Digging for Fire.

I'm Michelle.I'm 23. I like fluffy animals, horror movies, music, veggies, science and... other stuff. Seattle.I'm pretty oblivious to most things.I'm getting it all sorted out.

[boogaboogaboogieman]

I feel kind of sad.

I think it’s time to get another tattoo

[doomreturn]

[boogaboogaboogieman]

You know how in the song “My Girl” he says “when it’s cold outside… I got the month of May.”

Why is May the warm month goal? Usually in the PNW May is still rainy and shitty.

Anyway I just mention it because it’s cold and rainy and shitty so it made me think of all of those things.

[boogaboogaboogieman]

I’m back!

After years of being locked out of tumblr due to incorrect passwords five million times I have returned!

Can’t wait until I can log into a desktop version though and see how many of my students have found me and then feel entirely embarrassed knowing they found some of my most emo ass writings. Hoping there’s not many. I do have a different username than usual but I tried that on TikTok and it failed miserably.

Next step is definitely figuring out how to nuke everything before this post and start all over. Pre-Antidepressants Michelle was a very chaotic Michelle.

I missed my little fandoms and sharing of my random thoughts though so return to tumblr we shall. No other social media I feel actually allows you to fully express yourself comfortably to the void of the internet quite like tumblr.

[anxietyproblem]

[zzaarrr-deactivated20230427]

This is so accurate. Ha

[luxobnubilata]

Jan Lukas (Czech, born 1915)

Self portrait with camera , 1940–1940

[littledanewitch]

witchcraft in a nutshell:

[boogaboogaboogieman]

[boogaboogaboogieman]

wow I haven’t used tumblr in a long ass time.

The only reason I’m back is the incredibly shitty feeling inside of my soul right now. I wasn’t sure where else to express these feelings; who to even say this too.

My boyfriend I can tell can’t handle hearing me say these thoughts, so I don’t burden him with them. He’s sweet and can tell I’m sad so he says cute things to cheer me up and quickly changes topics to things he knows we can both joke about (synthesizers, idiots at work, classic rock hits of the 1970′s) but I don’t know how to express to him that it goes past a basic sadness. 

I feel like I’m completely worthless. I just feel like a shell of a human being. I’m just kind of drifting, treading water in a kiddie pool even. Getting nowhere and doing an obscene amount of work to go nowhere. I sit in my apartment, Elton John on the record player, incense lit, trying to find my zen zone that I aim for when I feel this way. Reading books, distracting myself with my online classes on voice disorders and songwriting but nothing can distract me from the feeling. The feeling of living an aimless, lifeless existence. Feeling like the best years of my life are already behind me; and I’m not even that dang old! How and why am I feeling like that when I’m only a quarter way into my life.

I want to be doing things. Instead I’m wasting away the days while staring at the overview of the most notoriously sketchy block of downtown. Wondering what motives people and why I’m lacking that same thing that makes them tick. Lacking that internal drive...

I think my boyfriend is the only thing making me feel alive right now. Scratch that, making me feel anything right now aside from the numbness that is depression and anxiety. That’s a lot of pressure to place on a human though. I don’t want to make him my be all end all. That’s not fair or ok to do to him.

Well, there’s my depressed rant for you. Sorry tumblr. Not that many people will even be using you all that much after the NSFW ban ineffect soon.

[boogaboogaboogieman]

I don’t really check tumblr anymore except for when extremelyyyyyy bored 

[pastelpets]

[beyknowles]

Denny, don’t worry about that. Lisa loves you too. As a person, as a human being, as a friend. You know people don’t have to say it. They can feel it.

— The Room (2003, dir. Tommy Wiseau)

[brisbone]

The new season of Black Mirror looks great

[mrbenwyatt]

[boogaboogaboogieman]

I feel like no matter how hard I try the words I say don't make sense to anyone. Like I somehow am so bad at communicating that I can't get even the most basic idea properly explained to another person. I try to ask questions to understand and all it does is make people think I'm stupid. Why am I the way I am? How do I stop? I want to be a better person. Better at communicating, better at socializing, better at just being a human. Agh I'm pathetic I haven't posted on Tumblr in months and the first time I do it's just to be sad. Lame.

[boogaboogaboogieman]

I fuck up my life in so many tiny accidents that I honestly feel like Jerry from Parks & Rec. How do I stop being a Jerry? I’m trying so hard and I keep telling myself I’m not a Jerry but then I do something stupid that makes me think I’m a Jerry.

[illinicoise]

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[spn-fandom-breathing-heavily]

not even risking that shit

[codyslipring-deactivated2015060]

scrolled past this, re-evaluated my life, then SCROOOLLLED back up and hit the damn reblog button. 

[isamaegreenleaf]

Last comment same thing. Sorry to the next person who sees this. I just can’t risk it. I have things I need to do before my life becomes hell. Lol

[kingrudegyalchina]

Let me rb her since I need too