I fell in love with melancholy.

Cassie; 29 years old; feminist; atheist; vegetarian; Scorpio; World of Warcraft junkie; crazy cat lady; animal lover; over thinker. This blog is just a cluster of whatever. My mind is one big mess. This blog may be triggering. Take care of yourself.

[lauramakabresku]

Longing

[bloodypounds]

i feel a relapse looming over my head, but i’m doing my best to hold it together.

sometimes, that’s the best i can do.

sometimes, i wish i didn’t have to.

[bloodypounds]

noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares. noonecares.

[bloodypounds]

I was always her least favorite child.

I don’t know if it stemmed from this, because I witnessed the worst thing she’s ever done, or if it was always this way.

[bloodypounds]

Witnessing violence at a young age, witnessing it at any age but especially as a child... 

I should have been protected from that. I should have been comforted after the fact, reassured that I was safe in the world.

But the person that most children go to, who I was expected to go to for comfort was the person who did the violence.

And in that moment, while I’m witnessing this trauma, my focus was on distracting my younger sister so she didn’t experience it. I was 5, she was 2 1/2. Who came to keep me safe from witnessing this? Who came to my rescue?

No one.

I had no chance in feeling safe in this world. Not after this.

[bloodypounds]

I keep having flashbacks about an event that I was gaslit my entire life didn’t happen, and the only other witness is the person who did it. 

That person is my mother.

The story I was told to tell others, the story she told my sisters and I’m pretty sure my dad. And we all left it at that.

But I knew the truth. I know the truth.

I fucking remember.

[thearmyofgrunge]

[bloodypounds]

i can feel things getting bad again.

[bloodypounds]

Not having anyone you feel ok to be open and honest with really sucks. it kills.

[bloodypounds]

I’m so tired of never being enough or doing well enough.

I’m not a good enough employee.

I’m not a good enough mother.

not a good enough partner.

not a good enough daughter or sister or granddaughter or niece.

not a good enough person.

no matter how hard I try...

[bloodypounds]

i really want to write a memoir, but a few things pop into my head when i consider starting on it:

1. no one will read it because why would they

2. it will really piss off some people in my family.

but i can’t stop thinking about it.

[bloodypounds]

it’s been a long time since i’ve posted anything on here and wow, how much has changed.

and still some things stay the same.

anyway.

[cozza-frenzy]

WARNING: THE INCREDIBLES 2  IS NOT EPILEPSY SAFE.

This is not a joke. I was at a premier showing tonight, and my immediate thought was how disasterously unsafe this movie is for my photosensitive epilepic friends. @markingatlightspeed I’m tagging you with this specifically because this would be extremely dangerous for you to watch. There are multiple scenes in this movie with full-screen, black-and-white flashing strobe effects. They all happen without warning, and last anywhere between a few seconds to more than two minutes. In a darkened movie theater, this means the likelihood of a seizure could be VERY HIGH if you are sensitive to these effects. If you have photosensitive epilepsy or another disorder that is triggered by strobe lights, I would highly recommend you DO NOT SEE THE INCREDIBLES 2 IN THEATERS. Wait until the movie’s released on digital/Bluray, and you can watch it in a fully-lit room, with someone with you who will be able to help if the strobe effects do trigger a seizure. Please stay safe.

[studyofidentity]

Marina and the Diamond Asks

(I wanted to do all her songs, even the unreleased ones, but that seemed a bit too much, so I stuck to her ep and albums)

Give Me The Money!

Starlight - Do you like the stars?

The Common Cold - Have you ever fallen for someone who was a dick?

Silver Walls - Have you ever got punched?

Supermodel’s Legs - Do you like your legs?

Lonely Bones - Have you ever comprehended your own mortality?

Perfect-oh - Are you a perfectionist?

Hubba - What type of gum is the best?

Hot, Cross Bun - Do you like hot cross buns?

Katyb / Perfect Stranger - Have you ever had a crush on a stranger? 

Happy Meal - Do you ever feel like people take advantage of you?

Pancake Karma - Do you think karma is real?

Where Diamonds Grow - Opinion on the royals?

Mermaid Vs Sailor 

Seventeen - Are you 17 yet? If so, what was your 17th birthday like?  Horror Pop - What’s your sign?  Daddy Was A Sailor - Do you like the sea? Simplify - Would you rather live in the countryside or the city? Plastic Rainbow - Do you ever lie to yourself?

The Family Jewels

Are You Satisfied? - Do you think being famous would make you happy? Shampain - Do you like drinking?  I Am Not A Robot - Do you struggle to show or share your emotions?  Girls - Do you struggle with your gender expression or identify?  Mowgli’s Road - Do you like going off the path and exploring?  Obsessions - Do you have any bad habits?  Hollywood - Have you ever dreamed about being famous? The Outsider - Do you ever feel disconnected from the world and people around you? Hermit The Frog - What’s your favourite Kermit picture?  Oh No! - Do you have a clear idea of what you want to do in the future? Rootless - Do you have a place that you honestly say you feel at home in? Numb - Do you know what it’s like to feel numb? Guilty - How do you feel about dogs?  The Family Jewels - How do you feel about your family?

Electra Heart

Bubblegum Bitch - Do you think you’re a catch?  Primadonna - Are you a drama queen? Lies - Do you ever hold onto relationships even when you know it’s long past time for it to be over? Homewrecker - Any good at running?  Starring Role - How do you feel about love? The State Of Dreaming - Are you a good actor? Power And Control - What your opinion on people defending abusive ships? Living Dead - What’s one thing you want to do before you die? Teen Idle - How do / did you feel about growing up? Valley Of The Dolls - Do you ever feel fake? Hypocrates - Do you ever find yourself being hypocritical?  Fear And Loathing - Are you a pessimist?  Radioactive - Are you scared of falling in love?  Sex Yeah - What would you say are some of the worst pressures society places on women?  Lonely Hearts Club - Are you apart of any clubs? Buy The Stars - Do you think we die alone? How To Be A Heartbreaker - Have you ever had to break someone’s heart?

Froot

Happy - What makes you smile?  Froot - Are you in love right now, or have you ever been? Do you want to be? I’m A Ruin - Are you bad at ending things? Blue - Do you think you can / should truly rely on your partner to improve your self-esteem?  Forget - Do you have a good memory? Gold - Do you think all stories need to have a moral, or is it just enough if they’re fun and entertaining?  Can’t Pin Me Down - Do you think you’re a complicated person?  Solitaire - Are you more introverted or extroverted? Or somewhere in the middle? Better Than That - Are you good at working out when someone’s bad news? Weeds - What do you think about dandelions?  Savages - Have you ever got into a fight? Immortal - If you could, would you choose to live forever? 

[bloodypounds]

6.11.18 - Secret #1: I wish I would have finished college and gotten my degree.

[bloodypounds]

I'm going to start sharing one secret every day starting today for the rest of the year. I just have a lot of garbage and mess in my head - maybe sharing some of it will help clear the space.

[powerfulwizard]

The closest thing we’ve ever had to a straight pride parade was when all those ugly rick and mortis fans raided those mcdonalds