Blue Booze

Musings of Melancholy. Maldivian.

[bluebooze]

Anxiety

The voices taunt

of fears concealed

They are in my head

And will not yield

I tried to fight

The sword I wield

was not enough

and back I kneeled

Breaks my armor

I could not shield

The voices taunt

It can’t be healed.

[bluebooze]

The Wanderer

You came to me in a dreamlike haze. I’m not even sure it happened. We talked of worldly things. You unraveled me with your curiosity and bared your soul to me. You awakened something in me that I have long feared for dead.

That is why I ask you to stay For this stirring I cannot kill

But darling I have wandered And wander I must still

You gave me the gift of laughter, my cheeks flushed and my face aglow. I took you by surprise. The chemistry we had was undeniable. You swept me off of my feet like something out of a movie scene.

That is why I ask you to stay You could be my happy pill

But darling I have wandered And wander I must still

You gave me just a taste of what we could be. I showed you just a glimpse of what you have been searching for your whole life. Though I will not settle for bits and pieces. I want you. The whole of you and more.

This one last time I ask you to stay Because I have not yet had my fill

Oh baby I have wandered But wander can I still?

[bluebooze]

Strangers

I think about you and all that you said                          The happiness you brought during the time we spent                         “You’re mine, my love”, the words you pledged                         Leave scars in my heart, the things you never meant

I think about you and all that we shared                          With my body, my soul and every beat of my heart                          “Whenever you need me I will always be there”                          These memories remain although you chose to part.

So it is easier to pretend that I do not feel                         I keep the truth to myself, still my feelings won’t subdue                         I decided to put it to rest in order for me to heal                         My thoughts kept silenced  and will never be pursued

[bluebooze]

You did

No you never told me that you loved me. But I heard it when you ask whether I had eaten. I felt it when you remembered the things I had told you a long time ago. I heard it when you get upset whenever anyone treats me wrong. I saw it when you made an effort to look good for me. I saw it when your eyes light up every time you saw my face. I heard it in your voice every time you said my name. I felt it when you moved a strand of my hair away from my face. I heard it when you told me I looked beautiful even at my worst. 

And most of all, I felt it when you put my own happiness above yours. 

No you never told me you loved me. 

You showed me. 

[bluebooze]

Toxic

I was always described as toxic by him. He meant it as a compliment and I have often taken it as one. It made me feel desired to be addictive to him. I felt dangerous and exciting. I was made to feel like a temptress, a vixen if you please. He claimed I was a high he could not resist. I was poison to him and he was intoxicated by me. I was an enchantress who put a spell on him.

Little did he know.

What I really wanted to be was his safe haven. His cocoon. I did not want to be described as a means for him to lose his common sense. I wanted to be his strength, not his weakness. I wanted to be the cause for him to abandon his fears. I wanted to be chosen of his own will and not against his reason. . 

I wanted to not be....toxic.

[bluebooze]

Longings

Have you ever ached for something that was never there? Craved a touch that never came Felt a feeling you could not share?   Have you ever yearned for something that was so rare? Hungered for a kiss undelivered Felt a pain you could not bear?

[bluebooze]

Innocence

The luxury of loving with abandon  Is only for the naive and young The only time we give it all Without the fear of being stung

[bluebooze]

Distance

Separated by the oceans and the ticking of time

Your presence still with me, the feeling sublime

Unfettered and unhindered by the miles

You remain the reason for my smiles

[bluebooze]

Alchemy of Love

The loss of sanity From dusk till dawn I crave your presence Still here but yet gone Unable to restrain Emotions that made you fled Bite my lips bloody With words left unsaid

[bluebooze]

Madly

To be a fool or a sage Throw caution to the wind Or retreat deeper into my cocoon To be reckless or to act my age Cower in fear of the unknown Or dance wildly under the moon 

I choose to be a fool

[bluebooze]

Till You

As I saw beauty in the sunbeams that danced among the grass that seems so much greener now, I realized something.

I had stopped dwelling on my dismal yesterdays and started giddily anticipating my promising tomorrows.

I had believed poetry could only come out of sorrows.

Till your existence in my life.

[bluebooze]

Monsoon

The monsoon winds  They breath my name

Wild and unabashed I lost my shame

A tropical storm they cannot tame

[bluebooze]

Solo

I have forgotten what it feels like It appears a distant dream

Love, lore and first kisses No more my constant theme

Gone are the memories Of being cherished 

Thoughts of seeking it Back have vanished

Alone I find my own solace As great as love may seem

[bluebooze]

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[bluebooze]

Prosaic

My soul is weary My bones are tired I do not have the strength to be A mere late night indulgence I desire a constant Something of substance Tell me of your dreams Show me your demons If not, leave me be

[bluebooze]

Undiscovered

They sailed off from the same harbor They never reached the shore

She has magic undiscovered within her  She was willing to let him explore

He cast her aside for another He forever closed the door

We muse on what could have been We now will never know

[bluebooze]

Immortal

I write to cope I write to survive. I write because I am left with bittersweet words

I write to hope I write to live I write to purge myself from venomous thoughts

I write of you I write of me I write of us because I know; I will for evermore