I've been thinking about soren hayes
Growing up, I was mutuals with him on tumblr when I was about 14-16, I want to say. I was only 1-2 years younger than him. I was in a very bad place around that age as one might be able to infer from the fact that I followed him. Maybe thats why now as I am getting through something similarly difficult I have been thinking about him
I wonder about the impact of being exposed to his delusions & blog postings. at the time, being a teenager, I remember: I believed him wholly. and looking back now, re reading some archived posts, some of the truly graphic material that he wrote and reblogged, I cant help but wonder how that influenced me as an easily influenceable teenager
soren & I were never friends. I followed him because I thought he was interesting, and maybe because I felt bad for him when I was younger. I even quietly followed his personal/private instagram for a good period of time. I was only an observer. his life fascinated me
I wonder now, too, how something like that could have happened. I re read the posts he made, I revisit the following he had, I reflect on my own belief and I wonder: how could that have happened? he was so sick. He hurt an incredible number of people. And now hes dead, information confirmed thanks to SD coroners records triangulating after years of people refusing to believe he could have died
It makes me feel very, very sad. I dont think any of that should have happened & yet it did. Theres just crumbs left now. It's strange. theres nothing to be done with these thoughts. they're just thoughts
