𝐅𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐌.

𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐒.

[quotemadness]

We’re stronger in the places that we’ve been broken.

Ernest Hemingway (via quotemadness)

[blueshielded-blog]

»  MALCOLM  |  brightprofiler·

          there are moments when he can’t HIDE from the world  .  there’s only so much willpower he has as well as strength to keep the facade going  .  there comes a time when its all just TOO MUCH for the profiler and he curls in on himself in a bag of self loathing and catastrophe  . luckily for him even in these moments he has the wonderful detective boyfriend to lean on  .  the one that doesn’t care how little or expansive disaster he is  . years of mental torment, as well as the explosive realization that his father was a psychopath, have done a number on him  .  

jordan the pure soul that he is , accepts malcolm for who he is  .  night terrors  ,  mental instabilities and all the recklessness and all  . blue eyes focus as jordan closes the space between them to settle palms along his waist  .  anyone else he might flinch at the contact  ,  but his detective is someone he can trust without question  . hands grip to strong biceps and he grins  ,  a bit sad but the effort is noticeable  .  “ what did you ever expect to do with a mess like me  ?? “ 

pull  is  gentle  ;  force  almost  always  meets  equal  resistance,  but  invitations  aren’t  often  refused.  malcolm’s  warmth  closes  in,  those  hands  settle  on  his  arms,  and  jordan  dips  to  press  a  kiss  to  his  brow.  these  are  some  of  the  moments  he  is  grateful  for  above  ALL  OTHERS.  that  he  can  be  there  for  the  man  he  loves  when  he’s  needed,  that  he  can  offer  comfort  and  support  and  shelter  from  demons  inside  and  out.

❝  honestly ?  ❞  brows  lift,  feigning  consideration.  ❝  i  can’t  believe  you’ve  known  me  this  long,  and  you  still  think  i  plan  that  far  ahead.  ❞  a  huff  of  a  laugh  shakes  his  chest.  joking,  but  there  was  a  plan,  so  to  speak.  maybe  not  as  detailed  or  thought  out  as  that.  no,  HIS  PLAN  had  been  one  much,  much  simpler  :  to  stay  with  this  man  for  as  long  as  he’ll  let  him.  mess  or  no  mess.  ❝  think  we’ve  done  okay,  though.  ❞

[rooftops-and-fire-escapes]

[blueshielded-blog]

QUOTES  FROM  PINTEREST  ( accepting ) »  @brightprofiler​ asked  :  “   you can talk to me, or not talk to me, but i’m here.  ”

❝  never  could  get  one  past  you,  could  i ?  ❞  a  sad  smile  appears  briefly,  then  falls  ―  he  is  much  too  weary  to  force  brevity,  and  he  knows  he  doesn’t  have  to  FAKE  IT  with  malcolm.  in  truth,  it  was  a  hard  day,  harder  than  most.  it  was  a  simpler  case,  a  rather  open  and  shut  robbery - homicide.  but  the  way  it  went  down,  the  details  of  the  case,  the  break  in,  the  family  . . .  it  hit  a  little  closer  to  home  than  he’d  like.

he’d  tried,  as  he  so  often  does,  to  outrun  the  burden  weighing  heavy  on  troubled  thoughts.  sometimes  it  works.  others,  less  than  he  might  hope.  this  is  certainly  one  of  the  LATTER  CASES.  one  small  saving  grace  is  that,  at  the  very  least,  the  long  run  and  subsequent  shower  has  left  him  with  enough  physical  fatigue  that  he  can  at  least  settle  in  on  the  couch  knowing  sleep  might  come  soon  with  some  escape.  ❝  it  was  just  a  bad  couple  days.  glad  to  be  home.  ❞  the  ❛  with  you  ❜  goes  unspoken,  but  the  way  he  shifts  closer  to  malcolm  on  the  couch  speaks  volumes  on  its  own.

[mymarsrevolution]

[blueshielded-blog]

QUOTES  FROM  PINTEREST  ( accepting ) »  @brightprofiler​ asked  :  “  everybody knows that i’m a mess.  ”

malcolm  is  a  mess.  water  is  wet,  fire  is  hot,  and  malcolm  bright  is  a  walking,  talking  disaster  waiting  to  happen.  jordan  knows  better  than  to  argue  fact.  he  wasted  many  an  early  year  in  their  relationship  trying  and  failing  to  assert  that  this  man  was  no  more  a  mess  than  anyone  else  (  because  he’d  thought  that  was  what  you  were  supposed  to  do  for  someone  ).  time  and  experience  have  taught  him  the  error  of  that  habit  ;  malcolm  doesn’t  need  someone  to  tell  him  he  isn’t  broken.  he  is.  people  get  broken,  and  that’s  okay.

instead,  he  allows  smile  to  slip  onto  features  as  long  legs  carry  him  to  close  the  distance  to  his  boyfriend. hands  settle  low  on  those  hips,  pulling  him  in  close.  ❝  you  are  a  mess,  ❞  he  agrees.  ❝  but  you’re  MY  MESS.  ❞

he  may  have  given  up  trying  to  convince  malcolm  that  he  isn’t  broken,  but  he’ll  never  stop  believing  that  their  broken  pieces  fit  together  just  fine.

[kaasbolletje]

[blackcatrph]

☞☞ quotes i found on pinterest sentence starters pt. one ☜☜

“  i’ve polished this anger and now it’s a knife.  ” 

“  i’m fine, i’ve had worse.  ”

“  death too must be earned.  ”

“  how do you destroy a monster without becoming one ?  ”

“  am i a bad person ?  ”

“  family isn’t who you’re born with, it’s who you’d die for.  ” 

“  are you flirting or starting a fight ?  ”

“  i’ll survive, somehow i always do.  ”

“  um.. that’s my emotional support knife collection.  ”

“  tell me; would you kill to save a life ?  ”

“  i am someone who did not die when they should of.  ”

“  i’ve never been good at emotional stuff. except anger. i’m good at anger.  ”

“  you can’t protect everyone !  ”

“  i have to try.  ”

“  turn the pain into power.  ” 

“  what doesn’t kill me better run.  ”

“  are monster born or created ?  ”

“  chin up kid, they’d kill to see you fall.  ”

“  if he puts his hands on you, cut them off.  ”

“  i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me.  ”

“  don’t play games with me. don’t ever think you’re capable of that.  ”

“  the question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.  ”

“  something had made your eyes go cold.  ”

“  you haven’t even seen my bad side yet.  ”

“  everybody knows that i’m a mess.  ”

“  i’m sorry i let you down.  ”

“  well, if it isn’t the feeling i was trying to avoid.  ”

“  you are not your father.  ”

“  even on your bad days, be kind.  ”

“  you don’t want me and i need to accept that.  ”

“  stay gentle. everyone is at war.  ”

“  the risk i took was calculated. but clearly i am bad at maths.  ”

“  i wonder which will get you killed faster, your loyalty or your stubbornness ?  ”

“  always be a little kinder than necessary.  ”

“  kind words cost nothing.  ”

“  i am being perfectly fucking civil.  ”

“  we’ll never be those kids again.  ”

“  i’m the original family disappointment.  ”

“  if karma doesn’t hit you, i fucking will.  ”

“  if you can’t be happy, at least you can be drunk.  ”

“  you can talk to me, or not talk to me, but i’m here.  ”

“  guess you’ll just have to fight me.  ”

“  i never asked to be like this.  ”

“  wow.  you’re a dick.  ”

[blueshielded-blog]

✫˚∙  BRIGHTPROFILER .

“ my hero  ,  “ he teases with a genuine smile  .  there’s still a sadness laced behind those blue eyes  .  there’s too much to think about and how he KNOWS that he’s not okay  . the first step is recognizing there’s a problem right  .  or admitting it  .  malcolm understands that these issues are far too deeply seeded in his psyche to be alright over night  .  its been twenty years and its finally coming to a head but despite trying to pretend he was functioning perfectly the words  ‘  no… i don’t think i am ‘ were muttered to gil  .  the job is still needed and he can’t help but wonder how long it will take him while on vacation to get restless but he has to try  .  

             he has to try for his boyfriend who is MORE THAN deserving  . 

that grin is something to be cherished because lately its gotten duller and duller and malcolm can’t help but feel responsible for it  .   “ anyone you want to go to as long as its fairly secluded and void of most people  .  think castaway  .  “ those arms wrap around him and its all too easy to give in to the contact  .  just for jordan  .  always just for jordan  .  “ At least its not my own private island though right  ?  “ 

god,  it  feels  good  to  have  malcolm  in  his  arms  like  this.  to  hold  the  man  he  loves,  not  for  PROTECTION  or  to  hold  shattered  pieces  together,  but  just  for  the  sake  of  closeness  and  contact.  ❝  that  is  true  . . .  ❞  a  pause,  consideration,  and  then  he  adds,  ❝  wait,  your  family  doesn’t  actually  have  a  private  island,  right ?  ❞  once  upon  a  time,  he  would’ve  assumed  it  was  an  exaggeration  and  moved  on  without  asking.  now,  though,  he’s  not  so  sure.

fingers  brush  idly  over  the  line  of  malcolm’s  back,  a  faint  sway  of  his  hips  rocking  them  both  ever  so  slightly.  ❝  i  could  go  for  secluded,  though.  just  you,  me,  some  fancy  drinks  with  too  many  ingredients  and  those  fancy  little  umbrellas  . . .  ❞  it’s  the  kind  of  thing  he  only  really  sees  in  movies  ―  he  wasn’t  kidding  about  the  COP  SALARY  thing.  ❝  get  us  one  of  those  big  blankets,  lay  out  on  the  sand,  kick  back  and  relax  and  listen  to  the  waves.  ❞  head  dips,  lips  pressing  chaste  kiss  against  malcolm’s  cheek.  ❝  i  can  think  of  a  few  other  things  we  could  do  on  a  PRIVATE  BEACH,  too.  ❞

[theemotionmachine]

Being positive in a negative situation is not naive. It’s leadership.

Ralph Watson (via theemotionmachine)

[blueshielded-blog]

✫˚∙  BRIGHTPROFILER .

the idea of a vacation is lost on him  .  all work and no play makes malcolm FUNCTION  . being able to be idle with his thoughts for too long seems to only increase the possibility that his hallucinations to be all the more present  .  maybe with jordan there to help him and keep him busy ( like he knows that malcolm needs ) they might be able to have an enjoyable time  . 

at first he expects , jordan to make some quip about how malcolm FINALLY wants a vacation  ,  but what he says forces him to suspect that he’s not trying to push his luck  .  they’ve both needed some sort of time off for awhile  ,  especially his boyfriend that seems to have been more stressed out than usual  .  no thanks to malcolm bright’s antics.   he knows that  . the least malcolm can do is encourage jordan to take it easy  . malcolm OWES him that much .

“ oh i don’t plan on getting a tan  . i burn way too easily  .  i sizzle and go back to pale  ,  “ he laughs and a shrug accompanies  . “ you on the other hand ,  i’m picturing very well baked but exceedly even more handsome with a little more color  . “ 

❝  noted.  there  won’t  be  any  sizzling  on  my  watch.  ❞  strange,  to  think  they’ve  been  together  all  this  time,  and  he  didn’t  know  that.  such  a  simple  thing.  but  then  maybe  it  just  highlights  HOW  BADLY  NEEDED  this  vacation  really  is.  a  chance  not  only  to  reset  and  unwind,  but  to  discover  more  of  the  daily  life  minutia  that  seems  to  come  so  easily  for  most.

yeah.  this  is  gonna  be  a  good  thing,  he  decides.  for  both  of  them.

easy  grin  finds  its  way  to  his  lips  ―  what  he  wouldn’t  give  for  a  lifetime  supply  of  those  laughs.  the  REAL  ONES,  absent  any  trace  of  self - deprecation  or  irony.  just  warmth  and  ease  and  all  the  other  things  that  have  been  missing  from  their  lives  these  past  few  months.  ❝  so  what  beach  are  we  thinkin’ ?  ❞  the  moment  makes  him  bold,  and  he  steps  closer  to  loop  arms  low  around  malcolm’s  waist  to  pull  him  in  slow  and  gentle  (  don’t  think  he  hasn’t  noticed  the  soreness  lingering  even  after  the  wound  healed  ).  ❝  course,  we’re  talking  cop  salary  beaches  so  don’t  go  too  wild.  ❞

[nohomohank-deactivated20200218]

bill’s reaction as a bonus:

[blueshielded-blog]

✫˚∙  BRIGHTPROFILER .

eyes close slowly once more at the kiss over his brow  ,  and malcolm swallow the lump in his throat that he’s been holding for quite some time  .  jaw tenses and he avoids anymore sort of eye contact . malcolm isn’t sure how he feels  ,  but he’s smart enough to know that its not good  . malcolm inhales deeply as jordan begins to look him over  .  stab wound  .  broken thumb  . what lays beneath all the tissue and muscle though can’t be seen  .  

yet he won’t dive that far into it  .  not yet  . he’s going to do what he always does  .  power through it because sitting idle  ,  doing nothing has never done him any good  .  for now he can’t muster the strength to pretend   and he can’t tell if its because he’s just that EXHAUSTED mixed with the pain or if those emotional scars have opened a bit too much  .  the wound at his side is held by the good hand adjacent as he lets jordan lead him out  .  

now that they are back together all he wants to do is cling for dear life  ,  but there’s a time and place for it  .  they both know it and he’s thankful to also know that now he’s been found his other half WON’T be leaving his side  .  it feels more comforting than it probably ought to  .  malcolm does what he’s urged to do and leans on jordan  .  the thought of any hospital never sit well with him but this time he knows better  .  “ figured you’d be grayer by now  .  “  its a half attempt at a joke  , but he honestly just doesn’t know what else to say . 

malcolm’s  weight  at  his  side  is  equal  parts  COMFORT  AND  CONCERNING.  knowing  he  can  be  there  for  the  man  he  loves  (  that  the  man  he  loves  is  still  even  here  at  all  )  feels  like  a  blessing.  but  on  the  other  side  of  that  coin  is  the  knowledge  that  his  steadfastly  independent,  headstrong  boyfriend  has  been  worn  down  enough  to  accept  his  help.  that  part  still  sits  heavy  in  the  pit  of  his  stomach  as  he  tries  to  find  a  smile  in  response  to  the  attempted  joke.

❝  you  almost  sound  disappointed.  didn’t  know  you  had  such  a  thing  for  the  silver  fox  look.  ❞  he’s  trying.  both  of  them  are,  perhaps  a  bit  too  hard,  to  fight  the  weight  of  ALL  OF  THIS.  but  jordan  sees  no  other  option  for  now.  forge  ahead  now,  get  the  urgent  things  taken  care  of,  then  he  can  let  it  sink  in.  and  it  will,  oh  he  knows  it’s  coming  in  the  same  way  one  feels  the  air  change  before  a  storm.

or  maybe,  he  thinks  in  some  determined  attempt  to  cling  to  optimism,  this  has  all  been  the  storm.  maybe  they  just  have  to  weather  this  one  last  surge,  and  they’ll  have  some  peace  again.  yeah  . . .  he  likes  that  option  better.  it  makes  the  weight  feel  just  a  bit  lighter  as  they  reach  the  back  of  the  ambulance  with  paramedics  already  approaching.  ❝  your  chariot  awaits.  ❞

[lunesuggestions]

i will always have a soft spot for you

[blueshielded-blog]

✫˚∙  random  inbox  love.  |  @brightprofiler. ASKED : " so gill says i need to take a vacation, somewhere preferably with a beach. so what do you say? want to get out of here? "

it’s  not  the  REQUEST  that  catches  jordan  off - guard  so  much  as  the  fact  that  malcolm  hasn’t  outright  rejected  the  idea.  he  hasn’t  got  a  clue  what  gil  could’ve  said  to  bring  his  work - minded  (  though  ❛  obsessed  ❜  might  be  the  better  word,  he  tries  very  hard  not  to  use  it  )  boyfriend  to  the  question  he’s  asking  now.

but  if  there’s  one  thing  he  knows  by  now,  it’s  not  to  look  a  gift  horse  in  the  mouth.

❝  y’know,  i  do  have  some  days  saved  up.  ❞  he  plays  coy,  but  they  both  know  it’s  a  hell  of  a  lot  more  than  a  few  days.  like  minds  attract,  after  all,  and  lately  it  seems  jordan’s  had  to  be  a  bit  more  WORK - MINDED  than  usual.  ❝  trying  to  picture  you  with  a  tan,  though,  and  i  just  ―  it’s  not  coming.  guess  we’ll  have  to  change  that.  ❞

[blueshielded-blog]

✫˚∙  BRIGHTPROFILER .

he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed that welcoming scent of the man he loves  . its such a familiar and comforting scent that he hadn’t realized how much he would miss it until it wasn’t there anymore or how much it could aid in calming the normally anxious Bright  . fingers dig into the fabric of jordan’s shirt , and his nose stays buried for just a few moments longer  .  oh how he was sure he’d never see or feel this man again  .  his family and THIS was worth fighting for  . 

for now  ,  jordan lifts malcolm’s chin up so he’s can gaze into those dark eyes that feel a little too much like home  . there’s a sadness in those blues of his  ,  he can feel it and he knows that jordan will be able to SEE it .  he wouldn’t need to be a detective for that  . all malcolm can do is nod and mouth a silent ‘okay . ‘ in response to the request made  . malcolm did what he had to in order to protect his family and he can feel the adrenaline begin to wear off which won’t be long before a dull pain turns to much much more  . 

there’s  a  sad  smile  at  the  easy  agreement  that  comes  from  his  love.  it  makes  this  easier,  no  doubt,  but  it  bodes  ill  for  just  how  rough  of  shape  the  man’s  in  that  he’d  consent  so  easily  to  being  FUSSED  OVER.  it’s  reflex  to  press  gentle  kiss  against  a  too - pale  brow  ―  some  small  gesture  of  comfort  that  will  have  to  suffice  even  though  he  wishes  he  could  do  so  much  more.

❝  paramedics  need  to  take  a  look  at  you.  ❞  gaze  trails  down,  cataloging  injuries  as  he  leans  just  far  enough  away  to  get  a  decent  view.  the  stain  on  malcolm’s  shirt  is  no  new  discovery,  but  it  rises  in  priority  now  that  the  fear  of  IMMINENT  DANGER  and  subsequent  mind - numbing  relief  have  subsided.  split  lip,  rough  and  ready  bandage  around  a  hand  ;  before  jordan  can  offer  his  sort  of  help,  they  need  to  have  everything  else  tended  to.  ❝  c’mon,  i’ll walk  you  out.  ❞

spoken  like  an  offer,  but  they  both  KNOW  BETTER.  there’s  not  a  force  on  this  earth  that  would  draw  the  detective  far  from  malcolm  now.  as  if  that  needed  any  verification,  he  shifts  to  tuck  himself  at  the  wounded  profiler’s  side.  ❝  lean  on  me  if  you  need  to.  that’s  what  i’m  here  for.  ❞  and  he’s  not  going  anywhere.

[blueshielded-blog]

✫˚∙  BRIGHTPROFILER .

most of what has crossed his mind has been his family ,  but jordan is part of that now .  they spend their days together at their place as well as work  . whole lives spent together devoted to one another and he can only imagine the thoughts running through jordan becker’s mind when he was told that malcolm was missing  .  the thought alone of the reverse makes him nearly sick to his stomach  . 

how would he ever know how to find him though  ?? how is he here now  ??  questions that will be saved for later and many more  ,  but for now he can finally breathe knowing that his family AND jordan are all safe  . all he says is one word but the man knows how much is meant with just that one word   .  his name declared with sadness and apology  .  none of it his love wants to hear and malcolm is grateful for it   .

the moment malcolm is pulled in every part of him hurts but he doesn’t flinch or let it be known just how much pain he’s in  .  he can barely move either side  ,  but at least one arm is still working to reach around and grasp onto his boyfriend for dear life  .  on the outside he’s calm and collected but he’s falling apart from the inside out  . 

 its hard enough to inhale the sweet scent of his boyfriend and those shaky breaths that scream just how worried he was  .  it takes even more with every ounce of strength he has to not break down and sob into jordan’s chest  . oh it’d be all too easy for him  . he can’t find the words because all of them wreak with apologies so its enough to just let the man embrace him for as long as he likes .

lips  press  to  disheveled  hair  atop  malcolm’s  head.  breathing  him  in,  breathing  at  last.  he’s  safe,  he’s  okay,  he’s  alive,  repeats  like  a  mantra  in  the  back  of  his  mind.  not  nearly  enough  to  soothe  the  anger  burning  in  his  chest,  but  it  keeps  him  sane.  keeps  him  grounded  to  this  moment.  it  lets  him  be  what  MALCOLM  NEEDS  HIM  TO  BE.  

but,  oh,  that  anger  will  have  it’s  time.  

for  now,  it’s  pushed  back.  buried  in  favor  of  the  hand  that  comes  to  rest  gently  at  the  nape  of  malcolm’s  neck.  there  it  lingers  until  he  feels  strong  enough  to  let  it  slide  forward  to  the  sharp  line  of  a  jaw  and  nudge  his  boyfriend’s  face  upwards  ever  so  slightly.  ❝  you  did  it.  you  took  care  of  your  people.  ❞  and  he’s  proud  of  that.  so  damn  proud  of  this  man  in  his  arms.  but  he’s  worried,  too.  he  can  read  so  clearly  the  slump  of  those  shoulders  and  the  tension  in  that  jaw.  he’s  HURTING,  and  that  just  won’t  do.  ❝  gotta  let  me  take  care  of  you  now,  okay ?  ❞