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Somewhere lost in the clouded annals of history lies a place that few have seen... A mysterious place called The Unknown, where long forgotten stories are revealed to those who travel through the wood. avatar credit preview credit sidebar credit

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[Oh, no. Wirt had been hoping that he wouldn’t have to spell out his younger brother’s revolting act, but—ugh, when he was acting so clueless and innocent about the entire affair, it only made the older brother that much more irritated. Greg’s supposedly befuddled...

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[With Greg's correction, the older brother rolled his eyes a bit--he really wished that his younger brother would be able to keep it serious just long enough for him to lecture the kid about the importance of basic hygiene. And, yet, somehow, that attempt resulted in their current predicament of a trial...how did Greg do it?]

[Regardless, Wirt's expression soon shifted into one of apalled disgust when his younger brother mentioned not taking baths or washing his hands. Ugh--just thinking about it gave him chills; where did Greg even learn to use the bathroom so irresponsibly?]

Okay, I--really didn't want to hear about that. A-Anyway, that does add some weight to your charge, but I'm talking about something VERY specific, dealing with the toilet. Do you know what this is about now...?

[Hopefully, the answer would be a resounding noise of realization--an "ohhhh," followed by Greg admitting his guilt. Of course, his hopes weren't likely to come true. Especially considering that this was his younger brother that he was dealing with, not to mention that Greg would likely simply provide Wirt with some ridiculous rock fact about the toilet. Ugh...why did this have to be so difficult? He could've finished lecturing his younger brother by now, if only he would pay attention and comprehend context clues.]

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[Wirt SHOULD have seen this coming. It was inevitable that Greg would try and pin the crime on someone or…something else. And apparently, that something else was his pet frog whose name constantly changed, even after officially naming it Jason Funderberker. Of course,...

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[Oh, no. Wirt had been hoping that he wouldn't have to spell out his younger brother's revolting act, but--ugh, when he was acting so clueless and innocent about the entire affair, it only made the older brother that much more irritated. Greg's supposedly befuddled questions were met with a groan of frustration from Wirt's end; wasn't there any way that he could incriminate his younger brother with no actual evidence unless they returned to the scene of the crime?]

[Not only that, but apparently, Greg was still stuck on his pet frog now supposedly being a lawyer. Last time Wirt had checked, there weren't any frog law schools, nor was there a law aspect to that one schoolhouse in the woods. Of course, he wasn't quite certain if their experiences in those woods were actually real or not...but that didn't matter. Not in this case, anyway.]

Fine, whatever; your frog-lawyer can defend you. But I can't guarantee that you'll get off the hook. This is a serious charge, and you're the only one that could've...committed the crime. That's what I'm here to prove.

[Who knew that what was meant to be a lecture about sanitary bathroom procedures would end up becoming a trial?]

Alright, so--you sound like you don't even know what the charges against you are, Greg. You've been accused of, uh...unsanitary procedures in the bathroom, and there is a substantial amount of evidence stacked against you. How does the defendant plea?

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WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Well...[Yeesh. After being stuck in the woods--well, even if that was all some sort of illusion--experiencing so much, encountering beasts and evil spirits, you'd think that Wirt might be satisfied. However, there was a much simpler response to that question than one might be led to believe...of course, it was kind of personal, not to mention secret.]Y-Yeah, um...I guess I've got a few places I wanna go. I mean, I'm still almost tempted to explore the woods over the garden wall, but--that's...I dunno. Wouldn't wanna risk anything.

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• candy-camouflage started following you

Hey, Greg. You know how I have chores, right? Chores that involve cleaning your messes?

[Wirt really, truly hoped that Greg would realize what he was getting at as he spoke. After all, he certainly wasn’t one to voice his...

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[Wirt SHOULD have seen this coming. It was inevitable that Greg would try and pin the crime on someone or...something else. And apparently, that something else was his pet frog whose name constantly changed, even after officially naming it Jason Funderberker. Of course, those name changes were nicknames, but--]

[Hold on, that wasn't the point. The point here was that Greg was trying to pin the blame on his pet frog (as usual), despite obviously being the one responsible for the haneous deed known as...eugh. It was too disgusting to repeat, even to himself. Either way, however, Greg was responsible, and Wirt was determined to prove it. This is what his years of training in debate club were for...even if he failed it, which was pretty pathetic, considering that it was a club.]

Greg, it doesn't matter whether or not Jason is a lawyer. He's not going to frog jail, okay? But that's only because he didn't commit the crime. However...I have INCRIMINATING evidence that PROVES you were the one that committed the crime!

[He made that last part seem WAY more dramatic--of course, that was due to a fingerpoint directed toward his little brother. Wirt...actually didn't have any evidence, but...DNA testing? Nah, too expensive. He'd just have to stick to bluffing. Maybe Greg would confess, right...?]

[...Ugh. Who was Wirt kidding?]

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• candy-camouflage started following you Hey, Greg. You know how I have chores, right? Chores that involve cleaning your messes? [Wirt really, truly hoped that Greg would realize what he was getting at as he spoke. After all, he certainly wasn't one to voice his disgust directly, especially when it came to...this. That meant that his little brother would have to catch on, though there wasn't a high probability of that.] And...it's very difficult to CLEAN those messes sometimes. Especially when a certain someone apparently doesn't know how to use a toilet properly.