SOMETHING WILL BE HERE.

selective and low-activity independent blog for caduceus clay from critical role.

[nosnexus]

Finished in time for Halloween! The Mighty Nein as their Hades AU counterparts!

[bloomingdeed]

atlasburdened​.

@bloomingdeed​ said : 37

❝   i stick with real things usually facts and figures when information’s in its place i minimize the guessing game … i don’t like guessing games .   ❞

there’s short laughter that curls his tone,  ‘  i feel like.  i’m always stuck in a guessing game.  ’  caduceus knows little about facts and figures and doesn’t mind guessing games quite as much as he should.  ‘  i don’t have much experience with this  ---  adventuring.  ’

[kieranthropy]

my most recent and other favorite piece! I love beau and cad’s friendship so much, i desperately need more content of them interacting- so what better than creating a little chill piece about selfcare :]

(also posted on my instagram and twitter!)

[bloomingdeed]

commaless​,

A HUM OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT ー she’s up to something, surely. ‘ And ー well, you know, I was just curious ー do you think they’ve got a different way of doing it? Or, like, are they completely like us? Oh, Caduceus, have you seen a yeti before this? ‘

veth brenatto has a way of rapid-firing questions that caduceus is determined to get accustomed to.  ‘  mmm ...  it’s not something i think about but,  ’  he’s thinking about it now,  ‘  i don’t know.  i guess i only know how it goes for firbolgs.  ’  humans,  too.  elves.  beings who have lost loved ones often visited the blooming grove,  some sharing stories.  ‘  i --- think.  they have a different way of doing things.  different traditions.  ’

‘  i have never seen a yeti before,  ’  he abruptly tacks on.

[bloomingdeed]

hellesfeuer​.

@bloomingdeed​    —    I  GUESS  YOU  JUST  GET  IT  OUT  OF  YOUR  SYSTEM  THEN,  THAT’S  FINE. 

ANOTHER   ALE   DOWN   THE   HATCH,   ANOTHER   DRINK   FINISHED   AND   CLINKING   DOWN   WITH   A   THUD   AGAINST   THE   BAR.         caduceus   joins   them   in   the   taverns,   joins   them   for   their   drinking,   but   he   rarely   takes   part.      caleb   cannot   blame   him   here;      this   establishment   hardly   peddles   the   best   of   fare.      in   such   like   this,   caleb   attempts   to   keep   himself      —      with   the   most   effort,   often   unsuccessfully      —      from   thinking   of   the   ales   and   wines   of   rexxentrum.      warm,   mulled   wines   passed   from   hand   to   hand   of   tired,   worn-down   friends   .   .   .      forbidden   ales   snuck   and   won   with   charm   from   dance   halls   and   seedier   inns   in   the   scant   hours   away   from   lessons.      happy   times   .   .   .      enjoyment   he   cannot   remember   but   with   a   heavier,   unsettled   agony.   

he   does   not   wave   for   another   drink.      he   fiddles   with   his   cuffs   instead.            “      rarely   does   that   trick   work   for   me,      ”            he   admits.      a   glance   to   the   other   side   of   the   tavern,   seeing   beau   and   fjord   and   jester,   laughing   and   drinking      (   only   milk   for   jester,   of   course,   as   always   )      and   lightened   by   the   fare   they   consume.      not   like   him.      another   clue   they   miss,   insisting   he   is   good      —      he   is   even   a   bit   like   them.            “      and   you?      what   .   .   .      what   is   it   you   do   to   .   .   .      ”            he   waves   a   hand.      he   often   loses   words,   but   when   he   is   a   bit   drunk,   it   is   even   worse.            “      when   you   need   to   let   yourself   .   .   .      go.      you   do   not   drink.      i   have   not   seen   you   with   beauregard’s   cache   of   drugs.      what   do   you   do,   mister   clay?      ”   

he is not quick to speak again,  preferring the gentle tendrils of steam against his upper lip to the feel of his own breath.  but after a sip or two and the thawing of his fingers,  caduceus digs out his manners from the noise around them.

‘  ---  meditation is nice.  cooking.  making tea.  ’

rarely,  if ever,  had caduceus clay felt the need to let go.  or act on it.  he doesn’t remember a time.  nor does he associate impulsivity as perhaps a method of letting go.  he often wandered,  sometimes,  around the blooming grove.  stopped sneaking passed the gates when the curse progressed.  ran off with the mighty nein after decades of watching home wilt. 

he felt like he wanted to burst at sea.  after leaving home,  too much,  all of a sudden.

but that was fate,  wasn’t it?  

‘  nothing like,  ’  a free hand gestures around,  ‘  this.  this is something new.  ’

[bloomingdeed]

do you ever just establish lots of elaborate hcs/relationships in your head with oc and canon characters and forget you’ve only interacted like once or three times

[chevs-and-spiders]

he really out here huh

[bloomingdeed]

commaless​,

SHE’D THOUGHT IT WAS SIMPLE ENOUGH WHEN SHE SAID IT ー and now she, too, is contemplating her words ー she’s not quite sure if everyone would be missed; thinking about old parents who’d forsaken their children, monsters who’d terrorized people for so long ( Vokodo, Obann. ), people who’d stomp on others to get everything they want ( Avantika, Ikithon, even that slimy Sharpe! ) ー surely they wouldn’t be missed, right ( but the world is simply more than black and white, and Veth has just recently gotten to know this. )?

‘ Well ー not everyone, surely, ‘ Veth drawls, a gentle gesture, ‘ ーlike, even people who were real ー real assholes, to somebody? ‘ She asks ー though she might know what Caduceus has to say next; though Caduceus Clay is an enigma she can’t quite put a finger on, even if he is one of them, ‘ …I suppose ー you know, thinking about… all these people we’ve encountered, all these monsters we’ve slain, would… do people miss them? Like, would people miss… like, Vokodo? ‘

perhaps,  it’s trickier with those who are worshipped.  ‘  perhaps,  a little bit.  ’  caduceus imagines that it is a blur of love and loss and the feral fight for survival.  of memories lost,  then found,  and finding footing again;  hopefully,  to a better life than one that was on vo.  in truth,  someone missing vokodo is a difficult thought.  

‘  would you feel regret for all we’ve slained,  once learning they’re missed by someone?  ’ 

he pauses,  looks in a direction for a moment,  the distraction fleeting  ---  doing nothing to hide the way his voice turns serious when he says,  ‘  i don’t know if i can.  ’  whether,  it was their time to go or if the regret would be too heavy,  he couldn’t say.

[bloomingdeed]

commaless​,

@bloomingdeed​ !

‘ DO YOUthink yetis have LOVE LIVES?? Is there yeti MARRIAGE?? ‘

time stretches before caduceus answers,  ‘  i mean ... i don’t see why not.  ’

[bloomingdeed]

lanternfreed​.

THE  SILENCE  THREATENS  TO  SWALLOW  THEM  WHOLE  like  the  maw  of  some  formidable  beast.  rapunzel’s  stomach  churns,  but  the  touch  of  kindness  on  her  face  would  never  betray  her  unease.  that,  she’s  afraid,  is  all  she  has  to  offer.  “  I’m  still  trying  everything  to  get  you  laughing  at  me.  ”

@bloomingdeed  sent  :  37

there is silence and there is his once-heavy breathing controlling itself.  if he closes his eyes,  the silhouette still remains in the corner of his vision.  they’ve escaped for the time being but the moments remain haunting.  he’s not sure if this is all a figment of their memories.  there’s a smile that tries at his lips,  naturally,  caduceus wants to assuage.  ‘  when my breath catches up with me again,  i will try.  ’

[bunchun]

(new official winter looks are amazing)

[bloomingdeed]

poetry starters.  @commaless​ asked,  ‘ you are only a murderer if someone cares ’

a contemplative sound rumbles his chest,  the mug beside him long-since chilled.  the statement sounds simple enough.  and not something caduceus clay often mulls over,  if ever,  until now.  perhaps.  these moments have become commonplace,  since meeting nott the brave,  since meeting veth brenatto,  since the mighty nein crash landed into his life. 

his gaze drops at a glance,  resting on the smaller form,  ‘  it’s that simple  ---  is it?  ’

then,  aren’t we all murderers?  the logical conclusion,  sure.

‘  i’d like to think every existence will be missed by someone.  ’

because to be missed is to be cared for.  and,  he is still learning that there are many beings to care.

[phantomemes]

[bloomingdeed]

phantomemes​:

credit 

‘ something’s terribly sick in my head ’ ‘ these are my darkest thoughts , the bad things lurking in the closet ’ ‘ is this how i tear the monsters from my body ? ’ ‘ i want everything to stop ’ ‘ fuck your immaculate existence ’ ‘ today i want my heart to tremble ’ ‘ i want my teeth to shatter bone ’ ‘ today i want killing to mean living ’ ‘ nothing you do can hurt me but you better try ’ ‘ you can’t live without burning your comfort and safety as firewood ’ ‘ maybe the ghosts learned how to build stairs into the mountainside ’ ‘ believe me when i say there is no pride in this ’ ‘ i want to be one of those city sprites among termites ’ ‘ cleanse this body through tears and emesis ’ ‘ circumvention was futile , damnable ’ ‘ we’re all burning ’ ‘ we learn to laugh in the midst of the inferno ’ ‘ i realize now that i am the one out of place ’ ‘ i want to destroy all the parts that aren’t working ’ ‘ i never knew i had the capacity for cruelty ’ ‘ i condemn myself to failure without batting an eyelash ’ ‘ choosing to protect ourselves is not failure ’ ‘ nothing is working ’ ‘ at some point i stopped , i sank ’ ‘ breathing seems so difficult now ’ ‘ living was easy as breathing once upon a time ’ ‘ i don’t think it’s living , but it’s not hurting either ’  ‘ my body is a room made of glass walls and wooden floors ’ ‘ today , i ache for somewhere to hide ’ ‘ how do i turn the light on in my eyes ? ’ ‘ please , no one look at me today ’ ‘ i mused over all the times i had prayed to a god i do not believe in ’ ‘ the gods died laughing ’ ‘ you must learn fear ’ ‘ let’s not be enemies tonight ’ ‘ hold my hand while our greatest tragedies are lost and forgotten ’ ‘ you are only a murderer if someone cares ’ ‘ dreaming is so painful and i wish i would stop ’ ‘ i can still love you with my eyes closed ’ ‘ i’m not sure why you’re acting surprised ’ ‘ let me pretend that i’m made of magic ’ ‘ i am a creature of contradictions ’ ‘ remember your strength , unchanging and eternal ’ 

[nosnexus]

Spooky Caduceus for the spooky season. And because I’ve been playing Supergiant’s Hades non-stop for way too long. Here’s the good cow man in the role of Charon.

[bloomingdeed]

so i’ve been playing hades and my goal is to be able to escape in less than 50 attempts

[lurrlonde]

spellcasting.

[bloomingdeed]

Their kisses always seem to be timid and unknowing. Not quite used to it, not quite there. But today they were feeling a bit bold. Two arms wrapped around the firbolg's neck, pulling him down enough to reach. Dawa kissed him gingerly, with more confidence than usual. They pulled away, smiling happily.

it starts with a trailing of fingers,  and a hand reaching towards.  to his credit,  caduceus doesn’t freeze.  his mind hardly falters.  it’s different and familiar all at once.  they’ve always had these moments.  progressing and lingering and lovely and theirs. 

dawa turns their head to smile up at him,  and caduceus isn’t sure he has ever seen a more beautiful sight.

then,  he’s laughing,  feeling the sound vibrate in his chest more than he hears himself produce it,  and he’s touching dawa’s face with one hand on their cheek,  kissing every part he can reach  ---  eyelids,  forehead,  corner of their mouth.  

‘  it’s been a while since i’ve seen you smiling like that.  ’

@wargod.