I have struggled with myself all my life. I never felt like I was enough for my parents. With the sweet age of 15 I developed bulimia and depression. At that time I was in Turkey participating in an exchange year. Everyone was so pretty ans skinny. I was skinny to but I never saw myself that way. I always felt like the ugly friend of the friend group who had a couple pounds to much. WHICH WAS NOT TRUE.
I could have saw the outcome of my thoughts coming. I lost 20 pounds in 2 months and at that time I already weight 100 pounds. (I know my bulimia wasnt as severe as the ones from other people but im only sharing MY experience).
on top of that I stressed myself out with my grades and with validation from my (fake-) friends, family and teachers. I slowly killed my mind and developed a depression. it wasn't to severe but It was still there.
How did I got better? My sister who is one of my closest friends noticed me breaking down one night and kinda forced me to tell my parents about my bulimia and depression. I went to a doctor who tried to help me but wasn't very successful. I am really bad at sharing my bad traits (it is not a bad trait but at that time I felt like it was). At the end who was able to "cure" me was my sister and my best friend. I was so happy around them and felt wanted and loved. I moved back to my home country and started my sophomore year at highschool. I kinda had my glow up and boys were starting to notice and like me.
At that time I also notice that I was pansexual and I went on dates with girls. Sophomore year was my year. I finally felt happy. at least in school and outside my home. my parents made me feel like I wasn't enough which kinda led to my current state.
Covid happened when I was a junior in HS. I still struggled strongly with myself but it wasn't that severe cause I could do it in my room ll by myself.
I graduated HS in 2021. After that I direct started college in September. And then I happened really fast. In November I got officially diagnosed with a panic disorder, an anxiety disorder and severe depression. it got to a point where I wasn't able to read or properly talk because my brain simply wasn't able to process what was happening around me or my thoughts. I got sent over to a therapist and a psychiatrist. I got multiple meds to take and took a semester off of college. I felt useless and felt like im not worth anything. And I know that's something my depression tried to tell me but it still made everything worse.
The worst part tho was the disappointment is saw on my parents face every time I had a panic attack infront of them or when I couldn't express myself. It made me feel so guilty and like its all my fault. I already struggled with the way I saw myself and the fear that people don't like me simply for me.
My situation made me fear that people would think my current state was the way I am.
I'm still in therapy and I'm still taking my meds and I can say I feel better. I'm seeing change and Im on the right path to live myself fully. I surrounded myself with people who care and who would never judge me for my mental health.
Mental health is the most important thing and IT SHOULD NOT BE FORGOTTEN. and for everyone who strugglers with a similar situation or maybe the same I can only say this: it will get better. And I know its easier said than done but you will get there. I promise. If you need someone to talk to im here for you and I would love to help you even if its just you ranting,
You and your mind is the moist valuable thing about you so pls keep it safe.
snowghoul
blakekathryn
dailybridgerton
romaincrisis