Jace Wayland

"Sometimes I tell myself I am okay. I repeat it, like a mantra. I am okay, I am okay, I am okay, I am okay. Because I am afraid if I stop, even for a moment, I will drown in all the reasons I am not."

[r-chelberry]

[aleclightbroke-blog]

His countenance hardened. Swiftness rune burning into his skin, Alec skidded to a graceful stop in front of Jace. “I’m here now.” He stated factually. “You can punch something any other time of the day but I’m here unbridled by meetings. paperwork, and conference calls. You can punch something when I’m busy but I’m here now. For you.”

“You can’t get mad at me for not being here if when I am you refuse to talk to me.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace wanted to argue. Wanted to point out that the only reason Alec wasn’t drowning in meetings and paperwork was because it was four in the morning. And the only reason they were having this conversation was because he’d stumbled upon Alec trying to sneak back in. Instead Jace just dropped his head and crossed his arms. :Does talking to me have to involve food? I’m not hungry.” Usually after a nightmare Jace just felt like puking. “But if you’re hungry I’ll sit with you in the kitchen.” His voice was tight and strained but despite everything Jace wanted to try. And scathing proof of Alec’s original motives or not, Alec did have a point. He was here now. And that was all Jace really wanted at the end of the day.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

“And I’m not alone when you leave me?” Jace asked, raising his eyebrow a little and shaking his head. He had Izzy…but Isabelle wasn’t Alec. And Alec knew more about Jace than anyone. He frowned and shook his head. “Nevermind.” He waved his hand. He was too frazzled and on edge to want to get into it over something like Magnus. As much as Jace was loathe to admit, he was still a minefield of a conversation. And Jace was tired of feeling the bond between them pulled tight. “I’ll pass on breakfast.” It was more out of petty spite Jace passed it up, but he could feel the itch to hit something gathering power. “I was just going to the training room. Get some early reps in before I have to share the place with the others. They get freaked out when I bleed. Or just stare.” He shrugged, eyes downcast.

[aleclightbroke-blog]

Alec opened his mouth to reply but let it fall shut. It was too early and he was still too tired to be fast enough to hide the genuine hurt that flashed across his features. Eventually he reigned it in and a stoic stare took control. Alec hated being caught in between his brother and boyfriend. Jace’s attempt to brush off the subject didn’t make him feel any better. Instead he crossed his arms protectively over his chest and stared at the ground. There was no winning in this situation. If he stayed more with Jace he’d be hurting Magnus but whenever he stayed with Magnus he was hurting Jace. “Don’t do this to me.” His voice was quiet. Soft. A request he wouldn’t have made if he had coffee and a few more hours of sleep in him. “Don’t be like this, Jace.” He still had yet to make eye contact. 

“As Institute head, I’m fine with that but as your older brother I am not.” Alexander shoved all his thoughts and feelings to the side and lifted his eyes to meet Jace’s blue-browns. The familiar stance he carried, feet hip width apart, arms crossed, and brows sternly furrowed came into play. “You need to eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

“We can train after we eat.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace scowled and kept his own eyes on the toes of Alec's boots. It's was not a conversation he wanted or needed to be having. Especially with the white hot to inge of jealousy threatening to take over. "I'm not doing anything to you Alec." It was the truth afterall. He shrugged, eyes still firm down at the ground. He started moving towards the training room, hoping to leave behind the thousands of words he wanted to say but couldn't...wouldn't. For him and for Alec. "I'm not hungry, Alec. I just want to punch something for a few hours. I'll eat later." Knowing himself later wouldn't be until dinner but Jace wasn't going to bring that up. "Thanks for the offer. You can join me when you're done...if..." Jace shook his head, doubtful of Alec's answer. "If you want anyways."

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace had a scathing reply ready when the truth slipped out of Alec’s lips and he swallowed it hard. Just that one look on Alec’s face was enough to shut him up. Alec was hurt enough and Jace wasn’t about to add more to it. He took a careful step forward and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder and squeezed. “You don’t have to be ashamed, man.” Another squeeze. “You’re dating.” He shrugged and pulled his hand back. “Although perhaps you should consider a better time to come home than four in the morning, no?” He shot him a smile. “If I’d been Izzy instead of me you might find yourself at the end of a very awkward conversation.” He grinned.

He didn’t want to tell Alec about his nightmares but he’d been honest with him and they were trying this new thing, being honest with each other. He shook his head, hiding his eyes behind his hair. “Don’t you apologize. I get it.” Saying that didn’t ease the sting of his jealousy but Alec needed to hear it. “It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before. Don’t worry about me.”

[aleclightbroke-blog]

“I-I’m not.” He lied. Alec wasn’t ashamed of Magnus; he’d never be. He was just embarrassed that he was caught. Or more so ashamed at himself that he couldn’t exude as much confidence sexually or even normal confidence like his boyfriend could. Like his siblings could. “We fell asleep watching a movie or else I would’ve.” Alec didn’t come home with the telltale signs that he and Magnus had done anything more than kept it a simple night in. His skin wasn’t scratched or bruised with kisses. The gel in his hair remained undamaged. Alec’s skin wasn’t patchy or red. “I would’ve but…” He shrugged and looked away. This could potentially be a very rough topic. “I hate leaving him. He’s alone.” Alec was quick to add. He’d never not lived in the Institute with Jace and Izzy but the longer he dated Magnus the more appealing moving in became. “We’ve always had each other and he’s got…cats.” His voice fell flat. Now wasn’t the time to discuss this. Not when Jace still looked so familiarly stirred. He knew this look. Alec had been awoken by this bright eyed fright many times before, normally quelling it with sharing a bed or talking to distract whatever horrors had plagued the boy until the sun rose. “Not everyone can be as cool as you.” Alec offered him a gentle smile. “I always worry about you. It’s my job to worry about you.”

“Do you want breakfast? I was just about to make some eggs. Maybe fry some bacon since you’re up.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

"And I'm not alone when you leave me?" Jace asked, raising his eyebrow a little and shaking his head. He had Izzy...but Isabelle wasn't Alec. And Alec knew more about Jace than anyone. He frowned and shook his head. "Nevermind." He waved his hand. He was too frazzled and on edge to want to get into it over something like Magnus. As much as Jace was loathe to admit, he was still a minefield of a conversation. And Jace was tired of feeling the bond between them pulled tight. "I'll pass on breakfast." It was more out of petty spite Jace passed it up, but he could feel the itch to hit something gathering power. "I was just going to the training room. Get some early reps in before I have to share the place with the others. They get freaked out when I bleed. Or just stare." He shrugged, eyes downcast.

[jaceandclarynet]

[aleclightbroke-blog]

His left eye narrowed into a suspicious but confused squint as his head tilted to the side. “I went out. I had to get something.” Dammit. This was why Alec never bothered lying. It would always spiral into more and more, increasing the web he had no skill in building or class in maintaining. “I was at Magnus’.” He muttered, looking away. Alexander knew that his relationship with the Warlock was still a point of contrition with his parabatai. If it didn’t confuse him so much he might have been flattered by Jace’s jealousy. “How bad was it?” Alec’s features softened but still remained somewhat guarded. Jace awake this early and on edge? It could only mean one thing: a restless sleep. Restlessness for Shadowhunters normally spurred on nightmares. “I should have been here.” He said apologetically and with a step forward. “I’m sorry.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace had a scathing reply ready when the truth slipped out of Alec’s lips and he swallowed it hard. Just that one look on Alec’s face was enough to shut him up. Alec was hurt enough and Jace wasn’t about to add more to it. He took a careful step forward and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder and squeezed. “You don’t have to be ashamed, man.” Another squeeze. “You’re dating.” He shrugged and pulled his hand back. “Although perhaps you should consider a better time to come home than four in the morning, no?” He shot him a smile. “If I’d been Izzy instead of me you might find yourself at the end of a very awkward conversation.” He grinned.

He didn’t want to tell Alec about his nightmares but he’d been honest with him and they were trying this new thing, being honest with each other. He shook his head, hiding his eyes behind his hair. “Don’t you apologize. I get it.” Saying that didn’t ease the sting of his jealousy but Alec needed to hear it. “It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before. Don’t worry about me.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

I’m online for the next couple of hours! Anyone around to join me? :D I’ll pop out the replies I owe after I go through and tag all the things I was too lazy to tag. lol

[blankurlherepls-blog]

“Not to be the bearer of bad news but walking quietly also means sneaking.” Jace pointed out, cocking his head to the left. “Who said I was sleeping?” Jace said, narrowing his eyes. “I live here and I can go where I want, when I want. Now stop dodging my question, Alec.” Jace urged Alec to take the subject and run with it, Jace didn’t want Alex to see him weak like this. “Stop avoiding it.”

[aleclightbroke-blog]

“It’s called being considerate.” He corrected again. “You’re in your pajamas.” Alec ran his fingers through his hair to lose some of the annoyance that was brewing. It was like being caught with his hand in the cookie jar; he’d been so close to sliding into his room unnoticed. “I live here too.” Alec’s eyebrows knitted together. 

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Doesn't feel like it these days, Jace thought, face growing hard. "There's nothing wrong with that, Alec. The suspicious thing is you being fully dressed. Last time I checked you didn't do that." Jace's arms tightened across his chest. "Tell me Alec." His voice came out softer and weaker than Jace would've liked but he didn't have it in him to care. He was too tired.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace frowned and crossed his arms over chest, leveling a stern glare at Alec. No way was he going to let Alec avoid his question. Not at the risk of looking so weak. He shook his head, grunting. “I asked you first. Besides, don’t you find it suspicious that you’re sneaking around your Institute?” He gaze didn’t waver.

[aleclightbroke-blog]

“I wasn’t sneaking. I was…walking quietly.” He corrected, arms crossing over his chest. “And I know I didn’t wake you up because,” Alec tapped where his soundless rune sat settled into his skin. “Plus you’re completely unarmed so any noise I could’ve made with the door didn’t wake you up either.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

"Not to be the bearer of bad news but walking quietly also means sneaking." Jace pointed out, cocking his head to the left. "Who said I was sleeping?" Jace said, narrowing his eyes. "I live here and I can go where I want, when I want. Now stop dodging my question, Alec." Jace urged Alec to take the subject and run with it, Jace didn't want Alex to see him weak like this. "Stop avoiding it."

[blankurlherepls-blog]

It had been a long day and long days meant longer nights. He’d tossed and turned until he’d awoken up witha violent start, heart racing. His first  stop had been Alec’s room, his parabatai’s presence had almost always had a calming effect on him. But he hadn’t been there, like most nights recently. It made Jace green with envy, even though he was loathe to admit it. So he’d shaken his head, clearing the last of his fitful sleep from his eyes. Turning to go to the training room he dug in his pocket for his stele. He’d be needing a wakefulness rune or two today. Still skittish from the remnants of his dreams Jace jumped back at the sound of someone’s voice in the hallway, the relief of it being Alec slow to surface. “What the hell are you doing?! You scared the shit out of me!” Jace knew what Alec had been up to but he was entirely unsure how to go about what he was doing up this late without sounding pathetic. It was easier to focus on Alec. Far easier.

[aleclightbroke-blog]

“I scared you? What are you even doing up at–” Alec tugged the sleeve of his jacket past his wrist to look at his watch, “this early.” He amended, not wanting to admit to the time. He should’ve waited until Magnus woke up or left while it was actually last night; chosen a time far less suspicious than now. 

“What are you doing up, Jace?” Alec asked, his heart finally stabilizing. “I didn’t schedule you to patrol this early.” Alexander had tinkered with the scheduling until he’d reached a happy medium. One week would toss a few more hours Isabelle’s way giving Jace more time to rest and catch up on sleep, and the alternating week would put more hours to Jace, giving Izzy time to rest. Was it fair? Not really, but his family came first.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace frowned and crossed his arms over chest, leveling a stern glare at Alec. No way was he going to let Alec avoid his question. Not at the risk of looking so weak. He shook his head, grunting. "I asked you first. Besides, don't you find it suspicious that you're sneaking around your Institute?" He gaze didn't waver.

[aleclightbroke-blog]

Even though Alec had been going out with Magnus for a while now, each time he came back to the Institute after spending most of the day with him, he felt judged. Alec felt as if everyone knew what had happened or what they’d done even if all the men did was talk over drinks or read on opposite ends of the couch. It didn’t help that Alec was sneaking back into the Institute at 4am, just before sunrise. 

Creeping into the hallway just before entering the wing with their bedrooms, Alec almost jumped out of his skin. “What the hell?!” He jumped back, eyes wide, and muscles poised at the threat. “Jace?” Alec hissed, confused.

@rapier-wit

[blankurlherepls-blog]

It had been a long day and long days meant longer nights. He'd tossed and turned until he'd awoken up witha violent start, heart racing. His first  stop had been Alec's room, his parabatai's presence had almost always had a calming effect on him. But he hadn't been there, like most nights recently. It made Jace green with envy, even though he was loathe to admit it. So he'd shaken his head, clearing the last of his fitful sleep from his eyes. Turning to go to the training room he dug in his pocket for his stele. He'd be needing a wakefulness rune or two today. Stil skittish from the remnants of his dreams Jace jumped back at the sound of someone's voice in the hallway, the relief of it being Alec slow to surface. "What the hell are you doing?! You scared the shit out of me!" Jace knew what Alec had been up to but he was entirely unsure how to go about what he was doing up this late without sounding pathetic. It was easier to focus on Alec. Far easier.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

“Is paparazo even a word Alec?” Jace asked, smirking. He had every intention of snapping a picture the next time Alec blushed. Just to prove him wrong. He grunted when Alec shot up and moved so he was sitting more or less on Alec’s legs. “Chill. I was kidding. You’re supposed to laugh. Not freak out.” He knew Lydia was a sore spot, a very sore one, but he couldn’t let Alex bottle her up too. He shook his head, hair dropping in front of his face. “Sorry.”

Jace smiled and slid off Alec’s legs with a graceful hop. “Come on slow poke. There’s demons to kill out there.” Jace was itching for a fight. Punching a bag only went so far these days. Othing felt quite like the stab of a blade. Jace stared at Alec impatiently, tapping his toes.

[aleclightbroke-blog]

“It is a word sadly enough.” Alec sighed. He felt bad as he always did whenever Jace apologized. Even if Jace Wayland Lightwood took a puppy by the scruff and sliced its throat in front of a kindergarten class, the puppy’s own mother, and Alec, he still wouldn’t demand an apology from his parabatai. Life had dealt him too many shitty cards to begin with. Jace deserved apologies from the world, not the other way around. “It’s okay.” He mumbled, looking away. Lydia was a sore spot. The wedding was an even sorer spot. Magnus had been the only beautiful part of that entire painful ink blot of a memory.

Moving even slower just to spite Jace, he got up with a zombie-like groan. “What’s got you all amped up and ready to go?”

“Should I be worried?” He asked, fluffing his fingers through his matted hair and stretching his arms above his head.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace looked at Alec through his hair and dropped the subject entirely. Making a mental note to himself to bring up Lydia in a joking sense a little less often. He forced a smile and bounded down the room to open the door. "You should always be worried when I want to go demon hunting." Jace said as if it were obvious. "I need a good fight. I'm dying of boredom." And his thoughts being all out of order, but Alec didn't really need to know that.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

“Oh. No blush? I’m a little sad now.” Jace joked, smirking. “Alec Lightwood blushes. I’ve seen it. Often lately.” Jace felt a flash of jealousy but stuffed it. “Next time I’m taking a picture. Don’t hold it against me when it does…and it will, happen.”

“Looking like dad isn’t a bad thing.” Jace said, adjusting himself so he could settle better. “Then I guess it’s up to me to take you out on patrol more. And maybe I’ll even contact Lydia to be your assistant or something. She’d be good at the paperwork.” He smirked. He liked her well enough…despite what she’d done to the place in her brief time in charge. “Want to go kill some demons?”

[aleclightbroke-blog]

“When do you ever take pictures?” Alec asked incredulously. “There’s no point in getting your little paparazo hopes up because I do not blush.” He glowered. The Lightwood winced a little at Jace’s wiggling. That kid was all muscle but goddamn was his butt nothing but bones. “If I start balding like that? At twenty?” His eyes widened and he shook his head. There were already enough hairy chest jokes to last him a lifetime. Alec didn’t want to be bald up top and furry on his chest so young. That would be signing up to die of ridicule. “No!” He lurched up on his elbows. “Don’t–don’t contact her.” His heart leapt in pace and fear struck his nerves. “I-I can’t.” Alec blinked a few times. “I can’t face her.” He admitted quietly. “And that wouldn’t be fair to her. I promised her an Institute but hey, I miss working out so you can be my unofficial paper-mule?” His face had scrunched in disgust and he shook his head. “Absolutely not, Jace. Do not contact Lydia Branwell.” He lowered himself back down. 

Alec needed a few seconds to exhale the rush of fear and discomfort his parabatai’s idea had brought on. He wasn’t like Jace in that any mention of killing demons was enough to wipe his slate clean. “If it gets you to stop harping me about my sex life then yes.” Alec bucked his legs trying to get Jace off of them.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

"Is paparazo even a word Alec?" Jace asked, smirking. He had every intention of snapping a picture the next time Alec blushed. Just to prove him wrong. He grunted when Alec shot up and moved so he was sitting more or less on Alec's legs. "Chill. I was kidding. You're supposed to laugh. Not freak out." He knew Lydia was a sore spot, a very sore one, but he couldn't let Alex bottle her up too. He shook his head, hair dropping in front of his face. "Sorry."

Jace smiled and slid off Alec's legs with a graceful hop. "Come on slow poke. There's demons to kill out there." Jace was itching for a fight. Punching a bag only went so far these days. Othing felt quite like the stab of a blade. Jace stared at Alec impatiently, tapping his toes.

[aleclightbroke-blog]

Alec let out a puff of air as Jace flopped on him. The kid was small but damn was he dense. All muscle and hardly an ounce of fat on him. He forced himself to keep his stare stony when Jace said Magnus’s name just to spite his parabatai. “Children blush. Little girls blush. Alec Lightwood doesn’t blush.”

“All this head of Institute stuff is making me soft.” He poked his own side. “I don’t have the same amount of free time to allot to the field or to training anymore. Before you know it I’ll look just like dad.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

“Oh. No blush? I’m a little sad now.” Jace joked, smirking. “Alec Lightwood blushes. I’ve seen it. Often lately.” Jace felt a flash of jealousy but stuffed it. “Next time I’m taking a picture. Don’t hold it against me when it does...and it will, happen.”

“Looking like dad isn’t a bad thing.” Jace said, adjusting himself so he could settle better. “Then I guess it’sup to me to take you out on patrol more. And maybe I’ll even contact Lydia to be your assistant or something. She’d be good at the paperwork.” He smirked. He liked her well enough...despite what she’d done to the place in her brief time in charge. “Want to go kills some demons?”

[aleclightbroke-blog]

“My sex life isn’t your business.” He muttered, cheeks burning red and arms crossed firmly. Alec scoffed. “I do not blush. Get your eyes checked, Jace.” He opened his office door and stepped inside. In one fluid movement, all 75 inches of him fell length wise onto the couch. 

[blankurlherepls-blog]

“Yeah. You can keep those details to yourself.” Jace said, waving his hand and not wasting a beat dropped himself on top of Alec. “I don’t need to get my eyes checked. You need to take a look in the mirror whenever I say Magnus Bane.” He smirked. “Surprisingly you make a rather good cushion. I think I’ll stay.”

[blankurlherepls-blog]

Jace grunted as he sat on the bench, glad he’d chosen to bring his jacket. It covered his torn up shirt pretty well and Jace didn’t want to draw attention to it. Too tired and wore out to go the final couple blocks to the Institute he leaned his head back and sighed. He watched the approaching feet out of the corner of his eyes and cursed himself for not applying a glamour rune. “This bench is taken. Begone.”

[aleclightbroke-blog]

Alec rolled his eyes too flustered to think about any possible come backs. It wasn’t like he could rag on Jace never reading or anything. When he met the boy it was all he did. That blonde was brilliant brain in disguise. “It does not.” He shot back, making a face and shaking his head. “And how does one train to lie better, Jace?” Alec laughed and rolled his eyes for the thousandth time that day. “That’s exactly what I hear when you talk about stuff that’s not your business.” He said, following him to his office.

[blankurlherepls-blog]

“If it’s your business it’s my business.” Jace said, serious for a second before flashing a blinding smile. “And it so does. You’ve turned red every time I say his name. As for learning to lie...guess it’s time you learned from the master.” Jace jabbed a thumb into his chest, grinning. “Step one. Stop blushing. Think you can do that?”