if you're teaching someone something like the stoplight system you can make it fun and sexy. explain the premise. green=go, yellow=slow down/can’t take any more of that right now, red=full stop. start touching them. whisper "what's your color?" in their ear. they're going to say green. start groping them. what's your color? pinch their nipples. what's your color? bite their neck. what's your color? start slapping their ass. what's your color? go harder. what's your color? they're gunna become a babbling mess eventually. they're only going to get rewarded when they answer your question, though. if they stop responding to "what's your color?" then stop until they do. it's a silly sexy way to build trust with someone and get them comfortable with safewording.
set a timer for your sub for 10 minutes. tell it it has until the timer goes off to make itself cum. if it doesn't cum in that time, it doesn't cum at all.
record the amount of time it takes to cum. set the next timer for that amount of time. see if it can beat its own record.
repeat. and repeat. and repeat. how fast and pathetic can it be? how much can you ruin it's stamina? can you get to the point where it cums within mere minutes of being touched? seconds?
once it's trained like this do away with the timer. start employing strict punishments for cumming too quickly/without permission. you've primed it to fail.
i know this has been done several times before, but if by chance any of the following questions appeal to you specifically, you've come to the right place! this meme contains NSFW content, so adults only please! ♡
afterwards — what kind(s) of aftercare do they like being given? do they like giving their partner aftercare? do they fall asleep quickly after sex?
beg — do they like making their partner(s) beg? do they like begging their partner?
body — what is their favorite body part of theirs? of their partner(s)'? are there any specific body parts they like to pay special attention to (ex. feet, hands, ass, etc)? where are their erogenous zones? where are they most sensitive?
clothing — do they like to have sex fully or partially clothed, or do they prefer having sex naked? would they ever move an article of clothing aside for stimulation/penetration (ex. pulling their panties to the side for penetrative sex)?
cum — how long does it take to make them cum? do they have any kinks relating to cum? do they like when their partner(s) cum(s) inside them? do they like cumming inside their partner(s)? do they like when their partner(s) cum on any of their body parts? do they like cumming on any of their partner(s)' body parts?
delay — do they like having their orgasm delayed/denied? do they like delaying/denying their partner(s)' orgasm?
dirty talk — are they turned on by dirty talk? turned off by dirty talk? is there anything they like their partner(s) to appeal to when talking dirty with them?
drive — how high is their sex drive? are they hyposexual, hypersexual, or somewhere in between? does it change depending on the circumstance? how often do they have sex?
dynamic — are they dominant? do they like to be dominated? how do they show their dominance? how do they show their partner(s) they want to be dominated? are they more versatile or does it depend on the context/their partner(s)?
eyes — do they like to be watched while they're having sex? do they like to watch others having sex?
fantasy — do they have any sexual fantasies they'd like to try out? have they ever gotten to act on a sexual fantasy?
g-spot — do they like g-spot/p-spot stimulation? do they prefer giving or receiving it, or does it depend on their partner(s)? do they like to stimulate the area with toys?
hair — do they shave or wax? do they let their hair grow out?
humiliation — do they like being humiliated or degraded? is there anything specific they like being humiliated or degraded for? do they like humiliating or degrading their partner(s)?
impact — do they like spanking/being spanked? whipping/being whipped? hitting/being hit? any other kind of impact play not listed here?
kink — what are their kinks? do they have a primary kink? are there any kinks they'd be interested in trying? are there any kinks they don't like or aren't interested in trying?
lingerie — do they own lingerie? if so, how often do they wear it? what kind of lingerie do they like to wear the most? do they like when their partners wear lingerie for them?
location — where do they like to have sex the most? would they ever have sex in a 'risky' place (ex. in the office, closet, public bathroom, etc)?
lube — do they use lube during sex? how much of it? do they like flavored lube and/or lube that brings particular sensations? can they become naturally lubricated enough to not need lube during sex?
marks — do they like being marked? do they like marking their partners?
music — do they like to play music while having sex? what kind of music? is the music for vibes, aesthetic, or simply to drown out the sounds they and their partner(s) make (or even a mix of all three)?
names — do they like being called names in the bedroom? if so, what kind of names? are they pet names or are they names to appeal to a praise/humiliation kink? do they like calling their partner(s) names in the bedroom? do they have a daddy/mommy kink?
orgasm — how would their partner(s) know if they orgasm? what is their orgasm reaction like? are they sensitive after having an orgasm? what is the most effective way to get them to quickly orgasm?
positions — what are their favorite sex positions? do they have a singular favorite sex position? are there any positions they would like to try? are there any positions they don't like?
praise — do they like being praised? is there anything specific they like being praised for? do they like praising their partner(s)?
queen — are they a size queen? do they prefer length, girth, or both? do they like textures?
restraint — do they like being restrained? do they like restraining their partner(s)? are they into softer bondage or more hardcore BDSM?
sensation — do any specific sensations turn them on? are they into hot wax? ice? tickling? specific textures? anything else not listed here?
sexting — do they like sexting their partner(s)? do they ever send nudes? do they like receiving nudes? do they find sexting more or less difficult/fun than curating sexual experiences in real life? are they any different while sexting than they are during real life sexual experiences?
size — how big are their genitals? what cup size are they? what are their body measurements?
sounds — what sounds do they make during sex? do they laugh a lot during sex? are they chatty during sex?
stimulation — how do they prefer to be stimulated? do they like being given handjobs? do they like being fingered? do they like being given oral? is/are there any specific spot(s) on their body they like being stimulated the most? where do they like to stimulate their partner(s)?
strip — does your muse like stripping for their partner(s)? do they like when their partner(s) strip(s) for them? do they like their partner(s) stripping them naked? do they like to strip their partner(s) naked?
style — do they like it rough? do they like it soft? do they prefer fucking or making love? do they like a hard and fast pace, a slow and gentle pace, or does it vary/depend on the situation?
top or bottom — are they more of a top or a bottom, or are they more versatile? does it depend on their partner(s)? do they like penetrating or being penetrated more? do they like giving oral or receiving oral more? do they like stimulating or being stimulated more?
tease — do they like teasing their partner(s)? do they like being teased? how do they like to tease/be teased?
toys — do they own sex toys? how often do they use them? do they prefer using them on themselves or their partner(s)?
turn on — what turns them on?
volume — are they loud, quiet, or somewhere in between during sex? do they get louder over time? are there any activities that affect their volume during sex? do they prefer a loud or quiet partner?
wet — do they like bath/shower sex? would they have sex in other bodies of water (pool, lake, ocean, etc)?
I just got called into work (gotta go in within the hour for a six hour shift) but I'm super in the mood for smut writing today and was going to post this anyway. So send in some requests for me to look forward to writing when I get home! I only have a six hour shift tomorrow too, so between when I get home tonight and tomorrow afternoon, I'll be on and writing requests :) Again, please don't be shy about sending stuff in for any of my fandoms! It brings me genuine joy when you guys do!
✱˚｡⋆ ↪ THE 𝐒TAGES OF 𝐈NTIMACY. a collection of various action prompts centered around the varying stages of intimacy. feel free to adjust as desired. heavily mature content, dni with this post if you are under 18, & DO NOT use these prompts for non-con scenarios. )
SETTINGS.
[01.] finding privacy in a cramped dressing room.
[02.] cramming into the backseat of a car together.
[03.] slipping into the lonesome alleyway behind the bar for "time alone".
[04.] pulling them away from a party after hours of relentless teasing.
[05.] getting handsy under the table at a fancy dining establishment.
[06.] taking the long way home and pulling over on a dark stretch of road.
[07.] staying behind at the venue after everyone else has left.
[08.] the hotel room door barely clicks shut before hands are on them.
[09.] a tent in the middle of nowhere where no one can hear anything.
NEW TERRITORY.
[10.] finding yourself staring at their mouth and getting caught.
[11.] pulling back from a kiss to look at them, then immediately going back in.
[12.] memorizing the shape of them for the first time with your palms.
[13.] that exploratory first kiss, reserved and shy.
[14.] a gentle first kiss that morphs into intense want.
[15.] feeling the shape of their body through their clothes.
[16.] asking for permission to remove one of their garments.
[17.] finally succumbing to the thick tension & colliding feverishly.
[18.] fumbling with buttons or zippers because your hands won't stop shaking.
[19.] admitting out loud that you've been thinking about this for a while.
HEATING UP.
[20.] pulling them into your lap in the midst of a heated kiss.
[21.] discovering that they're wearing [ GEAR / LINGERIE ] under their clothes.
[22.] kissing away from their lips, down the length of their neck.
[23.] desperately grinding on them through layers of clothing.
[24.] dirty talking directly into their ear to turn them on even further.
[25.] pushing them onto a piece of furniture before straddling them.
[26.] lifting them onto the countertop while making out.
[27.] tugging their hair to expose more of their throat to your mouth.
[28.] the wrecked way they say your name for the first time.
[29.] fabric tearing because neither of you has the patience for buttons.
[30.] removing an obstacle of clothing with your teeth.
UNRAVELING.
[31.] biting down on their shoulder to muffle how good it feels.
[32.] the sound they make when you find the spot that undoes them.
[33.] begging without any trace of pride left and meaning every word.
[34.] their composure cracking for the first time, they finally stop holding back.
[35.] repeating "don't stop" like it's the only language left in their mouth.
[36.] leaving possessive marks in places only they'll see.
[37.] whispering "look at me" right before you take them apart.
[38.] trying to be quiet and failing, so they clamp a hand over your mouth.
[39.] flipping positions so fast neither of you remembers who initiated it.
[40.] their nails dragging down your back hard enough to sting later.
[41.] being told to open your mouth and doing it before the sentence is finished.
[42.] having your hands pinned above your head.
[43.] the desperate scramble to get closer when there is no closer to get.
COMING DOWN.
[44.] fingers lazily tracing the marks they just left on your skin.
[45.] pulling the blanket over both of you without being asked.
[46.] that silent, dazed smile when they catch your eye across the pillow.
[47.] the shaky laugh when neither of you can remember where your shirt is.
[48.] going to get water and bringing a glass back for them without asking.
[49.] lying chest to chest, feeling their heartbeat slow back down against yours.
[50.] the quiet "hey" that means something completely different now.
[51.] "come here" said softly — not urgently. just wanting them close again.
Habit - a well-learned behavior or automatic sequence of behaviors that is relatively situation specific and over time has become motorically reflexive and independent of motivational or cognitive influence—that is, it is performed with little or no conscious intent.
For example, the act of hair twirling may eventually occur without the individual’s conscious awareness.
How Habits are Formed
The question of habit formation can be approached from a scientific perspective or a more subjective and experiential one.
The Subjective Experience of Habit Formation
Bergson was a French philosopher who took cues from Ravaisson’s discussion of habits and their formation. Bergson (1911) wrote of both active and passive habits.
Passive habits arise from exposure to things we eventually get used to. High-altitude climbers gradually adapt their bodies to the lower levels of oxygen available as they climb above 7,000 feet.
Active habits are those we develop by repeated intention and effort, crystalizing as skills we perform with little or no thought. A gymnast practices walking, jumping, and flipping on a narrow beam until she can do all these maneuvers smoothly without falling.
Habits as skills can also be seen as a springboard to creativity.
Based on what we can habitually do, we reach new heights, as when a jazz musician ingrains the playing of a basic melody, then improvises new and adventurous notes on top of the underlying theme.
The scientific perspective on habit formation is exemplified today by neuroscience research. This research has highlighted crucial brain pathways involved in forming habits.
The Neuroscience of Habit Formation
When you first learn to tie your shoes, the attempts are quite conscious and effortful. As you practice this skill, it becomes a habit, something you can do easily and automatically, even while thinking of other things.
Neuroscience has asked how conscious and goal-directed actions are converted into a habit (Yin & Knowlton, 2006).
Clues to the mystery of habit formation can be found in an ancient area of the brain called the basal ganglia (Yin & Knowlton, 2006).
The basal ganglia are deep structures near the base of the brain that developed early in the evolution of our nervous system.
These structures play a major role in coordinating all kinds of voluntary movements, including the complex motions involved in walking, running, eating, talking, and grasping and manipulating with the hands, etc.
The basal ganglia, in conjunction with the brain’s frontal or “executive” lobe, also help perform the crucial task of rapidly selecting which type of movement should be made, out of the many options available in a given situation.
When faced with a tiger suddenly springing from the bushes, what should you do? Stand still, run to climb a tree, or make a dash for the river and hope the tiger can’t swim? The movement program chosen at this point might determine whether you get to pass your genes along to any offspring.
Since movements are most effective when well learned or habitual, the basal ganglia are also very involved in habit formation. Certain habits appear to be formed through the interplay between two distinct basal ganglia pathways (Yin & Knowlton, 2006).
One of these pathways is associative. It consciously collects information needed for reaching goals such as staying warm, finding food, finding a mate, and expressing oneself artistically.
A second pathway is more automatic. This route takes those lessons learned from the first pathway and includes them in a repertoire of stored habits.
These habits are then available to be called upon, when cued by a given situation.
Another key aspect to habit formation is positive reinforcement or reward.
For an activity to become a habit, it helps if it’s not only repeated often, but also positively reinforced.
We can trigger positive reinforcement through an external reward, like money, food, or praise. Such experiences release dopamine, one of the brain’s favorite “feel good” neurochemicals. A rewarding dopamine release can also occur through internal triggers, like visualizing yourself reaching a cherished goal (Neuroscience News, 2015).
Dopamine release has been shown to depend on neurons within the limbic system, another ancient brain circuit that processes emotions and the experience of reward. The limbic system is deeply connected with the basal ganglia and can stamp our memories and habits with emotional and reward value (Trafton, 2012).
Psychological Theories on Habit Formation
The American philosopher William James made early contributions to habit theory that still resonate today.
James (1914) thought of habit as the result of repeating the same action over and over, in similar circumstances, until it is ingrained in our brain circuitry.
He also believed that ingrained habits would automatically arise in the face of strong cues associated with their formation. When walking into your darkened room, the room and darkness cue the automatic habit of reaching for the light switch.
Behaviorists such as B. F. Skinner would expand on James’s insights into habit, with animal studies that emphasized how habit formation is fueled by rewards.
Skinner (1953) created cages for pigeons with buttons that dropped a food pellet when pushed.
In exploring the cage, the hungry pigeons would eventually peck the button on the wall. They soon came to realize that pecking the button would produce a food pellet.
This experimental scenario included what for Skinner were the primary factors in producing a habit:
Stimulus, like the button to be pecked
Behavior, like pecking the button
Reward, like the food pellet
Skinner (1953) believed that behaviors repeatedly engaged in for the sake of a reward will become habits. This hypothesis was borne out by his pigeons repeatedly pressing the button, even when that action was no longer followed by a food pellet.
Other theories sought to go beyond behaviorism’s focus on observed behavior alone, to include a mental or cognitive component in habit.
Edward Tolman (1948, 1954) believed that repeated or habitual responses involved the use of internal ideas, or “maps,” as cognitive components that helped navigate mazes, etc.
Neuroscience has further explored certain questions about habit, with the help of nerve conduction and brain scan studies.
“In the war film, a soldier can hold his buddy—as long as his buddy is dying on the battlefield. In the western, Butch Cassidy can wash the Sundance Kid’s naked flesh—as long as it is wounded. In the boxing film, a trainer can rub the well-developed torso and sinewy back of his protege—as long as it is bruised. In the crime film, a mob lieutenant can embrace his boss like a lover—as long as he is riddled with bullets.
Violence makes the homo-eroticism of many “male” genres invisible; it is a structural mechanism of plausible deniability.”
–Tarantino’s Incarnational Theology: Reservoir Dogs, Crucifixions, and Spectacular Violence. Kent L. Brintnall.
Today I read a trans man saying that we shouldn't fetishize top surgery scars.
Well fuck you because if I meet a guy who is finally confident enough to walk around my place shirtless, I will kiss and lick those healed scars until his knees buckle and thank modern science for giving him the confidence to allow himself to feel hot as hell about it all.
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