Sarah Gadon for Glamour Magazine Italy (September 2015) [x]
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Sarah Gadon for Glamour Magazine Italy (September 2015) [x]
Summer breeze for luck
fontanarat:
The man brushed his hand up and down her shoulder comfortingly, his thumb continuing to brush away her tears as long as they kept falling. Grayson whispered words of comfort into her hair as she finally calmed down, giving her arm a final comforting squeeze before remaining still along her shoulder. It was weird to think the two of them were huddled together like this, still standing outside the baby store where he had originally spotted her. So much for that hour of coffee.
Watching her go from starting to explain the name to pushing off of him to question how he felt, Grayson finally dropped his hand from her cheek, returning it to her stomach gently. “I’m feeling a lot of things right now, darling.” He started, his lips curling into an uncertain smirk as he dropped his gaze to his hand. “But - angry? No. Not at you, anyway. Myself, yeah.” Returning his gaze to hers, Grayson gave a soft shrug of his shoulders. The words were true, still angry at himself for the mistakes he had made. However the man shook the thoughts from his mind, instead focusing on the answer she provided for him. “Smart move.” He commented, giving a breath of a laugh. “I was supposed to be a Charlie.” Another small tidbit of information he rarely shared. Something stupid his mother had once mentioned offhandedly to him, making him almost thankful his eyes had been gray enough at birth to warrant a name change. “Don’t want to give the kid an unfitting name before you meet him, right?”
Finally dropping both his hands from the woman’s body, Grayson gave a small sigh. His smile dropping from his lips once more, staring silently at the woman for a few moments. “So, you really have to be alone to get through this…?” He finally asked, repeating her earlier words with a small sense of dissatisfaction, his head tilting questioningly to the side as he waited for an answer.
Hazel studied the man with much adoration lingering in her eyes. She felt like an idiot, having intentionally kept the knowledge away from him he was to become a father in due time. Her worries of him disliking the idea of a toddler clinging to his leg seemed idiotic by now, but she had her good reasons for having kept the truth from him, even after his initial response which had turned out better than she had expected, she knew it had been for the best. The Grayson that stood before her now seemed the same but still so different from the Grayson she had left those months ago.
She wiped away the wetness on her cheeks from the sizzle of rain that fell down from the skies, one would barely feel it unless they had stood still for a long amount of time, but Hazel couldn’t care less if it rained this little or if a hurricane would descend upon the city. Her lips spread into a smile, a breath escaping them mixed with a laugh at his confession. “Charlie Porter.” She repeated, placing her hands on the top of her stomach, staying clear from Grayson’s hands to give him the space to feel the belly that contained his child safe and sound in her womb. “I like names with a C however.” She admitted, looking down at her belly, sheltered by four loving hands.
It would have been easy to keep herself occupied just by looking at twenty fingers, tracing the fabric of her sweater, she could’ve even sworn there was a slight movement inside of her body, another sign of life desperate to be shown to the world. Unfortunately it hadn’t been for Grayson to feel it, as his hands had left a second prior to the short event. Blue orbs moved back up to face the man that towered over her. It was in the silence in which he stared at her that her mind went absolutely blank, not having realised her hand had moved out to place itself on his lower arm, as if to serve as an anchor that would keep him from turning away from her, only to have her hand slowly slide down until finding a grip with his own hand, safe and secured.
Words echoed through her head, serving as both a reminder of her own words and perhaps as a slight hint of knowledge that he was making it known he would support her if she welcomed it. He hadn’t said the words, and maybe it was what she wanted it to mean but Hazel gave no reply. Squeezing his hand in a silent reminder that it was still there, the woman balanced herself on the tip of her toes, lifting herself up and having him meet her halfway by having her free hand placed on the back of his neck, pulling him down gently so that she could place her lips against his. A reply to his words that he, hopefully, would correctly translate.
Summer breeze for luck
It took a lot of self control for the rat not to instantly glare accusingly across the way at the couple throwing looks towards them. It was a habit that he performed all too often, but perhaps for Hazel’s sake, could once be overlooked. Instead, the couple was given an almost sympathetic glance, before his attention returned to the unraveling woman before him.
The man’s hand dropped slowly as she spoke, fretfully confirming the knowledge that the child he had felt kicking minutes ago was actually his. For quite a few moments, Grayson simply stood silently, hands by his side as his gaze lingered carefully on Hazel’s. The informant wasn’t sure how he felt about the information, especially considering somehow it almost wasn’t new information to him. As if somewhere in the back of his mind, Gray always had the slightest idea this was the truth. Puzzle pieces that he unconsciously put together but never paid attention to until the actual idea was right in front of him.
Without warning, Grayson wrapped an arm around the frail woman’s shoulder, gently pulling her against his side, as his free hand pushed her head against his chest. Brushing his thumb along the woman’s cheek once more, the informant released a heavy breath, shaking his head slightly as if in disbelief. The man still didn’t speak as he held her, trying to sooth the constant flow of tears that feel from her tired blue eyes. Oddly enough, Grayson even surprised himself to find he wasn’t angry with her actions. A little disappointed she’d waited this long to tell him, scared even, because what if he were no better than his own father? Hell, the realization that now, not only had he nearly killed Hazel, but his own child as well weighed heavily on him. But not angry. After all, he wasn’t even sure if he’d tell himself were he in the nurse’s position.
“I..-” Words failed to come to him when he tried to offer some kind of assurance, not wanting Hazel to get the wrong idea. “Did you pick a name?” He asked, his brows furrowing as the words left his lips, obviously confusing even himself with his seemingly odd choice of questioning. But perhaps it wasn’t just an odd question, but a deep rooted curious one. The urge to know what his son was named.
The moment he pulled her against him she was shocked, least to say. But the tears kept on flowing even as he brushed his thumb along her cheek. After a while, she allowed herself to exhale deeply, close her eyes and listen to the soothing sound of his heartbeat. Though it was not slow, it was ever so calming to her. That he was actually there and that he showed her kindness, which had been something she had longed for, for so long.
The moment he spoke, or at least he tried to, she opened her eyes once more. Dreading what he was going to say. Was he going to tell her that he couldn’t be a father? That he wasn’t happy? That she had wasted her chance? She slowly began to grip onto his shirt, waiting for the final blow.
Did you pick a name?
“Not yet, I --” she had to stop herself for a moment, blinking a few times as she realised what he just asked. Placing both hands against his chest, she pulled herself up straight, looking up at him with red and wet eyes. “You’re-- You’re not angry?” She asked him in disbelief, blinking a couple of times to get rid of the blurry sight caused by the few remaining tears. She sniffed, wiping her nose with her sleeve before she shook her head. “I had a few names in mind. But I couldn’t decide. I would choose when he was born.”
Summer breeze for luck
“ I don’t know– I guess, my parents, his father.. foster care.” she whispered the last words, sending shivers down her spine at the very thought. She hadn’t given any piece of mind about this subject. She had no siblings, her parents didn’t talk to her. Who did she have but the foster system?“
“Grayson–” she slacked out, tears filling her eyes and her voice hoarse as one of the tears slipped over her cheek. “I just–” she sniffed, taking half a step away from him. “I couldn’t let him live a lie.” She hoarsely spoke, shaking her head. “I decided to live the lie. I have to keep it up.” She knew she had to. He would find it eventually anyhow. “I couldn’t let him pretend being the father because he felt like he had to for my sake. What would that make me?”
“He won’t end up in foster care.” He stated, having easily heard the concerned words she uttered. Grayson wouldn’t allow it, if only because that would mean that first off, something would have to happen to her.
“Hey-easy. It’s okay.” His hands raised in an innocent gesture, the step back that she had taken proving useless as he took one towards her. In all the things the woman had shown him, the intimacy, the fear, the anger, and the happiness, never had she actually cried in front of him. He only now realized how much of a blessing that had been. “I don’t understand…” He trailed off, brushing a thumb gently over her cheek to rid the tears from her face. “What, you’re saying Warren’s not the father? Who the fu…-” She had showed up at his house to talk to him about something serious. they had fought and she never told him what it was about. She had grilled him about his future kids after his drunk escapade. She couldn’t lie to him anymore. Raising a hand towards himself, Grayson pointed to his chest with an expression that could probably be defined as nothing more than priceless if the situation had been any different. “Haze…”
She shook her head desperately, the tears pouring down her cheek. From the corner of her eyes she noticed a couple walking by, shooting glances at them but taking no action to go towards them. Grayson wasn't hurting her anyhow. And pregnancy meant hormones which also meant a lot of tears. It was common so to say.
"No.. No he's not, I--"
Her bottom lip quivered uncontrollably. Eyes cast on him when he slowly moved his hand and pointed at his own chest. It took a couple of seconds until she finally nodded, panic setting in as she took a step forwards.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wanted to tell you but I got all these signs, I didn't want to burden you with a child, with me. I didn't know what to do so I told Warren and I would have kept it a secret and left but then the assault happened and -- I'm so .. So sorry."
Summer breeze for luck
Guilt started to seep in her bones. Pressing her lips tightly together as she looked up at him. “That’s exactly the reason I can’t have him here.” She whispered, lowering her face the moment he let go of her chin, not being able to look him in the eye.
“Perhaps it is best I go home, Grayson.” She sadly spoke, sniffing softly. “I’m a liar, and I couldn’t do that to Warren. God knows I can’t bring myself up to lie any more to you. I have to be alone to get through this. I can’t handle any more hurt.”
The raised brow instantly dropped at her words, the half smile ebbing from his features just as quickly. Placing his hands upon his hips, Grayson bit his lip to prevent himself from cutting into the sudden upset words that she spoke. Remaining silent for a moment, Grayson bent slightly to match her height, trying to meet the nurse’s gaze despite the fact she was doing everything she could to avoid his.
“Hazel…” He started with a stern tone, curious as usual, but the tilt of concern was there as well, wondering what could have possibly caused such a change in mood. She might’ve said it was her choice not to have Warren here, but god forbid that man had done something he would- “-I’m the liar, remember? That’s usually my job, it doesn’t suit you. But even if it did, you don’t have to be alone; you shouldn’t be alone, I mean that’s bullshit. What if something happens to you?” An idea had crossed his mind by the time he finished his question, an idea that almost seemed ridiculous if it didn’t match up with every little thing he had noticed. The man was quick to remove that thought from his mind, even if his eyes narrowed slightly as he returned his gaze to hers. “Why are you a liar…?”
" I don't know-- I guess, my parents, his father.. foster care." she whispered the last words, sending shivers down her spine at the very thought. She hadn't given any piece of mind about this subject. She had no siblings, her parents didn't talk to her. Who did she have but the foster system?"
"Grayson--" she slacked out, tears filling her eyes and her voice hoarse as one of the tears slipped over her cheek. "I just--" she sniffed, taking half a step away from him. "I couldn't let him live a lie." She hoarsely spoke, shaking her head. "I decided to live the lie. I have to keep it up." She knew she had to. He would find it eventually anyhow. "I couldn't let him pretend being the father because he felt like he had to for my sake. What would that make me?"
Summer breeze for luck
“I know.” She joyously said. “It freaked me out too first time.” Now she was just waiting for the baby to turn around, that’d freak her out even more. “Oh? Are they now?” She mused, finding the old sparkle back in her eyes again, but only shortly; for she noticed the troubled expression in his.
“Just what?” she gently encouraged him, but at his answer she looked down. She had anticipated the question, and it made her doubtfully distant instantly. “He’s in Fontana, as you well know.” She answered him, running her hand over her arm. “It was my decision. I couldn’t have him around. I figured I deserved to do this on my own.. without support. I don’t know. Let’s not talk about it.”
“I can’t imagine how this feels on your end, Sweetheart.” He replied with a laugh, calloused fingers moving delicately along the material covering her stomach. Giving an over confident nod, Grayson raised a brow as he looked the woman up and down teasingly. “Yes ma’am. But, boys…Now they’re the easy ones.”
A single side of the man’s lips pulled back into a sad smile as he watched her, not sure if he was comforted by her words, or annoyed. Uncrossing a single arm, Grayson reached out, placing two fingers beneath her chin to raise her gaze to his. “Haze…” The informant released a small breath, his head tilting not unlike her own had moments ago. “You shouldn’t have to go through this alone if you don’t have to. The guy’s an ass, but he’s the kid’s dad, and I don’t doubt he’d want to help you.” Grayson dropped the hand holding her chin, his shoulders shrugging lightly. The woman had always been stubborn, he just wished she would realize when it was time to ask for a little support. “I want to talk about it, but if you don’t, then so be it. Regardless, I’m still going to buy you your overly fancy tea, and ask you to tell me all about this dinky little town you’ve decided to call your home.”
Guilt started to seep in her bones. Pressing her lips tightly together as she looked up at him. "That's exactly the reason I can't have him here." She whispered, lowering her face the moment he let go of her chin, not being able to look him in the eye.
"Perhaps it is best I go home, Grayson." She sadly spoke, sniffing softly. "I'm a liar, and I couldn't do that to Warren. God knows I can't bring myself up to lie any more to you. I have to be alone to get through this. I can't handle any more hurt."
Summer breeze for luck
How she had missed that look in his eyes. The curious and boyish one he ever so often got. Though she had almost forgotten how it looked like by now and to see it at this moment was a refreshment. She placed her hands upon his, guiding it to the bottom of her belly where, sure enough, a small kick was felt, followed by a hard one. “He.” She confirmed, already knowing it would be a boy for a short while. Her decision for it to be a surprise spoiled by her curiosity. At least it helped her to arrange the nursery.
As soon as the kicking died out, Hazel only let go of his hand seconds after, breathing out slowly as she then smiled at him once more only to notice the look on his face, which had meant he was in thoughts, and it wasn’t a pleasant one from the looks of it.
“What is it?” She asked him, tilting her head the slightest as if that would help her to decipher the puzzled look in his eyes.
The very moment Grayson laid his palm along her belly he nearly pulled it back at the feeling of the kick. The only thing keeping him from doing so being Hazel’s hand along his, though he was sure she felt his hand twitch. He couldn’t deny it was an odd feeling, possibly even a creepy one if he hadn’t known it was a human being inside of her. The corners of his lips turned up in a smile as she confirmed the gender, giving a small shake of his head as if he didn’t believe it. “Good. Girls are a goddamn handful.” He prodded with a teasing tone, his eyes glancing up to gauge her reaction before returning to their hands.
Grayson allowed his fingers to trail over her stomach absently after she removed her own hand, only dropping his own back to his side after she spoke. His gaze met hers after a pause, noting the questioning expression occupying her features. Apparently in the months they had been apart, the woman’s ability to tell when something was on his mind hadn’t faded. “Nothin’… It’s just…”
Grayson forced a small smile, his hands raising in a small shrug like gesture. “Where’s Warren?” He finally asked, his expression turning the slightest bit more serious as he folded his hands along his chest once more. “I mean, do I have to kick his ass for not being here and helping you through this, or was this your decision?”
"I know." She joyously said. "It freaked me out too first time." Now she was just waiting for the baby to turn around, that'd freak her out even more. "Oh? Are they now?" She mused, finding the old sparkle back in her eyes again, but only shortly; for she noticed the troubled expression in his.
"Just what?" she gently encouraged him, but at his answer she looked down. She had anticipated the question, and it made her doubtfully distant instantly. "He's in Fontana, as you well know." She answered him, running her hand over her arm. "It was my decision. I couldn't have him around. I figured I deserved to do this on my own.. without support. I don't know. Let's not talk about it."
Summer breeze for luck
“… As much as I am able to.” She spoke, not wanting to give away she barely got any sleep. Whereas she was told to get at least ten hours of sleep in one day, she got maybe half of it. Seven if she was lucky. “Only next month. I need all the money I can use. Maternal leave doesn’t pay as much as you think it does.” And there was the ugly truth. She was barely able to sustain herself now, her saving from the lost used for a safe house environment. Now it was scraping by to keep herself fed and have everything complete for the baby’s arrival.
She hesitated, fumbling with the strap of her bag, something she always ended up in doing when he stood in front of her. “Um–” she began, looking around. “I suppose there’s one on the corner.” She spoke, her lips trembling for a short moment as she has an internal debate with herself. “I don’t know, I just–” I don’t want my heart broken again. But whether or not she would walk away now or later, it’d be broken anyhow. Especially in her state. “Okay.” She eventually said before he had a proper chance to reply.
“One hour. Then I–” a halt in her speech, as hands grasped around her belly. In rare moments like these there happened to be a little smile planted on her lips, one she shared with Grayson as she looked up at him. “He’s kicking.” She breathed, holding out her hand. “Want to feel?”
The informant disregarded her first words, already convinced the words were a truth that he didn’t want to hear. However hearing the next comments to leave her lips, Grayson paused, his teeth softly grazing over the inside of his cheek as he thought them over. This had been the second time she had mentioned something about money, the first people the difference in pay now compared to working for the Lost. A scrutinizing gaze focused on Hazel once more, pausing over certain features, like her almost sunken appearing cheeks. He didn’t want to ask, not wishing to upset or offend the woman any more than he had in the past. But in reality, Grayson wasn’t even sure he wanted to know if the woman was making enough to care for both herself and the baby properly.
Bright blue eyes watched her carefully as she hesitated, a foggy memory of a drunken night a long time ago that held the same type of hesitance reappearing in his mind as her hand latched onto the strap of her bag. Had the half formed sentences, and unclear look clouded her features any longer, the rat would have taken back the invitation, the words already on the tip of his tongue. The man had come here to see her, but he had been hoping it would have been a more mutual experience, not one where he was dragging her behind him. “Okay…” He confirmed, though his words lacked their usual confidence, a hand raising to scratch at the back of his neck.
At her abrupt halt, Grayson’s brows instantly knit in concern, a hand raising as worried words slipped from his lips. “Are you alri-” His own question tapered off as he met her gaze, the smile that graced her expression instantly quelling the any fears that had come at her suddenly putting her hands to her stomach. The baby was kicking. “Jesus Christ, Haze.” He said with a breath of a laugh, his new-found tense posture relaxing instantly as he glance away. For a moment, it looked as if the man was about to flat out turn down the offer, however, as the man’s gaze returned to meet Hazel’s, there was certainly a curious glint in his eye. He’d never felt a baby kick before. Hell, the man never had an experience with children or babies in general. Releasing a small sigh, Grayson placed his hand palm up in her own, waiting for her to guide it towards the apparent area of kicking. “He?” He questioned quietly as he did so, wondering briefly is she actually knew, or it had been easier to say. Though, in reality, the rat wasn’t sure why he cared, considering the he was Warren’s, and if he was involved in the kid’s life, no matter how amazing of a mother Hazel would be, he didn’t doubt even the slightly influences from Warren would turn the thing into a little shit.
How she had missed that look in his eyes. The curious and boyish one he ever so often got. Though she had almost forgotten how it looked like by now and to see it at this moment was a refreshment. She placed her hands upon his, guiding it to the bottom of her belly where, sure enough, a small kick was felt, followed by a hard one. "He." She confirmed, already knowing it would be a boy for a short while. Her decision for it to be a surprise spoiled by her curiosity. At least it helped her to arrange the nursery.
As soon as the kicking died out, Hazel only let go of his hand seconds after, breathing out slowly as she then smiled at him once more only to notice the look on his face, which had meant he was in thoughts, and it wasn't a pleasant one from the looks of it.
"What is it?" She asked him, tilting her head the slightest as if that would help her to decipher the puzzled look in his eyes.
Summer breeze for luck
“I am certain that this is the first time.” She mused, a weak smile lingering on her lips and for a moment she laughed. “Well I’m glad, after seven months.” Had it been that long already? Sometimes it just seemed like last week when she moved away from the life she had previously known. Sometimes, it even felt surreal. That she forgot about it completely and then woke up confused about her surroundings. But then again, her dreams helped with that.
“I’ve got this condition, more pregnant women have it, the baby requires me to eat and rest more.” but she worked forty hours per week, and rest was out of the question. But she didn’t want him to know, she could take care of herself, even when it didn’t look like it. She needed the money after all.
“Well.. I wish you luck with that.” Hazel eventually smiled, half turning away to leave when he asked how she had been. There was a moment of silence, so much had happened. She practically lived a lonely life, her condition was getting worse the more the baby was growing, her parents no longer contacted her and financially she wasn’t doing good, but she couldn’t say that, no one could know, if she wanted to be a mother, she had to take care of yourself on her own. “It’s been… Tough but I’m managing. It’s strange, not being paid as much as I was before with the Lost, but I’m used to it now.”
The man listened attentively when she spoke of her condition, a hand coming up to absently scratch at the stubble lining his jaw. “And do you?” Considering she had only just said she was required to do those things but Grayson knew better than anybody that it didn’t mean they fucking did it. His eyes carefully observed her appearance once more, wishing to compare it with how she had looked when they first met, but the mental images of her laid out in the hospital bed were the only ones he could picture.
He had caught the way she had been about to leave, no longer surprised when he felt himself frowning because of it. Ever since what had happened months ago, the man had finally begun to accept he had let himself get too attached. With the attachment would come the guilt, the worry, and the hurt. The feelings he finally realized she had been likely cycling through during their entire fling. Grayson began to say something, a small smile returning to his face for the sake of conversation when he stopped, his brows furrowing in slight confusion. “You’re not…- You’re not still working are you?” He asked with a raised brow, the question almost seeming odd if it wasn’t for the state the woman was in. “I mean, you’re on paid leave surely.”
Raising a hand to run through his hair, Grayson released a small sigh. “Is there like a shitty cafe or something open this late around here?” The rat questioned out of the blue, a charming smile gracing his lips. “If you’d be so kind to give me the time of day- We should talk.”
"... As much as I am able to." She spoke, not wanting to give away she barely got any sleep. Whereas she was told to get at least ten hours of sleep in one day, she got maybe half of it. Seven if she was lucky. "Only next month. I need all the money I can use. Maternal leave doesn't pay as much as you think it does." And there was the ugly truth. She was barely able to sustain herself now, her saving from the lost used for a safe house environment. Now it was scraping by to keep herself fed and have everything complete for the baby's arrival.
She hesitated, fumbling with the strap of her bag, something she always ended up in doing when he stood in front of her. "Um--" she began, looking around. "I suppose there's one on the corner." She spoke, her lips trembling for a short moment as she has an internal debate with herself. "I don't know, I just--" I don't want my heart broken again. But whether or not she would walk away now or later, it'd be broken anyhow. Especially in her state. "Okay." She eventually said before he had a proper chance to reply.
"One hour. Then I--" a halt in her speech, as hands grasped around her belly. In rare moments like these there happened to be a little smile planted on her lips, one she shared with Grayson as she looked up at him. "He's kicking." She breathed, holding out her hand. "Want to feel?"
Summer breeze for luck
Her breath halted for a moment when he spoke, her eyes gliding to his features in the reflection of the window. He had his hair just the way she liked it, which already made her flustered, or at least it would have, if the situation hadn’t been so complicated.
“We wouldn’t want that.” She softly spoke, turning her gaze from the window to turn around and face him, holding onto the straps of her bag and the second hand joined after she had brushed her hair behind her ear. Her hair had grown out, reaching to just beneath her shoulder blades.
“Hi Grayson.” Knowing how he hated people not saying hello or goodbye in the proper way, she said it with half a smile, her tired eyes resting on his posture. “You look good.”
In the depth of her mind she always wondered how he had been doing, if he had been happy, or at least happier without her around. She knew she had an influence on his life, but if it had been a good one was the question. There had been times she had wanted to go back to Fontana and tell him the truth, but the idea gutted her, made her feel sick with the possibilities of him cussing her away. If only she had been able to not feel insecure around him.
“Did work bring you here?”
“Hello Hazel.” He couldn’t help but laugh at that, giving the smallest shake of his head. Though as his gaze met her own, his laugh tapered off into a sigh. He wished he could say the same about the woman in front of him without lying, but to him, she appeared drained. As if the pregnancy had taken a toll on her over these past months, and it probably had. The man wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t notice that Warren was still in Fontana, so who did that leave her with? Had she been doing this all her own? Regardless, the rat gave a shrug at her words, his eyes drifting to his reflection for a second. “It’s probably just the first time you’ve seen me without some form of injury.”
“You look…” His eyes dropped to her stomach, the smirk fading into an actual smile, appearing a lot more teasing. “…Very, very pregnant.” He finished with joking nod, a familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. However it only took a few seconds for his smile to become more concerned, a serious tone accompanying his next words. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good look on you, but you seem pretty exhausted…”
He gave a small nod, his arms finally dropping from his chest to sit absently on his hips. “Yeah. Just a guy who needs reasonable cause to be arrested, and an excuse to see someone I haven’t seen in far too long.” He replied truthfully, his lips parting in a tiny smile. Perhaps if it had been a job requested by one of the gangs, the man would have been less open about it, however seeing as it was just a simple request from Adrian, he didn’t care if she knew. The informant could only hope that knowing that wouldn’t make her think his presence here had nothing to do with her.
“How have you been?” How have you been since we dropped each other from our lives.
"I am certain that this is the first time." She mused, a weak smile lingering on her lips and for a moment she laughed. "Well I'm glad, after seven months." Had it been that long already? Sometimes it just seemed like last week when she moved away from the life she had previously known. Sometimes, it even felt surreal. That she forgot about it completely and then woke up confused about her surroundings. But then again, her dreams helped with that.
"I've got this condition, more pregnant women have it, the baby requires me to eat and rest more." but she worked forty hours per week, and rest was out of the question. But she didn't want him to know, she could take care of herself, even when it didn't look like it. She needed the money after all.
"Well.. I wish you luck with that." Hazel eventually smiled, half turning away to leave when he asked how she had been. There was a moment of silence, so much had happened. She practically lived a lonely life, her condition was getting worse the more the baby was growing, her parents no longer contacted her and financially she wasn't doing good, but she couldn't say that, no one could know, if she wanted to be a mother, she had to take care of yourself on her own. "It's been... Tough but I'm managing. It's strange, not being paid as much as I was before with the Lost, but I'm used to it now."
Summer breeze for luck
Lonesome heels clicked over the pavement of the street that belonged to a city that she now called hers. She hadn’t moved far from Fontana, it had places enough, a new hospital for her to work at, enough places to be with the baby, and even if her house was filled with baby stuff, a nursery and her family came over once in a while, she felt lonely. It had taken her a month to finally get a new number, after many calls of those she left in Fontana. Warren knew, but he respected her choice she wanted to start anew.
She had been too late to get groceries that evening, thus walking back home empty handed, her hands placed upon her belly which was full grown. It looked as if she was ready to give birth any moment, but she needed two months more, it was her tiny posture that made her seem so far ahead, if only she was as happy as she should have been, becoming a parent was a blessing. But picking out children’s names and clothing had stressed her out rather than bring her joy.
The sad feeling once more dawned upon her as she stood in front of a baby store, watching at the happy pictures on the posters of people with their babies or a pregnant woman radiant and smiling. She had been too busy staring at her reflection, the hollow features in her face, that she hadn’t spotted the second reflection in the window.
Life didn’t pause the minute Grayson had walked out of that hospital room many months prior, though in many ways he wished he had. He was aware of the fact Hazel had skipped town sooner after their confrontation, and though he had tried her phone a few time, nothing was ever returned. And so the man was forced to return to life as if he’d never met the woman. It was just him, Kahlua, and nights spent alternating between Devil’s Tap, and the bottle of whiskey he always kept in his kitchen. A life he had been perfectly satisfied with a year ago, now leaving nothing more than a feeling of regret every time he thought too hard about it.
It was only when work gave him the opportunity to hop to the town over that he realized the gift that was presented to him. After all, Grayson was well aware of where the nurse had moved only a few weeks after she had settled in. He had connections after all, and they spread throughout much more than just Fontana. He’d been respectful however. He never sought to follow her, and some nights it was the thing that came to mind when he couldn’t sleep. Whether or not respecting the choice they had made after a mistake was the right move after all.
It had been luck that he had picked the right time to walk back to his hotel, having had enough of the man he was supposed to be gathering information on. He wasn’t here for the job anyway, not in reality. It had only taken a block before someone came into his field of view, standing perfectly still while staring at a store front. It only took a few seconds for the man to recognize Hazel, the biggest thing throwing him off being the size of her pregnant belly. Something that had only been assumed words seven months ago was now a reality in front of him. Grayson didn’t hesitate to approach Hazel, standing just behind her in silence as he glanced first to the poster adorning the window, and then to the expression she wore in her reflection. The differences were all too apparent. His eyes left her reflection to glance at his own for a moment. Blue hues scanning over his own features, for once bearing no sign of injury, faded or fresh, before they rose to his hair. He hadn’t bothered to cut it again since the last time, so it remained long and slicked back like it had been when the pair had first met.
“I remember my mother used to say people glorified pregnancy…-Made it look like it was nothing but sunshine, smiles and all that bullshit. But that anyone who actually went through knew it was rough…” His eyes returned to her reflection as he spoke, a familiar smirk edging onto his lips as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re going to scare all the hopeful future mothers if you keep staring at these posters like that.”
Her breath halted for a moment when he spoke, her eyes gliding to his features in the reflection of the window. He had his hair just the way she liked it, which already made her flustered, or at least it would have, if the situation hadn't been so complicated.
"We wouldn't want that." She softly spoke, turning her gaze from the window to turn around and face him, holding onto the straps of her bag and the second hand joined after she had brushed her hair behind her ear. Her hair had grown out, reaching to just beneath her shoulder blades.
"Hi Grayson." Knowing how he hated people not saying hello or goodbye in the proper way, she said it with half a smile, her tired eyes resting on his posture. "You look good."
In the depth of her mind she always wondered how he had been doing, if he had been happy, or at least happier without her around. She knew she had an influence on his life, but if it had been a good one was the question. There had been times she had wanted to go back to Fontana and tell him the truth, but the idea gutted her, made her feel sick with the possibilities of him cussing her away. If only she had been able to not feel insecure around him.
"Did work bring you here?"
Summer breeze for luck
Lonesome heels clicked over the pavement of the street that belonged to a city that she now called hers. She hadn't moved far from Fontana, it had places enough, a new hospital for her to work at, enough places to be with the baby, and even if her house was filled with baby stuff, a nursery and her family came over once in a while, she felt lonely. It had taken her a month to finally get a new number, after many calls of those she left in Fontana. Warren knew, but he respected her choice she wanted to start anew. She had been too late to get groceries that evening, thus walking back home empty handed, her hands placed upon her belly which was full grown. It looked as if she was ready to give birth any moment, but she needed two months more, it was her tiny posture that made her seem so far ahead, if only she was as happy as she should have been, becoming a parent was a blessing. But picking out children's names and clothing had stressed her out rather than bring her joy. The sad feeling once more dawned upon her as she stood in front of a baby store, watching at the happy pictures on the posters of people with their babies or a pregnant woman radiant and smiling. She had been too busy staring at her reflection, the hollow features in her face, that she hadn't spotted the second reflection in the window.
Biancacesaro’s stepdad.
/sarahgadon Green dress #greensmoothie on the way to press for my #reelside episode @greenhousejuice @hudsonsbay#theroom