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26 /Gemini ♊︎ / she l her / smut enthusiast I'm just another mentally ill girl whose in love with morally grey fictional men (wings optional)

[bookish-whore]

UPDATED: 08/16/2023

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ACOTAR:

Ongoing Series’

Falling Masterlist (Azriel x Reader)

Exile Masterlist (Azriel x Reader)

'Til Death Masterlist (Rhysand x Reader)

Azriel x Reader

Overprotective

Hostile *read the warnings*

Mine

Night Terrors

Meant to Be *read the warnings*

Just Friends?

Alone with you

Haunted *read the warnings*

Cassian x Reader

Home

Girls Night

Rhysand x Reader

Never Made a Difference

Eris x Reader

Illicit Affairs , Part II

[bookish-whore]

I love a man who yearns. just a blurb from something I'm working on <3

Please y/n let me come to you, I will crawl if I must and lay myself at your mercy. So long as I get to be there - with you, in your presence. You are everything to me, my very reason for living. Without you my very life is meaningless. If you won’t allow me to see you, at least open the bond so I know you’re safe. Only yours, A

[bookish-whore]

Long story short, I really miss you guys 🥹 and our cute little community here on the net. I really want to get back into writing but I’m not ready to pick up some of my series that I started quite yet (I hope you understand) I need to reread and figure out where I want to go with them. I think I’m at a much different place in life than I was a year ago but I want to do the stories justice because I know I had a plan for them.

I would love to do some shorter one shots so I’m gonna start going through my asks and work through some of them to really get my voice back. So please if the urge so strikes you please send an ask my way 🫶🏻

TLDR: I’m gonna slowly come back, with smaller stories to build back up to my series’ (plz send me ideas and recs)

[bookish-whore]

Hiiiiiii How are you!??!?! I hope you're eating enough! Drinking water! And taking care of yourself ☝😌 love you!!!!😚

Besties I have been going through it. I am doing okay though and am finally at a place where I think I can start writing again (which is good because I miss it terribly 🥹) no concrete plans but I will be slowly getting back into it 🫶🏻

[riconas]

ao3 writers staring at their inboxes 0.2 seconds after posting a new fic

[fieldofdaisiies]

always

[bookish-whore]

I feel so seen

[bookish-whore]

Haunted

Azriel x Reader

Words: 3k

Warnings: Descriptions of sexual assault, violence, discussions and flashbacks to SA

A/N: this one is a request sent to me by the lovely @ominisgoldie I hope it is everything you wanted and more, I had the most wonderful time writing it.

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“Come on dear, give us a twirl” her voice crooned

I spun, trying to use my hands to cover my exposed breasts from the prying eyes of the fae gathered here but my efforts were in vain as a tall male approached me, a set of irons in his large hands.

I frantically met the violet eyes of my friend, my one protector in this place and his wild look told me that she was in no mood for games tonight. she was out for blood.

“Please Amarantha, m-my queen I- I don’t know anything” I screamed retreating the few feet I could to escape the male approaching me.

“We’ve been over this dear, this isn’t about you” she sneered from her throne “Loras, you may continue with your assigned task.”

“NO” I screamed “PLEASE”

Loras quickly approached me, shoving a piece of fabric in my mouth. Amarantha hated to hear me screaming the last time she said it spoilt her fun. He made quick work securing me to the wall my arms over my head, so I was unable to fight back.

I took a deep breath, a familiar darkness entering my consciousness that told me Rhys was in my mind “Y/n it’ll be okay, I’m here, I am with you. I promise he will suffer for this.”

“I can’t Rhys, not again” I said back my eyes pleading with his to end my suffering, to kill me or break my mind so I wouldn’t need to face the guilt of what was going to happen.

“You are so strong y/n, she cannot break you, you will make it back to him. I promise”

I closed my eyes, listening to the soft clinking of metal as Loras and another male closed in on me. I could smell his breath, rotten like decay as he leaned in close, his accomplice prying my legs open as he lined himself up with me. I squeezed my eyes tighter hoping that it would lessen the pain if I refused to watch.

“Come on darling, show me those pretty eyes while I take you” Loras said

I jerked awake in bed, the events of my captivity fading from my mind as I tried to regulate my breathing. The same phrases repeating themselves on a loop in my head:

I survived, she was dead, I was safe now, I was home. I survived, she was dead, I was safe now, I was home. I survived, she was dead, I was safe now, I was home. I survived, she was dead, I was safe now, I was home.

As my room settled around me, and my heartbeat returned to its normal rhythm, I knew exactly what I needed, and where I needed to be. I threw on my dressing gown and without a second thought I made my way up the stairs to the rooftop. I pushed the door open quietly, my senses picking up the familiar scent of rain and citrus. He was here, he was always here.

“Fancy some company” I called out alerting him to my presence.

“From you?” Rhys said not bothering to look behind him “Always.”

I made my way to the edge of the roof where he sat perched, his wings relaxed behind him. He patted the space beside him, and I quickly took my seat. He passed me a bottle of dark liquid, no doubt from his personal collection knowing that I needed my senses to be dull at this time of night, especially after the nightmares.

“The same?” Rhys asked finally looking over at me.

“Yep” I answer “you?”

“Mhmm” he agreed.

A few moments of silence passed between us.

“Azriel’s worried you know” Rhysand finally says grabbing the bottle back, before taking a long drink from the deep amber liquid.

“I know” I reply softly looking down at the sparkling city lights below “I just don’t know how to separate him from everything else, in my head I know that he loves me, that he would never hurt me but when he touches me it just instantly takes me back there, back to her games”

“Have you told him anything about under the mountain?”

“I don’t know how to tell him Rhys, I mean how do you even start that conversation ‘hey please promise you still love me even though I was repeatedly unfaithful to you because I was drugged and forced to please various men for Amarantha’s entertainment’ he’ll never look at me the same way and I don’t know if I can take that kind of rejection”

“You’re mates, all you have to do is let him in, let him see. y/n I have known him for centuries and there is nothing you could tell him that would make him love you any less”

“I’ll talk to him soon, I swear I just-” I grabbed the bottle from his hand taking another gulp, the burning sensation numbing my senses “I just need more time”

“I of all people am not rushing you, nor am I saying Az is entitled to know what happened before you’re ready. What I am saying is that of all people he is the most qualified person to help you and it is killing him that he can’t” Rhys said

“Do you think the bond is enough” I asked quietly

“Enough for what” he asked.

“To fix all the broken parts of me” I said, the tears I was holding in freely falling.

“Hey, hey, hey” he said softly, attempting to soothe me “there is nothing broken about you. you are a survivor and I know if you gave Az a chance, he would tell you the same.”

“How can you be sure?” I said wiping my face with my hands “would you be able to forgive me?”

“Would you forgive me?” he asked

“For what?” I asked

“For not doing enough” he admitted solemnly

“You did everything you could given the situation” I took his hand in mine “Rhys you endured for decades as her personal pet to protect everyone back here and you were there for me in every way you could be.”

“If only you could give yourself the same grace you give others”

“I know that he has an idea of what happened, and I’m sure that his imagination might be worse than what actually happened but would confirming his suspicions really help? Or would he look at me like I was a stranger. Could he still love me knowing what h-happened to me?”

“Only one way to find out” he said.

Rhysand winnowed me to Azriels apartment, well rather the street leading to his apartment. After we talked for a while, he told me that I should try to do this but still gave me the option of running away.

I anxiously wrung my hands together as I walked the familiar steps up to what used to be our apartment. The memories came flooding back of all the excitement I felt moving in here with him, accepting the mating bond and all the nights spent whispering our future plans to each other, the fights we had over paint colors and how he broke my favorite bowl. but that was before, and could he still love who I was now? Who I had become to survive that place and its tortures?

Standing here I debated my options then I nervously rapped my knuckles against the door.

What the hell was I doing? I thought suddenly realizing he was probably dead asleep considering it was well past midnight.

As I turned to leave, my resolve disintegrating with the effects of the alcohol, I heard the sound of the lock turning and the door opening. I quickly spun around, coming face to face with a very disheveled looking shadowsinger. My heart swelled in my chest at the sight of him.

“Hi” I croaked, my throat suddenly dry at the thought of sharing everything with my mate

“Sweetheart?” he asked running a hand through his hair “A-are you hurt? Is everything alright?”

“I- I didn’t mean to wake you, and now that I’m here it seems so ridiculous. I- I should go” I spun on my heel, practically running down the stairs that led back to the street.

“Y/n wait!” he called after me, I heard the loud flap of his wings as he flew into the air, landing directly in front of me, halting me in my tracks his arms grasping my shoulders to keep me still, in his panic he didn’t mean to touch me and rationally I knew that, but my body was instantly revolted by his touch and my reaction was out of my control.

“NO!” I screamed “PLEASE NOT AGAIN”

I collapsed into a ball on the sidewalk, retreating from his touch, unable to control the tears that streamed down my face or the fear that pulsed through my veins.

“Please y/n, j-just let me- fuck- just let me help you” he pleaded, his shadows swirling anxiously around us as he fought every instinct driving him to comfort me. “Please come inside, you don’t have to say anything. I just- I just need to know that you’re safe.”

I reluctantly accepted and stood wiping the dirt from my bottom as I made my way back up the steps. He followed behind me, careful not to touch me as we walked into the space. Everything was eerily the same as the day I was forced to leave it.

“Can I get you some tea?” Azriel asked tentatively.

I nodded “I’ll take-

“Black with two sugars and milk?” he said instinctively, cutting me off, his eyes met mine and were frantic like his interruption would send me running back to the townhouse.

“That would be perfect” I said with a reassuring smile that I know didn’t meet my eyes

His back turned to me, his wings tense as he started the kettle and got our usual mugs prepared. It only took a few minutes before he was approaching handing me my favorite cup with my tea exactly how I liked, I set it on the table in front of where I was seated on the sofa and he took the seat opposite me, also placing his mug on the coffee table while it cooled.

“You look- better” he said softly “T-than I last saw you, I mean.”

“I feel better than the last time you saw me” I replied my voice hoarse from screaming earlier

I was worried he would interrogate me immediately about why I was here at this hour of the night, but instead we sat in silence, but somehow it didn’t feel tense. He was waiting to see what pieces of my fractured soul I would offer up eager to take whatever I could give him.

“I know you’re probably wondering why I’m here” I finally said

“This is your place too y/n, whether or not you currently stay here you are always welcome. No excuse needed”

“Az- I- I came here tonight with the intention of telling you some things, about what happened while I was- while I was gone”

“You don’t need tell me y/n, not unless you’re ready” Azriel said softly

“The thing is Az, I want to tell you. I want to tell you more than anything I just- I just don’t know how to get the words out without you hating me, or- or looking at me differently”

“There’s nothing you could have done that would change my opinion of you.”

“Don’t say that” I begged

“It’s true” he said desperately, I managed to meet his gaze, as I stared into those beautiful hazel eyes that had seen all my scars and loved me anyways I strengthened my resolve. He deserved the truth.

“Don’t say that until you’ve seen everything”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, searching for the bond. It had been so long since I felt the effects of the mating bond, the glowing rope that connected our very souls. As I searched my mind for the familiar pathway back to him a pit formed in my stomach, I was nervous to tell him, nervous for his reaction. But regardless of the outcome this was a step towards healing, for me. I found the string in my mind, deconstructing the mental barriers that had shielded Azriel from our connection and with a thought, I tore it down.

Azriel gasped suddenly, breaking the silence between us.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I- I can feel you again” he said softly grasping at his chest where his heart is, I felt a rush of emotion, it was comforting and familiar, like coming home after a long time away.

“I can feel you too” I whispered tears glistening in my eyes.

“I don’t think I can tell you what happened” I said softly “b-but I can show you.”

“I just want you to know that you don’t have to y/n” Az said “you being alive, being here…it’s enough- it’s enough for me”

“I know Az- but I want to. I need to. I need you to know what I went through and why it’s going to take a long time for me to be okay again”

“okay” he agreed “If you’re ready.”

I took a deep breath, unlocking the mental door that kept all my memories from Under the Mountain at bay, and I imagined myself walking through it taking him along with me. I held his hand as I showed him the early years of torture. The starvation, the beatings, the general cruelty that came with Amarantha’s abuse, but as we walked further into the recesses of my memory the images became darker. The first time she drugged me and forced me to dance naked on every male under the mountain, how she would let her favorites have their way with me whenever they pleased. How she would force Rhys to watch knowing that I was a friend of his from the outside word.

I felt him tense through the bond, rage and despair flowing through the bond as he watched the last assault, the one that gave me nightmares, the one that left me injured and unable to speak for weeks.

I brought us back to reality, and noticed the way he wiped the tears from his eyes, trying to hide the effect my memories had on him, but it was like a dam breaking and before I knew it his head was between his knees as his body was wracked with sobs, his shoulders and wings shaking with the force of his grief.

I slowly inched over to where he sat, until our knees were almost touching. almost.

“Az-” I said softly, my hand bringing his chin to my level.

“I shouldn’t be the one breaking down here, I should- I should be comforting you but how can I? How can I help you? C-can I touch you?” he begged “Please- I-I just want to hold you”

I shook my head “Az- I know in my head that it’s you, and that you would never hurt me but somewhere along the way the signals get twisted and I’m back there, with her…with them and I just can’t figure out how to stop it.” I met his tortured gaze “All I want is for you to hold me and tell me it’s going to be alright but-” I choked back a sob “I don’t think it is”

“Hey- hey- listen to me y/n” Azriel said getting to his knees on the floor in front of me, but still maintaining enough distance that we didn’t touch. “You are my mate, my love, my life, my very reason for existing. If you need time, I’ll give you an eternity so long as through it all I can stand by your side. I could go the rest of my life not touching you so long as your heart is beating. I waited a thousand years to know you, and if I must spend another thousand getting to know who you now; then so be it. Time is nothing to me, it means nothing to me…you mean everything to me and I will spend the rest of my life making sure that you know that.”

I couldn’t stop the tears that flowed down my face at his confession. I had been so sure that he would be revolted, that he would want nothing more to do with me, that I was tainted but I was wrong.

“So, you still love me” I managed to choke out meeting his hazel eyes, emotion swimming in them.

“Until the stars are a whisper of dust in the sky, Until the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, until the oceans run dry and ramiel is carried away like a leaf in the wind. There is no part of you that I do not see that I do not love; that I would not worship if you let me.”

I flung my arms around him, needing to feel the steady beat of his heart to know that this was real. That I was safe. He didn’t dare move a muscle; his body frozen as I clung to him desperately. “You can hold me,” I said softly, without a second thought his arms wrapped around me finding their place as I sunk into his lap. He brought his hand to cup the back of my head and simply held me while I cried, while I released the tidal wave of emotions I didn’t realize I was holding in. he pressed a delicate kiss to my temple while he sent feelings of love and reassurance down the bond.

And finally, after five decades I was home.

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[bookish-whore]

omg love the anons idea of reader and rhys having been sa together and az having to deal with that personally my heart couldnt take it if rhys and reader had a child buT maybe if reader had gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage over the stress utm and stuff but az still had to deal with that pain u know omg i love angst too

Honestly I’m a slut for angst, I’m gonna finish my current WIP and get right on this

[bookish-whore]

OKAY OKAY, I just read your UTM fic with Azriel's mate. And somehow this horrible idea popped up in my head but WHAT IF Amarantha liked to see Rhys and Reader together and now everyone needs to deal with this new situation? Like Rhys and Reader were forced to be together, or how Azriel will deal with the fact that his mate spent 50 years being sa with his brother

I'm just horrible and need to share this, sorry 😭😭

Okay hear me out, this is gonna sound completely deranged but I have an idea (based on this request)

Rhys and reader are forced to be together UTM and as a result have a child together and when they come back to the regular world they have to figure out how to like navigate it with jealous Az who is readers mate.

Gods I love angst.

[bookish-whore]

Hey I'm not sure if you are taking requests rn. BUT IF YOU ARE:

I am an angsty bitch lol. Can I request a fic of AZ x reader? Where reader was UTM with Rhys right? And suffered through so much trauma while there. So much so that she doesn't let AZ touch her and refuses to be alone with him (or any man). They were mated previous to UTM but she just...can't? It can end happily or not, I don't mind. AAAAH TY I LOVE YOUR WORK

I have become possessed by this request and have been furiously working on it, darling. will be out (possibly) tonight/tomorrow!!! there's a little sneak peek below the cut ❤️

A few moments of silence passed between us.

“Azriel’s worried you know” Rhysand finally says grabbing the bottle back, before taking a long drink from the deep amber liquid.

“I know” I reply softly looking down at the sparkling city lights below “I just don’t know how to separate him from everything else, in my head I know that he loves me, that he would never hurt me but when he touches me it just instantly takes me back there, back to her games”

“Have you told him anything about under the mountain?”

“I don’t know how to tell him Rhys, I mean how do you even start that conversation ‘hey please promise you still love me even though I was repeatedly unfaithful to you because I was drugged and forced to please various men for Amarantha’s entertainment’ he’ll never look at me the same way and I don’t know if I can take that kind of rejection”

“You’re mates, all you have to do is let him in, let him see. y/n I have known him for centuries and there is nothing you could tell him that would make him love you any less”

[bookish-whore]

'Til Death Part II

Rhysand x Reader

Words: 5k

Warnings: I don't think there are any besides Rhys being the most handsome and sexy high lord (jk slight reference to abuse)

A/N: Hello my darlings!! I know it's been awhile I have just been insanely busy and haven't had the time or energy to sit down and write (thank you all for your kind words, understanding, and patience it absolutely means the world to me like you have no idea)

Below is the long-awaited (and promised) second part of this series. I love you guys ❤️

"Til Death Masterlist -> Here

My Masterlist -> Here

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The room looked much different in the daylight.

That was my first thought as I blinked open my eyes and took in my surroundings. The room was still as gorgeous as it was when I walked in last night, but it all suddenly felt more real as the sunlight streamed through the large windows casting the room in a lovely morning glow.

I took some deep breaths as everything from the day prior came flooding back. I got married, and I was living in Rhysands’ townhouse. I was no longer under the control of my parents, I was safe, and I was alone and in my room, in the Night Court. Which was strange considering my entire life I was told scary stories about this place and the people that resided here. But so far it didn’t seem too bad, I didn’t see anything to be afraid of here.

Once my heartbeat slowed back to normal, I threw the covers off my body and made my way to the windows. Last night, in the dark it was hard to make out just how elegant this estate was, from my window I could see a large fountain that stood in the center of a cobblestone courtyard and a vast array of gardens with all kinds of flowers, from my position I could make out roses, wisteria, ivy, lilies, and that there was a pond and a series of walking paths.

Three raps on my door pulled me from my admiration of the estate. I wrapped my arms around myself as I turned to face the door and cleared my throat “c-come in”

The door opened to reveal a young woman. She had curly brown hair which was tied up out of her face and she had the most stunning sapphire eyes, I also noticed her attire, she had on a simple housedress with an apron which made me think she was one of the many fae that I had heard kept up the high lords’ residences.

“Good Morning Lady Y/N” she said in a soft voice as she placed a tray of food on the table by the fireplace.

“Good morning” I said following her to get a look at what kinds of food were common here in the Night Court.

“Shall I begin my duties My Lady?” she asked

“Ummm- your duties? of course, and there is no need for such formalities you can simply call me y/n”

“Of course my lady, whatever you prefer” she said as she opened the curtains before making her way to the bed

“And what shall I call you?” I asked as she made quick work of the bed, fluffing the pillows and putting them in their respective spaces.

“My name is Osha” she said softly with a nod

“Am I always expected to eat here in my chambers?” I asked

“Of course not” she exclaimed “It is just that the high lord thought it would make you more comfortable to have some time to yourself to process the excitement of the last day- and perhaps to prepare for dinner”

“What is so unique about dinner?” I asked her, helping myself to the coffee on the tray.

“Well, I would expect that he will introduce you to his most trusted advisors and friends.”

“Were they at the ceremony yesterday?” I asked as I added cream and sugar to the dark liquid

“Most likely my lady, he rarely makes any large-scale decisions or actions without them.”

“and do you think that they are good people?” I asked.

“Of course, my lady” Osha replied dusting the bookshelves and putting things in order. “they are quite respectable”

“Can I ask you a question Osha?” I asked timidly, unsure if she would simply report my actions back to Rhysand, but I accepted it would just be a risk I had to take.

“Of course, my lady” she said pausing to face me and give me her undivided attention. As though she understood that this was important to me.

“What do you think of him-” I took a shaky breath before clarifying “The high lord I mean”

Her eyes softened as she spoke about him “He is a good male; he cares deeply for his friends who are more like his family, and he is kind to his staff and his citizens. He might seem intimidating my lady, but after everything he has suffered through it is an image he must maintain. I’m sure he would tell you all about it if you asked.”

I nodded along, curious to know more about this man I was connected to, my husband.

“Thank you for being so honest, and please just call me y/n, Osha.”

“of course…m- y/n” she replied, my name sticky in her mouth as though she wasn’t used to such comfortability with members of the household “is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No Osha, I think I’ll be alright.” I said turning my attention to my breakfast.

“There’s a bell here” Osha said signaling the tasseled rope that hung by the fireplace “just give it a pull and I’ll return for the tray and to help you dress for the day” she called as she left, closing the door behind her softly.

My stomach growled in anticipation of the food; it smelled so good and I figured if Rhysand was going to harm me he would have done it before breakfast. I examined the tray deciding I would start with the sausages and before I knew it, I had devoured the entire plate.

I stood from the couch and rang the bell, wondering how quickly Osha would return. For a brief moment I hoped that I wasn’t disturbing her from her other duties.

She rapped her knuckles twice on the door announcing her arrival before stepping into the room. One thing I learned is that Osha does not waste any time, she collected all the dishes and placed them on a rolling cart outside the door before showing me to the bathroom and she promptly walked me through all the oils, salves, and lotions and what they were for before showing me how the tub operated. She even told me where all the spare items were should I ever need them.

I didn’t think I could be more grateful to her until she offered me some privacy by turning around while I undressed and stepped into the warm bubbly water. She helped me wash my hair and told me about growing up in the Night Court, she even told me about some of their annual traditions and spots in needed to visit in the city.

When we finished with the bath, she helped me into a dressing robe which I had to admit was one of the nicest fabrics I had ever put on my body. Osha instructed me to sit on one of the stools while she made work of my hair. Brushing through it gently.

I was really hoping Osha wasn’t reporting my actions back to Rhysand because I found myself answering questions about my childhood and my upbringing, I realized quickly that I could really enjoy it here.

“All finished” Osha said as she pinned the last hairs into place.

She handed me a mirror to look at her work, it was stunning yet simple. She braided my hair and pinned it into a circle around my head, with only my bangs and a few face framing pieces left out. It kind of looked like a crown, I thought to myself. “I love it” I told her as she put away the combs and remaining pins.

“Do you know what you’d like to wear today?” Osha asked as she returned to my side

“I didn’t really bring much with me from home” I said nervously

“Oh you don’t have to worry Y/n, the high lord made sure your closet was stocked so you would have options until your things arrived”  

“Why don’t you pick?” I suggested “since you know the styles here, but please keep it comfortable.”

She smiled wide before retreating to the closet. She emerged a few moments later with her choices. Osha had picked a simple white dress with long sleeves that fell off my shoulders, she had paired it with a simple light green vest-like corset embroidered with cream and pink roses and my comfortable everyday boots. I thanked Osha for her help, and she left to do what I assumed were her other duties around the house.

I took a deep breath, giving myself a once over in the mirror. I knew I wanted to explore this place a little, get to know my new home before I had dinner, before I had to see him again. I checked the clock on the wall and was surprised to find that it was already midday. I put my hand on the doorknob, took a deep breath and stepped into the hall.

It was quieter than I thought. I figured there would be an onslaught of activity, people walking around the house but there was not a soul in sight. I walked down the hall to the grand staircase Rhysand led me up last night. When I got to the bottom, I turned towards a large hall and walked towards the smell of bread.

I ended up in the kitchen, where surprisingly I found the high lord of all people.

He was sitting on top of the counter, his black suit still impeccably clean despite his relaxed posture. So far, he wasn’t at all what I expected. He saw me immediately and jumped off the counter, he waved his hand and the staff made themselves busy clearing out the room until it was just the two of us.

He took a step towards me, straightening his jacket and running a hand through his hair.

“Hello” he said, his voice low and gravelly.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt-” I quickly said, pausing to look around the kitchen “whatever it is you were doing.”

“You didn’t interrupt anything” he chuckled “I like to come in here around this time.”

“Why?” I asked

“I like the fresh bread” he replied, offering me a large piece. It was still warm from the oven, and it smelled divine. I took the piece tentatively from his hand tearing off a bite sized amount before bringing it to my lips.

I couldn’t help but moan at the taste, I wasn’t allowed such fresh helpings back home, and until now I wasn’t even aware of what I was missing. I continued pulling small pieces from the loaf and eating them as did Rhysand.

“So, how was your first night here?” he asked “did you sleep well”

“I did” I replied swallowing down another piece “and you?”

“How did I sleep?” he asked

I nodded.

“Fine, I suppose” he said with a grin

“This is strange, isn’t it?” I asked “you know being- being married yet we hardly know each other, living in the same home- it just feels so peculiar. At least it does for me”

“I think we can make the best of it” he said “like I told you yesterday, everything from here on out is up to you. you can decide what boundaries you need and I will respect them, you have my word”

“But aren’t there some things that- that are- non-negotiable?” I asked tentatively.

“Like what?” he asked, his violet eyes piercing mine as I met his gaze

“Well, you know- our” I cleared my throat bringing my voice to an almost whisper “marital duties”

“Mmmm” he sighed “yes there is that matter” his eyebrows furrowed as he took another piece of bread “What would you have us do?”

“Well are we not supposed to do what married people do?” I asked

“And what is it that married people do?” he said with a grin, his arms casually crossed over his chest.

“Now you’re just teasing me” I said rolling my eyes at the male.

“Are you demanding I perform my marital duties to you?” he asked in feigned seriousness.

“Of course I am not demanding, I am just curious that it would rouse suspicion, or possibly that there would be questions surrounding the legitimacy of our union”

“Well allow me to put your worries to rest. No one would dare ask me whether I bedded my wife, nor would I bed her without her enthusiastic consent”

I simply nodded in response, hoping he didn’t notice the slight reddening of my cheeks at his candidness.

“Like I said y/n, this arrangement benefits us both.”

“And in what ways does it possibly benefit you?”

“Do you want the truth?” he asked

“The complete and honest truth” I said “always”

“Well, it gives me a political advantage, one of my duties is presiding over the court of nightmares in the Hewn City, and to some of the more traditionalist thinkers were adamant I needed a wife, for my image and to settle concerns over the succession of my throne. And secondly, your parents offered an economic advantage; their position in the Autumn court is the perfect excuse to gather intelligence on the goings on in Beron’s lands.”

“Beron? What could you possibly want with my uncle?”

“In all honesty y/n, I can’t trust you with that information yet.” He said firmly “I hope you can understand that.”

“Of course. I mean I am still practically a stranger to you”

“I will tell you… eventually.”

“Rhysand, I-”

“And please call me Rhys”

“…Rhys…I promise I understand- really I do.”

A tense silence passed between us as I thought about my life as his partner.

“You mentioned an heir” I said breaking the tense silence that had settled between us

“I did”

“Is that- do I- am- I just-“

“Calm down y/n I don’t expect you to carry my child. Nor do I expect you to want a child. If you do I’m sure we can figure out an arrangement”

“but is that something that you would want?” I asked tentatively “I just mean that this arrangement seems to be more beneficial to me than it is to you.”

“Your part in this arrangement is crucial y/n, you’ll just have to take my word for it.”

“Okay” I agreed splitting the last of the loaf into two pieces and offering one to the high lord.

“Now” he said wiping the crumbs from his hands “How about a tour. It was late and dark last night so I didn’t want to overwhelm you with all the logistics of your space and the house”

“I would love that” I agreed

“Well then” he said motioning me towards the hall towards the entryway “Shall we?”

He followed me back to the front door and showed me the sitting room and dining room which were both adjacent to the foyer and I followed him back down the hall towards the kitchen where he pointed out a few closets, and bathrooms. Then he led me upstairs, through a series of halls pointing out each bedroom and who it belonged to. I figured it would make more sense once I met these people formally.

We continued the tour by making our way up a small spiral staircase that had been hidden behind an unassuming door until we reached an ornately carved set of double doors. He stopped in front of them, bracing one of his hands on the doorknobs, he turned them but didn’t push open the doors yet.

“Now this- is one of my favorite features in the house” he said with a grin “close your eyes”

I gave him a quizzical look before closing my eyes and putting my hand over them. I heard the soft creak as he pushed open the doors and took my hand leading me into the unknown space.

“okay” he said “open”

I opened my eyes and gasped at the space before me.

It was a library.

It had two levels of massive floor to ceiling shelves that were lined with titles, and large windows that cast the room in an abundance of natural light. There were even tall ladders that reached the very top shelves and tables and loungers strewn around the room. I felt myself get excited over the possibility of spending my time here, unbothered by the world as I disappeared into the pages that lined the walls.

“I think this is going to be my favorite place” I said turning to take in the space.

“it was my sisters favorite place” he said quietly “she would spend hours here with the people from her stories.”

“I didn’t know you had a sister. Is she around? I would love to get to know her”

He was quiet, but as I turned to face him I noticed his eyes looked sad and distant

“she is-” he cleared his throat “she is…gone”

“oh” I said reaching my hand to rest on his arm “Rhys- I am so sorry”

“You didn’t know” he said, his hand covering my own as he took us deeper into the space.

We spent what felt like hours perusing the shelves, I picked out a few titles to be sent to my room for some late-night reading and we continued on our tour. Rhys took me up the remaining flights of stairs until we reached the roof. Which boasted a view of the city, and had a lovely garden and lounge area.

Once we concluded the tour, Rhys walked me back to my room and told me about his dinner plans. He mentioned his “inner circle” and I could only imagine this was what Osha meant this morning. He told me to come down around eight and he would make introductions.

I felt nervous, what if they didn’t like me. Or they thought I was a spy for a rival court. How could I possibly convince them that I was just as desperate to escape my situation and that Rhys offered me salvation, he offered me a life of my own, where I could be free to make my own decisions. I laid in bed thinking of the ways this dinner could go horribly wrong.

--------------------------------------------------

I jolted awake at the sound of knocking. I looked at the clock atop the fireplace and noticed it was already half past six. I quickly jumped from the bed to get the door as the handle turned and in walked Osha.

“I’m sorry to disturb you y/n, I just thought I would help you get ready for dinner.  I didn’t realize you were nap-”

“It’s really no trouble Osha, thank you for waking me. I- I want to look my best tonight. you know to make a good impression.”

“I think the inner circle will get along with you just fine” she said with a playful smirk.

I nodded and flashed her a nervous smile.

“Come along, I think your hair should be down tonight.” she insisted, I made no objection and sat at the vanity as she meticulously unbraided her previous work, letting my hair fall in loose waves down my back. We chatted casually as she worked pinning pieces into place and making sure it looked presentable.

I picked a black dress for tonight, I thought it was fitting considering this was Rhysand’s inner circle, his closest friends and advisors. I imagined they had spent hundreds of years together and were more like a family than anything else. It was simple, yet elegant and was surprisingly comfortable. It had long sleeves detailed with lace and a tight bodice that widened out at my waist and cascaded to the floor.

“You look perfect” Osha said as she walked around me, taking in all the details of my ensemble for tonight.

“Are you sure it’s not too much?” I asked

“Not at all y/n” she said flashing me an approving smile.

I took one last look at myself in the mirror before heading towards the door, my fae senses already picking up the faint sounds of laughter and the bustling commotion of the house workers downstairs. As I made my way down the winding staircase, I reminded myself to take deep breaths. Except my mother’s warning kept running through my head. Don’t disappoint us, remember what you were bred for.

I shook her voice from my mind as I entered the sitting room and was immediately bombarded by the blonde from the wedding, a large smile plastered across her face as she pulled me into a hug. “Y/n my dear!” she exclaimed “How are you? I do hope my cousin has been treating you well.”

“He has” I managed to say with a smile, making brief eye contact with my husband before he looked away, engaged in his conversation with the large winged males, there were two other women in the room as well seated on a sofa clearly engaged in their own conversation, they didn’t seem to pay me any mind.

“Allow me to make a few introductions, firstly and most importantly I am Morrigan, but you can call me Mor.” The blonde said with a hand to her chest, she looped her other arm through mine as she led me around the room. As we walked, she whispered low in my ear “I think were going to be great friends”. She gave my arm a gentle squeeze of reassurance as we approached the two females who straightened as we stood before them.

“This is Nesta” Mor said gesturing to the brunette female seated on the couch, Nesta looked me over and the corner of her mouth lifted slightly as if in approval. Mor turned to introduce me to the other female seated opposite Nesta but before she could say a word the raven haired woman interrupted.

“and I am Amren” she said, her voice soothing and calm

I gave them both a nod and a soft curtsy, I wasn’t entirely sure of the etiquette in this situation considering I was technically their high lady and outranked them but I figured it was a sign of respect.

“It is wonderful to finally meet you both” I said “I didn’t really have a chance to talk to everyone after the ceremony”

“Yes we made quite a hasty exit” Rhysand said as he approached behind me and Mor, he placed a hand on the small of my back and flashed me a smile as he came into view. The two males he was talking with circled the couch; I could feel their eyes on me as though they were inspecting me as one took the seat beside Nesta and the other leaned against the wall in the corner of the room, his hands resting over his chest.

“Do we not get introductions Rhysie?” the long haired one next to Nesta said with a smirk, the other male simply smiled but remained quiet in the corner of the room.

“How ever could I forget” Rhys said with a laugh as he turned to face me more directly “Y/n, this is Cassian, general of the Night Court armies, and a general pain in my ass.”

“I love you too brother” Cassian said as he moved his arm to rest behind Nesta.

“And this-” Rhys said with a gesture to the male in the corner “Is my spymaster and shadowsinger, Azriel. And it seems that you’ve met the others.”

“I did” I said looking over the group “I just want to say that I really am happy to finally meet you all, I’ve heard how important you are to Rhysand, and I only hope that you’ll give me a chance to prove myself useful here.”

“So long as you remain honest, I don’t think we’ll have a problem girl” Amren said sipping from her embellished glass.

“Well now that introductions have been made, how about we talk over dinner and drink?” Rhysand said gesturing towards the dining room. The inner circle all stood and made their way to the room across the hall, Rhys gripped my hand before I could step away.

“Can I have a word, before we join the others?” he asked

“Of course,” I said as he led me to the back corner of the room, no doubt away from prying fae ears

“I just want to warn you, they are going to ask you questions, they are going to pry but they mean well”

“I would be concerned if they just accepted me without a qualm” I said with a forced smile

“You don’t have to answer anything you aren’t comfortable with, they do understand boundaries they just feel the need to test them.” He grasped my hands in his “they just want to get to know you, and if at any point you feel stuck just ask them questions, especially Mor because once she starts talking it’s hard to get her to stop.”

“noted” I said looking towards the floor

“You have nothing to worry about y/n” Rhys reassured me, I felt his hand grip my chin turning my face to meet his “and I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier tonight y/n but you…you are absolutely breathtaking.”

“Are you two planning on joining us anytime soon” Cassian’s voice boomed

“Always so subtle that one” I said in a whisper as I made my way towards the group. I was hyper-aware of Rhys’ presence behind me as we entered the space and took our seats at the table, his at the head, and mine to his right.

Dinner passed with polite conversation, by the main course of roasted lamb and potatoes I was beginning to relax. They didn’t seem to be too prying; they only asked me questions about where I grew up and what I enjoyed. In the back of my mind, I was slightly concerned they were lulling me into a false sense of security but I doused my fear by the time we came to dessert, which just so happened to be my favorite, chocolate souffle.

“So, what was it like growing up around Eris” Mor asked taking a bite of her dessert

“I wouldn’t know” I said honestly

“But you spent so much time at the Forest House?” Mor retorted

“my parents kept me pretty secluded with my lessons” I said “I would be punished for even looking at the Vanserra boys, let alone speaking to them” I couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of the lashing I received for merely smiling at Eris when we crossed paths in the hall

The room went silent at my confession, perhaps they had realized just how useless I was. That I didn’t have any of the information they wanted. I could feel myself spiraling, the walls closing in, my breathing speeding up and as if he could sense my panic, Rhys cleared his throat, drawing the attention away from me, which I was overwhelmingly grateful for.

“I think that’s enough for tonight, its quite late and I’m sure y/n is exhausted” he said a clear dismissal of the party, his inner circle slowly dissipated with their goodbyes until it was just the high lord and me remaining.

“Shall we?” he asked holding his hand out to me, I eagerly took it and Rhys walked me to my bedroom, stopping at the door and leaning casually against it his arms crossed over his broad chest. I couldn’t help but notice the strain of fabric at his upper arms. He must have spent decades strengthening his body into a lethal weapon…No, I couldn’t think of him like this

I didn’t realize how close he was until his scent overwhelmed me, rain and cedar. I casually threw my hair over my shoulder as I stood shoulder to shoulder with the male. My hand resting on the doorknob, I gripped it but couldn’t bring myself to open the door. I hesitated, realizing that I didn’t want the night to end.

“Rhys” I said tentatively, soothing my nerves as I let go of the ornate handle and turned fully to face the high lord.

“Yes?” he asked, standing to his full height, his eyes piercing through me as I craned my neck to meet his gaze.

“I just wanted to-” I cleared my throat “to thank you- for introducing me to everyone, and for showing me around today. I-It means a lot to me that you have made me feel at home here”

“it was my pleasure y/n, and they seemed to like you. I’m sure you’ll get more comfortable around them with time.”

“I hope so” I said “because I really want this to work…for the both of us”

“And I have every confidence that it will” he said reassuringly “but you need to get some rest, it has been an exhausting day”

“if you insist” I said twisting the door handle, opening the door of my room.

“Sweet dreams…wife” he teased with a sly smile and a dark look in his violet eyes

“Sweet dreams…husband” I said as I stepped through the threshold into my room, closing the door softly behind me.

I couldn’t help but smile as I prepared myself for bed, and here in my solitude I could convince myself that it had nothing to do with the roguishly handsome high lord and his violet eyes that saw right through all my defenses. Here in the shadows, I could remain in denial because I was in deep shit.

--------------------------------------------------

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[bookish-whore]

Hiii I'm new to your blog, I've binged all your fics and falling and exile are my two favorite.

How are you?? How's writing???

Will chapter 11 of falling be soon?? I'm so excited!!!

Hello darling!

Thank you so much for the support it means the absolute world to me to hear from you guys. I'm doing all right I have just been working so much that I've had trouble carving out time to dedicate to writing but I am trying to do better <3

At the moment, I really want to dedicate my time to requests and shorter stories. I am still working on Falling, Exile, and other series I've started but I want to be able to post more frequently and those chapters just take so much more effort and time to plan and write. they are my babies though and I just need a little more time to make sure I feel good with where they are going before I commit to a posting schedule and timeline.

Right now I'm finishing up chapter two of Til Death, and it's kind of a long one (teehee) then I'll be doing some shorter angsty requests and hopefully later this fall I'll have more chapters of my ongoing series for you guys

Love you endlessly ❤️

[bookish-whore]

Y’all have sent in some amazing requests that have my kind TURNING!!! I have a little staycation coming up and I’m gonna be writing and posting again and it’s gonna be great

Okay love you 😘

[bookish-whore]

Is there a specific way y’all plan out your fics? I feel like I need a new system for organizing/writing and am curious to know what you guys do. Lmk your process (pretty please with a cherry on top) ❤️🙏🏼

[bookish-whore]

I'm so sorry for my inactivity my loves. but here are a few sneak peeks from Part Two of Til Death. I hope to finish it soon so I can post it for you all!

He took a step towards me, straightening his jacket and running a hand through his hair.

“Hello” he purred

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt-” I quickly said, pausing to look around the kitchen “whatever it is you were doing.”

“You didn’t interrupt anything” he chuckled “I like to come in here around this time.”

“Why?” I asked

“I like the fresh bread” he replied, offering me a large piece. It was still warm from the oven, and it smelled divine. I took the piece tentatively from his hand tearing off a bite-sized amount before bringing it to my lips.

-----

“I think we can make the best of it” he said “like I told you yesterday, everything from here on out is up to you. you can decide what boundaries you need and I will respect them, you have my word”

“But aren’t there some things that- that are- non-negotiable?” I asked tentatively.

“Like what?” he asked, his violet eyes piercing mine as I met his gaze

“Well, you know- our” I cleared my throat bringing my voice to an almost whisper “marital duties”

-----

“Of course, my lady” she said pausing to face me and give me her undivided attention. As though she understood that this was important to me.

“What do you think of him-” I took a shaky breath before clarifying “The high lord I mean”

Her eyes softened as she spoke about him “He is a good male; he cares deeply for his friends who are more like his family, and he is kind to his staff and his citizens. He might seem intimidating my lady, but after everything he has suffered through it is an image he must maintain. I’m sure he would tell you all about it if you asked.”

I nodded along, curious to know more about this man I was connected to, my husband.

“Thank you for being so honest, and please just call me y/n, Osha.”

“of course…m- y/n” she replied, my name sticky in her mouth as though she wasn’t used to such comfortability with members of the household “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

[bookish-whore]

I love reading and rereading your content so much you’re so talented. I wish you all and only the best and am sending big smooches your way. I’m currently rereading falling again and can I just say that Lucien has always been so kind and open to our girl. Such a sweet boy so even if those two don’t end up together (I hold a grudge against Az but am easily persuaded so genuinely I’m not sure how this ends but I’ll be happy lmao) I need Lucien to get a happy ending 😭

Anyways I’ll be drinking wine and reading ACOFAS again 🥰

Much love ❤️

This is genuinely the sweetest message omg. I love hearing from you guys especially when I’m in my feels and feel like writing is pointless.

I promise there is still so much story to come between our girl and lucien and Az and if anything I am for sure giving them all a happy ending (even if there’s a lot of heartbreak leading up to it) ❤️

[bookish-whore]

I've been a little absent lately (oops, life has been absolutely wild) BUT I am working on some fics and will be putting out 'Til Death part two soon! :)

[bookish-whore]

If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better! 😘❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

You’re so freaking cute. I absolutely adore you @kennedy-brooke ❤️❤️❤️