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The 2nd Goodbye
Is our future an echo of our past, or is our past a shadow of our future?
This would be the second time I leave home, as the dread of an upcoming semester looms and that new school anxiety kicks in. I guess some fears you never grow out of. I am honestly so scared for this experience: the fear of not succeeding, and the fear of not fitting in, not having friends, the fear of being a burden to…
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Texas Forever, Goodbye Never
Texas Forever, Goodbye Never
“Are you excited to move to California?”
All my time in Austin, I’ve been so focused on making a difference: whether it be for my close friends, or the community I live in. But perhaps the only difference I should’ve been making was to come from within all along…
While it’s important to have a big picture plan, I realize you can’t discount all the small decisions that make everyday life so…
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Fear
I volunteered today, and felt my knee give up a few times. This greatly concerns me because I cannot afford another injury. At the same time, I am quickly running out of time for making an impact in the community.
It has been months now since I’ve torn my ACL. I’ve since completely accepted my injury, and embraced the slower lifestyle that comes with it. Life is fair. Cruel, yes, but fair; I should have done more while I was healthy but I didn’t, and this injury is ultimately the price for taking life for granted. Life is hard. I’ve lived so long making it appear easy, but in reality it is not.
It’s not about living an easy life, but having the strength to endure a difficult one. Many sleepless nights are haunted by a silent cry in my head, for all the people I could reach out to and help but can’t. I continue to hate myself, for simply not doing more when I had a chance. Now physically inhibited, I can only formulate new approaches to meet my expectations.
One solution is ACL surgery, which is something I’ve been fearing since the beginning. I do not fear the surgery itself, but rather the devastating results it may potentially bring. I’ve already started settling into my new life, but I know better than to say I’ll be living the rest of my life this way. If the surgery is a success, I’ll be willing to return to my old lifestyle armed with a new perspective on life: that it is short, that changes can happen in a blink of an eye, and to never waste an opportunity to help others. My ultimate fear is surgery that will result in my knee not being 100%; that I may not get to ever exceed the person I was before this injury, physically. One that would hinder my ability to help those around me. A superficial fear, but one I’ve been battling with for the last few months.
Next on the agenda: college application. Initially, I was so excited to return to college. However, while going through the application process, I quickly realized how unqualified I am for the program I am applying for. Both the program and its scholarships are looking for future students who possess academic excellence. While I have all the work experience and volunteer involvement in the world, I severely lack anything semblance of academic significance.
I truly anticipate and fear academic hardship, I really fear going against students fresh out of college, students who are more eager to make higher grades than me. I fear I will truly struggle in college. I’ve never applied myself academically in life, instead opting for hardwork to get by. For the most part, that has worked. But hardwork has failed me before, and I fear if I don’t prepare this time around that the results will be the same. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s making the same mistake twice. I promise I will be smarter this time around.
Everything is suddenly moving so fast as I struggle to make the changes I need in order to improve myself. These are thoughts I’ve been building and holding onto, unable to express to others for fear of being pitied. Only here could I freely convert them into words for a sense of my perception. There are days where I ask myself why I can’t do anything right, there are days where I just want to quit. Some days I struggle to find my will to live, complicated by the fact that everything so dear to me is ripped from my life one by one. Life is cruel, yet fair in that I have equal opportunity to overcome failure and adversity. Change should have started a long time ago, but it will start now. Fear is what keeps us alive, but if we don’t ever take control of it, then we never would have truly lived.
🎶 when will my reflection show, who I am inside? 🎶 #garnerstatepark #concan #riofrio #frioriver #oldbaldy #camping #hiking #texas #hillcountry #adventure #nature #landscape #earth #daycation #wilderness #outdoor #autumn #fall #foliage #cypress #basic #reflection #dog #dogsofinstagram #woof #maltipoo #puppy #sony #sonya7rii #sonyalpha (at Garner State Park)
Courage
If kung fu is the greatest thing I’ve done in my life, then I have failed. Simply for it is not what we’ve done in the past that defines us, but what we do now and beyond that’ll truly cement our legacy.
One of life’s biggest challenges is to let go, especially of something you hold so dear to your heart. It would be so easy to continue building on something you’re comfortable and familiar with. Ah, but impermanence: everything changes, nothing will remain the same. When we try to make impermanent things permanent, what we end up with is suffering when it does change. It is always easier to go with what you already know. But that’s not who we are: we will continue to push forward, break boundaries, and face challenges ahead. We are acting our lives out, on the stage of the world. There are no scripts; we either write our own narratives, or we improvise based on the conditions of our stage. Life is nothing more than a lifelong learning process.
There was a time while I was teaching kung fu, that I was referred to as Shifu. It was a role and label I truly embraced: to become the best at my craft, and to pass on my teachings to the future generation. I was obsessed with self-improvement, and expected nothing less than perfection from my students. For a few years, I thought I had it all. Then, that feeling was gone. I realized I was so obsessed with self-improvement, that I neglected the well-being of others. Suddenly being Shifu was no longer appealing. I knew so much about kung fu, yet so little about life. Thus, I switched from being a master of kung fu, to becoming an apprentice of life. I shifted my focus in life from becoming the best at what I love, to supporting others, to help them realize their dreams, and to learn from those around me. It’s a decision that I have no regrets till this day.
I am currently at a crossroad in my life: to get surgery on my torn ACL and return to doing what I’ve always loved, or to bypass surgery and save money for college. My old self would immediately opt for surgery, but that’s the beauty of life: we are never truly the same person during any points of our life. I’ve decided not get surgery, and that’s a decision that took a really long time to reach.
I’ve always viewed academics as a weakness in my life, so the decision to return to college was not simple at all. However education has always been something I highly regard and I believe if I can face this challenge and succeed, then I will become a better man. Life wasn’t meant to be easy, and you only get stronger by having the confidence to face difficulties.
Courage doesn’t mean you have no fear, it is the mastery of your life’s difficulties. When you are able to part with the things that hold you back from becoming the best version of yourself, that, is when you truly become Shifu.
As a Buddhist, I've always had a difficult time grasping the concept of reincarnation. I'm open to the idea that it exists, but to say I believe wholeheartedly would be a stretch. I simply can't believe in something until I see or experience it. This doesn't mean I disagree with other people's opinion. To help explain reincarnation, I take cues from nature. Take for instance, leaves: every Spring, a brand new leaf will emerge and slowly matures through the Summer. By Autumn, and the leaf will entire the final stages of its life cycle. Come Winter, and the leaf will cease to exist: it would have fallen and decompose by then. But Spring will roll around, and a new leaf will take its place. Is this the same exact leaf? Ah, this is the million dollar question regarding reincarnation. I believe the answer is both yes and no: While it is not the same exact leaf, the previous one decomposed and had its nutrients/energy absorbed by the very tree. In a way, this leaf contains bits of every single leaf that came before it. To put it in human terms, we contain bits and pieces of every single person that came before us, and will contribute to every human being that comes after us. Our life can be compared to the life cycle of the leaf, and our world is the tree. Life may be impermanent, but the cycle is eternal. Does reincarnation exist? #showerthoughts #redbudisle #park #austin #atx #autumn #fall #basic #foliage #leaves #reincarnation (at Red Bud Isle Park)
Get Spooked: Just a guy who's a hero for fun. 100 push ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, 10k run. Once a year* #onepunchman #saitama #cosplay #halloween #costume #austinyad #yadsorad
They say all good things must come to an end: today marks my final class/performance before I step down as Kung Fu instructor. It has truly been a magical journey this past year teaching you all kung fu. I hope each and everyone of you were able to take something from my class and implement it into your own lives for the better. I started my martial arts journey over 21 years ago, and it had always been something I thought I would be able to do forever. Once upon a time, my only goal in life was to simply be the best. As I got older, I only wished the best for my students. In fact, I wished you all would become better than me one day. Unfortunately I am unable to lead you much longer, but I do hope you all would go on and train on your own. Each and everyone of you possess something truly special, and I hope you'll one day unlock that passion. Letting go of something I hold so dear to my heart has been a long and very difficult decision, but I think it is truly time I take a step back: to let my body heal, and to move forward. Letting go is simply a beautiful farewell to a delicate dream, and waking up to a magnificent morning. Is this a forever goodbye? Never, Kung Fu will always be my life. #jiayou #kungfu #wushu #xiangyuntemple #impermanence #austinyad #yadsorad (at FGS Xiang Yun Temple 佛光山香雲寺)
ACL may never be the same, but neither will my determination
The world seems so much bigger now when you can no longer run. Places you used to jog to with ease, now you struggle to get to, streets seem wider, everyone around you seems faster. Mentally, I feel like I’m holding everyone back and letting everyone down with my latest setback. With every step you take, you learn to be mindful; to become aware of how significant every step can be, and as it builds up you tell yourself that maybe, just maybe, life isn’t so bad after all.
Everyday, I look at the calendar, at that faithful date when my knee decided to give up. It drifts further and further away, slowly reminding me that life only moves in one direction: forward. Neither fast nor slow, just constant. I can no longer run away from my problems. Literally.
Just when I thought I had my life together, something like this happens. Imagine in a blink of an eye, you suddenly lose an ability you’ve always been able to do your entire life. Why me? Why now? I’m so young, I don’t deserve this. I regret all those time I was perfectly capable but couldn’t do more for others. If only I could take back all those time I wasted, and focus more on improving the lives of those around me... Whether or not I’ll embrace this injury and this lifestyle, I must first accept what has happened. Thus far my mind is in a state of denial, refusing to believe I may never be able to run again, to jump, to kick, to do Kung Fu. I must let go, to accept that suffering exists, to believe that there is an end to this suffering. #Impermanence
My greatest quality in life has always been my hard work. I’ll never be academically strong, nor ever considered highly educated, it has always been my willingness and determination to help others that was my defining quality. I can’t determine how much my life will change; I can only control my steps, one at a time, and hope that it will take me to places I’ve never gone before, allow me to do things I’ve never done before, transform me into someone I’ve never been. Change is different, change is unpredictable, but most importantly, change is exciting. #jiayou
Lastly, I want to thank all my friends for reaching out and helping me move on. Words cannot describe the gratitude I’ve felt this entire week for being blessed with having the greatest friends in the world. I sincerely apologize I have not been myself at all these last couple of days, and I’m sorry everyone has to see me at my lowest point. I’m just really scared, and have no idea how to deal with this fear I’ve never had before. Thank you all for being loving, caring, understanding, forgiving, and compassionate.
Don’t Lose ƒocus
It has been a while, but I’ve finally found the time to start on a new hobby! Since graduating, the adult life has consisted of working nonstop to make money to spend on all your bills. The cycle is never-ending, and it’s been tough to dedicate time to doing the things you love. Eventually, you’ll settle into a rhythm to where you can make room for a hobby or two. I’ve been blessed to reincorporate kung fu into my life again after a 2 years hiatus. Then 2 weeks ago, I bought a new camera and thus a new hobby has been formed!
Background: I’ve only joined the smartphone movement 3 years ago, and it was my gateway into the world of cameras. My very first smartphone was actually the Nokia 1020, a very camera-centric phone. Since then, I’ve been obsessed with capturing the beauty of my world.
Over the next few years, I would continue to be obsessed with photography. I’ve met so many special people who are photographers, and am so inspired by their visions and passions. As I mastered everything I could on my phone, I knew my own vision would be limited by the technology I didn’t have. I bought my first camera, the Sony RX100M2, to capture my family’s first vacation together in over 20 years. This little device opened my eyes to a bigger mechanical world of cameras and I learned so many things I couldn’t with my phone. That little pocket camera eventually followed me to Vietnam, Taiwan, New York, and New Orleans, with each trip an improvement to my photography skills. Still, I wouldn’t consider photography as a hobby just yet.
A few weeks ago, a wish-list camera of mine had its price dropped by 50%. Knowing I had to act fast, I purchased the camera right away and have never felt so excited about a material item. I bought the Sony A7ii, but soon realized that was only half the battle. Like a luxury car without gas, my camera was useless without lens (I never imagined facing this problem since I had been using a pocket camera). After countless hours of YouTube and a few sleepless nights, I now have a more solid grasp on my new camera and even have 2 lens for it :)
It wasn’t long ago, when I looked up to photographers and marvel at the magic they were able to capture and deliver to the world. With this camera, I feel a connection to a new hobby I’ve always wanted to try. A picture is worth a thousand words and as an introvert, I feel very secure looking through the lens and expressing my emotions infinitely. Currently, I’m comfortable taking pictures of inanimate objects (because I can take as much time as I want without anyone feeling awkward lol), but eventually I want to master all aspects of photography. I’ve been blessed with having the proper tools, but now it’s up to me to figure out the rest. I want to be more than just that guy with fancy camera gears but doesn’t know how to use it, I want to fully expend my potentials and am committed to making this work. Confession: I’ve probably learned more this past week through YouTube than everything I’ve retained through 4 years of college. Just goes to show that you learn and retain the things you are passionate about :)
If you’ve made it this far, sorry this sounds like a happy rant. It’s just, I haven’t felt this positive in a really really long time. For my photographer friends, thank you for being so inspirational through your work and passion. Hopefully I can be more than half as good as you all are!
April 30th
Marks the Fall of Saigon, an unfriendly reminder of a civil war that ended up displacing millions of Vietnamese. My mother was amongst those millions of refugees, and this year is quite significant to her: not only would 2017 mark the 30th year my mom has been in America, but it also means she has now spent more of her life in America than her native country of Vietnam! 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸
Growing up, my mom always told stories of her journey to America. It is one of those family traditions, a prep talk of sorts for when my brother and I face difficulties in our own lives; a reminder that no matter how tough life seems, it is nothing compared to what she experienced. Today, I would like to share and immortalize her stories through a series of posts!
After the Vietnam War ended on April 30th, 1975, life in South Vietnam became extremely difficult. Every citizen faced the possibility of being prosecuted and sent to a re-education camp (a labor camp imposed to punish those who sided with the Americans during the war). A ‘New Era’ of Vietnam was on the horizon, which ushered in a completely new government system and a complete new set of laws.
Mom had just graduated high school, but now her education was forced to cut short. Not only has her college dreams ended, but an exchange student program to Taiwan was also flushed down the drains. Life would never be normal again as the state of her family grows dire day by day. Resources were becoming scarce through rations, and the once well-off family of Duck BBQ had been reduced to poverty. What good would money be, if you weren't able to buy anything? My mom knew her future Vietnam to be very bleak, thus one day decided to escape with her siblings.
After several failed attempts to make it to the escape ports, my mom and her brother finally made it. Along the way, they were captured a few times and even jailed. But their drive for a better tomorrow and to provide for the family they would leave behind, compelled them to never give up. Tired and depleted of resources, they finally boarded a small fishing boat along with hundreds of others and set sail for freedom in the dead of night.
It’s hard to answer the question “what’s wrong”, when nothing is right
Another year, another step back. Lately, these failures has been the only things consistent with my life. Time is a nasty reminder of what little seconds we have left in life to make this world a better place. So many sleepless nights where I play out my life, only to remind myself that it’s all a “what if” fantasy. It just seemed like yesterday when I graduated and so inspired to take on the world. Life, has been a silent and continuous hell since then.
“Fake it till you make it” has always been something I’ve lived by. Lately, I’m having trouble pretending to be happy again. It’s so difficult to seek help, because I’ve always been a source of happiness to so many people. There are so many things I want to say, so many things I wish to say, but I can’t bare to have my feelings bring others down. My mind is so loud, yet my words are so quiet. I’ve been brushing off my emotions a lot these last few years, but lately it’s hitting harder than usual. I may not have been a very nice person lately, randomly lashing out at people for no reason and just being mean. This isn’t who I am or what I want myself to be, but it’s just so hard to not feel sad and upset sometimes. I am sincerely sorry for all the people I’ve hurt lately, and that I can’t be more stable emotionally.
With each setback, comes a sudden urge to make myself the best version I can be: to prove to everybody who has passed me up, how valuable of an addition I could have been. With every setback, I vow to not make the same mistake, to not be in the same weak state, to constantly be improving. Yet despite all the progress, I’m always led back to square one. I just want a chance to prove myself to the world, prove what I am capable of.
A wise friend once told me I wasn’t ambitious enough. I had one dream in life, and that was to become a police officer. I honestly thought that was good enough, that working so hard towards that one goal would manifest itself into guaranteed success. I was wrong, and it has taken me three years to realize that. Termination, permanent disqualification, failing a polygraph exam, all things totally out of my control. They say third time is the charm, yet all I see is the insanity of continuing to fail myself.
With each passing year comes the introductions of new friends but also the last farewell of old friends. Impermanence is life, but I wish my graduating friends nothing but the permanence of success. To see everyone around me move onto better things in life, really, is the one thing that inspires me to live for others. I may still be that silly kid who will never live life for himself but as long as I don’t fail others, that alone will be a life worth living.
Once upon a time, we’ve all made a promise to ourselves to set out and make the world a better place. I am the biggest hypocrite, for being a hope to others when in reality I’ve only constantly let everyone I know down. Hard work and success is what I preach and live by, yet failure will forever be my legacy.
Roses are gray, bluebonnets are gray #woof #texasforever #bluebonnets #hillcountry #texashillcountry #austin #atx #texas #dog #puppy #igaustin #igaustintexas #365thingsaustin #texas_hillcountry @puppystagrams @dogs.lovers
Vietnamazing
On May 13th, 2016, I boarded a plane to Vietnam. Just mere days earlier, I received news that I was permanently disqualified from a certain police agency. This latest blow really shook me, as it made me question my future career path for the first time. In all honesty, this was the first rash decision of my life: booking a 2 month flight to Asia.
I flew to Vietnam broke, lost, confused, upset, and quite frankly sad. I left America, because I couldn’t face a future I couldn’t figure out. This trip was my only ticket out of a bad situation, to give myself room to breath, to give myself space to think, to allow myself to accept what had happened and how to move forward. I arrived in Vietnam determined to leave the past behind me. This is what I took from this beautiful country:
Vietnam: A land before time. Everywhere you look, you’ll see French influence, mixed in with remnants from the Vietnam War, on top of a civilization that has eluded China’s colonization for thousands of years, and sprinkled with the latest in high technology. All in all, Vietnam is a nation still searching for a true identity. Amidst all this progressive chaos is the Vietnam that I am in today. Culturally, one of the biggest takeaway from Vietnam is that people wake up really early here. Society operates at a much earlier time than America, with most people waking up before 5am. A second difference is a siesta, used to close shop and escape the hottest time of the day with a nap.
I noticed education plays a huge role in Vietnamese culture. To put it in my own words: education transcends financial struggles. This means schools create an even playing field for children of all financial backgrounds and hardships. No matter how bad you have it at home, if you do good at school, your academic accomplish will not go unnoticed thus you can highhandedly raise the status of your family. Academic success builds face, which is something not even money can buy. I must say I’m really proud to see how education was one of the major driving factors in Vietnam.
Of the many progress I saw in Vietnam, I also saw a lot holding this country back. One of the biggest is the disparity between the lower class and the higher class citizens. Vietnam is a country where you would see a rows of Lamborghini and Ferrari speeding down a slum, dodging all the lottery ticket sellers (aged between 6-10 years old). The image I tried to paint here is despite all the progress, people here are unwilling to notice those they leave behind. Yes, Vietnam is an extremely competitive place to live. It is honestly a dog eat dog society here, with every family trying to outdo the next. The people live an extremely simple life compared to America. However, there is also a nationwide problem of it being a materialistic culture. In my opinion, I think a lot of people in Vietnam got rich too quickly and don’t know what to do with their money. So instead of working together to build a stronger society moving forward, everybody tries to one up each other with their latest purchases: whether its technology, high rises, cars, fashion, etc.
Homophobia is a huge problem in Vietnam. No matter how much people there consider Vietnam as a developed country, it’s a status hard to attain when the people look down on homosexuals and even the disabled. I encountered homophobia on a daily basis there, and it was almost sickening since it’s something I’ve never experienced first hand in America. AND I’M STRAIGHT TOO!
While a lot of things are still backwards in this country, I see hope at the end of the tunnel. My visit to Vietnam coincided with President Obama’s, which became a national phenomenon. No matter what American’s views are on President Obama, the man is a bonafide celebrity in foreign countries. For weeks, people continued talking about Obama’s visit. Even the dish he ate, Bun Cha Ha Noi, received a renewal in popularity among restaurants and bars. For Americans, this visit may mean nothing, but to the Vietnamese people, his visit gave the nation hope for a better tomorrow.
These are my takeaways from Vietnam. Of course, I was there to visit family and attend my cousin’s wedding as well, but I won’t dwell too much into the details. After a month and a half, I flew to Taiwan for a Buddhist conference.
This was Two Months Ago...
Tick tock tick tock tick tock, time moves on even as your mind stays in the past. No matter how much you believe that you deserve more time, the world doesn’t revolve around you. One year. Two year. My Facebook Memories has just notified me exactly two years ago, I had graduated college full of hope, full of determination, full of promises to fulfill, full of dreams to catch.
I find it ironic for society to preach us to chase our dreams. What is a dream? Surely not something solid, surely not something you can hold in your hands. No, a dream is an idea; and unless you physically wake up and actually put in some work, that dream may eventually become just a memory.
What about success? I grew up a firm believer of hard work = success. In fact, I still believe in it. What pains me the most, is preaching about success to other people when I have nothing to show. I look around at all the brilliant minds that surrounds me, and I can’t help but feel so envious of every single one of them. In midst of my jealousy, I turn to dark humor and a negative mindset to ease my pain. Being a troll is my coping mechanism to hide my insecurities: that my hard work haven’t and will never get me anywhere. A cowardly move, yet a smile is the greatest weapon a person can possess.
It is so hard to live amongst college students. Everyone is working so hard to fulfill their life’s dreams, everyone is so motivated and inspired. If only there was a way I can warn them not to let their dreams blind their view of reality, for I’ve been in that position before. But, who are they to listen to a two year graduate with no plans for his life. I shall apologize in advance for bursting everyone’s bubbles, but what if I told you the hard work you pour in during college may truly amount to nothing once you’ve graduated. I’ve once felt so invincible, naively believing that my hard work is a foolproof plan that I will live a decent life after college. How I urge you all to have a plan in case that fails. Don’t become me.
Once upon a time, we’ve all made a promise to ourselves to set out and make the world a better place. I’ve seen people I know set out and do so many beautiful things that it leaves me feeling why I slow down the progress of others. The only thing I feel I’m good at now is apologizing: apologizing for all the people I’ve hurt, all the promises I’ve broken. I am a hypocrite, for being a hope to others when in reality I’ve only constantly let everyone I know down. I am truly sorry, for being such a failure.
At this rate, my life has become predictable: 2 steps forward, falls off the stairs. Hahaha, an endless cycle of pushing through with maximum effort, followed by a domino effect of every crumbling before my eyes. My greatest achievement in life is continuing to bounce back from every setbacks I’ve faced. Hard work and success is what I preach and live by, yet failure will forever be my legacy. For now.
Success is not only measured by how much you achieve, but also how quickly you react to adversaries. I am more prepared this time around than last time. At this point, the shock hasn’t quite hit me yet. Perhaps, it will at a later time, perhaps my body is simply used to this regular occurrence. As soon as I received news about a week ago, I immediately sprang into action. First on my Bucket List:
Travel.
I will be taking two months off, to gather my thoughts and plan for what’s ahead in my life. People keep telling me I’m still young, so why not use this opportunity to travel the world and learn as much as I can about myself and the place we all call home. Perhaps I’m destined to fail myself for the rest of my life, that’s something I’ve always asked myself. But as long as I don’t fail others, that alone will be a life worth living. This will mark the first time I’ve backed out of a difficult situation instead of immediately tackling it head on. Giving up is easy, but it’s not who I am and it’s not what I’m about. I promise to come back a better person.
Success is the Failure to Give Up
Tick tock tick tock tick tock, time moves on even as your mind stays in the past. No matter how much you believe that you deserve more time, the world doesn’t revolve around you. One year. Two year. My Facebook Memories has just notified me exactly two years ago, I had graduated college full of hope, full of determination, full of promises to fulfill, full of dreams to catch.
I find it ironic for society to preach us to chase our dreams. What is a dream? Surely not something solid, surely not something you can hold in your hands. No, a dream is an idea; and unless you physically wake up and actually put in some work, that dream may eventually become just a memory.
What about success? I grew up a firm believer of hard work = success. In fact, I still believe in it. What pains me the most, is preaching about success to other people when I have nothing to show. I look around at all the brilliant minds that surrounds me, and I can’t help but feel so envious of every single one of them. In midst of my jealousy, I turn to dark humor and a negative mindset to ease my pain. Being a troll is my coping mechanism to hide my insecurities: that my hard work haven’t and will never get me anywhere. A cowardly move, yet a smile is the greatest weapon a person can possess.
It is so hard to live amongst college students. Everyone is working so hard to fulfill their life’s dreams, everyone is so motivated and inspired. If only there was a way I can warn them not to let their dreams blind their view of reality, for I’ve been in that position before. But, who are they to listen to a two year graduate with no plans for his life. I shall apologize in advance for bursting everyone’s bubbles, but what if I told you the hard work you pour in during college may truly amount to nothing once you’ve graduated. I’ve once felt so invincible, naively believing that my hard work is a foolproof plan that I will live a decent life after college. How I urge you all to have a plan in case that fails. Don’t become me.
Once upon a time, we’ve all made a promise to ourselves to set out and make the world a better place. I’ve seen people I know set out and do so many beautiful things that it leaves me feeling why I slow down the progress of others. The only thing I feel I’m good at now is apologizing: apologizing for all the people I’ve hurt, all the promises I’ve broken. I am a hypocrite, for being a hope to others when in reality I’ve only constantly let everyone I know down. I am truly sorry, for being such a failure.
At this rate, my life has become predictable: 2 steps forward, falls off the stairs. Hahaha, an endless cycle of pushing through with maximum effort, followed by a domino effect of every crumbling before my eyes. My greatest achievement in life is continuing to bounce back from every setbacks I’ve faced. Hard work and success is what I preach and live by, yet failure will forever be my legacy. For now.
Success is not only measured by how much you achieve, but also how quickly you react to adversaries. I am more prepared this time around than last time. At this point, the shock hasn’t quite hit me yet. Perhaps, it will at a later time, perhaps my body is simply used to this regular occurrence. As soon as I received news about a week ago, I immediately sprang into action. First on my Bucket List:
Travel.
I will be taking two months off, to gather my thoughts and plan for what’s ahead in my life. People keep telling me I’m still young, so why not use this opportunity to travel the world and learn as much as I can about myself and the place we all call home. Perhaps I’m destined to fail myself for the rest of my life, that’s something I’ve always asked myself. But as long as I don’t fail others, that alone will be a life worth living. This will mark the first time I’ve backed out of a difficult situation instead of immediately tackling it head on. Giving up is easy, but it’s not who I am and it’s not what I’m about. I promise to come back a better person.
KungFu Reboot
It’s been a really long time coming, but starting tomorrow I’ll be making my return to teaching Kung Fu. For the past two years, I gave up my one true passion in order to pursue my career. While my career never panned out, my heart had always been set on returning to Martial Arts. Unfortunately, injuries and odd job hours forced me to delay my return.
This also marks a return to volunteering, which completes a perfect balance in my life. To me, Martial Arts doesn’t necessarily make me a great fighter. It does, however, give me the strength to help others, the confidence to serve in the community, the will to give back to those in needs, and the determination to provide an option to kids who’ve always wanted to learn Kung Fu but might have never had the chance.
I have been looking forward to this day for a really long time.
#jiayou