Merlin

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: If you had to choose between me and magic, what would you pick?

Merlin: That's a very unfair question.

Arthur: So magic?

Merlin: I didn't even answer yet!

Arthur: You hesitated!

[bloodoftheoldways]

Gaius: Why is there a chicken in my chambers?

Merlin: That's a long story.

Arthur: It's actually a very short story. Merlin found a chicken and decided it was his friend.

Merlin: In my defense, it seemed lonely.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Merlin, you're smiling. That's suspicious.

Merlin: What? People smile.

Arthur: Not when they're around me.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Explain your actions.

Merlin: Which ones specifically?

Arthur: That is the worst possible answer you could have given.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Gwaine: I have a plan.

Leon: No.

Gwaine: I haven't told you the plan yet.

Leon: I know.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Why are you on the castle roof?

Merlin: I like the view.

Arthur: Get down from there.

Merlin: The view just got worse.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Why is there a horse in the council chambers?

Merlin: Well, technically—

Arthur: Why is there a horse in the council chambers?

Merlin: Gwaine said it would be funny.

Gwaine: In my defense, it was.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Explain this.

Merlin: Explain what?

Arthur: This note says, "Gone to do magic. Back later."

Merlin: That's not my handwriting.

Arthur: It literally says "Merlin" at the bottom.

Merlin: Coincidence.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Leon: Where's Merlin?

Arthur: I told him to take the day off.

Leon: And?

Arthur: He spent the entire day secretly following me to make sure I survived.

Leon: That's oddly sweet.

Arthur: He fell out of three trees.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Merlin, are you listening to me?

Merlin: Surprisingly, yes.

Arthur: Why surprisingly?

Merlin: Because I usually don't.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Merlin: I have a plan.

Arthur: No.

Merlin: You don't even know what it is.

Arthur: If you said the words "I have a plan", then it's already a bad plan.

Merlin: That's fair.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Gaius: Merlin, what's the first rule of surviving Camelot?

Merlin: Don't tell Arthur anything.

Arthur: Excuse me?

Merlin: Don't tell Arthur everything.

Arthur: That's worse.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Why are all of you staring at Merlin?

Leon: He's being quiet.

Arthur: So?

Gwaine: When Merlin is quiet, something is wrong.

Percival: Or about to be wrong.

Merlin: That's unfair.

*Loud explosion happens*

Leon: There it is.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Leon: New rule. Merlin doesn't go anywhere alone.

Merlin: That's ridiculous.

Gwaine: Last time you went for a walk, you came back with a prophecy.

Percival: And a curse.

Leon: And a dragon egg.

Merlin: In my defense-

Everyone: No!!

[bloodoftheoldways]

Merlin: If anything happened to me, Arthur would survive.

Arthur: ....

Gwaine: He's making that face.

Leon: The "burn down a kingdom" face.

Percival: That's never a good sign.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Arthur: Why is Merlin sitting between all of you?

Gwaine: Protection formation.

Arthur: From what?

Leon: Everything.

Percival: Mostly himself.

[bloodoftheoldways]

Merlin: You don't have to worry about me all the time.

Leon: Last month you were turned into an old man.

Gwaine: Then a donkey.

Percival: Then dead.

Merlin: Temporarily dead.

Arthur: That is not better!!