What if Dan has depression and it hit him hard 5 years ago causing 2012? Dan shows signs of depression. An existential crisis is commonly tied with depression (look it up!). Also he lost a lot of weight then and it's probably not just from his 3 week long vegan diet.
This post will be100% my own opinions and views through things dan has said/posted over theyears. I also have depression and anxiety myself so I know some things and Iwill be using the internet for other facts. This is all just thoughts andopinions so please don’t take this as fact or proof, it is all speculation.
Since Dan’s been ontwitter he’s never been quiet about having mental health problems. Just becausehe’s never outright said he has depression or anxiety doesn’t mean he doesn’thave them either. From posts saying he’s depressed at the moment, he’s thinkingof killing himself, or his existential crisis’s
(Ijust find It nice that phil tweeted love you 3 minutes after dan tweeted abouthating his body)
He evenhas spoke about it in liveshows. The most recent one being in his show“everything is different now” at 52:27. he talks about not being ableto bang out content because of his mental health problems. He wouldn’t say thatI he didn’t indeed have mental health problems.
ExistentialCrisis’s are often linked to depression and anxiety. For the reason thatoverthinking about life and death and existence in general is bad for onesself. Sometimes I think Dan is too smart for his own good, that he knows andlooks into the world a little too much and it’s what’s caused him to fell downsometimes.
I alsoread that people with existential depression often have it because of whattheir childhoods were liked. Dan’s said his parents didn’t properly prepare himfor the world, they we’re quite busy when they had him, and he seemed to spenda lot of time with his grandmother as a child. There are old tweets about himfighting with his parents, and them not understanding him, and even now theystill don’t watch his videos or understand his career.
For Danto think “what’s my purpose? Why was I placed on the earth? What am Igoing to do to leave my mark on the world?” constantly makes sense for akid who didn’t have the happiest upbringing. He was bullied, he didn’t have a lot of money growing up, and he wasn’ttaught to follow his dreams. (all things he’s said in liveshows or his videos.)
So whencollege rolled around he did what he thought would make him the most money whenhe grew up, instead of doing what would have made him happy. He went for lawschool, when he really rather have done anything else, and hated his life. Thusstarted the first spiral of existential crisis’s. “College Drop Out”
In 2011him and Phil were quite happy in their small Manchester apartment, they weredoing more YouTube things and making good money doing what they enjoyed andthey got their first radio 1 opportunities. He seemed happier at the time.
But in2012 when they moved to London everyone seemed to sense a change.
I’vespoken about this before, but I personally believe that the reason behind theinfamous 2012 “no-homo Howell” phase was because of how quickly their lives changed in that year. I don’tthink either of them were ready for the level of attention they started toreceive, they didn’t expect for people to ship them and make theories aboutthem being together, and Dan definitely did not think people would message his14 year old brother asking him if Dan’s a bottom.
I alsothink that in that year they were more focused on their careers. They wanted tobe known as danisnotonfire and amazingphil not phan. They wanted to getattention and build their careers as singles not Dan and his boyfriend Phil.Which is what would have happened seeing as Dan sort of took off more than Phildid that year. Dan hit 1 million subs, and even 3 million subs before Phil hadhit 1 million.
As forDan being a lot skinnier in that time, they have spoken about how they didn’thave a lot of money that year, rent was high, they were new at their job andthe youtube money back then wasn’t the greatest. They lived on ramen noodlesand tv dinners for a while before they had enough money to start livingproperly.
OnSeptember 28th, 2012 Dan uploaded “The Meaning of Life.” in which hedescribes what his life was like since his college drop out video. He say’she’s been living in “a state of permanent existential crisis” andthen says:
Assomeone with anxiety and depression I know this feeling. It happened quite alot. It takes me forever to answer emails, reply to text’s, I hate havingshowers, I really just want to sit on the ground and cry most days. Before Iwas diagnosed I thought that was all normal, that I was just a kid but it’s acommon problem for people with mental health issues to not have the energy ormental power to persuade themselves to take care of themselves.
After ayear, he uploaded “Existential Crisis” This is around the time that Ithink Dan started to take medication or really look into ways to feel better.
He’smentioned looking into different calm down methods, such as breathing exercisesand meditation, (here’s a video of him helping the audience calm down in liveshows x) which is what my doctor told me to look into before she wantedme on medication. I’ve found that doctors often want to see if you can helpyourself before prescribing anti depressants.
Now Ihear you saying “emily there is no proof that he’s on medication” buthear me out okay. You can see him change ever so slightly in 2014. he seemshappier, he talks about his existential dread slightly less, he’s more open andfree and comfortable with things, and I don’t think that was just random.
I alsobelieve he’s on medication of some sort because of some of the side effects ofmine that I’ve seen in him. Such as Congested or runny nose, trouble sleeping,insomnia, increased sweating, dry mouth, and yawning. Most importantly though,is Dan’s whole stay hydrated thing. When on medication they say you have tostay as hydrated as possible in order to feel better, and Dan’s drinking a lotof water.
The onethat I’ve seen a lot is the increased sweating. People were ripping on him forbecoming a sweaty mess at tatinof while phil was dry and perfect when it couldhave been a side effect of his medication.
As wellas how he was sweating in the Impossible Quiz #5 video
He’s veryeducated in anxieties ( as seen I this video as he explains why he tweetedusing the word anxiety) and he speaks about his problems often in liveshows,and no one takes him seriously.
i know this was an ask about dan having depression in 2012, but if he had it then he most likely has it now and we need to stop tip toeing around it. he speaks about it and he’s not scared of talking about it. he’s also wonderful at talking to his audience who have mental health problems, as well as knowing how to help us calm down and wanting his content to be a safe place.
just a reminder not to freak out about any of this to us after you’ve read it all. it’s purely my own thoughts an opinions, not fact.
-Emily
