This gave me a sense of productivity and accomplishment, yet I slowly started to neglect it when more things started happening in my life, especially going into Senior High School. From that point, I began to think 2016 was its peak and thus the peak of my creativity, resenting the blog as something I wished I could sustain. On the other hand, now that I’ve revived it for the purposes of SocSc11, the content of my recent writings made me realize that I’m not any less of a person compared to my 2016 self, rather I’m living more fully—just in different ways. My time is dedicated to academics, extracurriculars, and having ample time to catch up with all my friends, which I love doing now more than ever. My blog was a time-consuming place that I used to reflect, but now I’ve found other ways to do that through journaling and discussions/kwento sessions with my best friends.

Reminiscing about this blog has also led me to inspect my past New Year’s resolutions. They used to be very specific and arbitrary like, “Learn Morse code,” “Practice French,” and “Read at least 55 books” compared to now, which consist of “Ask more questions,” “Maximize free time and MAKE time to read”, etc. Through this, I could see how my goals for myself slowly shifted and I began to value different things as a result of the previous year’s experiences. It brought to mind the quote, “Sticking a pole in old beliefs will only make a scarecrow out of you” from Leena Norms.  This is truly a call to appreciate where I am in this moment of my life and acknowledge that it’s always going to be a cycle of figuring out who I am and who I want to be. 

I think it’s also important to take the epigenetic principle in the context of not just myself, but also in how I understand those around me. Around last week, I sent one of my friends an explication of Dominador I. Ilio’s “Diplomat Listening to Speech of Another Diplomat” where I cited its main theme as internal dissonance. I sent it to her because it’s something she likes to rant about, and I wanted to see if my essay was weaved tightly enough into the textual evidence that she would understand it without having actually read the poem. She messaged me about it again yesterday, saying it’s been haunting her because she has never been able to bridge who she was and who she aspired to be because she’s always paralyzed by the definitiveness of making a decision or acting on situations. In response to that, I told her about two of our SocSci lessons (doing mode vs. being mode and the epigenetic principle) because I thought they were things she’d be interested in and also concepts that would help her. This made me realize that although I could not relate with her experiences, I realized the way I could empathize with her by understanding that even though we came from the same high school, she’s had minute differences in the different stages in her life, which once they build upon each other, produce a different cumulative whole. By looking at her past experiences, I could try to understand where she was coming from and try to gauge the best thing to tell her.

On a more broad scope, the discussions I had both inside and out of class ultimately tell me not to compare myself to others nor my past selves because everyone undergoes nuanced processes at his or her own timing, and ultimately everyone’s goals in terms of identity are different and continuously changing.

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Intrapsychic Conflict

The past two weeks have been my happiest moments in Ateneo so far. While it’s been an amazing experience attempting to orient myself around new experiences, people, and the environment for the past month and a half, it’s an entirely different feeling of gratification once you realize that you’re regaining control of the situation and are making steady progress toward your goals. This came in the form of stabilizing grades and settling into the empowering familiarity of org life, particularly CODE (Consultants for Organization Development and Empowerment) and MEA (Management Engineering Association). We’ve had our first General Assemblies and in the case of CODE, Newbie Deployment and trainings.

Newbie Deployment happened last September 28, 2018. We were introduced to the org, our “families,” and assigned mentors before everyone was invited to have dinner at McDonalds. This is where the intrapsychic conflict enters. I texted my mom to ask for permission to leave later (9PM) since I was also bringing another friend home, and she consented. Functioning as the id, I got carried away talking to so many people and getting to know my mentor that I completely disregarded the time. Meanwhile, there was always a nagging feeling at the back of my head, as my superego was telling me to stick to my word and go home since I also had to wake up early the following day. My ego was stuck in between, weighing the situation as my only opportunity to have fun with people I completely “vibed” with while acknowledging that my actions would have their respective consequences, thus I decided to set myself a later time, 9:45, without informing my mother since I knew deep down that she wouldn’t let me extend another 45 minutes. Unfortunately, the id gained control of the situation and I lost track of time until my mom called at 10:30 to force me to go home.

Through examining this situation in the light of our lessons, I realized that the defense mechanisms I rely on the most are suppression and rationalization. Suppression comes in the form of me consciously choosing to ignore the worries concerning a certain situation and choosing to put them off until I have to deal with them later on so that I can enjoy the present. On the other hand, rationalization was present when I tried to make excuses for my behavior within a situation, such as continuously extending the time I was supposed to leave by mentally calculating the minimum number of hours of sleep I would still receive and that the driver would have before having to work in the morning. I tried to apply the concept of opportunity cost by unfairly weighing the value I received from bonding and learning from likeminded people versus leaving early and preventing the driver from waiting too long.

This lesson made me realize the importance of recognizing my inclinations and thought processes that I may be susceptible to because the act of suppression and rationalization enabled me to detach myself from situations like this, inadvertently preventing me from learning from my experiences. I recognized that even in high school, I used to make my parents or driver wait for me when I was engaged in extracurricular activities. I thought of them as noble activities that were beneficial to the general good, fooling myself into thinking others’ time was a negligible infinite resource when compared with what I enjoyed doing. My actions were tethered to instant gratification rather than any compelling feeling of guilt that might have been necessary to balance the situation. Furthermore, this made me realize that I need to think of the implications of my actions onto others and the external world. It’s important to understand myself so that I can prevent maladaptive actions from becoming habits.

(please forgive my gif-making skills :(( I spent an hour trying to figure out how to make this HAHAHAH)

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The ABCs of Emotion

I believe that knowing the ABCs of my emotions helps me manage them and prevent situations from being blown out of proportion. I can catch myself before I react impulsively. Being aware of how I may act in certain situations allows me to regulate my reactions by taking a step back to put the entire situation in perspective before thinking about how I should proceed. It helps me prepare for the feelings rather than repress them. Specifically, this can be applied in my life when I disagree with my parents because the argument usually starts with something small, that I sometimes aggravate by reacting stubbornly or impulsively defending myself rather than acknowledging the way I feel and consciously making an effort to listen to what they have to say in order to catch myself and prevent my actions from being misconstrued as insolence.

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Chronicles of the Four Maidens from Stratford upon Assumption

Once upon a time in a land far, far away…well, not so far—it might have just been the Katipunan traffic playing tricks—there lived a set of sheltered maidens who embarked on a new adventure after finally being let down from their towers. Kayla, Gabbie, Reanna, and Bambi travelled all the way from Stratford upon Assumption in a single carriage to familiarize themselves with the Loyola Castle on a hill. They set out with their heads high, eyes full of curiosity, and the singular motive of conquering Loyola Castle as their own for the next four years.

Nevertheless, the first week’s journey had been harrowing; it was as if the towers they had been placed in and protected by completely crumbled to the ground. They were no longer performing in a vacuum, rather they were in completely uncharted territory. As was hinted at earlier, the four maidens had difficulty wrapping their minds around the distance they were travelling, as they had become so accustomed to being comfortably holed up in their towers or else only going as far as a 5-mile radius. They had anchored their expectations on these experiences, expecting to be in the carriage only for 45 minutes to account for the additional 9 miles, yet they were stuck in the dark as the carriage crawled up the wide avenues for two hours due to the sheer amount of travellers and the relentless downpour. They reevaluated their judgement, acknowledging that there were a lot more factors in play, such as the influx of students from other institutions. They took record of the actual time it took them to travel back and forth at different times of the day and adjusted their departure times, as well as their expectations, as they were informed by empirical data. Although each day was full of excitement, the four maidens returned home completely drained and almost at the point of tears, probably due to their remembering selves, which was addled by the Peak-End rule, as they ended their days with tedious carriage rides back home. They would not be defeated though: they learned to deter the bad vibes and hazardous rains with incantations of laughter and kwento that became increasingly loud—enough to envelop their carriages and bring them to safety. Through this process, they examined and appreciated the little moments of each day that they could be grateful for. They also found other ways of keeping themselves preoccupied, such as watching Netflix downloads and listening to music, sating the experiencing self and averting its attention from the amount of time the spent languishing on the open road.

 Once they arrived at Loyola Castle, their struggles shifted: they needed to make a conscious effort to get to know other people and the new setting. In the last fourteen years at Stratford upon Assumption, they never had the problem of being “new” or the ones actively searching for friends. They simply knew everyone in their small town.

 As an introvert, Bambi had become slightly overwhelmed because it seemed that there were so many people to talk to as soon as she set foot on the main grounds. It was a relief that the four maidens had come with an entourage of 40 others from Stratford upon Assumption, hence wherever Bambi looked, she could always find someone to converse with effortlessly and comfortably rely on System 1’s functions. Whenever a stranger said, “Hello, my name is —,“ her System 1 reaction was always to rely on what Kayla had dubbed her Resting Pleasant Face, introduce herself, and either end the conversation or wait for someone else to continue it while she listened. Unfortunately, there was an alarming sense that she would need to start putting in more effort to create sustainable connections because the convenience of proximity and familiarity was no longer on her side. She needed to be fully present in each interaction, activating System 2 to become more observant and piece together what type of person she was dealing with; it allowed her to read people, identify common ground, and respond to them appropriately.

 As soon as the four maidens began to adjust to the daily practice of acquainting themselves with Loyola’s people, the next thing on their agenda was to take the lay of the land—a.k.a. not get lost. The first few days had them functioning on System 1 because all they had to do was keep pace while following other people around before eventually arriving at their desired destinations like Bellarmine Hall or SOM. As they spent more time there, they began to venture out on their own and the routes became fuzzy when they found themselves taking different paths. Sometimes Bambi found herself at the wrong side of the enchanted SOM Forest or having to run from Xavier Hall to the opposite direction to get to the Covered Courts for a dance, entailing the use of System 2 when summoning the Loyola Castle map to decipher each landmark and orient herself relative to where she was currently standing. In a matter of days, she had already adopted the environment into her System 1 through routinely familiarizing herself with the area.

 Now, the only thing that stood in the maidens’ way adapting to the culture and norms of Loyola Castle. As they attended their classes, one conversation point they always touched on was how the seemingly universal ways they had been taught at Stratford upon Assumption were no longer in place. When introducing themselves or voicing out their opinions, they were constantly told that they need not rise for formalities sake. They needed to call upon System 2 to override the almost reactionary inclination to stand up whenever called upon, to address the duchesses with “Miss” rather than “Ma’am,” or to excuse themselves before going to the powder room.

 With three hurdles down, the chronicles of these four maidens illustrated one thing: you only truly learn something inside out when it is seen as a necessity that one must learn to adapt or respond to. The four maidens will surely learn an immeasurable amount in the next four years of new adventures. Stay tuned for the succeeding tales!

 Legend:

Stratford upon Assumption = Assumption College San Lorenzo

Loyola Caste = Ateneo de Manila University

Dance = PE Aerobics class

Duchess = Professor

Powder room = lavatory

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On PPCT, Local & Global Identities...And Candy

Attached is a painting I finished three months ago and a reference photo for another that I’ve just begun. The former was entitled “Currency” because the candies depicted were both a cultural currency—as something that is immediately recognized by Filipinos as traditional Halloween candy—and an actual currency, given that bartering and swapping candies afterwards is an embedded practice. 

Moreover, the latter will be dedicated to my mother and entitled “Sukli,” playing on the sari-sari store practice of giving candy as change. Unlike the previous painting where I had personally selected the candy according to my preferences and what was familiar to me, the candies in this new painting are dictated by my mother’s preferences and what she knew growing up.

It struck me that this week’s discussion truly encompasses the continuous process of development, especially since it’s evident in seemingly insignificant daily activities like painting. When I took a step back to examine the theory in the context of my life, it became clear that development truly thrives in the quotidian because we’re constantly interacting with new entities/ideas while either maintaining or forming our own. I can say the lessons informed my painting process because instead of merely trying to accurately represent my vision, I see it as an attempt to reconcile my personal artistic goal and what I know my mother would want.

This is reminiscent of the dialogical process one undertakes internally when forming their bicultural identity. It lent “Sukli” another meaning by drawing on the implication of having undergone some sort of transaction/exchange. My selection was rooted in local brands while my mother’s has a heavy American influence, allowing me to realize that while I may have the same general subsystems and activities as those around me, the nuances, variables, and subsequent identities of each may alter the bigger picture.

Furthermore, the interrelations of PPCT concretized my understanding of others. I recognized that my mom interacted in slightly different micro and mesosystems since her father had multiple international contacts. This supplemented her resource characteristics, as her family had access to imported candy even when it was scarce in the Philippines, thus leaving a nostalgic imprint on her. The time when she underwent the proximal process of trick-or-treating also influenced her conception of local candies. She mentioned Serg’s chocolate eggs, which has since halted production, and OrangeSwits, which she had found only through street vendors but are now readily available at Landmark.

I’m using the current iteration of chocolate eggs as a placeholder before incorporating visuals from pictures of Serg’s, underscoring the learning that I can always create something new out of any situation, whether within my own subsystems or when I’m in contact with another person’s. I can carry this learning further in striving beyond my comfort zone by actively voicing out my opinions and comfortably disagreeing with people, acknowledging that most people are inherently capable of empathy and may even broaden my perspective, given the dialogical and proximal processes—balancing heterophily and homophily.

 word count: 499

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TEST POST/PLACEHOLDER

hello!

This is a place holder for the section I am tagging for my SocSc11 posts. I just needed to verify that my homepage hyperlink works. <3

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ART UPDATE

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NEW YEAR, NEW POSTS

Hello, Future Bambi—

Since you’re the only on that reads this anyway, I will be attaching just the raw notes/titles of the films I watched over the past year & the first one from 2018. Who knows, maybe I’ll get to updating them and writing proper essay (I probably won’t though). The past year has been pretty hectic but very much amazing <3 Senior High has nothing on me!!!

Anyway, the pictures above are the awards I made for the Batch Celebration, which was in the theme of La La Land.

I swear, I’ll update this blog more.

1. La La Land, Damien Chazelle

The trailer had piqued my interest, but going into the cinema, I hadn’t anticipated the magnitude of the film’s ambition. The said ambition was certainly well met, and I’m still amazed at how it seems to have outdone itself in all aspects it had been aiming for. 

Starting scene with the traffic jam, she sat there and he was behind but pulled above Story about grandmother in Paris, the one who had taught her Right of course, full circle What if scene Glimpse of Hollywood on the set Score Dynamic film Scene when she enters and it pans to the table Song Wistful So long Boulder City her way out Scene I've seen better views Go through seasons Playing the song over and over Let go of their dreams Resounding honk Artistry mixed mediums Standstill but different, more stylized Every background detail and different lights

No table dividing Watching themselves Entrance to the bar

BOTTOM LINE, GREAT MOVIE 10/10 WOULD REWATCH

2. Fireproof, Alex Kendrick

Christian movie we watched for retreat

not bad, pretty cute but a little too mushy for my taste

3. Old Fashioned, Rick Swartzwelder

Another retreat movie

Can’t remember it, but I know I liked the other one better

I think this made me cry, though HAHAJSKA

If I hadn’t watched this with my entire class, I’d probably think it was a waste of my time.

4. Beauty and the Beast, Bill Condon

I really liked this. I like how they tried to make the characters come out into their own some more, especially with Belle’s backstory and the town curse.

GOOD VIBES ALL AROUND + Emma Watson <3

5. What Maisie Knew, Scott McGehee & David Siegel

In all honesty, don’t remember this except for the tension between the parents and between the child. It crushed me to see how Maisie so easily became attached in the middle of a conglomerate of bad situations.

6. The Lady, Luc Besson

Excellent movie, though Aung San Suu Kyi is very questionable at the moment :((

additional notes in a picture above (I’m too lazy to decipher my handwriting)

7. North Country, Niki Caro

I don’t remember much about this movie except for the premise. I just know I loved the experience of watching it since we watched it for our Disciplines and Ideas in the Applied Social Sciences class as an entire HUMSS strand in the SHS AVR. Grade 11 memories are my fave <3 it’s the comfort you feel in collective suffering HAHAHA

8. The Stanford Prison Experiment, Kyle Patrick Alvarez

progression was great, effectively captured the mood & I found it very difficult to watch

cinematography was also great

overall, just a very horrific experiment and it makes you wonder about the ethical limits of people when not contingent upon any external factors

9. Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky

I’m still amazed at how striking this film is. It incorporates the inner workings of Nina’s mind so well through her mannerisms and the minute details like the scratching compulsion induced by pressure, the way she hallucinates peeling away her skin—as if revealing herself. There’s such an intense duality within the film between her fragility/perceived purity and the manipulative and destructive qualities of perfection. Of course, all of this is compounded very blatantly in the premise of the movie, given that it is framed within a run of Swan Lake, although it is excellently balanced by the subplots of Nina’s relationship with her mother, Thomas, and the ominous, washed-up character of Beth. It’s interesting to see how dynamic the paranoia feels and how it is translated into the cinematography and editing; everything is very stark and brash, particularly the scene where Nina parties with Lily and they’re consumed by the strobe lights as the mood shift and transforms into something much darker. It’s so horrifying yet eerily fascinating to see her internalise everything to the point that it manifests itself in what is uncontrollable (both her impulsive actions and how the story is set up around her, as determined by the writers and director).

I wanted to pay this film at least a fraction of the respect it deserves, so I attempted to cobble together a paragraph expressing my thoughts on it. I really wish I’d done it when the movie was still fresh. Unfortunately, there are still some casualties (notes I can no longer remember how I wanted to tie them all together):

The same way she strips her shoes Emily unfriendly unlike how she was to beth Earrings are fake Sucking the life out of her Incessant So scary Room is like a time capsule Walking but it's only her that's in focus Eerie cheers at the end, astounded that faded like the facade

10. Inception, Christopher Nolan

one of my favourites <3 <3 definitely rattled me for a while but definitely would not regret rewatching!

11. Hidden Figures, Theodore Melfi

ANOTHER SUPER AMAZING FILM!! I’m rarely ever inspired by films, but this one is something else.

Jaunty empowering music Like the muted tones Sassy humor Bathroom scene We all pee the same color Seeing a woman sit at the head of the table Stands out in a room of white coats and ties Assertive and withdraws in an endearing way Get the girl, the smart one Ended on a nice note Realistic No cheesy stuff with lapping Exchange and seeing her name on it then getting coffee

12. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Hayao Miyazaki

The following is a two-page essay I wrote as a formative assessment for my Trends, Networks, and Critical Thinking class. 

Hayao Miyazaki’s Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984) is a perfect example of how the content of any art form, especially adaptations, must be complemented by their medium. Miyazaki skillfully plants the issue of environmental degradation into a story framed by an otherworldly whimsy, which can be easily digested by all generations. Given that he had decided to adapt his manga into a film, he was able to use the constraints of the medium to his advantage, presenting the issues of global warming with much more impact. The visual quality of films directly responds to the way most people find it difficult to fathom the long-term effects of their actions; where documentaries can become monotonous, Miyazaki unfurls a fast-paced and highly-auditory narrative that sustains a person’s interest while adequately imparting a substantial message.

The film speaks at length about our own relationship with the earth through the pervasive history of the Toxic Jungle. The Toxic Jungle arose from the collapse of an industrialized society, paralleling the way anthropogenic factors of global warming were heightened during the Industrial Revolution and the Cold War. The ordeal began with the awakening of the Giant Warriors during the 7 Days of Fire, which subsequently “incinerated the earth and turned into stone”; this reflects the way we started depleting our environmental reservoir to fuel machines that would eventually become obsolete and inefficient. Although the brunt of the problem may have passed, we continue to make the same mistakes even in the face of awareness, as encapsulated by the way Tolmekia and Pejite broke fire over the prospect of reviving the Warrior. This resonates with the way capitalist economies have become dependent on fossil fuel storage and consumption, particularly through mining and oil hoarding. These are things that must be used sparingly, as they are non-renewable resources, yet we continue to push the limits and dig deeper/engage in fracking to unlock what we “should have [left beneath] the ground,” as aptly phrased by Nausicaä. 

The meat of the film ultimately lies in the central realization that the Toxic Jungle is not inherently poisonous, rather humans are to blame for aggravating the situation by polluting the soil and water. The people brought the ohmu stampede onto themselves, resulting in the spread of poisonous spores; similarly, anthropogenic factors are currently to blame for 96% of global warming (Nuccitelli, 2014). The distinction is made in the scene where Asbel and Nausicaä fall beneath the Toxic Jungle to find sleek rows of untouched trees, which purify the earth and slowly rehabilitate it. Nausicaä describes the trees as the backbones of the forest, absorbing the dirt to the extent that they’ve become inert, which alludes to the way we have abused our much-needed carbon sinks: our forests and oceans. We continue to condone illegal logging and improper waste disposal until our dense forests, such as those in the Palaui Island, are leveled and our bodies of water turn into seas of personal waste. These carbon sinks are essential to regulating the earth’s surface temperature, a fact underscored by the presence of vicious insects in the film, protecting the forest so humans do not pollute it again.

At the turning point of Nausicaä’s realization, she scrutinizes a grain of sand, deducing that it is identical to that which settles at the bottom of the well/underground system her people draw water from. She stipulates that our relationship with our common home, as expressed by Pope Francis’ Laudato Si, is what ties humanity together. In spite of this, we have become apathetic because we’re too preoccupied with our present trifling problems to see that the ultimate goal must be sustainability over instant payoff. While contemplating the “monster” and poisonous spores brought by the Tolmekian airships, one of the villagers from the Valley of the Wind commented, “If only the Tolmekians had never come,” which goes to show how we both fail to learn from our mistakes and also need to act collectively. Although the people of the Valley of the Wind are certainly the victims of the situation, they’re too blinded by the complacent notion that one must fend for him/herself because they were privileged enough to be shielded from the Toxic Jungle by the wind from the sea. This corresponds to the unfortunate reality that developed countries leave much greater carbon footprints, yet it is the developing countries that shoulder the burden of global warming.

At the root of this issue, it is revealed that people tend to advance their vested interests without regard for its repercussions, as exemplified by the line “This is too much to pay, even if it got the Tolmekians out of our land” which refers to the way Pejite lured an ohmu stampede into their area to triumph over Tolmekia. We do this at the expense of upsetting the coexistence of everything within the world by exploiting our resources, reflected in the way Pejite proceeded to bait the ohmu towards the Valley of the Wind using an innocent baby ohmu. Sometimes, like Kushana, we choose to be Machiavellian—“the bloody path” according to Kushana—but ultimately, it results in more harm than good as illustrated by the humanoid Warrior’s dwindling final battle.

While Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind may be very ambitious in terms of its themes, a voice of wisdom and resilience courses through the film. The titular character acts as a soothing contrast to the frenzied plot by advocating non-violence and coexistence. She advises both Kushana and the ohmu not to be afraid, as “too much fire gives birth to nothing.” Hiayo Miyazaki weaved these sentiments excellently throughout the film by inserting a prophecy that said a savior would “come clad in blue and gold,” which foreshadowed the film’s end and drew it into a cohesive whole. The film ends on an empowering note, as one of the final scenes depicts a sprout growing beneath the underground forest where Nausicaä left her air mask.

13. Thor: Ragnarock, Taika Waititi

14. Bad Genius, Nattawut Poonpiriya

This is such an excellent film. I think the film was crafted in such a way that it’s palatable to an international audience, yet there’s also the signature Thai style that’s particularly evident in the story and plot structure; it is incredibly heartbreaking but never overdone or unfounded. The acting in this is phenomenal and ties the film together really well. The way Lynn’s character was portrayed caught my attention because there was so much depth to her character in the duality of her actions and in her passing expressions. Bank was a hidden gem that came to light in the latter half of the movie, and what really sold the film for me was the way he struggled with the moral dilemma of cheating/abusing his abilities and pursuing it as a career, further drawing out the same emotion from Lynn’s character.

The entire film is so immersive that it takes you through all the mundane test-taking scenes and stresses you out so much. I hate it and love it at the same time because of the pressure it builds up inside of me even with just classical music in the background. ALSO, the plot twist really got to me. I was so invested in the characters and thought I had known them really well until the unfortunate end. In this sense, the film is really aware of the impact it creates on it’s audience and is able to channel/manipulate it to enhance the story.

It’s definitely the type of film that stays in your head for the rest of the week, prosing ethical, existential, moral, etc. questions at the oddest times. It makes you think about the extent people would go to further their own interests, how they prioritize elements of their life, and how that manifests, as well as to what extent can that be controlled.

Also, pretty relevant because it was around late October that my dad suggested  I take the last acceptable SAT in December so I could apply to one university abroad and just so that we knew my score. I was just really apprehensive because I didn’t know what to expect at all and wasn’t completely sure if I would even survive it, given that I hadn’t been conditioning myself for this type of test, took no tutoring/practice sessions, and overall hadn’t really intended to take it until my dad suggested it. Slightly disappointed with my score, definitely feel like I could have done better (also because of the standard I set for myself) but I’m also pretty happy since I hardly had the time to practice for it and my score was still in the 96th percentile overall.

15. Loving Vincent, Dorota Kobiela & Hugh Welchman

THE ARTISTRY OF THIS. I looooooove this film. It made me cry so much. I love the angle it was taken from and the entire mood. It was so nuanced, emotional, and existential without being a hot mess. My hear breaks from Van Gogh :((( it’s a hand-painted film and I felt the need to hug him. AND THIS ENTIRE FILM IS JUST A TESTAMENT TO “HARD WORK BEATS TALENT WHEN TALENT FAILS TO WORK HARD” although there is an undeniable amount of talent within it.

16. Coco, Lee Unkrich

I was not expecting anything from this. I was not planning to watch this movie. I had not known it had been out for three weeks until Hannah invited me to watch it in the middle of Finals week—no regrets in watching it during finals week. Sure, I had to sleep at 1 am preparing for my Filipino colloquium presentation the next day, but the film was a needed break from everything. I thought it was going to be one of the irrelevant, slightly culturally-commodifying animated films churned out by studios because they no longer had any ideas (like the Emoji Movie) but it was so much more than that. At it’s core, it is so human, which is ironing since it’s about the dead. It made me cry and the animation was so good—aaah all the lights and colors <3 <3 my heart was so full by the end of the film. The plot was not overdone, not too complicated; it was just the right balance between slightly predictable and the heart-wrenching Pixar signature.

17. Smaller and Smaller Circles, Raya Martin

YES TO LOCAL CINEMA

Defacing Skinning the rat Felt like an outcast But also like all eyes are on him Only true rawness is when he was angry about his family having to move Want to close things, blame so easily Leave it alone But don’t What is the sig of the other priest And the woman? System wants to be clean, doesn’t really care Glaze over Confessional lighting Solano? Soundtrack Sweeping things under the rug Diff between that and going with it Mercy Outspoken Changing subject about food Genitals hearts and faces nbi director Power and fame No serial killers in the Philippines France, new perspective? Celibacy Control Cardinal looking straight at the camera Getting a heart attack???

18. A Christmas Prince, Alex Zamm

Super camp-y Christmas rom-com and I loved it because of it. HAHAHA such a guilty pleasure film. Would watch again with a bucket of ice cream and during a theoretical slumber party.

19. Home Again, Hallie Meyers-Shyer

Surprisingly, I really liked this for what it was. It was really cute while incorporating feel-good family vibes. I think it was really well written and structured, particularly in the placement of elements that would reappear later in the plots/subplots to tie everything together. I also really liked how it acknowledged the implausibility of the situation later on when the protagonist’s husband came into play. It’s very grounded despite being a whimsical rom-com.

20. #Reality High, Fernando Lebrija

OK. I appreciate the effort. Anyway, it satisfied my guilty-pleasure needs & was actually pretty interesting to see a high school drama/rom-com heavily using elements from the present (e.g. YouTube personalities, live streaming, college worries).

19. The Founder, John Lee Hancock

As a film and a story, it was excellently executed. The only bone I have to pick with this is that I hd expected it to be an inspirational documentary-esque story about men building an empire. It’s really just a story of one guy ripping off the brothers and stealing their own last name jkhshdcoidvf. Maybe if I had known that going into the film, it would’ve earned a spot in my favourite films list.

1. Ang Larawan, Loy Arcenas

A bit too melodramatic for my taste. I thoroughly enjoyed it though, especially the little pockets of Filipino humour. The singing was exceptional, but some of the dialogue exchanges that weren’t part of a song seemed too forced. Overall, I like how they turned the play into a musical to spice things up a little. I could discuss the themes, but I’m not feeling up to it at the moment—just know that the responses to the painting are very intriguing, as is the painting itself, though it is never completely in shot, which I think, speaks of it not as an object but as a mirror or device for the characters.

2. Good Will Hunting, Gus Van Sant

The story was alright, not really my taste. I think it shines best through the relationships between characters. Those parts were gold!! (Robin Willams’ & Matt Damon’s characters were so great when they interacted with Will).

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video I made for science class last sem

target audience: Grade 2/3

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ART UPDATE pt. 2

remake of a painting using only 3 paint colors, doe head for fair decorations, super extra manual presentation on facts & opinions that wasn’t even graded

YAY BYE

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ART UPDATE from throughout the year (2016-present) pt.1

I’m a bit disappointed that I hadn’t been able to make as much time for art this year. Almost all of my creative pursuits had been for school—i.e. art corps (coffee painting, exhibit piece on home, cellophane notebooks, token for Ms. Ana Valdes who spoke at our career day, CIC shirt design, posters & fliers for subjects—and to think we don’t even have an art subject in our curriculum anymore. I guess this year was a matter of priorities and art kind of just flit in between as an outlet.

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