Blissfully Flawed Daughter

My experience with divorce, life, love, and trying to get through it with some happiness.

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

You can be here, but don’t say anything.

So when I was a little girl I never imagined my life would turn out this way. I thought that if I tried my best to be a good person and marry a good person that at least my marriage would always be intact. Well that’s not how it turned out. It turns out that I ended up marrying a selfish, childish, irresponsible, man child. He made my life miserable while we were married, divorced me, and now doesn’t really want to be the father of my children. And the worst part of all of it is that he thinks he’s a good father and a good person and takes no responsibility for any of it. Most of the time I feel mad, but it just really covers up the pain and hurt I feel. Where is my justice? Where is my rest?

I am now married to a really great guy. He’s the husband that I always wished I had. He’s slow to anger, apologizes easily, loves me for me, thinks I am beautiful, and just sees himself forever with me. Our relationship is easy, but our life together is not. I have two children and he has three and an ex wife. No one tells you that you will not be in charge of about half of your life. Every other day you do exactly what a mother would do. Clean up throw up, read bedtime stories, make dinner, give baths, brush teeth, pick up from school, and so much more that all mothers freely do for their children. I love my step daughters. The love I feel for them is different then my own children. It comes with no recognition or rights. Today I wondered if they would even come to my funeral when I die. My husband talks to me about things and does take my opinions and feelings into account, but really it’s his ex wife and him that make the decision for their children even though it affects my life too. I can’t really complain because I knew what I was marrying into, but it doesn’t make it any easier. My favorite thing is when they say, “I am not talking about you, I am talking about my real mom.” 

I try to put myself into their mother’s shoes. It must be hard having another woman be with your kids half the time. You would worry if you were being replaced. Plus you don’t think anyone can love them as much as you. I am not a terrible person I realize she has feelings, insecurities, and fears just like I do. I try to be sensitive to them. I am married to my husband, but she’s still the mother of his children. He is not in control of that. It still makes me sad. It’s like I am a visitor or someone watching another persons life, not taking an active roll. I admire the way he has stepped up to be a father to my children. I know just like my love for his girls, his love for my kids is different. He doesn’t snuggle with them the same way, have as much patience with them, it’s just different. He’s not a terrible person, it’s not his fault. It still makes me hurt. I hurt for my kids. I hurt for myself. I just hurt and it doesn’t go away. 

The man I had children with decided I had no worth to him and a few months later he decided the same for our children. My husband’s girls have a mom that love them deeply. My kids are trying to get a replacement dad and sometimes I am afraid it’s not enough. 

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Promises.

The consequences I am experiencing in my life don’t correspond to the choices I have made. I was promised things I did not receive. I married someone I thought would be faithful, kind, a provider, help with our children. I have not been given any of these things. Today I ask how is this fair? I shout it to God, to the sky, to myself. HOW IS THIS FAIR? I guess that is why they say life isn’t fair. 

But unlike my estranged husband I know God will keep all his promises. I have made and kept sacred covenants. I was not a perfect wife, but I have done all I can to create a good marriage. I was ALWAYS faithful. I was EVERYTHING God asked me to be as a wife. So one day I will have the consequences my actions deserve. I have faith that this is truth. 

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Actions mean so much more then what you can say or anyone else!

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

I am trying so hard to stay grounded. How can this be happening? 

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Being mad at him is easier then being in love with you!

My Life

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Harley Quinn's Dream of having a Life with the Joker and their Twins

This scene is Freaking Awesome and i'm interested for her dream so Im sharing this to you :D

Harley Quinn and I have the same dream. I just want to have a “normal” life.

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Broken.

Dreams. Everyone has something that they dream about, something that pulls them toward what they really want. My dream, although simple to some, was just to married. Have a beautiful, crazy life with someone I can grow old with. I have always had hope that things would work out for me someday, but now that dream is completely gone. Yes, maybe one day I can meet someone else and have a wonderful life with them, but my original true dream can never be. 

Now I have to pick up broken pieces of my dream and try to put them back together in a way that will resemble my original dream. But it will always be broken. I think it can be beautiful and wonderful, but I am not sure it will ever be whole. 

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

I just want someone to have a magically, fantastic, boring life with.

[hockmyrock]

#madness #inlovealone #loveandpain #brokenheart #love #heartbreak #relationships #breakups #marriage #divorce #hockmyrock hockmyrock.com

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

I had been dating my boyfriend, Jason, for only a couple of months when he suggested we move across the country to Albuquerque, N.M., where we knew no one, so I could write a novel while he worked to support us. "That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me," I told him. I was 22, and he was 19.

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Feelings are like waves, they never go away. They come in and wash over you and then go away for awhile. Always to come back.

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Quotes

This time, you WILL, stay away.

My life has been a nightmare for the last 10 years and I thought it was something I was doing. It wasn’t!

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know what now seems so obvious in hindsight.

Judy Belmont

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

Distant memory.

Yesterday was the first day I didn’t think of you. I know it is the first day of many I can look forward to. 

This is a letter to you.

To You: There was a time when you used to say mean things and say “Just kidding,” but they weren’t jokes at all. As time went on it progressed to things like, “Stupid, dumbass, bitch!” It ended with “I bet if I hit you, you wouldn’t leave.” You don’t get to talk like that to me anymore! That was abuse! All of it! Every single word and action. You are an abuser! 

At the time I didn’t see it that way. I just thought you were a wounded soul and sometimes were depressed or mean. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I showed you mercy. You showed me none. You were disrespectful, callouss, hateful, and downright destructive. You are the most toxic person I have ever met and I married you. 

Soon this will all be a distant memory. What you did to me did hurt me and almost killed my soul. But I will heal. I have already started to heal and feel myself coming back. I no longer hate myself the way you always wanted me to. I show myself love and forgiveness. Mainly forgiveness for letting myself be treated so badly for so long. I will take responsibility for that. Everything else I give back to you. 

What I didn’t realize was that it was YOUR problem, not mine. I am not lacking, I am good enough the way I am. Worthy of love, respect, kindness, and compassion. The beauty in all of this is I get to move on. I no longer have to worry about what is wrong with you or me or our relationship. I JUST GET TO MOVE ON. 

So I say goodbye to you and the person I used to be with you.

[blissfullyflaweddaughter-blog]

[tanya-nicole]

It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.

Warsan Shire (via tanya-nicole)