probably gonna take a break from tumblr for a little while until they get back to me about my appeal, my sincerest apologies to anyone waiting for me to reply to their ask š„ŗš
Iād love to share a joint somewhere private with a masochistic slut whoāll let me punish them if they exhale before I tell them too. Having them look at me with hazey, watery, panicked eyes as they try to hold it in. Not only that, but will also let me give them spankings or a good cropping if they cough or choke on the hit. You wouldnāt want to be wasting daddyās weed now, would we?
just want to say that your recent post about femme being a trans identity makes perfect sense. i actually know another femme (ostensibly a ācis womanā) who recently defined it the exact same way to me. yay transgenderism!
oh god. hi š„ŗ this is so kind and it means so much to me. i actually deleted all those tags bc i got in my head about it (who am i to call myself trans and t4t when iām tme and dress the way i do etc etc) butā¦ i have thoughts. under the cut bc this got long, tw for talk of dysphoria:
femme as a trans identity (specifically femme4butch) DOES make perfect sense to me. up until the moment i started living as femme4butch and realized that i didnāt have to be a woman, i was in a fog of absolutely brutal dysphoria. mostly bottom dysphoria. i could not look at or touch myself in any way. i did not masturbate. if i was forced to acknowledge my genitals, i felt nauseous. my body was cloaked in āwrong wrong wrongā but i didnāt know why.
as a kid i always played pretend as a boy. i loved wearing bows and dresses. i felt completely alienated from both girls AND boys my age, for different reasons. i gravitated towards the weird & genderfucked kids, always, even though i dressed head to toe in pink and to everyone else looked like the prototypical Girly Girl. i was fine with this until puberty. until i realized that to everyone else, my body meant i was a woman.
of course there are other potential reasons for my bottom dysphoria besides transness but idk. i had it way before i started fucking cis guys. iām not gonna try to tease apart my comphet trauma from my dysphoria, because i donāt think human brains work like that. i did start to heal when i came out to myself as a lesbian. but there was still a huge puzzle piece missingā¦ until i started watching trans and nonbinary youtubers. and eventually found t4t and genderfucky erotica. and i obsessively devoured any scrap: wordpress blog entry, ao3 fic, crunchy pdf, even the most batshit horny t4t tumblr postsā¦ every bit made me feel less insane.
itās the relief of knowing that my body does not indicate one single thing about my gender. how i like to be penetrated does not indicate one single thing about my gender. the way that someone else wants to penetrate me does not indicate anything about their gender. yet simultaneously, our sex can be so charged with gender, it can be playfully gendered, it can be fraught and dripping with gender in a butchfemme way.
and i know my stone identity is caught up in here too somewhere, because my boundaries are less about what i will/wonāt do, and more about a mutual understanding re: what the sex means and who i am while doing it. i need to be seen in all my genderfucked glory. i need it understood that iām not a cis lesbian and i donāt want cis lesbian sex. your strap is a dick and your dick is a strap. unless itās not, and you wanna use a strap instead. my pussy is not feminine or sacred, unless iām playing like it is. iām the one being fucked but iām not to be fucked with. yknow. stone femme shit !!! š š»
i still struggle daily through a fog of social dysphoria, because everyone looks at me and the way i present and reads cishet woman. even other queer and trans people, pretty much 100% of the time. i donāt blame them, i donāt come with subtitles, i donāt expect them to read my mind. itās not their fault that i look like this. but itās so weird because iām not dysphoric about the way i look. i never have been. iām dysphoric about the way iām interpreted by everyone around me.
i donāt know why this turned into such an essay but thank you so much for giving me a space to speak on this. i cried while writing it. i hope if anyone has read this far, that you might have related to some piece of it, or found it interesting at least. trans people i love you forever and i owe you my life no joke
how could i be anything but t4t š„¹šššš«¶š»
Ma'am, your daughter bites her pillow, moans into it, and grabs the bedsheets every night like she's in heat just imagining a butch taking her from behind and calling her a good girl.
"My daughter turned out fine"
Sir, your son wakes up humping his pillow at least once a week from a dream where he's got a femme wrapped around his butch cock moaning and begging for him to fuck her harder.
those "How to be Butch" guides that list various selfless or chivalrous acts for aspiring butches to perform make for some beautiful poetry, but jsyk you don't actually have to do any of that stuff to be butch. like you don't have to be a girl gentleman or whatever you can be just some guy. it's fine
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