GOLDEN BOY.

[ ... ] 𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒃 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫

[blnkgnn]

# BLNKGN :    a study of trauma, loss of purpose, self - villainization, loss of morality and emotional dependency. a reckless, shit-talking idiot with the strength of a tank, the loyalty of a golden retriever, and just enough emotional intelligence to make you question if he’s actually an idiot or a genius in disguise.

ELIAS VANCE :    the human embodiment of "cares about people. doesn't know how to stop caring." — a chaotic mix of brawler strength, dumbass energy, and unexpected emotional depth, wrapped in a smirking, hoodie-stealing menace who somehow always lands on his feet.

# RULES .       # ABOUT .      # INTEREST CHECKER . # MULTI .

casted by richard. 28+. german. verses under cut.

24/7 eli smooch privilege goes to @queenrumi

— MONSTER VERSE

[blnkgnn]

i love how i said "i will try to come back to life" and then proceeded to basically d!e again. if it explains anything though, I tried to study and apply as an instructor for student nurses within my hospital and I got rejected so it wasn't even worth it 🙃

[blnkgnn]

just realized this man might just be the blueprint for "ragebaiter bf"

[blnkgnn]

i'm here but i'm also exhausted

[blnkgnn]

there's only two night sightings you can have with eli. either fully moisturized and dressed in his best clothes OR in ratty sweatpants, a tanktop with the weirdest facemask on that he could find at 7/11

[powerate]

THE BLUEST MOON WILL SOON BE SUN

independent original character. est. march 2026. written by richard / len.

[blnkgnn]

❛ nobody looks good at two in the morning. ❜

⧼ ❛ ⸻ wooooow. ❜ ⧽ a pause, a drawn out response before calloused hands lift to rub thoughtfully over his chin. and then an amused hum betrays the amusement he tried so hard to hide behind a near bored expression. it's a true statement, and yet it seems elias vance is nothing if not deadset on being dramatic about the randomest things. he grins at the other with a hint of wry amusement before shaking his head.

⧼ ❛ not even me?? i'd say i look great at two in the morning. ❜ ⧽

a playful jest, mostly. a hint of humor carrying the undernotes behind his words as elias glances at @sumimasu with a contemplative expression as though he actually meant his question seriously (he didn't, she didn't have to know) rather than a joke.

[blnkgnn]

❛ leave me a voice mail. i won’t check it ’cause it’s not 1993. ❜

⧼ ❛ ⸻ eiji. ❜ ⧽ the name leaves in a rumble; gravelly in indignation as if those words alone had made the rock begin to tumble down a hill. lips purse while brows raise with disbelief at the sheer audacity of such a statement. 1993. as if he had been alive in such a primitive era of technological advancement. distasteful. untrue.

⧼ ❛ buddy. i will cancel your data plans just for implying i'm old. ❜ ⧽

the words leave elias in a perfect blend of bored and offense; as if he's torn between reading into the words and taking them personally and not caring at all. truthfully, maybe if he wasn't already bored he'd let it slide. but forced drama was about as entertaining as the situation could get ⸻ especially if it meant the ability to be creative with comebacks would follow suit not soon after. he knew @solivcgant had a tendency to embody the sassy man apocalypse with his snark so at least he'd get a decent amount of entertainment out of the entire situation.

[blnkgnn]

while i play a bit of league, feel free to go crazy.

[blnkgnn]

eiji he will bite your general direction.

[vincememes]

brooklyn 99 starters

change pronouns as necessary; quotes were taken out of context & are in no specific order.

❛  the english language can’t fully capture the depth & complexity of my thoughts. ❜  

❛  i’m incorporating emojis into my speech to better express myself. winky face.  ❜

❛  with all due respect, i am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.  ❜  

❛  a place where everybody knows your name is hell. you’re describing hell. ❜  

❛  cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. no doubt, no doubt, no doubt.   ❜  

❛  if i die, turn my tweets into a book.  ❜  

❛  anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell. ❜  

❛  why don’t you just do the right thing and jump out of a window? ❜  

❛  i asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes. ❜  

❛  turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength.  ❜  

❛  the doc said all my bleeding was internal, that’s where the blood’s supposed to be. ❜  

❛  do you see me as a father figure? ❜  

❛  no. if anything i see you as a bother figure, because you’re always bothering me. ❜  

❛  can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?  ❜  

❛  title of your sex tape.  ❜  

❛  piece of advice: just give up.  ❜  

❛  ok, no hard feelings, but i hate you. not joking. bye.    ❜  

❛   do you bring me joy? no, because you’re boring and you’re too hard. see ya.  ❜  

❛   good to see you. but if you’re here, who’s guarding hades? ❜  

❛  fine, but in protest, i’m walking over there extremely slowly! ❜  

❛   hi, (name), the human form of the 100 emoji. ❜  

❛  leave me a voice mail. i won’t check it ’cause it’s not 1993.  ❜  

❛  i was born for politics. i have great hair and i love lying. ❜

❛  the only thing i’m not good at is modesty, because i’m great at it.  ❜  

❛  thank you. your entire life is garbage.  ❜  

❛  i’m scared of businessmen. ❜  

❛  that’s the worst part of both of those things.   ❜  

❛   hey! welcome to the murder.  ❜  

❛   are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up? ❜  

❛  if anything happened to them, i would kill everyone in this room and then myself.  ❜  

❛  i just forget stuff like a cool person.  ❜  

❛  yeah. i’d rather walk into the freezing ocean.  ❜  

❛  i never throw up. i just tell my stomach to deal with it. my body is terrified of me.  ❜

❛  huh. i’m surprised you’re not celebrating inappropriately.  ❜  

❛  i don’t slump, people. i opposite of slump. i pmuls. that’s slump backwards.   ❜  

❛  it’s been stressful, and it went so well. seriously, look at me, i cannot stop smiling.  ❜  

❛  i mean, you know how that sounds, right?  ❜  

❛  has anyone ever told you you look just like a statue?  ❜  

❛  ooh, someone’s in trouble. it’s me. i don’t know why i did that.   ❜  

❛  you’re smiling. it’s very weird. like seeing a turtle out of its shell.  ❜  

❛  i’ve said “excuse me” more times this morning than i have in my entire life. twice! ❜  

❛  i’d make an amazing prostitute.  ❜  

❛  well, let’s cancel the entire evening and try again next year.  ❜  

❛  curse my beautiful bubble butt.  ❜ 

[vincememes]

the nanny starters

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

❛   the best years of my life are gone. and they sucked.  ❜  

❛   but i’ve got style, i’ve got flair.  ❜  

❛   i just wanted to eat bacon.  ❜  

❛   good things come to those who wait.  ❜  

❛   you blew into our lives five years ago like a whirlwind.  ❜  

❛   you made us all feel alive again.  ❜  

❛   for that alone, i’ll love you forever.  ❜  

❛   why don’t you just take a dip in the dead sea with a haemorrhoid.  ❜  

❛   i told you i loved you. but then i took it back!  ❜  

❛   my god what are all these flowers for?  ❜  

❛   either their date went really well or he died and we’re hosting the wake.  ❜  

❛   save it, no one’s gonna hear you. this was originally a bomb shelter.  ❜  

❛   there’ll always be people out there who don’t like you. you’re irritating.  ❜  

❛   right. no distractions. such as setting a small but containable fire.  ❜  

❛   you’ve barely spoken a word to me in 12 hours. it’s scaring me.  ❜  

❛   it’s a waste of money. …so i’ve heard.  ❜  

❛   if i had to like every one of my friends i wouldn’t have any!  ❜  

❛    if you ever hurt one of my kids again, they’ll be wiping your blue blood off the walls.  ❜  

❛   when they shot bambi’s mother, did you find that a sad moment?  ❜  

❛   he is truly sensitive. when he cries, snot comes out of his nose.  ❜  

❛   how about severe depression brought on by feelings of inadequacy & fear of death?  ❜

❛   shut your mouth. we are not a pez dispenser.  ❜  

❛   blood is thicker than water. and you can wash them both off of plastic slip covers.  ❜  

❛   you have no idea how cruel children can be.  ❜  

❛   i hate myself… do it again.  ❜  

❛   this will be a great party. a bunch of 60-year-old ladies pinching my cheeks.  ❜  

❛   learn to love it. that’s as close to a woman as you’ll ever get.  ❜  

❛   i could kill you. i could rip out your heart with my bare hands!  ❜  

❛   one part of me says, “get out the window, quick!” but the other part just has to know why.  ❜  

❛   isn’t that sweet? you’re bonding with the sheep. not the first one, i’m sure.  ❜  

❛   i knew you’d find some way to blame it all on me.  ❜  

❛   i should have defended you yesterday but i totally wimped out.  ❜  

❛   i came because they brought me and i don’t know how to get home from here.  ❜  

❛   you know i don’t like to be filmed when i’m eating.  ❜  

❛   which is why there’s more footage of bigfoot than of her.  ❜  

❛   she’s only happy when she’s making everyone around her miserable.  ❜  

❛   do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, i don’t know.  ❜  

❛   you realize, of course, now i’m going to have to kill you.  ❜  

❛   you are a pathetic excuse for a man.  ❜  

❛   there’s nothing wrong with being just a pretty face. in fact, it’s a plus if you have no skills.  ❜  

❛   that is not true! i got this job because i lied on my resume.  ❜  

❛   it is just so adorable how you can’t really express the way you feel.  ❜  

❛   she tried to swallow a whole rotisserie chicken in her mouth like a python.  ❜  

❛   all this anger and bitterness is just a mask for low self-esteem.  ❜  

❛   look at your shiny new coat. have you been adding cod liver oil to your diet?  ❜  

❛   oh, easy. he keeps in shape by running from commitment.  ❜  

❛   i have to talk to you about our relationship and the way it seems to have escalated.  ❜  

❛   honey, you look like a smart woman. you’re not, but you look like one.  ❜  

❛   i can share these feelings with you because i’m not in love with you.  ❜  

❛   nobody looks good at two in the morning.  ❜  

❛   are you implying that i cannot keep this thing a secret?  ❜  

❛   oh, you can tell this play was written by a man.  ❜  

❛   hey, we’re not into kinky stuff. one time we ate cheesecake off each other, but that’s only ‘cause no one wanted to get up to get a napkin.  ❜  

❛   sweetheart, you know i’d eat you last.  ❜  

❛   some things just get better with age! like a fine bordeaux!  ❜  

❛   louder, i don’t think they heard you in uruguay.  ❜  

❛   i’ll fight for all those small, defenseless creatures out there.  ❜  

❛   honey, as long as i am living under your roof you will do as i say.  ❜  

❛   it is raining outside – maybe she melted?  ❜  

❛   you’re single by choice. it’s just not your choice.  ❜  

❛   i feel like i have died and gone to heaven.  ❜  

❛   i have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.  ❜  

❛   there is only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes; colonel sanders.  ❜  

❛   you need at least two people on your broom to use the express lane  ❜  

[powerate]

anyways i have had a severe lapse in judgement and made a grave mistake and i will appoint blame to everyone except me (and al)

[blnkgnn]

i was gonna make a quality post but i've been mesmerized by dón.al fi.nn all day and now i keep thinking about eli probably sounding similar when singing.

[blnkgnn]

he's writing in his diary about you.

[blnkgnn]

alright guys, i was gonna do more but my head literally feels like my brain is rolling around (i assume that even though the fever has not spiked today it's been too high for too long these past few days and now i have some aftermath to go through) so i'm genuinely gonna have to lay down before i have an existential crisis over my inconsistency with EVERYTHING.

anyways, goodnight guys, love you all. see y'all tomorrow <3

[blnkgnn]

fun fact: that ring was the first thing he bought all by himself with money he earned. it's super duper important to him because it resembles that even after everything, he is free.