underlined

underlined texts from the books i read. mostly turkish, may be in english.

[books-underlined]

and once again, I wasn't "that" girl.

I wasn't the girl that you or anyone else wanted in the room. I was the irrelevant type of my kind. I was the girl whom you fist bumped like a bro. Nothing more.

Never more.

[books-underlined]

About 20.12

I'm uncomfortable with myself lately.

I was always uncomfortable with the way I looked, that's not it this time.

This time it's about a certain someone that I started feeling some emotions that I cannot explain. It feels wrong to like him or even think about him. He is not someone that I would go for normally.

So now I feel out place. Uglier then ever.

[books-underlined]

Therapy Session #2

I've started to see someone, you know, regularly to figure out how to not feel like a constant nuisance. Ofcourse I forgot to write our first session. Unfortunately I can't seem to remember those feelings now. Funny how a fucked up week makes you feel like you have lost your short-term memory.

I didn't feel connected to him, couldn't feel the warmth or the safety blanket-y feeling his voice gave the very first time. I lost him. During our last session, at one point I lost him. It happened in slow motion. Maybe the feeling of disappointment made itself known in slow motion, I'm not sure. He did not understand and I fear he never will.

I couldn't make eye contact from then on. Couldn't consentrate. Couldn't even understand the questions, the very simple questions he asked. The sad part is, he wasn't even listening to formulate some deep or relevant questions. He was not there.

I guess I'm angry. Maybe the right word is frustrated. Maybe I'm not good enough even for a therapist that I paid handsomely.

[books-underlined]

" So I am happy, and all the stars laugh softly. "

[books-underlined]

" And I realised that I could not bear the idea of never hearing that laugh again. "

[books-underlined]

" Once you have allowed yourself to be tamed, you run the risk of feeling sadness... "

[books-underlined]

" This is my secret. It's very simple. You only see clearly with your heart. The most important things are invisible to the eyes. "

[books-underlined]

" But if you tame me, it will bring sunshine into my life. I'll be able to tell your footstep from all the others. The other footsteps drive me underground. Yours will draw me out of my lair, like music. And look! See the wheat fields over there? I don't eat bread. Wheat is no use to me. The wheat fields don't remind me of anything. And that's sad! But you have hair the colour of gold. So it will be wonderful when you've tamed me! The golden wheat will remind me of you. And the sound of the wind rustling the wheat will make me happy. "

[books-underlined]

" 'It's lonely among people too,' said the snake. "

[books-underlined]

" And yet he's the only person I don't find ridiculous. Maybe it's because he's looking after something other than himself. "

[books-underlined]

" 'Then you will judge yourself,' replied the king. 'That's the hardest thing. It is much harder to judge oneself than to judge others... "

[books-underlined]

" One must only ask of a person what he can give... "

[books-underlined]

" And he told me: 'I got it all wrong! I should have judged her by her actions, not her words. She filled my life with fragrance and light. I should never have run away! I should have realised that deep down she cared, despite her ridiculous tricks. Flowers are so contrary! But I was too young to know how to love her.' "

[books-underlined]

" The world of tears is so unfathomable. "

[books-underlined]

"...'And were you very, very sad on the day you watched forty-four sunsets?' But the little prince did not reply. "

[books-underlined]

" And a little later you added: 'You know, when a person is very, very sad, they like sunsets.' "

[books-underlined]

" For a long time, your only distraction had been the beautiful sunsets. "