the nanny starters
feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !
❛ the best years of my life are gone. and they sucked. ❜
❛ but i've got style, i've got flair. ❜
❛ i just wanted to eat bacon. ❜
❛ good things come to those who wait. ❜
❛ you blew into our lives five years ago like a whirlwind. ❜
❛ you made us all feel alive again. ❜
❛ for that alone, i'll love you forever. ❜
❛ why don’t you just take a dip in the dead sea with a haemorrhoid. ❜
❛ i told you i loved you. but then i took it back! ❜
❛ my god what are all these flowers for? ❜
❛ either their date went really well or he died and we're hosting the wake. ❜
❛ save it, no one’s gonna hear you. this was originally a bomb shelter. ❜
❛ there’ll always be people out there who don’t like you. you’re irritating. ❜
❛ right. no distractions. such as setting a small but containable fire. ❜
❛ you’ve barely spoken a word to me in 12 hours. it's scaring me. ❜
❛ it's a waste of money. ...so i've heard. ❜
❛ if i had to like every one of my friends i wouldn’t have any! ❜
❛ if you ever hurt one of my kids again, they'll be wiping your blue blood off the walls. ❜
❛ when they shot bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment? ❜
❛ he is truly sensitive. when he cries, snot comes out of his nose. ❜
❛ how about severe depression brought on by feelings of inadequacy & fear of death? ❜
❛ shut your mouth. we are not a pez dispenser. ❜
❛ blood is thicker than water. and you can wash them both off of plastic slip covers. ❜
❛ you have no idea how cruel children can be. ❜
❛ i hate myself... do it again. ❜
❛ this will be a great party. a bunch of 60-year-old ladies pinching my cheeks. ❜
❛ learn to love it. that's as close to a woman as you'll ever get. ❜
❛ i could kill you. i could rip out your heart with my bare hands! ❜
❛ one part of me says, "get out the window, quick!" but the other part just has to know why. ❜
❛ isn't that sweet? you're bonding with the sheep. not the first one, i'm sure. ❜
❛ i knew you'd find some way to blame it all on me. ❜
❛ i should have defended you yesterday but i totally wimped out. ❜
❛ i came because they brought me and i don't know how to get home from here. ❜
❛ you know i don't like to be filmed when i'm eating. ❜
❛ which is why there's more footage of bigfoot than of her. ❜
❛ she's only happy when she's making everyone around her miserable. ❜
❛ do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, i don't know. ❜
❛ you realize, of course, now i'm going to have to kill you. ❜
❛ you are a pathetic excuse for a man. ❜
❛ there's nothing wrong with being just a pretty face. in fact, it's a plus if you have no skills. ❜
❛ that is not true! i got this job because i lied on my resume. ❜
❛ it is just so adorable how you can't really express the way you feel. ❜
❛ she tried to swallow a whole rotisserie chicken in her mouth like a python. ❜
❛ all this anger and bitterness is just a mask for low self-esteem. ❜
❛ look at your shiny new coat. have you been adding cod liver oil to your diet? ❜
❛ oh, easy. he keeps in shape by running from commitment. ❜
❛ i have to talk to you about our relationship and the way it seems to have escalated. ❜
❛ honey, you look like a smart woman. you're not, but you look like one. ❜
❛ i can share these feelings with you because i'm not in love with you. ❜
❛ nobody looks good at two in the morning. ❜
❛ are you implying that i cannot keep this thing a secret? ❜
❛ oh, you can tell this play was written by a man. ❜
❛ hey, we’re not into kinky stuff. one time we ate cheesecake off each other, but that’s only 'cause no one wanted to get up to get a napkin. ❜
❛ sweetheart, you know i'd eat you last. ❜
❛ some things just get better with age! like a fine bordeaux! ❜
❛ louder, i don't think they heard you in uruguay. ❜
❛ i'll fight for all those small, defenseless creatures out there. ❜
❛ honey, as long as i am living under your roof you will do as i say. ❜
❛ it is raining outside -- maybe she melted? ❜
❛ you're single by choice. it's just not your choice. ❜
❛ i feel like i have died and gone to heaven. ❜
❛ i have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction. ❜
❛ there is only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes; colonel sanders. ❜
❛ you need at least two people on your broom to use the express lane ❜