Okay this one! Has! The! Smut!
Also this chapter is loooong. It took a while to write. Iâve been wanting to write a Steve loses his virginity piece for a long time and this is it. If you like your smut emotional and filled with angst boy is this for you.
Also if you like this please tell me because now that Iâve gotten the smut out Iâm not feeling particularly motivated to finish it (the part after this is hard and sad so...)
Any way hereâs other chapters.
Link to story on AO3 if ya prefer.
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The cat kept up onto Steveâs lap and nuzzled his chest, meowing softly. He had read somewhere that animals could sense distress. Or maybe it was hungry. Steve reached up to stroke the catâs soft fur. He could feel that Kateâs eyes were still on him, pressing into him from across the living room.
âHow fucked up is it that you died and then you come back and BAM! Youâve got aliens and you have to just...defend the earth. Thatâs...thatâs a lot.â
He turned to look at her. She was earnest, fiercely so. She had what Bucky had once called âAn overdeveloped sense of injusticeâ. He had been talking about Steve.
Steve looked down into the catâs bright orange eyes. âIt gave me something to do, honestly. I was pretty lost when I woke up and then, this was a mission. Something to liveââ he paused, shook his head a little. âSomething to fight for.â
He looked up from the cat at her and saw that her eyes had filled with tears. And then, as soon as he saw them, they were gone. Maybe he had imagined them.
âYou need something to fight for, huh?â
A too-long moment passed as they stared into each otherâs eyes. Steve felt the air in the room grow heavy with something he was frightened to name. He felt drunk, though he knew that was not possible. His thoughts were chaotic, disorganized, too fast. It was like a ride at Coney Island, all dizzying colors and bright lights.
He had decided to die, and somehow lived. Her eyes were dark and soft, like falling asleep slowly. The world was full of every possibility, and empty of everyone he had ever loved. Her hair was dark like Peggyâs. Everyone had told him to go out into the world and make a life. He was never going to see Bucky again, or dance with Peggy. A few weeks ago, he had fought an alien invasion on the streets of Manhattan. She was biting her lower lip. Bucky had told him a hundred times if heâd told him once: âIf youâre not sure if you should kiss her, and she bites her lip, sheâs waiting to be kissed.â
Steve stood up. âI should go. Itâs late.â
Kate stood up and faced him. âDonât.â
Steve swallowed hard. She was walking towards him. She came so close, too close. The top of her head barely reached his chin. She looked up at him, her dark eyes shining. âDonât go.â
Steve was transported for a moment to a conversation heâd had with Tony a few days earlier. He had been contemplating the relative benefits of moving to D.C. to work with SHIELD and Tony had come in and said he had his âOld man bad memoriesâ face on and asked him what was wrong. When Steve had explained the decision he was trying to make, Tony had laughed. âWhat you need isnât a job, Cap, what you need is a date. And preferably someone who will put out.â Steve had gotten up to leave because he didnât feel like getting teased and then Tony had said something else, something Howard had said to him when heâd asked for advice about Peggy all those years ago.
âSometimes the best thing you can do is dive in. You canât always be waiting for the right time and letting every slightly-less-than-right time pass you by. Thatâs the thing youâll regret the most.â Steve had been aghast at finding father and son briefly occupy the same body, but heâd still felt like the advice wasnât helpful. Except suddenly it was ringing in his mind.
He had waited three quarters of a centuryâlonger, really, to find someone special and now he was just going to do what a couple of generations of Stark had been telling him all along. He was going to dive in.
Okay, he thought. Okay. First things First.
He reached a hand up and ran his fingers down the side of her face. Her skin was so soft. She closed her eyes. He gently, so gently, cupped her chin in his hand and leaned down. He didnât close his eyes until he touched her lips with his own. He pressed his lips to hers, gently separating them, and then releasing. He felt her exhale, so he kissed her again, a little harder. Her hand found its way to the back of his neck, where she drew tiny circles with her fingers in his hair. He slid one hand down to her waist, pulled her closer to his body, surprised to find there was any space between them at all.
He could feel her heart beating against his chest. He pulled back ever so slightly. âAre you okay?â She nodded gently and stood on her toes to press her lips to his again. He wrapped her tiny waist in his arms and lifted her, carried her backwards towards the bedroom. Her legs wrapped around his hips, tight, squeezing, pressing. He could feel the blood rushing through his body. His stomach was tight, his head was buzzing.
He sensed it a moment too late, the cat winding its way between his legs as he walked. Fuck. He tripped, still carrying her, and twisted as he fell, trying desperately to stop himself landing on her. He landed hard on his back but managed not to smack his head against the wood. Idiot.
âOh my god!â She was sitting on top of him, upright, her hands covering her mouth. âAre you okay?â
âYeah I tripped over the cat, sorry.â He could imagine the body-shaking laugh that this story would produce in Bucky and felt tears sting the back of his eyes.
âIâm really sorry.â He started to sit up, help her off of his lap, give up, maybe go walk around the park in the cold for a couple more hours. But she was looking at him strangely. âYou sure youâre okay, Rogers?â Her voice was low. He nodded. She set her hands on his larger ones and slid them up her thighs. She pressed her hips down against him, and put one hand on his chest. She leaned down, so slowly, until her lips were an inch from his. âItâs a good thing we both have sushi breath.â
He started to laugh but found himself kissed instead. Her kiss was like a laugh, light and playful, but in his chest and stomach, something stronger and bigger was building. Under her hips, which were moving back and forth against him, he could feel his cock stiffening. He groaned a little into the kiss. She pulled away, but he didnât even have time to worry that heâd done something wrong before her lips found his jaw, traced the edge with tiny bites and then down to his neck, where she kissed and licked and he could actual feel every rational thought emptying out of his brain like water out of a pitcher.
âIntensity and specificity of sensation will be increasedâ had always been one of his least favorites, but then, before now it had always, always meant pain.
âShould we move to the bed?â He had asked, clinging desperately to the last shreds of cognizance he possessed. âWhy?â She asked, in that low, heavy voice. Why? Isnât that where people have sex? Steve was bewildered but he didnât have any room for it. She was sitting up again, and she was unzipping her dress and she was lifting it over her head, and Steve found he didnât have room for anything that wasnât his desperate need for her. He didnât have room for confusion or worry. He didnât have room for regret. He didnât have room for sorrow.
Her body was pale, glowing in the moonlight coming through the window. She was softly curved in every place he could see or touch, anywhere he was hard and angular, she was like a pillow. She was like falling snow, or still water, or the smell of lilac on the first day of spring. Soft.
He sat up, holding her close to him, so he could kiss her. She started pulling off his t-shirt. They were kissing again, now with their skin touching. He was filled with a thirst that his mind had no idea how to quench. His fingers seemed to know though, and they made their way to the clasps on her bra, where their knowledge found its limit. Her fingers joined his and she pulled off her bra and flung it somewhere across the room. Her bare, soft chest was pressed to his. Her skin smelled like vanilla and lavender. Her hair smelled like lemons. She pulled back and his eyes found her newly exposed breasts in the silvery dim light.
âEyesight enhanced in any lighting conditionsâ Thank god.
Her breasts were round, pale, heavy. They hung lower on her chest than he expected. He filled his hands with them and sighed, needing something he couldnât or wouldnât name. He noticed that her hands were low on his stomach, and then that they were trying to open his belt. She was at an awkward angle. She stopped, reached past him, pulled the edge of the quilt on the bed until the whole thing was in a heap on the floor, then pushed him gently backwards until his was on his back, his head now resting on the bunched quilt.
He reached down to help her with his belt, but she pushed his hands away. She shook her head gently and smiled. âYou just relaxâ she said, and leaned down to kiss him again. He watched her as she undid his belt, his zipper, began to pull down his jeans. He laid, almost frozen, as she slid her fingers inside the waistband of his briefs. She looked up at him. âOkay?â
She was biting her lip again. Steve nodded, fully unable to form words. She pulled his briefs down, off. They disappeared into the darkness of the room. He watched her look at his erection for a moment. Her eyes were soft and dark, and there was something electric in the way she looked at it, a light in her eyes. She moved towards it, and looked deep into Steveâs eyes as she slipped it into her mouth.
Her mouth was warm and wet, and like every other part of her, soft. She slid her tongue over and under his penis as she moved her lips further down his length. She moaned, so quiet he almost didnât hear it. Steve realized he was holding his breath. She slid back up and took just the head in her mouth, stroking the shaft, now slick, with her hand. She pressed her tongue against his head and licked him like a ten cent cone. Steve breathed in sharply, letting it out in a long groan. His core shuddered. She smiled.
She licked one side of his shaft all the way down and up again, then the other side. Steve tried not to close his eyes. He felt the way you feel when youâre going up a big hill on a roller coaster. He knew the drop was coming, that swooping sensation, the fear and the thrill and the loss of control. He tried to look down at her as she swirled her tongue in circles around his head. One of her hands reached up and gently squeezed his balls, and that was it.
His head was buzzing, ringing white light that smelled like lemons and lavender and vanilla. His body was only the sensation of his release, the heat and then the sudden cold, the tingling in his thighs and feet and shoulder blades. He felt removed from the weight and reality of his own body, for a moment, released. Free.
He came down slowly, opened his eyes. She was there, so beautiful, wiping her face. She squinted at him in the dark. âYou know itâs considered polite to warn a lady before you come in her mouth.â Fuck. âIâm so sorry, Kate, I...â
She laughed lightly, wiping the corner of her mouth. âItâs not a big deal. Besides. I know how youâre gonna make it up to me.â
She smiled mischievously at him and he could see her eyes sparkling. Her whole form was surrounded with a halo of hazy light now. Can I die for you? Is that it? Because Iâll do it. He waited for instruction.
She leaned down towards him, kissed him. Her lips were salty. She was turning him, pulling him on top of her. He kissed her again a little harder. Her hands were on his shoulders and she gave him a gentle push. He kissed her neck, the shimmer of sweat on her collarbone, the swell of her breast, her hard, wrinkled nipple. He pulled it into his mouth, pushed it around with his tongue as his lips spread to take in more of the smooth skin of her breast. He heard her clipped moan from above. Her hand found the top of his head and gave another gentle push. He slid lower, kissing her soft, rounded stomach. He kept kissing lower, pressed his lips to her skin, just above the lacy edge of her underwear.
He slid lower, kissed the fullness of her pale thighs, squeezing them, delighting in the way his fingers sank into her. She arched her hips up towards him and something in his brain finally clicked. âUh...you want me to...â He gestured a little awkwardly at the dark fabric between her thighs.
âIs that...okay?â She seemed a little nervous.
âItâs...I just donât know what Iâm doing.â His shoulders dropped apologetically.
âIâll tell you what to do. I bet youâll be a natural.â she was smiling at him, and the halo of light was back, making him feel weightless.
He nodded, reached up and began to slowly pull her underwear down, over her soft skin and a small patch of dark curly hair, and then over her thighs (he loved those, he went slowly) and down over her calves and feet. He returned to this last, secret space. He looked up at her. She was biting her lip.
âIf sheâs biting her lip, she wants to be kissed.â
He lowered his head, placed a kiss near that dark hair, gently. He heard her exhale, tight, heavy. Almost a whimper. He kissed the insides of her thighs, which trembled a little. He kissed the place below the curly hair where the cleft in her skin began and she whimpered in earnest. He kissed a little harder and felt the folds begin to separate beneath his lips. He slid a finger between them. âGod, Steve, yesâ Low and heavy. Needy.
He pulled the folds apart with his hands and found her pink and glistening within. He pressed his mouth against her, opened it, slid his tongue up and down. He tasted something sweet and heavy, almost like smoke. He breathed her in. He licked her. His tongue found her entrance and she gasped. His tongue found a hard round bud and her whole body began to shake. âSteve. pleaseâ barely vocalized, just pure sensation. He could recognize it. Itâs how he had felt a few moments ago.
He moved his tongue and lips around the bud, holding her shaking thighs. His cock was hard again, against the cold wooden floor. âSteve, put your fingers inside meâ Her voice was quiet but desperate. He recognized that too. He slid a finger to the entrance he had discovered earlier and pressed in slowly, gently. He could feel her slick, muscular walls squeezing against his finger. He added another and his erection throbbed.
He felt her take a deep breath and hold it. Her encouragement did not stop with her lack of vocalization. She gripped his hair, pulling his head closer, her heavy thighs (God he loved them) starting to press in on the sides of his head. He was deaf with their weight on his ears. His eyes were shut tight. He could perceive only the taste of her and the smell of her and the feeling of her all around him. His world was nothing but her body, shuddering on the verge of climax.
When she came, he could hear her cry like he was underwater, through the crush of her thighs on his face. He could feel it flow through her body. He felt her shaking and her grip on his hair tightened and then disappeared. He continued to kiss and suck and stroke, kept sliding his fingers into her and out again. His cock was so hard it was aching now, leaking onto the floor. His hands wanted to be everywhere at once, her thick thighs, her warm cunt, his hard dick, her smooth breasts, her mouth, her hair, her face. He was nothing but want.
Her hand returned to his hair, he felt her breathe in deeply again, her legs tensing, her foot, on his back, arching painfully. He pressed his tongue and fingers into her more forcefully, and she came again, shaking and crying something that sounded like his name.
He kept kissing, but now the hand that had slackened on his hair was pulling him up, her legs falling away to the side. âSteve, câmereâ
He slid his body up hers, never losing contact for a second. He could see that halo of light, expanding and contracting with her breaths. She was pulsing, glowing. She pulled him up until they were face to face. He wiped his chin. She kissed him deeply. She was breathless, flushed. Her face was so open, her cheeks red with effort, her eyes dark with passion. She kissed him and he felt her hand close around his aching erection. She wrapped her free arm around his back and pulled him close, guiding him into her. He let her show him the way. He took a breath and held it.
Pushing inside her, feeling her squeezing him, her body warm under him, around him. She moved her legs, he could feel the angle shift. He pumped slowly, he let his body do everything. He let his body, the body that science had given him (and whatever was left of the tiny, lonely man inside) do all the work. He let his body pursue the needs it had for so long been forced to ignore.
The doubts had fled his mind. The word doubt had no relevance to him.
He looked down at her beautiful, moonlit face. The idea of regret had vanished. He could never regret her. He felt the halo of light that surrounded her was finding its way around him. He felt that they were joined in a pool of soft, warm, pulsing light.
As he pushed deeper into her, he looked into her eyes, those wells into which he had feared so greatly to plummet. And he just...dived in.
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