Youth

Hi there! Welcome to my blog. My name is Emily. I'm currently 23 years old and living on an island called Australia.

[styrke-deactivated20240722]

life doesn’t end at 25. life doesn’t end at 27 or 30 either. life doesn’t end at 35 or 45. life doesn’t end at 65. it doesn’t matter how old you are, when you decide to get your high school degree or start a family. it doesn’t matter when you decide to go run a marathon or go travel the world. life is not made up by numbers, age is, and your age is not all that you are. you got time. life doesn’t end until it ends.

[super-meladocious]

[the-chikyuu-times]

‘Together, hand in hand… Have lots of happy times and sad times, and grow old like that…’

[bluemi]

Care package from my friends 🥺🥺🥺

[bluemi]

No longer a teenager!!

So grateful for all the people I have in my life right now! I am also thankful towards the people in my life in the past that have influenced me to become the person I am today. It’s not the event or the type of food that matters. It’s the company. I genuinely appreciate how everyone put in effort to celebrate my birthday despite having busy schedules. Mum and Dad celebrated with me on Monday while I celebrated it with my sisters tonight 😭😍 I’m just missing Michael 😢 I am most grateful towards my parents for raising me for 20 whole years. I will strive to become a better version of myself so that Mum and Dad can be proud of me and I can be proud of myself too.

[bluemi]

Can never get sick of listening to this song 😌

[bluemi]

Don’t doubt

Since my internship, there have ben many times where I doubt my own decisions.

Should I have really picked up international studies? Should I really be studying Japanese? Was it wrong for me to not tell the director I wasn’t graduating yet? Isn’t Japanese just a waste of money since I don’t plan to use it in the future? What if I don’t find a grad job after coming back from Japan? Is it worth it when it ruins a healthy relationship? Will I be too old to do CA? How long will it take me to save up for my first home deposit now?

I need to remember that these are all sacrifices I was willing to make. Others may disagree with my decisions but they have their own reasons for thinking that way. My parents came to Australia with no/little opportunities. Meanwhile, I have plenty of opportunities but I wasted a good one.

Remember:

I’m more passionate about arts than business. Even during my internship, I enjoyed formatting.

I lack world experience, which is not something I can develop once I start working full time.

I’ve studied Japanese for so many years, it only makes sense to continue studying it now.

Although I should’ve told my director I wasn’t graduating yet, it’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t make this mistake next time.

I need to be N2-N1 level to be at a professional working level. Let’s aim for that.

Try to find an internship in my penultimate year that will increase my chances of landing a grad offer. I don’t need to think about this now.

We both agreed that I should not make decisions around our relationship. This is something I will simply have to endure and get over when the time comes.

Although I may be older than my peers, many others that study Business/Law also have been at uni for 5 years. It’s okay to be behind.

Don’t worry about it now. That is in the far future.

It’s okay to be lost, but I need to remember to breathe. I can’t afford to doubt myself. I need to just keep going.

[bluemi]

Stress less, work hard and stay humble.

I’m not sure when this started but I’ve recently started stressing again. I’m not certain but it may have been after my internship. I was never like this in 2018.

Nowadays, I feel the need to submit my best work and any unproductivity is forbidden. I’ve placed an enormous amount of pressure on myself to exceed expectations and do well.

However, when I do not achieve my goals, my confidence wavers and I end up comparing myself to others who are performing at the level I aim to be performing at.

I need to remember:

Do not compare yourself and be happy with what you have

Other people work a lot harder than me to achieve what they want

Working hard is still more rewarding than not trying at all

Nobody is perfect - it’s okay to have flaws

Be happy for others

Set realistic goals

Be proud of your own achievements

[bluemi]

Lots to improve on

I need to learn to be more considerate of other people’s feelings. Not everyone thinks the same way that I do. Some people are more senstitive than me. I need to be less condescending, and be more careful with my word choices.

No one else knows what is going on inside my head. Only I do. Do not expect others to understand. I need to properly communicate to them myself, instead of getting frustrated when they don’t understand.

I need to stop taking my stress and anger out on others. I need to learn how to relax again. I need to stop complaining about my perfectly normal life.

I’m glad the issues today were addressed properly. I have a lot to work on.

[bluemi]

Baked blueberry muffins from scratch!

[bluemi]

Only 2 weeks until the end of the year. Tonight, I cried for the first time this year.

[bluemi]

End of Semester

This semester has gone incredibly fast. I say this every semester but this time I mean it a lot more. Maybe it’s because I’ve become more busy? Working a lot more; going out a lot more; going to JASS events more; never being productive. It’s crazy how First-Year Emily (FYE) would have never ever wanted things become like this. FYE would be looking down on the current Emily and would not aspire to become a potato that only prioritises her social life.

I know my grades are awful. Sad thing is that I’m not even being a snake. I know that I didn’t study hard enough and these are the tough consequences of my actions (three credits this year). I am definitely going to work harder next year. I am hoping that my upcoming internship will motivate me to study harder, and not just focus on extra-curriculars. This year, I’ve been focusing on attempting to improve myself for the better, rather than focusing on my studies. As I still have a lot to learn, I need to learn how to balance self-development, academic growth and career progress. Hence, as always, I’ve created a list of things I want to improve on. 

Spend more time with my family

Be a better listener; stop being so stubborn

Take care of my own health

Study harder

Do not be afraid to try new things; take all the opportunities you can

Try not to overthink

Complain less

Maintain friendships

Put more effort in relationship

Live in the moment

[bluemi]

Today I played the piano in front of an audience for the first time in a while. I wasn’t expecting much but this lady and her daughter complimented my playing. The little girl’s mum explained that they own a piano at home and the girl was a bit shy but said she wanted to start piano again. I had forgotten how pleasant the feeling of connecting with strangers over music is. // 26.09.18

[tokkeki]

のこのこ

[bluemi]

I do not deserve my friends. I shall read this every time I fall into a slump :’)

[bluemi]

Unsure

I’m not sure why I feel so insecure tonight. I feel like I’ve failed in so many aspects of life. This is not like me.

I got my marks back tonight and I performed quite badly. Usually doing badly doesn’t make me feel this awful though. I know I need to keep working hard. I know I have no time to waste. I know how to solve my problems.

So why am I worrying? Why am I upset?

[bluemi]

First time seeing him be so honest and open about his feelings. Maybe the 2 hour wait was worth it. I hope this is a good learning experience for the both of us.