. DEATH / BLED *

Independent and selective multi-muse for multiple fandoms.

[bledeath]

#BLEDEATH : a study in magnitudes and multitudes, reclamation in what’s owed, stepping into one's own power, redemption vs revenge, softness when allowed, and ruthlessness when necessary.

A 25+ private, medium activity, highly selective independent multi-muse blog from the likes of TWILIGHT, THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, THE MAGICIANS, and more. Drained by Kenz ( she/her • PST • 27 )

Read my rules and their biographies for any canon divergencies before interacting.

LINKS : carrd | rules | muses | starter calls | opens | ask memes | promo | credit

also found at victorylost + stxrubys + rebxkahs

[rebxkahs]

If you're ready,

let me KNOW ©

[bledeath]

. OOC / KENZ SPEAKS *

Hey guys, I'll be more on after the 18th. Life has gotten a bit busy: there have been some changes in my house, a family member is coming to stay with me for a bit soon, I'm really struggling to establish a routine, etc. I'll still be lurking, ofc, but replies might be slower, and there'll be fewer posts in general. Thank you for understanding! <3

[myfanwymusings]

TAYLOR SWIFT / FOLKLORE

Below is a collection of lyric starters taken from Taylor Swift’s eighth album ‘folklore’. The album holds references to: sex, alcohol, blood, depression, warfare, toxic relationships, medical failure, death as well as lines that could be taken as suicidal thoughts and parental abuse— so please be mindful if you are sensitive to these subjects. All lyrics are posted as written on the album, but feel free to change pronouns or words to fit your purposes. This has been edited and reposted from my old blog.

the 1

i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit.

i thought I saw you at the bus stop

the greatest films of all time were never made

if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed

we were something, don’t you think so?

if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you

in my defense, i have none for never leaving well enough alone

it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one

you know the greatest loves of all time are over now

if one thing had been different would everything be different today?

cardigan

when you are young, they assume you know nothing

i felt like I was an old cardigan

a friend to all is a friend to none

to kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed

you drew stars around my scars but now I’m bleedin’

i knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs

cause i knew everything when I was young

i knew i’d curse you for the longest time

i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired and you’d be standin’ in my front porch light

i knew you’d come back to me

the last great american dynasty

the wedding was charming, if a little gauche

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen

who knows, if she never showed up, what could’ve been

she had a marvelous time ruining everything

there goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen

i had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile

i can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body

it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it

you were my town, now I’m in exile

i can see you starin’, honey, like he’s just your understudy

I’m not your problem anymore, so who am i offending now?

there is no amount of crying i can do for you

you didn’t even hear me out

you didn’t even see the signs

cause you never gave a warning sign

i gave so many signs

my tears ricochet

if I’m on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too

even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?

cause i loved you, i swear i loved you til my dying day

i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace

if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?

you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me

you know i didn’t want to have to haunt you

when i’d fight, you used to tell me i was brave

and i can go anywhere i want just not home

you can aim for my heart, go for blood but you would still miss me in your bones

you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

mirrorball

i’ll show you every version of yourself tonight

i want you to know i’m a mirrorball, i can change everything about me to fit in

i’m still a believer, but i don’t know why

seven

are there still beautiful things?

and though i can’t recall your face i still got love for you

love you to the moon and to saturn

i think your house is haunted. your dad is always mad and that must be why

i think you should come live with me

august

never have i ever before

will you call when you’re back at school?

i remember thinkin’ i had you

for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all

so much for summer love

you weren’t mine to lose

i can see us twisted in bed sheets

this is me trying

i’ve been having a hard time adjusting

i didn't know if you’d care if i came back

i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could’ve followed my fears all the way down

they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential

my words shoot to kill when i’m mad, i have a lot of regrets about that

it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound

illicit affairs

that’s  the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing  stares, it’s born from just one single glance but it dies a million  little times

you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else

don’t call me “kid,”

don’t call me “baby”

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else

you know damn well, for you, i would ruin myself a million little times

invisible string

were there clues i didn’t see?

isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me?

time cutting me open, then healing me fine

mad woman

what did you think i’d say to that?

fuck you forever

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy

when you say i seem angry, i get more angry

it’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together

i’m taking my time cause you took everything from me

epiphany

sir, i think he’s bleeding out

you dream of some epiphany, just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen

doc, i think she’s crashing out

some things you just can’t speak about

betty

i won’t make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom but i think it’s ‘cause of me

the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you

would you trust me if i told you it was just a summer thing?

i don’t know anything but i know i miss you

if i just showed up at your party, would you have me?

peace

our coming-of-age has come and gone

i never had the courage of my convictions

i could never give you peace

i’m a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade, ocean wave blues come

all these people think love’s for show but i would die for you in secret

would it be enough if i could never give you peace?

your integrity makes me seem small

i’d give you my sunshine, give you my best but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standin’ with me

hoax

you know i left a part of me back in new york

you knew the hero died so what’s the movie for?

darling, this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart

don’t want no other shade of blue but you. no other sadness in the world would do

the lakes

i don’t belong and, my beloved, neither do you

Is it romantic how all my elegies eulogize me?

those windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry

take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die

i’ve come too far to watch some namedropping sleaze tell me what are my words worth

i haven’t moved in years

i want you right here

i want to watch wisteria grow

i’m setting off, but not without my muse

i’m setting off, but not without you  

[bledeath]

. OOC / KENZ SPEAKS *

This is a permanent starter call for all my muses, so do give it a like if you want my hooligans to bother your hooligans. Please specify which muse + if you're a multi as well, who you want it for.

[yayobabydolll]

inspo

[fayechambered]

I'm not gonna turn someone who learned everything he knows about vampires from Netflix.

[bledeath]

BELLA SWAN : Obsession or BPD?

Before we discuss this, we have to go back to the basics of what Borderline Personality Disorder actually is. Below are the diagnostic criteria for the disorder. This is going to be a long one, so I'm adding it under the read more line. Now, I would like to preface this by noting that it is usually frowned upon to diagnose a teenager; however, I think Bella's consistency and intensity in these emotions and experiences allow us to do so.

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

Fear of abandonment: This doesn't just apply to Edward. When Jacob leaves her, even if she pushed him away, she panics. Each time. When she finally cuts the cord in Eclipse and is mourning his loss, we see Edward concerned. Because he knows this isn't how a "normal" person would react. It is like someone has DIED. Like a part of her died. But she says herself, there is a worse pain (recalling when Edward left her). It also extends to her panic when Alice goes to leave in New Moon, and Bella needs the reassurance that she isn't leaving for good, just until Jacob leaves.

Unstable or changing relationships: Bella tends to avoid attaching herself to people, so there isn't really a way to see this in her behavior. This is partly due to being a parentified child and partly to a subconscious fear of getting close to people. She knows she cares too deeply for most of the people around her. There's a fear of being too much for them.

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self: She doesn't really see herself clearly, as stated by everyone who speaks to her about her influence on people. She thinks she's a dull and boring human, someone who fades into the background. Bella hasn't really had the luxury of building a sense of self, so whenever anyone says anything about her, she internalizes it. 

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors: Jumping off a cliff without checking the weather? Motorcycles? Punching a werewolf in the face? Not running from a bunch of men trying to assault her, but trying to fight them instead? It isn't about poor survival skills; it's a lack of care for her survival.

Suicidal behavior or self-injury: While Bella isn't actively suicidal, she obviously cares very little about living outside of those she loves. When she almost drowns from cliff jumping, her thoughts weren't about trying to survive as much as they were about finally feeling peace. This is what one would call passively suicidal. However, she does not self-harm.

Varied or random mood swings: Bella very rarely ever has an emotion lightly or for too terribly long unless the emotion is dread, anxiety, or depression. A lot of her moods, too, are dependent on how others around her feel. Although Bella is usually pretty numb due to the intensity of her emotions. She cycles between numb and deregulated.

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness: This one is self-explanatory if you've read the books, so I won't spend time on it. Even Jasper feels compelled to call her out on this in Twilight by saying, "You're wrong. You are worth it."

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights: Bella frequently displays outbursts of anger and rage, namely, slapping Paul. However, most of her rage is kept inside and directed inward towards herself, which leads to anxiety. It's why she stress-cleans so much.

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality: Bella's paranoia is that she isn't that important in others' lives; therefore, the effort they put into her is even more of a burden. She's also consistently wondering when Edward will abandon her, when Jacob will realize she's not worth it, when her friends will give up on her, etc.

So, you can see that Bella fits 9/9.

Now, for Quiet BPD, the lens focuses, though I do feel required to state that subtypes are not a DSM-5 diagnostic tool; however, clinicians have been using them for years. Symptoms can be expressed very differently from person to person; thus, the subtype "Discouraged" or "Quiet" BPD:

intense mood swings that you manage to hide from others

suppressing feelings of anger or denying that you feel angry

withdrawing when you're upset

avoiding talking to others who have upset you and cutting them off instead

blaming yourself whenever there's a conflict

persistent feelings of guilt and shame

having a "thin skin" and taking things personally

feeling like you're a burden to others

people-pleasing, even at a cost to yourself

social anxiety and self-isolation

fear of being alone, yet pushing people away at the same time

I would also like to point out that Bella has a "Favorite Person," otherwise known as an FP. While this is also not a standard DSM-5 diagnostic tool, it is considered common within the community. If you guessed that it was Edward, you'd be correct.

These are the signs of an FP:

frequently seeking the person's approval or guidance, feeling abandoned if the individual is unavailable or unresponsive, fluctuating between extreme admiration and dismissal of the FP, also known as "splitting" (Bella splits briefly and mostly on herself, however)

feeling increasingly anxious about the FP leaving them

feeling as though they cannot live without them

[bledeath]

"You must be really desperate to come here for help. What's in it for me?"

[whenrpmemesattack]

SEND “⚡️” AND A QUESTION AND MY MUSE WILL BE FORCED TO ANSWER HONESTLY

[bledeath]

It was an icy, bone-chilling day in western Washington, and in her haste not to be late for work, Bella tripped over her own two feet getting out of her truck. When she realized someone was also in the parking lot, her cheeks burned hot as she stood up and used her truck to steady herself.

Forcing a nervous laugh, she mumbled, "I'm fine–sorry."

[jeremydied]

ITS STILL DARK OUT. The moon hangs and the reflection beams through window of the bathroom just as much as it does the giant windows that sit in his bedroom. Jeremy's slowly ridding himself of mud and dirt that rests along the crevices of his body, a little too much running around in the woods trying to find out information on his own rather than being suggested by Salvatores. Jeremy was almost finished by the time he heard the melody of Anna's voice. She's grown on him since she first appeared.

"Are you trying to see me naked?" Tongue in cheek, towel hanging from his body as he finally opens the door to the bathroom to look at her. "Pervert." But his smile is genuine, wandering over to grab a pair of boxers and one of his band tees. "Don't look."

[bledeath]

"Guilty." But she did cover her eyes to give him privacy nonetheless, and when she heard he was decent, she removed her hands.

“What were you up to so early–don’t you know there are evil vampires running around at this hour?” Her typical playful smirk spread throughout her face as she sat up against his headboard. Though lighthearted, there was a slight warning to this. She knew Jeremy could handle himself, but there was always the off chance…

[malka-lisitsa]

@bledeath requested a starter for Anna.

The moment they got their hands on that watch Katherine knew what was coming. Emily Bennett had created that machine for the purpose of aiding vampire hunters, the second that bastard John Gilbert got his hands on it Katherine knew that shit was about to hit the fan.

Turns out she was right. They set the device off, and all hell broke loose. Katherine was out of range, it would be dumb for her to reside in mystic falls where it'd be so easy for someone to catch a glimpse of her in the window of someone else's house and start a rumor about Elena. She wasn't ready for them to know she was back yet. Everything according to plan.

Still it was so loud and aggressive she could hear it faintly, she knew it was being activated. Katherine knew that the Salvatores had friends that wouldn't be affected, friends that would keep them from being killed. Even if one brother did get caught the other would never let them die. She could count on that like she could count on the sun rising.

What she couldn't count on was someone saving Anna.

It was dangerous, and stupid she knew it was. Stepping out of the house before that machine was finished, but Katherine was far older than all of the other vampires in town. It would hurt, but it wouldn't put her out. Still it was a risk.

For a moment the vampire paced, thumb nail between teeth as she weighed her options. Risk factors. D E B T S.

Its stupid she can't risk it.

But Pearl and Anna suffered a fate she never meant for them to have in 1864 and she couldn't save them then. She can save them now. Her family. What little she has left.

Anxiety filled Katherine's chest and she angrily flipped a coffee table. It was overwhelming, it was like her feet would not move towards the door. Her survival instincts refused to let her.

Come on Katherine. Do the right thing for once in your LIFE.

A lamp soon crashed against the wall and it was for some reason the last bit of anger she needed before she could speed out of the house.

The ringing is louder, painful but bearable. She has to listen though it to find them. She can't hear Pearl, which worries her, but she can hear Anna screaming. Gritting teeth so hard her gums ache, Katherine sped off in that direction. Its clumsy, the box is affecting her just about how she assumed it would. This is stupid she's going to get herself KILLED. But Anna NEEDS HER and she wasn't there the last time. Just like she wasn't there for Nadia.

It doesn't take her long to see Anna being drug along by one of Johns men. Rage fueling her she speeds forward and tears into him in a split second. His throat is gone before he can even cry for help. Katherine wasted no time snatching up Anna and speeding back out to a safe distance. Ears bleeding she all but crashed to the forest floor with the girl she had just rescued. It was faint now. They were out of it, but it still hurt. Her head still felt like it was trying to tear itself apart.

When she opened her eyes her vision was a little blurry but it was starting to refocus as the box's effects started to wear off.

Hands shaking, Katherine moved to sit propped up against a tree closer to Anna. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to listen, but she still couldn't hear Pearl. All the same, they both knew if given the choice, Pearl would have wanted her to save Anna.

And against all her better judgement... she had.

Voice strained as she recovered from the ache that seemed to radiate in her bones, Katherine looked over at the unconscious girl.

"when you wake up... you owe me a drink."

[bledeath]

The last thing Anna saw was two men closing in on her while Jeremy was consoling her, and then it went black. When her eyes fluttered open, she shot up much too quickly and fell back down on the underbrush with her eyes closed.

She must be dead. John's plan worked, and she died to the very device that had been used against her before.

"Mom?" The word fell out in a whispered plea. Where was her mother? She tried to focus on her, but then, if she were dead, she wouldn't have hypersensitive hearing anymore, would she?

No. She was still alive. That much was apparent when her ears still rang, and she could hear the chaos still ensuing. Then... who pulled her out?

Her eyes popped open, she sat up more slowly, and called, "Jeremy?" Immediately cursing herself for putting him in danger. He was all she had now. How could she be so reckless? She didn’t have much experience being around humans–or anyone, lately, for that matter–she’d forgotten how fragile they were. At least, when you cared for them. Next time, she would try not to collapse into him if danger came her way, she resolved.

But it wasn't Jeremy that her eyes landed on. Her eyes grew even wider, then quickly into squints. Suspicion was the first emotion that saturated her. What were the great Katherine Pierce’s plans now? Why was she here? Was the device, once again, a tool in one of her elaborate schemes?

The emotion was rapidly followed by scorn. Anna didn’t quite know whether it was deserved. Ever since that day in 1864, her feelings towards Katherine were always muddled. Oddly enough, maybe even fittingly, she would often split the doppelganger into two people to grapple with the conflicting emotions. She was unsure which person saved her: Katerina Petrova, her sire and found family, or Katherine Pierce, the one who left both her and her mother out of the loop and to rot.

"You?" Anna nearly spat the word, but the rage didn't quite reach her eyes. There was a considerable amount of gratitude underneath all the conflict. Anna was many things, but she did not have a death wish.

[bledeath]

Anna, being Anna, crept into @jeremydied's room when she heard him showering in the early hours. Unable to resist, she lay on his bed as if it were her own. Her eyes closed as she allowed herself a brief respite of relaxation; there was something so S A F E about just being near Jeremy for her.

"Hurry up in there, will you?" She finally called, opening her eyes, followed by a tiny bout of snickering.

[bledeath]

. OOC / KENZ SPEAKS *

This is a permanent starter call for all my muses, so do give it a like if you want my hooligans to bother your hooligans. Please specify which muse + if you're a multi as well, who you want it for.

[parineetas]

EMILY THORNE Revenge 3.04 "Mercy"

[magiciansource]

I don’t really know why you’re putting yourself out so much for us, but it’s pretty cool.