Graceless Heart

I'm Demi Chadwick. I'm 20 years old, European bred American. Currently a junior at BNU. Theta Epilson sister.

[bnudemic-blog]

[aaron-collins]

Being jailbirds wouldn’t suit us, so that’s not happening. It can’t happen. But I’m not as boring as you think. You’ll see when we go out.

You’re just a fairly flirty person in general. Don’t count me out, though, I got flirty. I understand what you’re saying with the kissing. Like when we kissed, kind of. Ahh. I’m making such a big deal over this and it’s not a big deal. Let’s just.. Watch this movie with me and let me play with your hair, which smells divine, by the way.

[bnudemic-blog]

Neither of us are made for the legal system, let's not fool ourselves. I couldn't last a day in jail. Oh really? Well now I definitely need to be proven otherwise. I'm aiming for bar hopping, table dancing, shirtless Aaron Collins. Those are my expectations and you better meet them.

Kidding. I basically only described myself. Though I'm usually just topless.

Indeed I am, but it's more for attention and less for teasing. Oh, did you? Tell me more then. How did you get flirty? Our kiss was real, we agreed you're not allowed to tell me otherwise, dear friend. Fine, fine, I digress. It is nice to see you all flustered over a boy though... kind of adorable! My hair always smells nice. 

[aaron-collins]

If I could only not worry.. my life would be so much easier, but no, you won’t end up in jail because you’ll be legal, silly. I know that means people care when they do that, but I get over things fast.. but we’ll figure it out when it comes to that, I suppose, yeah. You’d know better than I would.. I just think that regardless of who you are and what you’re into, you should be a fucking decent respectful person. If someone you didn’t want to touch you, touched you, regardless.. I might break their fingers.

Dear friend. I love you. You sound like such a cute little old lady. Am I boring because I haven’t been on more wieners than French’s mustard? If that’s the case, so be it. No kiss, no.. I mean, I kissed his cheek, but.. no. Your words of wisdom would’ve been helpful prior.. Instead I had to rely on google.. but that’s cool at least we’ve established how psychotic I am.

[bnudemic-blog]

You’ll learn how to not care about the little things soon enough, I’m sure of it. I’ll be legal, but also in trouble for corrupting a minor. Or something. I’m pretty sure I could get in trouble for getting you drinks or a fake ID in general. Well, of course, yeah, that’s what you expect. But you never even know.

I love you too, but yes, you’re very boring. Only because I’ve happily been the type to flirt up a storm. I’ve kissed on my dates as well, just to know if it’s worth continuing or not. But that’s my logic, of course. It’s cute you tried though, at least you got somewhere. You could’ve asked, love! Don’t ever rely on Google, nothing but a bunch of stuck ups on Yahoo! Answers.

[aaron-collins]

Um.. Probably because it’s illegal. I don’t mind doing illegal things in private.. but risking getting caught stresses me out. I wouldn’t survive if I had to go to jail. I would end up becoming someone’s bitch and I’d die. Burning it sounds more pleasurable, to be honest. What? Don’t not do something on account of me, please. I’m absolutely positively fine with whatever you want to do. The more the merrier? But the less that go, the less people you have to worry about. It’s all up to you. Is that like… a thing, or are you just throwing people into a box? I don’t think that’s a thing. 

I wouldn’t say you do. It’s not very glamorous. Suspense? You need to go watch a day time drama if that’s what you’re looking for excitement. This is the most anticlimactic shit ever because I literally don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know! It just is. It’s overwhelming. I don’t know if I like being liked. I mean, I like being around him and everything— I’ve probably thought way too far into this, but I’m unleashing this onto you because you brought it up— but what if he wants more? I don’t know how to be more. I could be reading it wrong.. which I don’t think is the case.. Never once did he imply that he just wanted some sexual favour or something. He was being really sweet to me, and his touch was gentle.. but like.. What if he wants a relationship? I don’t think I can do that.. I don’t know how to even do that. My parents still don’t know about y’know, and I just.. it’s so foreign and scary.

[bnudemic-blog]

Okay, okay, fine. I see your point. But still! There's nothing wrong a little bit of law breaking to have some fun? The only thing you'll need it for is getting into bars and such, then you'll be home free, lovely. Don't worry so much. No, we can't end up in jail, because we'll go to separate cells and I refuse to be alone in jail. What do you mean don't do something on account of you? You're my friend Aaron, a dear friend. I'd like to make sure you're having a good time as well, not just me. The more the merrier, I can't believe you even just said that. We'll figure it out, we have plenty of time, yeah? No sense in rushing when we have a few more weeks to go. It should be a thing. I like to believe the gays are a more sensible version of a person, they should know how to treat other and help them- consider they'd want the same in return. That's just me, of course.

I watch plenty of television, thanks. Alright, so what if what you said almost bored me to sleep? I still like to know and keep up with you. As I said, you're a dear friend. And I want to know how you're doing. Sometimes even who you're doing but we're not there yet. Anyway, can I just completely agree with you? You're reading very far into everything, Aaron. I mean, so far, wow. You've went on merely two dates, the first one you basically called boring. I mean, he's touching, but has the bloke even went in for a kiss? If he hasn't then you won't be able to tell anything just yet. Because on one hand he could feel absolutely nothing in the kiss, and on the other he could want more from where they came from. Newsflash though, babe, not all men only chat you up for a fuck. I promise, you'll find plenty of people much more interested in you rather than your penis. Not just him.

[aaron-collins]

I wouldn’t tell on myself.. that’s just stupid, but I don’t know of anyone I dislike enough to do that, so I won’t be killing anyone any time soon.

Or something.. thanks.. love you, too. The idea of that alone stresses me out, but okay.. I’ll make a sacrifice for you, but I will be burning it at the end of the week. No, no. I was only asking. It’s your birthday-week, so you invite or don’t invite whomever you want. I’m more than good with just you. If it’s just you and I, I wouldn’t go leaving you anywhere, so you get to corrupt me for the whole week.

Then why ask? Even if I was doing stuff with someone, you wouldn’t want fine details on it. Maybe I don’t want to share.. Ugh. Okay. Fine. Whatever. I don’t believe he was mad. He didn’t go and eat Chef Boyardee or whatever it was you said— which is disgusting, by the way. But uh.. We went and had coffee that one time, and that was fine. It wasn’t super exciting or anything, and then we hung out here another time and talked and.. yeah. Oh, I.. also kind of think he really likes me, which is sort of absolutely terrifying.

[bnudemic-blog]

It's possible, don't jinx yourself. Last thing you know, you'll find someone worthy of your hate. Just knock on wood, we don't want that for you.

I'm only joking! Why does it stress you out? Why does having illegal fun stress you out? Fine, burn it at the end of the week, or give it back, so I can sell it to someone else. I know how shy you get around crowds, so I've been skeptical with inviting other people. I wouldn't mind it being just us. We'd be safe either way, you know? It's San Fran! Gay people are safe people.

You don't know that, maybe I do! If you didn't want to share, you know I wouldn't be mad, you know? Just left in suspense, is all. Oh wow, a second date? There was a second date? It's not exciting in the realistic sense, but a boy likes you! Why is that terrifying?

[aaron-collins]

..I get that quite a bit. Everyone’s going to be so surprised when I commit murder one day, that i’ll probably get away with it.

Nothing’s wrong with that.. but if that’s the calm, I don’t think I’m prepared for the storm. I’ll handle it though prepared or not, and I won’t even be a party pooper. Is it just you and I, or are any of the ladies tagging along? Good. Deny me a lot of things, but don’t deny me that.

I never said that either, so I can’t be a liar. What? No? I’m not.. no. No ..fucking. Gosh, you’re so crude. I only said exciting because you said it would make me more exciting if I had texted him, and I did that. I.. it’s probably not exciting at all. Talking about this makes me feel weird.

[bnudemic-blog]

It's not entirely a bad thing, but don't go killing people now. That guilt, you know it'd haunt you. You'd probably tell on yourself before anyone found out.

I'll go easy on you, or something. I have someone who's willing to make you a fake ID though, by the way. So no party pooping, my love. I mean, I can always invite more people, if you feel more comfortable? I'm sure a few cheerleaders wouldn't mind partying with us.

I'm not crude, I'm just being blunt. I know how bloody bashful you get, all shy and detached because you feel weird about talking about these things. And I meant you would seem more exciting because I presumed you'd have something to tell me. Like, what happened? What did he say? Was he mad? Stop feeling weird and just give me all the details.

[aaron-collins]

I’ve just decided so now. Maybe not really, but I did mean that lovingly, I promise.

Says the girl who just told me she’s been doing nothing but partying her butt off since school ended. Speaking of your birthday though— when exactly are we going to San Fran, like.. details? Wow, okay. Don’t flatter yourself. I know you’re agreeing because you’re fond of me. Oh yeah.. I forgot we haven’t really talked since. I never specified that I ‘fancied’ anyone, but …consider me more exciting.

[bnudemic-blog]

I hardly believe you'll ever really be capable of ill-intent, to be honest.

What's wrong with that? You'll understand when you get older, dear, don't worry. Oh, right, we're going in July. My birthday is the during the week, so I've asked my mom to book me a hotel nearby from the entire week. You.. I know you're not much a party goer.. But you don't have to stay for the entire week? If you don't want to. From the thirteenth to the nineteenth though, in case you do. I'm very fond of you, you already know that. I would never deny that.

Oh, oh really? You've never fancied anyone? Liar. But fine, the bloke who fancied you, and gave you his number. How is your life more exciting? Are you fucking 'em?

[aaron-collins]

I’m not hating in the slightest. I express my love through teasing.

I was expecting a more exciting story from you, honestly but that’s nice. My day wasn’t the best? I don’t know. I’m boring.. no exciting stories to share either. And yes. Best answer— I always miss you. Now come cuddle me up.

[bnudemic-blog]

You express your love through teasing... since when?

Not quite yet! I'm waiting until after I turn 21 to bust out the real adventures. You say that about everyday of your life, I swear. But fine, I'll cuddle you, only because I'm easily the most exciting thing about you... unless you ended up texting that bloke you fancy. Then you might be more exciting than I am. 

[aaron-collins]

That’s news to me.

Anyway. Where are you just coming back from and did you have fun?

[bnudemic-blog]

Oh, ha ha. Bloody hater.

I'm coming back from the apartment. I went there first, but I wasn't far. My family doesn't live far from here, they're in San Diego. I met them for dinner actually. And... yeah... I guess you can say I did. How have you been? Did you have a good day? Better question- did you miss me?

[bnudemic-blog]

[aaron-collins]

You could’ve just let yourself in.

[bnudemic-blog]

I could, but I have manners you know. There subtle, but definitely there.

[bnudemic-blog]

Aaron? Aaron, it's Demi. Open up.

[bnudemic-blog]

Text to Aaron

Aaron: ..I did and I'm probably wayy too white to be doing that. Not sorry, though.

Aaron: I know.. As long as you're alright, I guess. It still makes me sad. But I feel icky so I'm going to have a nap. Come by when you get back from wherever you're at.

Aaron: I don't remember if I ever told you where my dorm is but it's -insert dorm info here bc elaine is dumb and forgets- incase I didn't.

Demi: You're cute.

Demi: I'm alright, don't worry so much babe.

Demi: I'm going to be driving back around 5pm. I'll come to your place around 7pm.

[bnudemic-blog]

Text to Aaron

Aaron: You can't turn a bad girl good but once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever?

Aaron: That made me really sad.. I'll probably always worry about you, but you're not alone.. you're just not with anyone. Sometimes I wish I could be more for you, but I can't and it makes me sad.

Demi: Did you just quote Jay-Z?

Demi: Single. I meant alone, as in single. Not like I spend my nights sobbing into a bowl of ice cream. I just meant single. Don't worry about me. Since school has ended I've done nothing but party my ass off.

Demi: And you're enough for me Aaron, I promise.

[therealryanwest]

Do I? Sorry, it’s just I haven’t seen you in so long, it makes me a little emotional.

[bnudemic-blog]

Oh God, that was the corniest thing by far. Does it though? Do you need a tissue? I'd offer you a hug, but I've yet to even figure out your name. And I don't hug strangers.

[bnudemic-blog]

Text to Aaron

Aaron: Oh, good. I thought you had done something to get yourself kicked out and I was afraid to ask.

Aaron: Hey, you /offered/ to watch it with me. I can't fulfill all of the male attention you're overdue for, though.

Demi: Thank you for doubting my good girl ways.

Demi: I was joking! Obviously.

Demi: Kidding, but I know that, Aaron. Don't worry about me. I think I'm getting better at being alone.

[therealryanwest]

The campus is so dead during the summer.

[bnudemic-blog]

That's no reason to look that close to crying.